Press "Enter" to skip to content


In response to last week’s tragedy, CalTrans spokesman Hank Hackysack III announced a new, mandatory program for all employees and contractors.

"When I heard that twenty workers had to run off the falseworks while it was collapsing," he said, "I knew we had to do something. As soon as I got the news, I grabbed my hardhat and headed out to the site. On my way there I got to thinking that if our workers were in better shape they might be able to get out of harm’s way faster, and that’s when I came up with the idea for 'Caltransthenics,' a training program that will focus on sprinting, ducking, and improving reaction times."

After a moment of reflection, Hackysack continued, "Ironically, it was a photo of Will Parrish that sparked the idea."

A large reproduction of Steve Eberhard's photograph of Mr Parrish being arrested (for watching an earlier Bypass demonstration) nearly covers a wall at CalTrans headquarters.

"We all get a big kick out of that image, and one of our office wags dubbed it 'Downward Facing Reporter'. The name caught on and someone eventually taped it under the image. Anyway, Will's obviously in good shape and the reference to yoga got me to thinking that some of our more physically-challenged employees could benefit from a specific, targeted exercise program."

Hackysack closed by adding, "We're going to help fund this new program with the ten grand that we're currently squeezing out of Mr Parrish."

Will Parrish, hands bound, awaiting transport to jail.  Photo by Steve Eberhard, The Willits News
"Downward Facing Reporter"
photo by Steve Eberhard, The Willits News

Be First to Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.