I have been in a place of change and introspection for the last month and a half after losing people I love — one being my client who suffered from dementia, and the other ending my relationship with my boyfriend. Change is hard but also an opportunity to commit to your own needs, dreams and goals.
I often think about my grandmother Aleta who had a husband and nine children, and I wonder if she lived a happy fulfilled life? Quite possibly she suffered in silence longing to be doing something other than raising children, laundry, cooking and housework. Maybe she was happy and rolled with the punches. I will never know for sure, but do hope that was the case. She only lived to be 62, passing away when I was in high school in the 80s.
One thing I have learned from growing up in my family is you are on your own, no support, nothing, every man for himself. (I had brothers; I was the only girl.) To survive you fight or stay silent and hide. Kind of fascinating that I lived. My oldest brother ran me over with a go-cart; Another threatened to cut off my head with a machete. (He literally had the weapon in his hands.) And the other… Well he wasn't so bad, but did as an adult completely cut me out of his life. I found him last year when I was looking for my estranged older son and found out he lives in Salinas, Califoria. He has written four books. (Anyone can self-publish.) Of course I purchased three of them, just not the one on bitcoin, ha-ha. I was fascinated yet disappointed. One was dark poetry. The other a book of BS about stupid sayings he and his friends made up. Lastly a philosophical work with an aspect of enlightenment and truth telling that was so horrible I was shocked.
Enlightened, my ass. Some people talk game to feed their egos and this was exactly that. He was pretending to be the guru. I reached out to him offered reconnection and he wanted nothing to do with me. Hid not even respond, just blocked me. So much for his profound wisdom, hahaha. He dissed his sis, not the first time, but definitely the last. That was a definitive fuck off. I received the memo loud and clear. So, if you have ever wondered who the hell this girl thinks she is? I have asked myself this same question a thousand times. Well, this is who: the girl who stood up and fought her own family to survive.
What does this have to do with Serious Mental Illness and Homelessness? Quite a lot actually because it is about survival and connection and supporting people's needs to thrive within their afflictions and circumstances — homelessness, mental illness and addiction. However, it is impossible to provide treatment, housing and support if the system fails to recognize it is a community problem, not an individual one. We blame the person, and their character is targeted as the problem. Serious Mental Illness, Addiction and Homelessness are not personal failures; they are circumstantial problems, rooted in poverty and Illness. For one to climb out of that hell they need support, lots of it. One issue that is not addressed through the system that makes it extremely hard for people to connect their needs and services for support is cognitive distortions and executive function issues. This literally means individuals with certain mental/emotional/ neurodivergence problems literally cannot get from point A to point B, rendering directions and instructions useless. They cannot follow through on what would be expected of them. And that means who is going to help them through the mounds of paperwork and appointments and all the little details necessary just to get help? If they are lucky, they have an understanding, helpful family member. If not they are more or less screwed, until the system can recognize this is a real problem that needs addressed, we will continue to allow people to suffer.
Mendo has been my home my entire life. I was planning on moving away until my son got sick in 2020, I just wanted to live in a more moderate climate, I hate the summer heat here. My dreams of living on the beach have taken a backseat to my son’s needs. Although he is an adult, his disability requires my emotional, monetary and physical needs and support and no one pays me for that, it is simply what must be done. What we can hope for in the future is a system that understands cognitive distortions/disabilities as the glue trap preventing forward progress for accessing and adhering to service protocols, where we change those rules to adapt to the needs of the individuals Disabling Condition. Imagine that!
I know I have high expectations, lol. That means I keep going regardless of the roadblocks. But sometimes I need a breather, cause damn, this is hard work.
I survived my home life, I was fortunate, and I know it and I am grateful because of it. I could never imagine having to survive the streets, no home, no safe space, being hungry, being cold and fighting to exist while being viewed as despicable trash who deserves nothing. All people regardless of their discord and afflictions deserve food, housing and treatment. It is a human right, not a punishment for being homeless, addicted or disabled. It is really a shame that we are unable to see that the solutions are actions not words. Our response, our support, our protocols — none of it has anything to do with money. But they like to make you think that it's easier.
Be First to Comment