Mendocino County Today: Monday, June 28, 2021

Cool Coast | Forest Management | Hendy Woods | Colfax Potluck | Highway 128 | Mental Negotiation | Toads | Housing/Infrastructure | Super Sempervirens | Public Business | Branscomb Store | Mulheren's Choice | White Deer | Mendo Triathlete | Oyster Shuckers | Mike Gravel | Ed Notes | Blockheads | Water/Wine | Freaky Lady | Mendocino Meeting | Robot Racism | Bigger Dams | Unwanted Opinion | County Audits | Egg Man | Getting Old | Yesterday's Catch | Pride Month | Tanbark Peelers | Eviction Moratorium | Data Plumbing | Gender Neutral | Remain Servile

AN EXCEPTIONALLY STRONG DOME of high pressure will persist over much of the western United States through next week, resulting in dry weather with hot interior temperatures. Coastal areas will remain seasonably cool with persistent marine layer clouds and only partial afternoon sun. (NWS)

YESTERDAY'S HIGHS: Ukiah 102°, Yorkville 97°, Boonville 86°, Fort Bragg 63°

CAL FIRE HOLDING MENDOCINO COUNTY FOREST MANAGEMENT FORUM

Cal Fire is inviting the public to attend a community meeting this week focused on forest management in Mendocino County.

The meeting is part of a number of events Cal Fire is holding where residents will be able to discuss their ideas and concerns about forest management.

In addition, Cal Fire officials at the meeting will discuss management of the Jackson Demonstration State Forest, the largest state-owned forest in California.

The meeting is scheduled for 6:30 to 8 p.m. Tuesday at the Willits High School baseball field, 299 N. Main St., in Willits.

For more information visit the agency’s Facebook page: Cal Fire Mendocino Unit.

HAWK NEEDS RIDE to KZYX in Philo for Monday 4 pm Potluck

I hope to attend a KZYX potluck on Monday but need a ride. If anyone wants to attend and have a (mostly) congenial passenger please consider, thank you. I live in Fort Bragg near the hospital. Thank you. 707-409-4789

Chris Skyhawk <hawkwork@mcn.org>

* * *

KZYX is hosting an informal potluck social at the Philo Studio at 4pm on Monday, June 28th for an outdoor gathering to celebrate Dr. Drew Colfax and the ending of the Local Coronavirus Update after 14 months on the air.

Since the start of the pandemic, Dr. Colfax has given regular live updates to our community with reliable information about the coronavirus, and has answered hundreds of listener questions. We will gather to thank him for his dedication and tireless service to Mendocino County. All are welcome. We hope to see you Monday!

Thanks,

Alicia Bales & KZYX Staff

OWNER OF MENDO'S MENTAL HEALTH FRANCHISE SPEAKS [Re: complaints about a lack of outcome information]

Outcomes were presented. Hospitalizations, Individual client improvement measures. Homeless mentally ill housed etc. That said, more client centered information importantly while managing privacy is good.

RQMC is a Network provider. This is by definition a single agency/county partnership supporting many direct care providers most importantly our in-county/local providers who live and serve, as well as the hospitals, treatment centers, and others who serve our vulnerable people out of county.

There is much to be proud of in our County and in the information shared as it relates to other Counties, data publicly reported is exemplary. Having said that.

The reason the network of care exists is to support and improve the lives of those suffering a mental health concern. Primarily medi-cal beneficiaries of high acuity and crisis support for all.

It is a good thing that as a community we all care about our people and the services they receive.

Any specific data requests have and will be explored and reported. Thank you so much for the care and attention our communities have for our people.

* * *

SUPERVISOR WILLIAMS REPLIES:

It has been approximately two years since you, Supervisor Gjerde and I sat together to discuss my request for comparative outcome data. Nada. In my experience, as soon as a multi-million dollar contract is approved, there is no follow up.

Since our Monday night call, where you threatened to "walk" if I voice any criticism about Redwood, I contemplated whether this is an appropriate negotiation dynamic. Do other Supervisors receive this treatment? Is this how business has been conducted historically? I have concluded it is not tenable and culpability is with government, because we have fueled a model devoid of competition. Either we say yes to a $17M contract or we fall short on mandated services and place a vulnerable population in peril. This is not a negotiation. It's a rubber stamp under a checkmate of handcrafted circumstantial duress.

Employees at Redwood and the assortment of providers work hard every day and I believe there are success stories. I also believe you care deeply about the clients. I find the overall structure to be against the long term interests of the public. You likely have board majority support, because no other options exist, but I won't be silenced. I'm interested in patient improvement, not checks or prescriptions written.

TOADS IN THE GRAY WATER (photos by George Hollister)

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VAL HANELT ON VALLEY HOUSING SHORTAGE

It’s all about infrastructure: sewer and drinking water. If the new projects go through parcels will be able to be developed. Vacant homes on AV Way will have drinking water laterals supplied as part of the State’s $34 Million investment in Boonville. Parcels in Boonville from Hutsell to Anderson Creek bridge (including HS and Clinic) will have both sewer and drinking. All our parcels are RC (rural community) and can add a second residence or granny unit. This will allow more rental housing so folks can use their parcels to accommodate their family needs or increase their income. We have been working on this for 6 years and if we can get through the final steps we could start construction in a year or two. Perhaps turn on faucets and flush toilets in 3-4 years. I know this is not comforting to those desperate NOW but believe me, we are working on this problem. 

The Anderson Valley Drinking Water project ($19 million) and Sewer ($16 million) projects have been in the planning phase for six years. Go to the window of the Fire Station to see a map of the projects. The sewer treatment plant will hopefully be located in town (now considering Shapiro property). This is state of the art MBR processing — solids taken away, effluent (liquids) treated to tertiary (drinkable in many parts of world) and injected into the ground. There is no odor and only the building is visible. By 2036 half of LA’s drinking water will be produced by MBR technology just like ours. They will blend MBR tertiary effluent with regular drinking water. Military forward installations use MBR. As hard as it has been to be one of the only three communities of our size in Sonoma, Mendo, Humboldt, Del Norte with NO infrastructure for the last 40 years, at least we will have the most advanced system possible very soon. 

25 REDWOOD DECKS

THE PUBLIC’S BUSINESS, ANYBODY LISTENING?

by Jim Shields

Back in 1997, Gary Milliman, who at the time was Fort Bragg’s City Manager, and I were talking about a problem he was facing regarding conflicts and ethics over his involvement with the Skunk Train. I’ll skip the details but at best his actions were highly questionable. Anyway during our discussion he said that one of the major difficulties with the local governmental process was “the public’s business had to be conducted in front of the public.”

By the way, a short time following our conversation Milliman resigned his Fort Bragg post to accept the job as Skunk Train president. He would later leave the Skunk, move to Oregon and serve for many years as the City Manager in Brookings.

While others may be astonished that someone who had served as a City Manager in five cities, was Southern California’s Director for the League of California Cities, including stints as a City Council member and newspaper editor would be appalled at his “public business” comment, I was not surprised in the slightest.

Milliman’s sentiments about the public’s role in government are shared by far too many government officials. He at least was honest enough to reveal what they conceal.

Linked with the low esteem that many politicians and bureaucrats have for the citizens they’re supposed to serve is another common characteristic that I wrote about recently in the ongoing saga of Mendocino County’s Cannabis Ordinance.

What I said is there’s a reason why we are all born with two ears but just one mouth. Perhaps the Creative Force was prioritizing listening over talking. It’s difficult to hear what people are saying if you’re talking all the time. The problem with the Board of Supervisors — with the exception of the 3rd District’s John Haschak — is they don’t hear what the vast majority of residents are saying: No expansion of pot cultivation, there’s too much already.

Four Supervisors (Dan Gjerde, Glenn McGourty, Mo Mulheren, and Ted Williams) are advocating for a super-sized cultivation-economic model as they believe, and have said, that County revenues will be enhanced with expansion.

County-wide there is a super-sized majority of residents who overwhelmingly are opposed to the proposed 10 Percent Rule.

In the wake of Tuesday’s Board meeting, where the four Supervisor approved scheduling a meeting later this Summer to further amend the just amended Cannabis Ordinance, Mendo citizens immediately began responding.

Here’s a sampling of those comments.

“I have some good news. I spoke with Supervisor McGourty this afternoon. He reassured me he is still 100% for the EIR and in fact he spoke to the CEO today who confirmed that if the $18M state funding doesn’t end up working, she will find the money if the BOS votes for it. Glenn thinks the BOS will vote for it (at least a majority). And he reassured me they are not finished amending the ordinance and he fully intends to take on hoop houses and plastics. He says that may not be until August as the meeting agendas are very full. I suspect if we keep the pressure on with the referenda, they may find space for it sooner. So don’t despair but do keep pushing and stay engaged. Together we are strong!” — Sattie Clark

Responding to Clark, Jessica Harness warned, “Do not trust them, make them go on record and publish their statements. After attending many meetings, I find it hard to trust our supervisors in district 1, 2, 4 and 5 (especially Ted Williams). It totally feels like he’s bought by big cannabis corporations. John Haschak of district 3 has been standing with people all this time. I’d recall district 2: Mo Mulheren and district 5: Ted Williams”

“Why not go on record, don’t be fooled. These guys are a bunch of con artists.” — John King

“John Haschak has been great. He comes to town, attends our MAC meetings, and set up three scholarships with the raise the other supervisors voted for themselves. He is the only one to stand up to the reckless pressures of the expansion myth.” — Dee Mullen

“The BOS are not con artists… they are politicians. They do what politicians do, just like bankers do what bankers do and cats do what cats do.” — Sonic

“Exactly, I have heard the same thing. The current ordinance places the whole burden on the applicant which it never intended to do. I think it may be prudent to step aside from a place of sheer anger by trying to teach the BOS a lesson and critically think through the all the ramifications and keep the end goal in mind.” — J. Roberts

“What is the link to the final version of the ordinance? I don’t know how to find it in the County of Mendocino webpage. Are we all in for starting to gather signatures? Has the referendum final language been drafted and copies of (Small Is Beautiful Mendocino) petitions printed? Send me a PDF of the petition and I can print some out and start RIGHT NOW getting signatures if we are ready. I am also up for helping get petition signatures for the SOWWW petition. People I know would sign both to get them on the ballot for the special election.” —L. Chichester

“The Supervisors haven’t listened to we the people from the beginning of this blatant attempt to force us to swallow this plan to let outsiders take over this beautiful place we all call home. Shame on them for treating us so shabbily as if we don’t exist and don’t value our thoughts, natural resources and especially water. Nobody in my family has ever grown marijuana. But we believe it must be kept on the small scale so it can be controlled to everyone’s benefit.” -Maryanne Tremaine

Well that’s this week’s installment.

Anybody listening in the County Seat?

(Jim Shields is the Mendocino County Observer’s editor and publisher, observer@pacific.net, and is also the long-time district manager of the Laytonville County Water District. Listen to his radio program “This and That” every Saturday at noon on KPFN 105.1 FM, also streamed live: http://www.kpfn.org.)

SUPERVISOR MULHEREN [apparently commenting on the pot permit program, but it’s not clear if that’s what she’s talking about]:

I’m not in charge of the choices that people make. I would recommend that before you sign a referendum or make a public statement about it that you reach out to the four Supervisors that voted in favor of it to hear why. I’ve laid out some of my positions but I am going to endeavor to make it more clear over the next week or so. People in the end will make their own choices but I had a coffee meeting with two realtors on Friday that were very upset about the CCAO. In the end they had good questions, and good suggestions. I wrote down some of those questions so I can try and make it more clear to the public why I made the choices I did. This isn’t a sound bite topic. This is years of work that will set Mendocino County businesses up to be successful in a transitioning industry and not something I would chose to do lightly. There are a lot of resources and information out there if you chose to take the time to ask questions. I hope you have a beautiful day, stay cool and hydrated.

Took a trip over to Anderson Valley yesterday to talk about public safety and got to see the new AV Ambulance. Supervisor Williams and I stopped by to see if the boys from The AVA wanted to have lunch but they had already stepped out. So happy to be able to get out and about in the County for in person meetings again. I’ll share more in my weekly update on this page in photos and on my website every Tuesday.

RACIST DEER HERD, WILLITS

CRIME OF THE MONTH — THE MENDO TRIATHLON

On Sunday, June 20, shortly after 11am, a Mendocino County deputy was on routine patrol when he attempted a vehicle code stop on a silver Ford sedan in Redwood Valley.

The driver of the suspect Ford sped off, northbound on East Road, failing to stop at the intersection of East Road and School Way, then careening past a vehicle on the right shoulder just before passing another vehicle over the solid double yellow lines, barreling along at a high rate of speed in the oncoming lane as he hit speeds estimated at a hundred miles an hour before running off the road and hitting a tree at East Road and Tomki but miraculously not disabling his vehicle.

He then made a u-turn and headed east and into a property in the 3000 block of Road J where he plowed through vineyards before jumping from his battered and finally inoperable Ford and running off to a large pond, where he jumped into a small aluminum canoe and paddled out to the middle of the pond, at one point falling into the water where he struggled to stay afloat, telling pursuing deputies that he couldn’t swim.

By now numerous emergency service people were on-site preparing for a water rescue. But the fugitive was able to clamber back into the boat and paddle around the pond for another two hours as he negotiated his surrender, finally swimming to shore when his canoe capsized.

Nathan Werkerishna Feliz, 22, of Redwood Valley was arrested and charged with numerous felonies on top two outstanding warrants for the possession and manufacture of assault weapons. He is being held in the Mendocino County Jail on $210,000 bail. Note: Feliz is a surname that goes way back in Mendocino County history to the Spanish land grant to the Feliz family, whose holdings ran from Hopland to the Ukiah Valley.

FREE ENTERPRISE OYSTER SHUCKERS, South Carolina, 1912

AS A DEMOCRATIC SENATOR FROM ALASKA in the 1970s, Mike Gravel read the Pentagon Papers aloud for three hours after the courts barred newspapers from publishing them. Gravel has died at 91.

ED NOTES

PROBABLY because I fielded a call earlier in the day from a young local wanting to know about Jim Jones that I dreamt that Jones had returned to Mendocino County, and had stopped by for a chat. I recognized him right off, although his hair was gray and he sported a wispy, vaguely Asiatic beard. “How have you been, Bruce?” Fine, JJ. Yourself?

JONES said he was now Jonesy Jim, and I was the first Mendo person to see through his makeover as a Korean. “Bruce, you know how you always say that this is a county of amnesiacs, that history here starts all over again every morning, and you are whatever you say you are? Well, the damndest thing,” Jones continued, "I've only been back a week and I've got a talk show on KZYX, the first person of Asian descent to be a programmer, and I've resumed my position as foreman of the county's grand jury. No questions asked! It's just like 1975 again, although I see that the scraggly-ass hippies of '75 took over local government when I left for Frisco.” 

NEVER met the Rev himself, but he sent an emissary, Maria Katsaris, and a delegation of zombos, who huddled off to the side by themselves while Maria promised she could get us an invitation to her cool-o Redwood Valley church. It was our multi-cult delinquent farm six miles south of Boonville which apparently roused Jones' interest in us. “Our pastor, Jim Jones, is amazing,” Maria said. “His speeches can last six, even seven hours and no notes.” Hmmm. The Rev seemed deep into amphetamines, then ravishing the Love Generation in the Haight Ashbury. We decided to stick with our secular Sundays rather than listen to some outback speed freak rave at his doomed parishoners. And poor, deluded Maria, described post-jungle slaughter as Jones' mistress! Beyond sad. Pretty girl, but like all the Jones people I can remember something already dead in her. Nobody home behind her tired eyes. 

JIM JONES taught the 5th grade here in Boonville full-time for two years. Fresh from Indiana, he needed income. He was hired by his fellow Hoosier, Bob Mathias, then superintendent of the Boonville schools. The deal was that Jones would bring a bunch of his kids over the hill to go to school here, thus boosting state enrollment reimbursements. 

THE REV had already latched on to dependent kids and dependent seniors and any other dependent, unaccounted for person who came with a fat government check every month. A lot of his appropriated Seniors signed over their homes to him. It was via all these lost but lucrative souls that Jones amassed his first fortune big enough to finance his move to SF and his easy seduction of Willie Brown, Mayor Mosconi and the rest of the Bay Area's cash and carry Democrats. Warren Hinckle told me that Jones also furnished a couple of the Demo big shots with young girls, but Warren had a dim view of humanity generally so I have no way to verify this perhaps canard, but given that both parties attract major degenerates…

IN THE EARLY 70s, Jones was foreman of the Mendocino County Grand Jury. As he was to do later in Frisco, he easily seduced Mendo's rubes, and soon his consiglieri, Tim Stoen, was County Counsel. Stoen, again employed by the Mendo DA's office, could write quite a book if he were ever to fully debrief himself, which is unlikely at his age.

THOSE were the days of the most imaginative maniacs we've ever had in this country — Jones, Zodiac, Manson! They don't make 'em that creatively evil anymore, and to think that Jones, Manson, Leonard Lake, Kenneth Parnell, Tree Frog Johnson, made their homes in the Anderson Valley, well, gosh, maybe it's a good thing you can't rent a tumble down house for a hundred a month anymore.

THE PRESS DEMOCRAT ran a report on Sunday ranking crops by water usage. According to the PD’s chart, pasture land (at about 5 acre feet per acre per year) drank the most agua, with almonds and pistachios, alfalfa, citrus/subtropical fruit, sugar beets, other fruits, cotton, onions&garlic, potatoes, listed as the top nine water users in the state, with vineyards coming in at number 10 with almost 3 acre feet of water per acre of crop per year. Oddly, the PD didn’t list rice, a big water consumer.

PD Reporter Matt Pera added, “Many people also question how much water cannabis takes to grow. The Department of Water Resources didn’t track water usage for cannabis in its 2015 data, but The Washington Post reported in 2015 that the crop uses 1.4 acre feet per acre.”

Apparently, the PD wants us to think that wine grapes are not a major consumer of the Northcoast's finite, and diminishing, supply of water.

But the PD left out a few considerations. 

Most of the crops they list are not grown in significant volume on the Northcoast, making the PD’s list nearly irrelevant to their readership. Acreage of the crops wasn’t mentioned — but grapevines are planted very densely in vineyards these days to maximize yield per acre. Vineyard rootstocks have been bred by the specialists at UC Davis to be water dependent, with shallow roots making them hard if not impossible to dry-farm. And perhaps most significantly, frost protection water wasn’t mentioned. 

According to Mendo’s latest crop report, Mendo has almost 17,000 acres of wine grapes, most of them in the parched Russian River drainage. Everything else is piddling: Apples, 216 acres. Pears, 1100 acres. Miscellaneous: 245 acres. If you think “pasture” is a “crop,” like the PD does, then you might factor in Mendo's 3,500 acres of “irrigated pasture” at about 5 acre feet of water per acre per year.

Using the PD’s vineyard water usage numbers of about 3 acre feet per year per acre of vineyard, we get a vineyard usage total of around 45,000 acre-feet per year. Add frost protection — not all grape growers have gone to frost fans which are typically set abuzz in dry years — and you get a much bigger vineyard number.

In 2019, the last year Lake Mendocino got any decent rainfall, the lake level never got above 50,000 acre-feet. We’re not likely to see it get over that in the future unless we get an unusually high rain year.

So roughly speaking, Mendo grapes use the equivalent of more than all the water stored in Lake Mendocino every year, more depending on how much frost protection water is factored in. Of course, not all the Lake Mendocino water went to grapes — a lot of inland Mendo grapes got free water from Ukiah’s government paid-for purple pipe recycled wastewater project.

It’s difficult to know how many “acres” are planted in pot, of course. The legal limit at present is about one-quarter of an acre. In some parts of the County, mainly north of Willits where there aren't many grapes — pot is probably the biggest water consumer, combining legal (which is very small) and illegal which is larger. But even then, we’ve never heard of pot gardens which are hundreds of acres in size like vineyards. So pick your number for pot water — it’s not going to get anywhere near grapes.

Therefore, in terms of “crop water usage” it’s misleading to use the PD’s method of water consumption ranking which implies that grapes are low water users — per acre per year.

That should come as no surprise since the PD is the recipient of lots of wine ad dollars and is joined at the hip with “wine prince” Dominic Foppoli and his fellow wine industry magnates in Sonoma County.

(Mark Scaramella)

ATTENTION MENDO VILLAGE

Public Meeting Notice - Water

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN that the Mendocino County Board of Supervisors McGourty and Williams will conduct a public meeting at Mendocino Community Services District, located at 10500 Kelly Street, Mendocino, CA 95460, at 1:30 P.M. on Tuesday, June 29, 2021, or as soon thereafter as the matter may be heard, to consider forecasting of local water supplies.

Carmel Angelo

Clerk of the Board

RAISE THE DAM, STORE MORE

Editor: 

Storing more water during rainy years could greatly reduce the need for rationing. Raising Coyote Dam by 36 feet would add 77,000 acre-feet of storage to Lake Mendocino. Strengthening the Warm Springs Dam flood pool to safely store water long-term could add up to an additional 136,000 acre-feet to Lake Sonoma. Together, they represent up to two years of water in reserve.

Raising Coyote Dam was contemplated by the Army Core of Engineers over 50 years ago and again in 2014. It is currently under review.

Warm Springs Dam flood control guidelines were set with 1970s weather forecasting in mind. You may remember that 12-hour forecasts were the norm. Today one-week weather forecasts are routine, and with impressive accuracy. Much of the flood pool could be safely used for water storage without compromising flood control.

Remember the winter rains in 2016-17? These rains would have filled both proposed additions. In fact, Warm Springs and Coyote dams filled into their flood pools in five of the past 11 years. In each case, the water was quickly released.

Email our supervisors. They can initiate detailed plans, cost-benefit analyses and bond issues.

John Dunning

Sonoma

KEVIN CLINE (former County Deputy, now private investigator)

I absolutely think an audit for all county government and publicly funded offices should be conducted. I also think that quarterly reports from each office, should be made to allow for adjustments as the year goes. Sadly the results of an audit will most likely show that many, if not all, County services/governmental offices are over extending their budgets to pay for overtime for their current employees because they can't fill the vacancies. (According to the CEO's June 2021 report, there are 327 Full-time vacancies, County wide.) I also think the audits will show that many other agencies, such as County Counsel, Health & Human Services and the CEO's office is spending way too much money, most of which is being spent on outside legal advice, health care providers, building purchases (avoidable retrofits) and critical management services, all of which can and should be done by local talent. I agree that if the County's legal team does not have the expertise in one specific area, you contract with a law firm who is, but to continually pay for outside legal and investigative services to defend actions brought against the County is absurd. Also, why buy buildings to provide services, when you won't be able to hire the staff to run the operations? I am all for providing services to our our county citizens in need, but don't hire high priced outside service providers to run the county programs too. They have no dedication to the County or its citizens and are only there to collect a check. There are way too many people in this county that are more than capable to take employment and provide services to their fellow citizens. I have always encouraged hiring and training our own citizens and encouraging them to stay, work and thrive here in Mendocino County. But you won't get people to do that, if you don't treat them right, provide solid department goals, strong working leadership within and pay them a decent wage/benefits. Do more local job fairs at the high schools and Mendo College. Show our next generation how they matter to this county, how important their education and skill sets are and the fact they would be a valued asset to one of the County's offices/organization. Rant over.

I will end with a quote: "The single biggest way to impact an organization is to focus on leadership development. There is almost no limit to the potential of an organization that recruits good people, raises them up as leaders and continually develops them." -John Maxwell

GETTING OLD THE ELDERLY WAY 

by Tommy Wayne Kramer

It's fashionable to be old in America these days.

Our elderly are treated with reverence tinged with envy, altogether proper for a generation that has done so much for so few: Themselves. 

There's never been a better time to list "Frail & Elderly" on your resume. It's in our collective DNA to treat old people with admiration and respect whether they deserve it or not. Get in line.

"Elderly" is a hot ticket and 75 is the new 90. If you're not a geezer it's easy to impersonate one: First, press small bits of food to the corners of your mouth and between your teeth. Leave half the collar turned up on your stained button-down shirt. Crocs and mismatched socks complete the look. 

Being old is not as difficult as you think. Anyone with a functioning calendar, like the one hanging on the back door in your kitchen, has all the tools necessary to get down to business and start getting old.

With rudimentary arithmetic skills you can accomplish decades of old-getting in just a few decades. I try to explain this to my wife but she's unable to grasp the concept. She's probably confused from getting old.

But ever since I've known her, Trophy has been re-calculating her age each birthday and it always comes to 39. 

I'm not sure if that's 39 months, decades or years, but why ask? When you get old no one cares if you add things up mistakenly except the tightwads over at Social Security, so my advice is to tell them nothing. Remember (but you won't) that confusion is your friend and if anyone asks it's all side effects from the meds. 

Old age does bring a few unpleasantries, and they will continue beyond the end of this column and persist a good while longer. Only you will know when the miseries are about to stop, which will be extremely late in your life, and sad. But not for your lawyer, nephews or nieces.

Now some tips:

GROOMING is mostly Hair and Teeth. If you have none of either feel free to skip a few paragraphs. 

Our God is a wise and benevolent God, but when He doth eliminated hair from our elderly scalps and inserted hair into our ear canals it verily caused much wailing and lamenting. Bad bargain? You ain't seen nothing yet. Wait'll you hear what happens to your teeth.

Regardless, disappearing hair is easier for women because they get to do the wig thing, but God evens it out with menopause. And no matter if your head is bald, shiny and your only hair product is Turtle Wax, you still look better than any dude in a Man Bun. 

Next, WARDROBE but why bother? If you throw all your old shirts and trousers away, then go to JC Penney to buy new clothes all you'll do is fill your empty closet with the same stuff you got rid of this morning. 

Could it be otherwise? Do you think, at your age, you're going to bring home some baggie-butt bluejeans that drape down halfway to your knees in the rear and you need to hold up with one hand? A rainbow t-shirt with a feeb social justice message? Some orange-and-yellow $800 sneakers? A backward-style baseball cap? 

No, you'd come home with a hep Hawaiian shirt and a pair of flannel jobs plus some Dockers, but cleaner than the ones you tossed. And Old Spice instead of the cap. 

Perhaps your health is deteriorating, you've got lots of those cataract-retinal-vision problems and have gone blind. In that case go for the orange shoes.

FOOD: No need to worry about having to eat canned cat food or only go to restaurants with half-price senior menus. Why? Because as an old boomer you'll be rich. Read on.

MONEY: The genius of the recently retired has been its relentless focus on hoarding as much of the nation's wealth as possible, accomplished by half a century of voting for Democrats. You'll note our country no longer spends on bridges, highways, dams or future needs. Instead the government, in exchange for votes, sends checks to people. And there's never been a bigger bunch of people than us boomers.

Millennials and GenXers, watching from the sidelines, are envious. They want in on the action. They see how those born in the 1940s have looted the Treasury Department and Social Security to their own advantage and want to climb aboard the gravy train before it goes over a cliff. (Because there's no money for maintaining railroad tracks, that's why.)

Yeah, so there is a downside to this elderly business. Hurry up and get old before it's too late.

CATCH OF THE DAY, June 27, 2021

CARRIE CORDOVA-DALSON, Covelo. Disorderly conduct-alcohol, probation revocation.

LUIS CRUZ, Kelseyville/Ukiah. DUI.

TOMAS FERNANDEZ-RODRIGUEZ, Ukiah. DUI, child endangerment, probation revocation.

SCOTT FRANKS, Ukiah. Probation revocation.

JACK FULLER, Willits. Domestic battery, resisting.

OSVALDO GARNICA, Ukiah. Controlled substance, resisting, probation revocation.

TONY NELSON, Ukiah. DUI, suspended license for DUI, failure to pay, probation revocation.

RAFAEL PAZ JR., Willits. Controlled substance, ammo possession by prohibited person.

RUBY SEIBERT-LENZ, Willits. Resisting.

ON LINE COMMENT OF THE DAY

I’m reminded of the Simpsons cartoon where there’s a gay pride parade.

Marchers: We’re here! We’re queer! Get used to it!

Lisa: We ARE used to it! You do this every year! 

My main impression of Pride Month is that it’s a crashing bore. The most predatory corporations put rainbow flags on their websites so isn’t that nice!

EVICTION MORATORIUM EXTENSION ANNOUNCED - Increased compensation for rent relief

Governor Gavin Newsom and legislative leaders of both the Senate and the Assembly Friday announced a proposed extension of California’s statewide evictions moratorium, and an increase in compensation for California’s rent relief program.

The three-party agreement on AB 832 — which extends the current eviction moratorium through Sept. 30, 2021 — will ensure that California quickly uses the more than $5 billion in federal rental assistance to help the state’s tenants and small landlords and protect vulnerable households from eviction. The agreement widens rental assistance by enhancing current law. Provisions include increasing reimbursement to 100 percent for both rent that is past due and prospective payments for both tenants and landlords. Additionally, the bill ensures rental assistance dollars stay in California by prioritizing cities and counties with unmet needs, and uses the judicial process to ensure tenants and landlords have attempted to obtain rental assistance.

“California is coming roaring back from the pandemic, but the economic impacts of COVID-19 continue to disproportionately impact so many low-income Californians, tenants and small landlords alike,” noted Newsom in a statement Friday. “That’s why I am thankful for today’s news from the Legislature — protecting low-income tenants with a longer eviction moratorium and paying down their back-rent and utility bills — all thanks to the nation’s largest and most comprehensive rental assistance package, which I am eager to sign into law as soon as I receive it.”

“Our housing situation in California was a crisis before COVID, and the pandemic has only made it worse — this extension is key to making sure that more people don’t lose the safety net helping them keep their home,” said Senate President pro Tempore Toni G. Atkins (D-San Diego) “While our state may be emerging from the pandemic, in many ways, the lingering financial impact still weighs heavily on California families. People are trying to find jobs and make ends meet and one of the greatest needs is to extend the evictions moratorium—which includes maximizing the federal funds available to help the most tenants and landlords possible—so that they can count on a roof over their heads while their finances rebound.”

The National Housing Law Project, whose mission is to advance housing justice for poor people and communities, noted that Congress allocated nearly $50 billion in emergency rental assistance but those payments are just starting to go out from the states

According to Assembly Speaker Anthony Rendon (D-Lakewood), the key thing is to recognize that people in rental housing are still facing financial obstacles, even as the economy reopens. “This moratorium will keep families in homes, provide critical financial support to landlords, and help protect our supply of rental housing,” noted Rendon.

Assemblymember David Chiu (D-San Francisco), Chair of the Assembly Housing and Community Development Committee stated: “Even though our state has reopened, hundreds of thousands of Californians are grappling with rental debt and the threat of eviction. Removing eviction protections now, while billions of rent relief dollars are still available, would be a disaster and exacerbate our homelessness crisis. This proposal avoids a massive eviction cliff, allowing us to keep tenants in their homes and get landlords the financial support they need.”

Legislators said details on the proposed extension can be found in AB 832, the full text of which was not yet available at press time.

(Governor’s Office presser)

CALIFORNIA LAWMAKERS SEEK TO REMOVE ‘HIM’ FROM STATE LAWS

SACRAMENTO — When California Gov. Gavin Newsom was searching for a new attorney general earlier this year, state Assemblywoman Rebecca Bauer-Kahan looked up the job requirements and made a surprising discovery: In many instances, the law assumed the attorney general is a man.

Sprinkled throughout the state code were references to "he" and "him" and "his" when referring to the attorney general and other statewide elected officials, even though Vice President Kamala Harris had been the state's first female attorney general and Eleni Kounalakis is the first woman to be elected lieutenant governor.

That will likely change after the state Legislature passed Bauer-Kahan's bill Thursday to update laws governing statewide elected officials with gender-neutral terms. The bill now heads to Newsom for his review.

"We have women serving in our highest offices, and the (sections) of the code referring to them only in the male pronoun was pretty shocking to me," said Bauer-Kahan, a Democrat from Orinda. "It doesn't represent where California is and where California is going."

The bill is part of a long process of updating state laws and documents with gender neutral terms. Across the country, many states have required all new legislation to be written this way. Minnesota did a complete statutory revision in 1986 to remove gender specific language, according to Mick Bullock, public affairs director for the National Conference of State Legislatures.

In recent years, California has passed laws allowing a third gender option on state driver's licenses, identification cards and birth certificates. Also Thursday, the Legislature approved a bill to allow people's gender to be recorded as nonbinary on death certificates, a major source of data for public health research.

A California law passed two years ago requires school districts to reissue high school diplomas to update a person's name and gender if it is different since graduation. This year, lawmakers are considering a bill by Assemblyman David Chiu that would do the same thing for college diplomas.

But updating California's laws will take more time. Usually whenever the Legislature passes a bill to change a law, it includes updated gender-neutral terms. But the state has tens of thousands of laws, so many that bound books — each with about 1,000 pages — fill an entire wall at the California State Library.

Bauer-Kahan's bill is an attempt to speed up that process. In 2019, the Legislature updated family law to include gender-neutral terms. This year, state Sen. John Laird has a bill that would update gender references in laws governing various state agencies, including the California Highway Patrol, the Department of Forestry and Fire Protection and the Department of Insurance.

"It's important to do this work," Bauer-Kahan said.

The legislation updating laws governing statewide elected officials is AB 378.

The legislation allowing nonbinary to be listed on death certificates is AB 439.