Anytime I get mail from the government I consider it important and a little threatening. So, the latest mail is from the U.S. Customs and Border Protection. This is my reply to Mr. Russell D. XXXXXXX, Fines, Penalties and Forfeitures Office.
I have received your four page letter concerning property that you seized in route to me. As stated the the value of the property is $43.20. I am enclosing the exact amount for payment of the shipment. I trust you that this will satisfy any and all delay in having you immediately ship my package to me.
Currently 500,000 citizens have died from the feared COVID-19 virus. I put more concern as to this than a $44. I cannot compute just how much money was expended for you to compose the 4-page letter to me. Most likely it took a trough of attorneys to approve or compose these pages.
So, I have perused the form titled Election of Proceedings and you have directed and so thoughtfully underlined in your first page, first paragraph. What I am missing is just what necessary documents you need to release my shipment? Can you please be more specific, an example would be a prescription from a licensed medical professional or equilivant stating the medical reason as to why I need the contents of the shipment. Please take severe notice that I am almost 85 years old and cannot obtain all of the health products locally to keep this tired body going for another year. For my lifetime I have produced some of the food that you consume every day.
I also trust that this letter will suffice as a petition to return to me my shipment. I will eliminate in my request all references to titles, sections, acronyms, and alike. Your letter states that the seizure was at San Francisco on December 1, 2020.
As you stated my petition does not need to be in any specific form. Further I must describe the property. To wit: the property is generally round but sometimes it is oblong. The weight is less than one gram and generally white. The oblong product can be split in half rather easily but the round product is much harder to half. I am enclosing a copy of your letter with the case number Dated December 18, 2020 for security reasons. Please use the case number you have supplied when replying. Please include a receipt for the sum of $44 I have included that you state is the value of the property.
I look forward to you releasing my product.