The Best & Worst: Mendocino County 2010!

• Ambulatory Stoner of the Year: Larry Nye, the only Mendocino County person arrested in 2010 for Driving Under Influence of Marijuana.

• Petticoat Larcenist: Supervisor Kendall Smith for claiming more than $3000 in travel reimbursements for travel she didn't travel.

• Most Acquitted Pot Grower: Oaky Joe Munson, frequently charged, never convicted although he moved in next door to legendary local cop Peter Hoyle in Red­wood Valley and commenced a large grow next door to Hoyle.

• Madam Dafarge with Ax Blade Cluster: County CEO Carmel Angelo for numerous firings of line County workers while religiously sparing the County's laughably over-paid administrative staff from giving up so much as a dime.

• Prosecutor of the Year: Mendocino County Public Defender Linda Thompson, believed to have defended more persons into life in prison than any other Public Defender in the state, maybe in the country.

• Comeback Lawyer of the decade: David Eyster just elected District Attorney after being fired at gun­point 13 years ago by Susan Massini's investigators for supporting Ron Brown for judge over Massini. Eyster successfully sued for wrongful termination and the rest is history.

• Most Confused Political Campaign: DA Meredith Lintott's. She  campaigned as Warm Fuzzy Meredith to the Warm Fuzzies, Scowling Meredith to Tea Party putzes.

• Most Amusing Neighborhood Dispute: Dan Hemann of Green Door Studio vs. Jim Muto of V’Canto, both of Laurel Street, Fort Bragg, complete with a tossed cup of coffee and fisticuffs.

• Weirdest Sting Award: Deputy Derek Hendry v. Dennis Gage who tried to sting each other over an alleged bribery or bribery solicitation.

• Politically Incorrect Testimony of the Year: The same deputy Hendry who, under oath, described Covelo's Fairy Ranch as, "You know, the place up the road with all the faggots running around."

• They All Look Alike Multicultural Award: Willits Police Officers who kept arresting the black victims of a black-on-black Covelo pot shooting.

• The Unintentional Resignation Speech — Tro­phy 2010 — goes to Supervisor David Colfax who, when Supervisor McCowen suggested that the Supervi­sors might share some of the fiscal pain they were rain­ing down on line workers, replied: “The problem I have is once again joining with the Ukiah Daily Journal and certain segments in the County that are fascinated, intrigued by the abuses, perceived or otherwise, includ­ing the Grand Jury in that at the very top of the list. I am sick and tired of taking crap from these people and these organizations! … I ran on a platform eleven years ago saying we need to increase the compensation of members of the board of supervisors. And that has been opposed by some of the worst elements in this community for all those years. … [To McCowen] So I think that it's a pet peeve. I'd rather see you work in behalf of advancing the interest of the members of the Board of Supervisors. … I've had too much of an investment in this organization and wasted too damn much time bickering over a crappy salary connected to a not terribly rewarding job. … I don't like having my contribution to workmen's compen­sation added into the line item about what I get out of this organization. That's not what it's all about at all! It's what I see in my paycheck. It's not terribly, terribly exciting, to put it very mildly.”

• Landlords of the Year:

•Dave Johnson who exchanged the successfully revived Boonville Lodge for a “for rent” sign on the window of the vacant premises.

• Glen Ricard, owner of the long-vacant eyesore and firetrap at the south end of Boonville who refuses to either sell it or fix it up. Ricard also has property in the tidy village of Mendocino where he couldn't get away with a comparable public hazard.

• The Ricard Award for 2010 to the numerous Ander­son Valley residents who rent otherwise uninhabitable structures to whole families at extortionate rates.

• Another Ricard Award to the Anderson Valley Wine Industry for doing absolutely nothing to provide decent shelter for its work force, hence Tiajuanita on Anderson Valley Way and numerous other Third World residences not visible from the tasting rooms.

• Martyred Educator of the Year: Matt Murray of Point Arena Elementary who was fired by Superinten­dent Mark Iaucuinello  and Iaucuinello's weasel-lipped school board because PA's entrenched teachers, the same teachers whose incompetent sloth had put the school into a form of state receivership, resented Murray's immedi­ate improvements. Murray sued and nearly won his fraudulent inducement (unlawful termination) lawsuit in January of 2010 even though all the cards were stacked against him by Point Arena Unified and Ukiah Superior Court Judge John Behnke. The egregious Iaucuinello was promptly named Administrator of the Year by County School Superintendent Paul Tichinin.

• The Socrates Award for 2010 goes to perennial winnder County Superintendent of Schools Paul Tichinin and his fellow school administrators of Mendocino County who signed a letter in 2009 declaring that “nig­gardly” is a racist slur in a public letter vetted by Tichinin's publicly-compensated attorney, meaning that Mendocino County's schools are run by morons advised by morons.

• Court Reporter of the Year: Bruce McEwen of the AVA, easily the best crime writer in the country.

• Brit Import of the Year: Steve Sparks who coached the high school soccer team to its first-ever regional championship and who also runs the local bingo and trivia contests as he serves as a trustee for the Senior Center, prepares weekly profiles of local people for your beloved community newspaper, and organizes the annual Anderson Valley Film Festival.

• County Jail Frequent Flyer Award: Captain Fathom; Runner Up: Franz Wittenkeller.

• Most effective resident deputies in the County: Keith Squires, Craig Walker, walking advertisements for the effectiveness of community-based policing.

• Crackpot Presentation of the Year: Wayne Schell, President of the Sacramento-based Association of Local Economic Developers who our County Supervi­sors paid $4,000 scarce tax dollars to for such advice as “There should be more coordination of efforts and con­structive collaboration,” and “expand backward link­ages,” and “give business some recognition.”

• Least Remorseful Home Invader Dude of the Year: John Edwards, of Willits, who, according to his attorney Bert Schlosser, “These kids think it’s okay to come in your house with a gun and take what they want. He doesn’t think he did anything wrong.”

• Local Heroes: Jamie ‘Mr. Glean’ Lee, Doug Mosel, Mary Pat Palmer, Cindy Wilder, Linda McElwee, Petite Teton, Pam Laird, the Bates Family, the Brocks, and the rest of Anderson Valley Foodshed people for their stalwart efforts toward local sustainability.

• Impresario Award: Dave Evans of the Navarro Store for booking some of the biggest music acts into the smallest, most improbable showbiz venue in the United States.

• Crooks of the Year: The group of young people from Albaquerque who'd traveled to Willits to buy or steal marijuana only to be discovered by police when one of them stole a truck in Willits, drove it to Ukiah where he set it on fire in front of the motel where they were staying.

• Garbage Fiasco Award: Mike Sweeney’s Garbage Privatization Agreement with Solid Wastes of Willits which failed to obtain Fort Bragg’s sign-off before being presented to the Supervisors, thus causing Fort Bragg to back out of the arrangement only to have Fort Bragg go back to Solid Wastes of Willits months later, the whole fiasco costing local ratepayers a very large amount of unnecessary money.

• Unindicted Felon, 20-year anniversary: Mike Sweeney, Mendocino County's garbage bureaucrat. Sweeney remains the sole suspect in the 1990 car bombing of his ex-wife, the late Judi Bari.

• Gun Moll of the Year: Sweeney's girl friend, Glenda Anderson of the Santa Rosa Press Democrat's invisible "Ukiah Bureau."

• Pot Permit Applicant of the Year: Joy Greenfield, of Covelo  busted by the feds the day after she got her County pot permits.

• Highest Functioning Stoner Award and Honor­ary Resident of Mendocino County: Tim Lincecum of the San Francisco Giants.

• Toughest Druggist of the Year: Jack Chladek of Gualala Drugs who opened fire on a couple of oxycontin punks who tried to rob him at gunpoint.

• Keep on Punchin' Girls, They've Got It Coming Award For 2010: Ms. Christine Halas of Ukiah, age 22. A mere five feet six inches tall and 125 pounds. The lovely Ana Molina Perez, 25. Ana is five feet tall and weighs a fearsome 112 pounds. Miss Rebecca Ruth Bean of Kelseyville, 31, 5'8” and 120 pounds. Miss Veronica Barela, 5'6" and 170. Veronica looks like she could do some damage, but really, guys, still no excuse for calling the cops just because Miss V throws a couple of eye­brows at you. Megan Murphy, 5'8” and 130 pounds. Nicole Brogdon, 33, of Fort Bragg. Nicole is 5'9" and comes in at 154 pounds. Miss Martha Elisabeth Corral-House, 23, Fort Bragg. Martha is 5-3, 170, and Miss Jeanette Long of Ukiah, a mere child at age 18, 114 pounds and five feet one.

• Perv Facilitator of the Year: Superior Court Judge Clay Brennan who gave Willits Charter School teacher Clint Smith, a married man with two daughters of his own, a few months County Jail time with no requirement to register as a sex offender. Smith's relationship with a 15-year-old female student was finally reported by another student. In Brennan's courtroom, Smith was sup­ported by a large turnout of liberals and Mormons, uniquely united in support for pedophilia. Other Mendo­cino County peds , the ones unsupported by the libs and the Mormons are, of course, hustled off to the state pen.

• Shih-Tzu of the Year: Nutmeg, a court-contested regular at the 7-11 Club, Ukiah.

• Best Journalism of the Year: Will Parrish, for his groundbreaking series on the damaging impact of Big Wine and their political expediters on what's left of the ecology of the Northcoast.

• Fishiest Check Award: Margie Handley’s $742k check to Developer James Mitchell for a portion of a road to Mitchell’s housing development, which passes through the as-yet unbuilt hospital parcel that Ms. Handley donated for construction of the new Howard Memorial Hospital in Willits. Ms. Handley also may have received a free house from Mitchell but denies it. She chose to keep her transfer tax secret, a suspicious move by itself by any public person.

• Biggest Cuts to Mental Health in the County with the Most Nuts: Mendocino County.

• Biggest Hypocrite: Darryl Cherney, whose phony suit against the FBI to preserve evidence in the Bari Bombing Case while he, and the rest of the Bari Cult, steadfastly refuse to pursue the obvious perp. Sub-hypo­crite awards to the Pacifica Network and, of course, the slo-mo's at KZYX Philo for dutifully reporting Cherney's bogus quest as if it were real.

• Biggest Boondoggle of the Year: Anderson Valley Unified’s School Bond Project for $15.2 million for maybe $4 million in upgrades. (Watch $11 mil disappear right before your eyes!)

• "The Way We've Always Done It" Award: Ander­son Valley School Board Chair, Marti Bradford, for that declaration in defense of doing the public's business in closed session private.

• Tinfoil Hat With Solar-Powered Radon Antenna: Greg Krouse of Philo for his dedication to stopping PG&E's so-called Smart Meters.

• Medical Miracle Award With Special Bionic Men­tion: Troll Brandon for his new liver in place of his exhausted original.

• Young Woman Most In Need Of An Interven­tion: Miss Bauer of Willits who has somehow voluntar­ily associated herself with Mr. Jordan, also of Willits.

• Flip Out Of The Year: Art Gonzales of Covelo who attacked a Tribal Police Officer, then the officer's vehicle and bludgeoned five Pit Bull puppies in the space of about 30 minutes. Way to go, Art!