Mendocino County Today: Friday, Sep. 1, 2017

• Smoking Hot
• Curveball
• Korean Warbooks
• MendoVoice
• Little Dog
• Dangerous Sports
• Panther Futbol
• Planning Appeal
• Pot Glut
• Peace Activist
• Monk Sues
• Vacation Rental
• Mendocino Theatre
• Yesterday's Catch
• Bernie's Bill
• Doglike
• Disaster Economics
• Homeless Professor
• Drug Use
• Cop Humor
• Protest Reporting
• Pit Bulls
• Dennis & Kim
• Musical Humor
• Blank Slate

HERE at the ava's cooling station, it's 102 outside. I don't remember this many 100-plus days, and we have some 110-ers coming right up. Of course now that objectively achieved, irrefutable, scientific fact is simply a matter of opinion, the credulous won't "believe" in global warming until their socks burst into flame and the anti-vaxxers' children die from polio.

* * *

AUGUST 31 SMOKE ASSESSMENT:

Wildfires throughout California, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Montana and British Columbia have been observed producing a large smoke plume of varying density. This large smoke plume is riding around the periphery of a ridge over the western CONUS, traveling over eastern Montana and south along the eastern edge of the Rocky Mountains. Some of this smoke has also drifted northward across western Canada. Many of the smoke plumes emanating from individual wildfires are of moderate to heavy density, which is contributing to the moderately thick smoke plume that exists from northern and central California into the Dakotas. (NOAA)

* * *

From the Mendocino County Office of Emergency Services:

The National Weather Service (NWS) has issued a Red Flag Warning for the majority of Inland Mendocino County for 5 PM this afternoon to 9 AM Friday. A Red Flag Warning means that critical fire weather conditions are either occurring now, or will shortly. A combination of strong winds, low relative humidity, and warm temperatures can contribute to extreme fire behavior. Please urge those in your organization and the public to be extremely cautious and fire safe.

* * *

YOU KNOW IT'S HOT WHEN THIS OTHERWISE QUIESCENT AGENCY BESTIRS ITSELF TO CRANK OUT A PRESSER

Air Quality Advisory

For Mendocino County

Friday, September 1, 2017

Smoke and haze from the wildfires in Northern California and Southern Oregon continue to impact the air quality. A persistent High-pressure over California along with north winds has transported smoke from these wildfires into Mendocino County. The forecast suggests the high pressure will influence our air quality for most of this week and the next. Also, temperatures are above normal which contributes to higher pollutant levels. Currently air monitors show particulate matter concentrations in the ‘Moderate' to 'Unhealthy' ranges for parts of Mendocino County. This may continue for most of September until the fires are out and cooler temperatures return with south-west winds. Air quality in the “Unhealthy” range affects everyone. When air quality is in this range, it is advised to limit prolonged or heavy activity and time spent outdoors. Mendocino County Air Quality Management District has particulate monitors running continuously measuring our air quality. These monitors report particulate matter concentrations hourly to the Air District’s website.

To get the latest air quality information for Mendocino County visit: www.mendoair.org.

OLD, old timers may recall that trained physicists did not believe that a curve ball curved. Life magazine went to a lot of trouble to set up a muy cool series of photographs proving beyond all doubt what any ballplayer could have told the physicist — curve balls curve. The earth is warming, the seas are rising, hurricanes are more frequent and more severe.

FRED GARDNER reminds me that The Korean War by Bruce Cumings is also a very good book on what is now called "the forgotten war." I should have been able to remind myself as I was writing that David Halberstam's book, The Coldest Winter: America and the Korean War was the best book I knew of accessible to the every day reader. Cumings' book is very good, too, maybe clearer in his explanations of what happened and why.

THE ESSENTIAL MENDOSPORTSPLUS reports:

HEY - A 'COMEBACK' BY 'THE MENDOCINO VOICE'

We thought they were dead - good to see this post Thursday @ 1:30 pm - the first in a week !

https://www.facebook.com/MendoVoice/posts/1985326255075263

LITTLE DOG SAYS, “Skrag the cat is asking for it. When he sees me leashed up he saunters by and says stuff like, 'Chained again, huh shorty? Ever see a leash on me? No, because I'm trusted and you're not.' Then he walks off laughing. These deliberate provocations from that deadbeat are outtahand.”

TURNS OUT THE KID, Bailey Foley, suffered a stroke unrelated to anything he may have sustained in the football game between his team, Fortuna High School, and Cardinal Newman.

(Background:

http://kymkemp.com/2017/08/27/fortuna-football-football-hospitalized-with-apparent-brain-injury-during-fridays-game/)

Predictably, opponents of the game are using the boy's medical catastrophe as more evidence that football ought to be shelved. Permanently. Soccer is also now on the pan as nearly as concussion-friendly as football. As a guy who enjoyed football years ago when it was a lot more dangerous than it is now, simply because.....simply because the 1950s was close but not quite sports dark ages. Football practices were two hours of pointless, injury-inducing drills like "the gauntlet," where everyone lined up in a tunnel and pounded you as you ran from one end to the other. Then the coach would say, "Ok, now run around the track a couple of times, and when you get back do some push-ups." Football today, at all levels, has its hazards certainly, but it's a lot safer, the coaching is light years better, and the gratuitously dangerous stuff pretty much eliminated. I didn't really like actually playing football because I wasn't any good at it, being tall and skinny and a center, of all positions, because they didn't know what else to do with me. One desperation play was designed especially for me and the fastest guy on the team. The ball was snapped straight back to me and I heaved it as far downfield as I could to streaking Fred Thomas. We never connected. If we had I would have remembered because I dreamed we would. My grandson gravitates to sports, but his parents are already steering him to basketball and baseball, vowing he'll "never play football." If he were my kid I'd leave it up to him.

THE GOOD NEWS: Coach Abel Maldonado reports that his undefeated futbol team cruised past Clear Lake last Friday, in Clear Lake, 6-2. Juan Reynoso was singled out by his coach for his "hat trick and two assists." The Anderson Valley football Panthers roar into action Friday night at the Boonville Fairgrounds as they host a pop-up Christian school from somewhere east of I-5.

SMUGGLED OUT OF FORT BRAGG:

(So fast it wasn’t even copied completely)

HARVEST TIME. As cannabis stumbles toward legalization in California, it seems like almost everyone's grown marijuana this year. New plants appeared where there once were none. Greenhouses mushroomed. Older patches doubled or tripled in size. Water trucks continue making their daily pilgrimages, and ramshackle fences strain to shield our eyes from the glorious green bounty.

ALL INDICATORS POINT to an unprecedented surplus of Cali-Wowie this year. It seems inevitable the price will plummet, the question is how low? There will be strong incentive to get to market early this year, to beat the rush. Quick, reliable trimmers may find themselves at a premium, and draw better rates. After the glut settles in, sellers may be tempted to take bigger risks, such as out-of-state commerce. It's going to be an interesting fall.

(Mike Kalantarian)

JOHN FREMONT TELLS US:

Occupy Mendocino names Phil Ebert Peace Activist of the year.

THELONIOUS MONK ESTATE SUES NORTH COAST BREWING OVER BROTHER THELONIOUS MERCHANDISE

by Alyssa Pereira

Jazz drummer T.S. Monk, the son of jazz great Thelonious Monk and administrator of the late pianist's estate, filed a lawsuit Tuesday against Fort Bragg, Calif.-based North Coast Brewing Company over its popular abbey ale, Brother Thelonious. North Coast has been brewing Brother Thelonious for over ten years.

The lawsuit states that the Monk estate had given verbal permission to North Coast to use Thelonious Monk's image in the sale of the beer in exchange for the brewery's agreement to donate some profits to the Thelonious Monk Institute of Jazz, a nonprofit jazz education program with locations in Washington D.C. and Los Angeles.

However, as the lawsuit states in an attached letter dated January 2016, Monk Jr. rescinded that permission upon realizing that the brewery was using Monk's likeness and name on brewery merchandise (which as of this writing is still on sale) and in signage during beer and jazz festivals. The estate's lawyer stated in the letter to North Coast's legal representation that permission to use Monk's image would only be reinstated if and when the brewery entered into a licensing agreement with the Monk Estate.

"At no time prior to January 11, 2016 did either T.S. Monk or the Monk Estate authorize North Coast to utilize the THELONIOUS MONK name, image or likeness for the sale of merchandize such as cups, hats, hoodies, iron on patches, soap, t-shirts, tap handles, metal and neon signs, pins, playing cards, mouse pads, posters, and food products," the lawsuit reads.

The beer's famed label depicts Monk in sunglasses and a red cap, coronated by an aureola of piano keys, and with his hand on a skull. The skull, as the designer of the label states, is a "memento mori," a Latin phrase that translates to "Remember that you are mortal." After a storied career, Monk died of a stroke in 1982. His name was posthumously honored with a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award in 1993 and a special Pulitzer Prize in 2006, for a "body of distinguished and innovative musical composition that has had a significant and enduring impact on the evolution of jazz."

The Monk estate's filing continues to state that "despite notice," the brewery continued to "exploit" the Monk name without permission and without providing compensation to the estate, causing "irreparable" harm to the jazzman's legacy. The Monk estate is seeking more than $75,000 in damages.

North Coast Brewing declined to give a statement on the lawsuit.

SFGATE has reached out to the Thelonious Monk Institute of Jazz for comment.

Alyssa Pereira is an SFGATE staff writer. 

RULES OF THE RANCH

by Erik S. McMahon (2001)

Deposits included, our check was mailed in, entitling us to occupy a much wealthier person's second home at The Sea Ranch, throughout a long weekend. That required a ridiculous amount of money, but the same rationalization used for dining at a pricy restaurant could be employed: “Hey, how often do we do this?”

First thing provided when renting TSR property is a fat, Zip-Loc'd packet delineating development rules — where and how you must park your car; proper display protocol regarding identification placards. Highlighted on a map of the exclusive spread: route to one's temporary, deluxe residence.

Naturally, the place was spectacular. Floor-to-ceiling glass showcasing surge of surf; medieval manse's stone fireplace; chrome-trimmed kitchen fully tooled and gadgeted; tasteful, telescope-equipped observation nook upstairs; deck bigger than our SF apartment; commodious armchairs; imported tiles, and a seven-foot sofa strewn with what I believe are called throw-pillows.

An initial quarter-hour was spent roaming the premises, taking awed inventory of the house's amenities (if not its tacky “art” — framed, semi-abstract brass sailboats on pegs?). For us, the utility room's washer/dryer rated near-equal importance as the whirlpool bath and mosaic-accented solarium, considering how many plump black garbage bags stuffed with soiled laundry crammed the Toyota's trunk.

After partially unpacking, we mixed cocktails, positioned outdoor furniture, and gazed toward Japan. Reeds were whipped by wind, bowed before breezes, drawing Great Plains designs along the bluff.

Ten, maybe 12 miles west, fog pulled itself together. Pelican posses caught updrafts or plunged ballistically into the Pacific. Waves and spume cast their hypnotic spell.

Yeah, I decided, you could get used to this.

Back inside, post-sunset, I noticed a thick, vinyl-covered three-ring binder on the coffee table. It contained page upon page of laser-printed, cautionary text — don't yank window-blind cords; front-path lamp is motion-sensor activated; never twist hot tub's far-left dial — interspersed with original instruction pamphlets diagramming more complex appliances. We never did reach an understanding with the oven, whose elaborate, electronic timing and cleansing features conspired to preclude actual cookery.

The owner or an associate had also repeatedly run amok, firing an adhesive-strip label-gun. Beneath each light-switch, drawer, and doorknob: above all toilets, tubs, and sinks; in fact, across virtually every horizontal surface, a hortatory, embossed-plastic message was attached.

Of course, reading these glossy warnings made me doubt the labeler's sanity. It also brought memories of the shabby, upstate-lake summer cabins of my youth. Neglected, peeling, hovels, they inevitably sagged, worn down, ill-treated, smelling of must or camphor. Porch screen doors wouldn’t shut properly, blocked by curling, gut-shot squares of abused linoleum, and narrow quicksand-like beds came wrapped in Army surplus blankets.

But those. moldy shacks were free-range refuges, where derelict dress, sleeping in, and acting wild went unpunished. When did all that stop being central to a vacation?

OPEN HOUSE!

Don't miss your chance to see the Mendocino Theatre Company's production of “The Open House,” Will Eno's award-winning comedy of dysfunctional family dynamics, which closes Sunday, September 3rd. “The Open House” features Bob Cohen (Father), Sandra Hawthorne (Mother), Dan Kozloff (Uncle), Nicole Traber (Daughter) and Raven Deerwater (Son). Tickets are $25 for adults and $12 for youth 22 and under. For tickets and information, please contact the MTC box office at 707-937-4477 or go to mendocinotheatre.org.

CATCH OF THE DAY, August 31, 2017

SHANNON BARDEN, Willits. Sentencing for mandatory supervision.

JASON BARTOLOMEI, Ukiah. Domestic abuse, probation revocation.

MIKEL CARTER, Ukiah. Disorderly conduct-alcohol.

DUNCAN CHARLES, Ukiah. Battery, vandalism.

CENOBIO GARCIA, Ukiah. Domestic battery, false imprisonment.

MANDY GRINSELL, Ukiah. Suspended license.

GARRIE HOAGLIN, Covelo. Parole violation.

GLENN JENKINS, Klamath Falls, Oregon/Ukiah. Controlled substance, false ID, community supervision violation.

BERNIE SANDERS says he will introduce a single payer bill in the Senate sometime after Labor Day.

One problem -- it's not a single payer bill.

See our story here: Single Payer Doctors Out Sanders for Watered Down Bill.

Onward to single payer

Single Payer Action

INNER PEACE

If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without alcohol, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!  And you thought I was going to get all spiritual... Handle every Stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with it, Pee on it and walk away.

DISASTER ECONOMICS PARADOX

In the NY Times Tuesday:

…One of the paradoxes of disaster economics is that they can actually be good for economic growth, at least the way “growth” is commonly measured.

The need to rebuild or repair flooded buildings in Texas could create a surge in economic output in the state in the months ahead, generating higher growth in gross domestic product. This is a macabre artifact of economic accounting — no one would suggest that people are actually better off when billions of dollars’ worth of capital is destroyed. But it is how the math works.

If this disaster had happened in a period like 2009 or 2010, when the housing bust had left millions of people — especially construction workers — unemployed, the need to rebuild homes and businesses in Houston might have worked like stimulus spending.

But it’s not 2010 anymore. The unemployment rate among construction workers peaked at 27.1 percent in February 2010, but is now down to 4.9 percent. There aren’t a lot of qualified, idle construction workers.

Perhaps the availability of well-paying jobs in rebuilding homes in Texas and in doing mold remediation work and other tasks that will be in high demand could even coax people into the labor force who have been on the sidelines. In that case, the effort that goes into rebuilding Houston may create a bit of a boost to G.D.P., even if much of it comes at the cost of economic activity elsewhere…

HIGH COST OF LIVING FORCES SAN JOSE STATE PROFESSOR TO LIVE IN CAR, REPORT SAYS

by Alix Martichoux

An adjunct professor at San Jose State University says the ever-rising cost of living in the Bay Area has made her homeless.

Ellen Tara James-Penney told KPIX that despite her full-time job teaching four English classes at the university, she sleeps in her car most nights.

After class, James-Penney said she often drives to a parking lot to grade papers and when it's dark, she'll re-park in a residential neighborhood to sleep there. She keeps her car neat to avoid suspicion.

James-Penney made $28,700 last year, according to California's state worker salary database. She told KPIX she's making a little more this year, taking home about $2,500 per month.

That's still nowhere near the salary needed to afford San Jose's sky-high rental market. A one-bedroom apartment will set you back an average $2,380 per month and a two-bedroom costs about $2,820, according to rental tracking website Zumper.

James-Penney is struggling with another financial issue familiar to many Americans: student loan debt.

"I'm $143,000 in debt. And I'm in my 50s. But I pay that loan back every month," she told KPIX. "That is mandatory for me. But that chunk I pay also affects how much I can afford in rent."

Watch the video above to hear more of James-Penny's interview with KPIX.

(San Francisco Chronicle)

ON LINE COMMENT OF THE DAY

As a recovering alcoholic, prescription opiate/benzodiazepine user, who also has a 40 year history of cannabis use, I will always say that one drug does not replace another. The phenomenon of replacing one drug with another is called Cross Addiction.

There are options, including Suboxone and Subutex to help you get off opiates. Do them in the short run, to get through primary withdrawal only. Sweat out post-secondary withdrawal, without drugs, and you are free!

Then, just don’t take drugs! Ever again! THIS is the hard part! It’s NOT impossible!

Drug use is a slippery slope. You take one drug, pretty soon you are taking ALL of them!

There is no substitute for personal strength, when you decide to go clean and sober. Only total abstinence from mind altering substances will bring you peace.

Smoking dope as “medicine” may work to relieve your symptoms, but as a lifestyle, it is not medicinal use you advocate, but simple self deception. Make all the excuses you want, trading one addiction for another means you are delusional, and not ready for sobriety.

When you hit bottom, and you will, you will realize that the slippery slope works against you, just like anyone else, I hope you actually get to clean and sober.

Go to a comprehensive medical detox/rehab, like the one at St Helena Hospital. The education alone is worth the price of the program. This is a faith based program, and they take patients who can’t pay…

Cannabis is NOT medicine. We don’t know if it is beneficial, and it may be doing harm. Cannabis use may also trigger a relapse into Opiate use.

I need to state that the patient above has a complicated history of psych disorders co-occurring with pain, overweight and substance abuse. I hope she finds peace and eventual recovery.

I have 7 years. Being clean and sober gets you higher than ANY drug! Good luck!

NOT FUNNY

http://nypost.com/2017/08/31/officer-at-dui-stop-tells-nervous-driver-we-only-kill-black-people/

WHAT MOST PEOPLE SAW

by David Bacon

Relying on the photographs, reporting and video in the mainstream media can give you a false idea about the marches and demonstrations against white supremacists and Nazi sympathizers in San Francisco and Berkeley last weekend. The newsroom adage says, "if it bleeds it leads." But screaming headlines about violence, and stories and images focused on scuffles, were not a good reality check.

Mainstream coverage was miles away from the reality most people experienced. One racist quoted for each counterprotestor ignored the fact that there were at most a few dozen of one, and many thousands of the other. More important, where were the reasons why people came out to demonstrate against racism and rightwing politics? How did people organize their broad constituencies of faith and labor, communities of color, women and immigrants?

In the confrontations between a tiny number of white supremacists and a very small number of demonstrators, the photographers who chased them sometimes outnumbered those involved. At those same moments, hundreds of Black, Latino, Asian and white church people were marching up Martin Luther King Jr. Way. The two banners of the Democratic Socialists of America (one all the way from Santa Cruz) stretched across the four lanes of the avenue. Where were the photographers? In San Francisco thousands marched up Market Street. I saw fewer photographers there than at any march in recent memory.

Making the scufflers so visible makes everyone else invisible. Sure, editors choose what to put on the page or website. But as media workers we can also see what's real and what's not.

https://davidbaconrealitycheck.blogspot.com/2017/08/what-most-people-saw.html

A REAL SON OF A BITCH

by Helen Jones (2001)

“Pit Bull Mauls Toddler!”

“Man receives severe injuries from pit bull attack.”

“Pit bull kills neighbor’s dog.”

Headlines like these in newspapers and graphic television shots of pit bulls being subdued by animal control officers have caused many people to react with fear and loathing to the mere sight of these animals.

This prejudice is ingrained so deeply in the public’s mind that when two rare Presa Canario mastiffs recently mauled a woman named Diane Whipple to death in the hallway of her San Francisco apartment building, three people asked me if I’d “heard about how a woman was killed in an attack by two pit bulls.”

Reacting to this perception, pit bulls are banned from some neighborhoods. Others require pit bull owners to take out expensive insurance policies. Many animal shelters refuse to put pit bulls up for adoption, or do so only with certain restrictions — adopting out only puppies under six months of age, or requiring potential owners to be experienced dog handlers or to have a specially fenced yard. Some pit bulls are routinely euthanized as “inherently dangerous.”

How did this breed (or more accurately breeds) get such notoriety when a pit bull named Petey was the white dog with the dark circled eye some of us remember as the companion of the “Lil’ Rascals” in the old “Our Gang” comedies; or the one-black-eyed dog that was illustrated with the little sailor-suited boy used in the old ads for Buster Brown shoes — a breed known as the “Nanny Dog” in England for its loyal protectiveness towards small children — a dog that was Helen Keller’s faithful companion?

What, exactly is a “pit bull”? And does it deserve its present killer reputation?

* * *

Today there are three recognized breeds called “pit bulls.” The American Staffordshire terrier, the (English) Staffordshire bull terrier and a non-American Kennel Club (AKC) animal known as the American pit bull terrier. Any color is acceptable except over 80% white. Perhaps this is because the Staffordshire terrier is sometimes confused with the Bull Terrier, best known as “Spuds McKenzie” of the old beer commercial, or the white dog often seen in photographs of General Patton.)

The breed originated in Staffordshire, a mining area in England, as a cross between the Bulldog (then used in bull baiting) and some kind of terrier. (Authorities don’t seem to know what kind.) The result was a large dog of around 120 pounds. When bull baiting was outlawed in 1835 breeders reduced the size of the animal and then used it for dog fights. As early as 1870 these dogs found their way to America where they were called the American Bull Terrier or pit bull (although the AKC retains the name Staffordshire Terrier). The American Staffordshire is heavier and larger than the English variety and averages 45 pounds for the female and 50 for the male. Non-purebred American pit bulls are often larger than the approved standard due to further crosses with larger animals and selective breeding for size.

Promoters of purebred dogs are sometimes reluctant to admit that all dogs are “customized” by judicious crosses before being “fixed in type” by generations of “inline breeding,” the doggy equivalent of incest. “Purebred” dogs are the result of breeding dogs with their grandsires and granddams and even with their parents. Line breeding may create dog show superstars, but it can also result in disasters such as a genetic disposition to certain diseases or birth defects and also to the loss of native instincts and talent as well as changes in temperament. In spite of this drawback, most people prefer to choose purebred or pedigreed dogs over their less decadent peers, even though millions of healthy dogs are destroyed annually in pounds and shelters. These people claim that a purebred dog has “dependable characteristics,” but I suspect that this preference is far more due to a need for prestige, style and status.

Admittedly a few breeds go back many years (the chow-chow to 150 BC and the Egyptian greyhound and Tibetan mastiff even further), but most purebred dogs are relatively recent “inventions.”

Pit bulls were bred for “gameness, courage and loyalty.” A bull-baiting or dog-fighting animal must not only be aggressive, but most continue to fight even when outmatched and in pain. The bulldog heritage is one of stubborn jaws, which seldom release their hold once the bite is “set.” (Originally this trait was used so that the bulldog would grab a cow by the nose and hold it until it was dispatched by a butcher.) The terrier added agility and quickness as well as irrepressible energy. The result is a dog that requires, at the very least, careful training.

At this point it should be noted that in recent years a consensus has formed to dispute the idea that a jackal or other now extinct wild dog was the primary progenitor of today’s domesticated animals. John Patton, an evolutionary biologist at Washington University, claims that “Canis familiaris” doesn’t exist. All the breeds we see today, from a four-pound Chihuahua to a 220-pound Tibetan mastiff, are subsets of the grey wolf, Canis lupus.” All canids hybridize freely and their offspring are fertile. (So to those who feel that a pit bull is more inclined to bite than any other breed are just kidding themselves.) I personally have been bitten by dogs ranging from a “Teacup poodle” to a German Shepherd, incurring varying degrees of damage. All I can say is that, as with so many things, size matters. But saying that “all dogs bite” is both as true and as misleading as saying that all people are capable of committing murder.

The AKC’s optimistic profile of a Staffordshire terrier describes the breed as follows: “These dogs are docile, and with a little training are very tractable around other dogs. They are intelligent, excellent guardians, and they protect their masters’ property with an air of authority that counts: They easily discriminate between strangers who mean well and those who do not.” (Having owned dogs all my life, I always question claims of “intelligence,” as even in the same breed dogs vary greatly from one dog to another. Also, what is meant by intelligence? Trainability? Obedience? Sensitivity to human moods? Ingenuity? Resourcefulness?)

* * *

There are fashions in dogs just as there are in clothes. Where I lived in England, Bedlington terriers and Welsh corgis were all the rage. I’ve never seen a Bedlington terrier in the states, although corgis have found an enthusiastic following.

The AKC has established certain standards to be met if a dog is destined for show. These standards deal mainly with appearance, such as hair color, eye color, size, weight and length of tail. They do not require that the dog can perform the job it was originally bred to do. Irish setters were developed for their ability to hunt and flush game, but by emphasizing their beautiful red coat and other cosmetic attributes, most Irish setters of today are hyperactive idiots. A veterinarian with the Humane Society, Michael W. Fox, says, “They’re so dumb they get lost on the end of their leash.” The ever popular cocker spaniel, once a small game hunting dog, hasn’t competed in field trials since 1965, having lost its ability to hunt. The Shar-pei was bred from a mere dozen dogs exported to the US in the 1960s. By 1990 their numbers had exploded to 50,000. The resulting animal has been called “a genetic disaster,” with auto-immune deficiencies, severe skin problems, faulty bites, bad hips, and some even have to have their eyelids surgically cut so they can see out from the skin folds.

Movies, television shows and celebrity owners often set off a demand for a certain breed. Rin Tin Tin made German shepherds popular. Lassie did the same for Collies; the movie “Beethoven” created a market for St. Bernards; Disney’s “101 Dalmations” (and its sequel) promoted that breed, and Tom Hanks in “Turner and Hootch” saw a proliferation of the dogue de Bordeaux, in spite of its spectacular ugliness. The television comedy “Frazier,” with its appealing Eddie, was perhaps the reason for a revived interest in Jack Russell terriers.

I’m not sure what catalyst was responsible for the popularity of the pit bull. Perhaps it was its selection as a US mascot during world War I, or its recent naming as mascot of a US Marine unit in Okinawa. More likely it is due to the sport of dog fighting which still exists surreptitiously in most American rural areas. The breed’s fearlessness, high pain threshold and aggressive protective instincts have given it a vicious reputation much prized by certain types of macho individuals who use their courageous dogs to bolster their own self-confidence. Whatever the reason, pit bulls have been bred not only to be larger, but to accentuate their ancestral pugnaciousness.

Whenever a dog hits the public’s fancy, the supply increases to meet the demand and amateur and professional dog breeders go for the money. This has resulted in virtual dog farms called “puppy mills” where dogs are bred in quantity to meet the needs of pet shops. Too often these dogs are bred without much regard either for health or temperament. Dogs are also often housed in unsanitary, crowded conditions, with little regard to their physical or psychological health. Added to irresponsible breeding is the neglect given to these dogs’ training by ignorant owners, and as a consequence a dog with a pit bull’s native traits may become as dangerous as a recklessly driven car. Sadly, it is always the dog that is blamed for its bad behavior, not the greedheads who bred it or the neglectful owners.

Having owned a pit bull (named Roger) I am well aware of their special talents as well as their drawbacks. Like a bulldog, once he seized something in his jaws he wouldn’t let go no matter what. Like a terrier, he was a fierce and efficient hunter of rats, gophers, and other small animals. And while not particularly vocal, he was so protective and alert in the presence of strangers (staring at them and seeming to be waiting for them to make any sudden move) that many people insisted that I shut him away in another part of the house during their stay — and other friends just refused to come around at all!

Luckily I did almost everything right. For one thing I had the luxury of being with Roger 24 hours a day. He was very affectionate and willingly took to training at six months of age. At first he snapped at my husband, but when the latter made him lie on his back and blew in his nose, Roger accepted him as leader of the pack. He was never chained up, but given the run of the house. Every day I spent time training him in the basics using the “positive reinforcement method” of rewards, not punishment, assuming that dogs (like children) would learn better with love, not violence. At first the lessons were short, but as we both enjoyed them, they lasted up to half an hour or so every day. “Come” wasn’t hard. (What was harder was getting him to go far enough away to make it meaningful.) “Sit” and “Stay” was a lesson I knew would be essential. Walking to heel without dragging or pulling was his leash was his hardest lesson, as he was very strong and wanted to investigate every scent along the way.

Unfortunately as I lived in a remote area and had few visitors, Roger was never completely socialized toward strangers or other dogs. So because of his unmistakable aggression, I could never take him anywhere unless he was wearing a choke collar and leash, but Roger taught me one of the reasons so many people admire the breed. Like carrying any lethal weapon in plain sight, I saw both fear or admiration wherever I went. Owning a pit bull not only makes one feel protected from any possible harm, but gives one a feeling of power and invincibility. I can see why this feeling is so seductive to anyone who feels weak and insecure (like many of the more blustering dog owners).

Would I recommend a pit bull to anyone considering acquiring a dog? Only if they were willing to devote a lot of time and energy to the animal and had adopted it at six weeks of age or less from a reputable breeder and checked out both its parents for temperament. Training has to begin as soon as the dog is willing to pay attention, and because this is a highly energetic breed, expect to spend a lot of time throwing balls, tugging towels and running around with it.

Another problem is that pit bulls have a tendency to go “stir crazy” if confined, so boarding them out while on vacation (provided you can find anyone willing) is a problem. People who disapprove of a house dog would also be in trouble, as chaining pit bulls makes them even more aggressive than they already are. And if they escape from a fenced yard or, God forbid, a stranger or small child should trespass on their turf it could be tragic. In either case, no dog responds well without companionship and stimulation and all dogs need some variety of experiences to remain sane.

Even if it is well-behaved, anyone owning a dog should keep it under control at all times. Dog owners (or guardians) who blithely assert that their dog “doesn’t bite” are in denial. All dogs, with the right provocation, are capable of aggression — but a pit bull is just much more so, and without a very responsible owner, can be a real son of a bitch.

DENNIS RODMAN, KIM JONG​-​UN

Rebounding requires math

you gotta calculate the speed and path

and the angle of the ricochet

minus big men in your way

Dennis Rodman is a genius

It don't matter how much meanness

Jealous people spew at him.

and now he's found a friend in Kim

Oh, lucky man who finds a friend

one on whom you can depend

to give you rope or cut you slack

and always honest feedback

Dennis Rodman, Kim Jong-Un

They've got something going on

each of them is so unique

Both of them make people freak

Thus they share a common bond

Plus they have a natural fondness

Kim has got a baby girl

He let Dennis show her to the world

Wonder what they talk about

Disneyland, or Beirut?

Or the days of slavery

or the days of Singman Rhee

Or Beyonce, Nora Jones

Scotty Pippen, Karl Malone

When they share their thoughts profound

you know Dennis lets him get a rebound

Diplomacy requires math

you gotta calculate the speed and path

and the angle of the ricochet

Times big men jumping in your way.

credits
released January 18, 2014
music & lyrics by Fred Gardner
produced by Jason Berk

MUSICAL HUMOR

Q: What's the difference between a ukelele and an onion?

A: Nobody cries when you chop up a ukelele.

 

Q: What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?

A: Homeless.

 

Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?

A: A music critic.

 

Q: Why are harps like elderly parents?

A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.

 

Q: How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus?

A: On the first day of school he turns into the wrong classroom.

 

Q: How can you tell when a singer is at your door?

A: The can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.

 

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A: A vocalist.

 

Q: What do you do if you run over a bass player?

A: Back up.

 

Q: What do you call a musician with a college degree?

A: Night manager at McDonalds

 

A jazz pianist dies and finds himself in heaven. He runs into an old friend and says "Bob, you made it too, that's great.

"Yeah, turns out God's a big jazz fan. All of the cats are here, and every day is a non-stop jam session with a never-ending supply of wine, women and food. There's just one drawback."

"What's that?"

"Well, God has a girlfriend, and she's a singer.

ATTENTION KRISHNA SHOPPERS!

I will be unreachable until Wednesday September 6th.

Due to an inability to access websites on my computer, and being unable to detect the source of the problem, the Microsoft store (Westfield Shopping Center) has my Lenovo T410S to investigate the situation further. They are going to completely empty the contents of the computer, and I will then begin anew at their store on Tuesday, choosing a password, etcetera. There was no other way! If you wish to interact with me, knowing that I do not have a telephone because I have no critical need for owning one, may I suggest that you be where I am? Cheerio!

Craig Louis Stehr

Mailing address: 615 Post Street, #6
San Francisco, CA 94109-8238