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Looking Back!

Life is an incredible ride that is at times bumpy, uneven, grueling very much like the streets of Mendo, hahaha! Sometimes there is even a giant deep dark sinkhole, that you cannot manuever away from and you fall in, free falling into the unknown, alone and unprepared! 

Serious Mental Illness can strike anyone, anywhere at anytime without warning and turn your world upside down. It did mine, I am not the same because of it, it has scarred me deeply which in turn has made me cultivate some hidden talents. Most importantly my ability to write, to talk about these in things in the open and bring people together for change. 

I am grateful in so many ways, we are lucky to have survived 2020/2021! I am amazed that it is now 2024 and we are holding steady, things are good! Comparatively speaking, I would much rather be beaten to a pulp with a baseball bat than experience another episode of long term psychosis of my loved one! The fascinating thing is that it is not really the psychosis that is the issue, although scary and disturbing. The problem is the system itself. The very thing we need for support and care cannot provide us with intervention. But then again who gives a shit about crazy, poor, homeless, addicted and mentally ill folks? I am quite cynical in this regard; we must hold the system to task to begin to intervene and provide necessary support and accommodations for those unable to do so for themselves and their families.

When I look back at all that occurred during such a difficult time it is jarring. I suppose I am still traumatized by those events that left me in the darkest depths of despair with no lifeboat, no helping hand and no way through the system. I am grateful that even after all that we have experienced we have come to a place of calm. However, I also know that the traction we have gained could be turned upside down at anytime. A very frightening thought because the reality is what will happen this time? Will we somehow be shown mercy and love to the predicament of mental illness or will we again be thrown to wolves and have to claw our way out, bloody and thrashed, what if we don’t make it?

Would anyone care? 

This road is full of hazards and hardships that could be greatly reduced if only the system acted responsibly based on human needs, not on bad ideas and false beliefs. I will remain hopeful that the future of intervention and aid for Mental Illness becomes holistic and inclusive, giving our families necessary support and treatment. 

Until then we will keep our head up and march onward, advocating for better intervention and care. 


  1. Donald Cruser April 1, 2024

    I tell people to drive East on Talmage Road and give yourself a tour of the old state mental hospital grounds so you can see first hand how the state of California used to care for the mentally ill. The grounds and dormitories are strikingly beautiful. Easily enough rooms to house all the homeless in several northern counties. The beautiful environment with expansive lawns and huge, magnificent oak trees exudes serenity and healing. Only one of a number of state mental hospitals that Reagan shut down, putting those in need out on the street. A heartless action taken b y a man who insisted on a new gigantic abode of a governor’s mansion looking down on the American River, and lived like a king in a palace on the Pacific Ocean shore. There is a special place in hell for him.

    • Mazie Malone April 2, 2024

      Been there many times, it is beautiful.
      Regardless of Psychiatric facilities being closed by RR, the idea was to then have proper community interventional support. That does not happen for the most critically afflicted some people get help because they are capable of asking for it. The rest left to walk the streets like crazy zombies

      mm 💕

  2. Chuck Dunbar April 2, 2024

    Mazie, Your writing and advocacy on these issues are powerful and informed by direct experience. Thank you for your persistence, for caring, for wanting humane mental health care for folks in need. I’m glad you and your son have “come to a place of calm” at this point and hope it remains so. I wish that you could rise to a place of importance and power and make the needed changes to our systems of mental health care. You have the vision and the passion that would make a difference. I hope that Gov. Newsom’s new bill will take us to a better place.

    • Mazie Malone April 2, 2024

      Thank you,
      It is difficult work, I do it out of love, because this is hard stuff no one wants to talk about. I appreciate you cheering me on!! I do not have much faith in prop 1s implementation, yet to be seen.

      mm 💕

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