Great Redwood Trail Diary

Pedaling my bicycle along the Great Redwood Trail last week I could not believe some of the things I saw …

I noticed several individuals sitting together on the ground smoking dope next to a baby stroller filled with their belongings. One of them held a guitar (stolen, probably).

I noticed a fly lustily feeding on a dog excrement like it was a tapas bar before nearly landing on me. Yuck.

I noticed a meticulously coiffed Shih Tzu pause to investigate the deposit and heard her disheveled owner sternly reprimand her for showing interest.

I noticed tall clusters of wild fennel in full flower proudly antagonizing me. Has anyone heard of a weed wacker?

I noticed a small wooden house full of books. What the f—? are books doing on display in tiny wood houses? Bird huggers need to wake up: We’re tired of the city wasting scarce public resources to educate birds who obviously know enough already.

I noticed a colorful landscape painted on a utility shed … Is that supposed to make us feel better? I like pretty pictures as much as the next guy, but please don’t shove works of obvious beauty and inspiration in my face!

I noticed small oaks and manzanitas poking up here and there. What is this, a pygmy forest?

I noticed an obese couple in sweats walking briskly with a pair of well-fed kids weaving along on bicycles behind them. Guess Mom and Dad chose to invest in snacks instead of the gym membership.

I noticed the narrow scenic corridor between the big metal buildings in the industrial area on the north side of town and kept noticing the view all the way down along the tracks to Ukiah’s sewage treatment plant and back. Oak woodland in a river valley ringed by green mountains …

Meh. I’d be tempted to call it unscenic if that were a real word.

As I rolled along my thoughts wandered westward to the Orr Creek hiking trail in Low Gap Park which passes through the former city dump. Who were the geniuses who thought a garbage dump could be transformed into a park?, I wondered. Those dummies sure must regret their previous optimism and vision.

One thing I didn’t notice was: motor vehicles. You know, the devices that so generously share carbon particulates and soothing white noise under the direction of highly skilled if angry, distracted, and often intoxicated freedom lovers with hair-trigger tempers and which are involved in more than 100 fatalities per day in the U.S. Whoever built this trail obviously hates freedom.

I also didn’t notice any lemonade stands. Wtf? Whose horn does a bicyclist have to blow to get some lemonade around here?