Mendocino County Today: Friday, May 8, 2015

• Mayor Recall
• Mrs Rush
• Bunker Radio
• Keynote Money
• Beware Bushmen
• Snail Hunt
• Judy Pruden
• Runaway Caught
• Wartime Fun
• Candy Mountain
• Drought Regulations
• Planning Commission
• Book Day
• Costco Lawsuit
• Safe Harbor
• Pygmy Swap
• Whales Dying
• Air Quality
• RV People
• Bad Girls
• Impossible Heist
• Catch of the Day
• Gardens News
• Governor Hothead
• Drought Resiliance
• Inn Celebration
• Comedy Weekend
• Poison Treat
• Humboldt Ranked

THE RECALL of Fort Bragg mayor Dave Turner is likely to be announced this Tuesday either prior to or during the City Council meeting.

WE WERE ASKED if we thought a recall was "appropriate," in that recalls are supposed to be restricted to criminal activities or incompetence or varieties of moral turpitude. If incompetence were the issue Mendocino County would be holding a recall a week, but Turner and his auto-vote allies, Dietz and Hammerstrom, are not incompetent by Mendo standards, where the bar is always set just about right for the midget high jump. Nor are they crooks, strictly speaking, at least not in the sense of the great Fort Bragg city councils of yesteryear, when council members got free (“forgivable”) loans from Dominic Affinito as they blithely signed off on Dom's development projects.

BUT ALL THREE deserve to be ousted for ethical impairment and their utter lack of due diligence in signing off on a project apparently organized by the city manager and her staff, then presented to Turner and the rest of Fort Bragg as a done deal. Turner and Co. then sprang it on the wider community with so little time between the announcement and the deal the wider community didn't have much time to mobilize against it. And here we are with a very angry community compelled to take drastic action to regain itself.

SUSAN RUSH of Manchester is a modest person, but it was her persistence that finally stirred the Grand Jury to expose the ongoing mismanagement of the Point Arena School District. As so often happens, Mrs. Rush was a lone critical voice who, for her efforts to ensure democratic practices, was denounced as a crank and insulted by people radically her inferior in moral courage.

IT'S PROBABLY not the final insult she will suffer, but the fog belt newspaper, the ICO, has had the nerve in this week's issue not only to leave Mrs. Rush completely out of its story on the GJ denunciation of Point Arena school management, the paper suggests that it was their ongoing vigilance that finally brought attention to the fact of ongoing district incompetence at the management levels. And probably in the classroom too since the halt and the lame hire each other.

"Allegations of failure to follow the Brown Act and other California laws ensuring transparency and public access to district business have been raised several times by the ICO. "

NOPE. We happen to recall that it was raised once because Mrs. Rush requested a copy of a document, her request discussed at length at a school board meeting and the request denied by the district's $145,000-a-year superintendent. It was this specific illegal Brown Act violation that Mrs. Rush presented to DA Eyster only to be blown off by him.

BROWN ACT stuff probably seems trivial to lots of people, but if the public's business is allowed to be conducted privately, the upshot is what we have now on a much grander scale — a country run by an oligarchy served by elected people.

IN THE ONGOING rumble over KZYX management, Doug McKenty has just written: “Yes, I will go one further, despite training programmers about safe harbor time she [Mary Aigner] canned the hip hop show a few years ago for profanity used after 10pm. I think we have a case showing that Aigner makes programming decisions based on racism. This should be explored."

NO, IT SHOULDN'T. It's a given that management ineptitude at Public Radio Mendocino County exists in multiples, but racism is a reach. There's never been so much of a hint of racist management practices. Ever. If there had been, the libs would have instantly been out front of the ramshackle Philo premises with pitchforks and torches. The real prob is management's bunker, us-against-them, mentality. Manager Coate and program manager Aigner create public relations probs for themselves that need not exist. A reasonably sophisticated set of people manipulators — managers — would simple co-op the current crop of dissidents by giving them air time. Dissidence would come to a screeching halt.

SIMPLE LIVERS TO PAY STARHAWK A MEASLY GRAND

AVA,

Over the last few years we have paid our keynote speakers one thousand dollars for their time. This year is the same. Grand

Thanks

Ryano / Ryan Ocorrigan

ED NOTE: And she better be gluten-free. Myself, I'd like to hear the Gopher Guy, but he probably isn't wacky enough to be the keynoter.

WELL, WERE YOU ROBBED OR WHAT?

Couple Accosted By Masked Men, Little River Airport Road
. — The following appeared on the MCNlistserv at 12:07 am Wednesday morning:
 "Dear Neighbors on Little River Airport Rd,
 We had the unfortunate experience of being held up by two men wearing ski masks, one carrying a gun at our house in Little River Airport Road tonight (Wednesday) at about 10:30 this evening.
 We were getting out of our car to enter the house when they came out of the bushes and accosted us, demanding money. We ran into our house and were not injured. They appeared to be waiting for us.
 Please make sure you lock doors, keep outside lights on and notice any unusual activity. The police have advised us to do the same. If any neighbors noticed any cars parked around the 4.5 mile marker at around that time, we would be grateful to pass on this info to the police."

BEST OF ALL…

Greetings, Mr Editor:

I note in the 6 May 2015 edition of the AVA a "gardening tip" for elimination of the snails, slugs and other terrestrial mollusks that typically plague the backyard vegetable gardener. While the commercial product "Sluggo" may indeed be effective and convenient, and safer than using, say, arsenic, plutonium dust or a 9mm Glock, there is a much better (and cheaper!) method for accomplishing the task, namely to take full advantage of the astonishing craft and diabolical energy of nine year old boys.

For quite a few years, I too hand-picked the snails and slugs from my ravaged plants, rewarding myself with the modest satisfaction of taking them next door to my neighbor's house and feeding them to his chickens. The gastronomic frenzy induced in the average flock by the arrival of a few dozen fresh snails is something to behold. If you've ever wondered where the earth's dinosaurs really went, you need search no further: all they did was get a bit smaller and grow feathers. But, I digress. Rewarding as it was to boost local egg production and eschew noxious poisons, the dinosaur diet method did not seem to be making a palpable dent in my Fiendish Mollusk population.

Then one evening we were caught by a surprise rainstorm -- ah, yes my children, in the old days it rained promiscuously in northern California! -- and my nine year old and I went outside with flashlights to retrieve forgotten canvas chairs and gardening tools. In so doing, my son panned his light across the broccoli patch and lo!, there were half a dozen snails plainly visible on the leaves, saucily munching their fill. He simply could not resist the opportunity to scamper over, pluck them off, and stomp on them before coming back and helping to put away the chairs. This gave me an idea.

I called another neighbor with two similarly aged boys, and another from across town, and had them all come over for a little impromptu social event. As the moms were convening in the dining room over tea and biscuits and chat, I gathered my four troopers out on the patio and armed them each with a flashlight; that it was still raining only made it all the more fun for them. I took up a nearby seat with a prominent flat rock set in front of me, and displayed a quart mason jar almost entirely full of pennies. The deal was, I would pay 1 penny cash American on the barrel-head for each and every snail regardless of size that was squashed here, on the flat rock in front of me -- and I would pay three cents per slug, because they were harder to hold and transport. Nothing was paid for hearsay of a snail squashed out in situ -- they had to be brought here, before me.

Now, already they were having a great time just getting to be outside in the rain after dark with a flashlight, and whoa, a veritable License To Kill? Woo hoo. But the sight of that big jar of waiting specie really did the magic, and they set to work without a moment's delay. Within three or four minutes I paid out well over a dollar and had to clean the flat rock with a whisk broom more than once. Some of the snails had been the size of golfballs and needed two vigorous tries to squish. After barely a quarter of an hour I had gone through another two dollars, but the flow of slime had yet to diminish --- only the size of the victims got smaller. They were bringing back snails the size of grapes, then marbles, then pebbles, then lentils, and slugs practically the size of specks!, but they kept on bringing them and I kept on paying even while starting to worry about running out of cash, or maybe having to switch to silver. Fortunately by that time one of the moms called in her charge, and so the party broke up, their small pockets literally bulging with loot.

About a week later it rained in the afternoon, so I invited a few of The Boys back for another evening's hunt and though not quite the gory success of the first I did go through another buck and a half over a period of maybe forty minutes. My snail problem was a thing of the past, that year.

The next spring, I repeated the process. Again it was not quite the Roman Holiday of that first rainy night, but a substantial slaughter was maintained for an hour and we all felt the safari was a success. It didn't rain again for a while, but I discovered that turning on a sprinkler and thoroughly watering as large an area as possible during the day tended to draw out whatever mollusks were in hiding that night just the same. The rates went up -- two cents per snail, a nickel per slug -- but I considered we were still within sound budgetary constraints. The next year there were fewer takers, but also fewer quarry. A year after that we gave up the hunt after a few desultory tries.

So, here we are about fifteen years later, and I tell you that only this last year have I noticed any snail predation in my vegetable garden at all -- AT ALL. They've been just gone, all this while. I think our three years of intense work dealt such a blow to the local body gastropodic that they couldn't really recover for over a decade --- either that, or word got around. I'll settle either way.

Good luck,

JB Reynolds,

Graton

PS, Girls will do as well as boys, but they have to be raised right.

THE LAST PERSON WHO LOVED UKIAH

Longtime Ukiah resident and historian Judy Pruden dies

by Justine Frederiksen, Ukiah Daily Journal

POSTED: 05/02/15

Judy Pruden, a longtime Ukiah resident with a tireless passion for the city’s past, present and future, died Friday after a long illness. She was 68.

She moved to Ukiah in 1981 and quickly established herself as an advocate for preserving Ukiah’s historically significant buildings. She was appointed to the Ukiah Planning Commission in 1994 and helped shape countless city projects.

“She was a courageous woman with a fine sense of humor who, most know, was deeply dedicated to our community,” said former Ukiah Mayor Phil Baldwin, who served on the City Council for most of the years that Pruden served on the Planning Commission. “She regularly did the hard work for Ukiah, was always forthright, and unafraid to defend beautiful architectural and open space in Ukiah.”

“Ukiah’s history is written in many books, but Judy knew it by heart,” said Mendocino County 2nd District Supervisor John McCowen, also a former City Council member, describing Pruden as Ukiah’s “unofficial historian and a tireless volunteer who devoted thousands of hours to her community, the history of Ukiah and the city’s historic buildings.”

And, on a lighter note, McCowen added with an affectionate laugh, “I’m sure she will be instructing Saint Peter on where to plant the dogwood tree.”

Extremely knowledgeable about what trees and shrubs grew best in Ukiah’s climate and whether they would thrive in parking lots or along the street, she carefully evaluated every aspect of a new business’ landscaping plan, often asking who would be hired to do the pruning.

“Sometimes, she would prune the roses next to the City Hall Annex because she wanted them to look nice,” said Ukiah resident Linda Sanders, who served with Pruden for several years on the Planning Commission. “She was so devoted to our town, always civic-minded and incredibly generous with her time. Judy wanted our town to shine.”

Never one to shy away from controversy, Pruden was not afraid to speak her mind if it meant improving a project for Ukiah’s benefit.

“Judy’s historical knowledge and her passion for making Ukiah a beautiful, as well as walkable, small city will go unmatched I think in the debates to come in this town,” said UDJ editor K.C. Meadows. “We did not always agree with her, and certainly she was often controversial, but you could never fault her dedication and the meticulous way she dove into planning issues.”

Kathy Reed, a fellow member of Pruden’s church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints on South Dora Street, said Pruden held a highly respected position in the church, the chair of the women’s Relief Committee, which provides meals, housekeeping and other care for members who need help.

“It is a big job, and takes a highly organized person and a caring soul to do it,” Reed said, recalling that when she was recovering at home, the committee brought Reed meals three times a day and even changed her sheets.

Reed recalled that Pruden was equally devoted to her work outside the church, particularly on the Planning Commission, though she acknowledged that many in the community did not always appreciate her efforts.

“She was a watchdog, and it wasn’t easy, but somebody has to have that role,” Reed said. “I know it caused her some heartache over the years.”

When she wasn’t poring over Environmental Impact Reports for crucial projects such as the planned Costco store, she was organizing and volunteering at community events such as Pumpkinfest, even helping judge who ate the most cheesecake or blew the biggest bubble gum bubble.

“Judy loved our community, and her dedication to Ukiah was clear from her service on numerous public committees and countless volunteer hours on projects and events,” said Assistant City Manager Sage Sangiacomo, who got to know Pruden while working with her every year on Pumpkinfest, where he witnessed firsthand her “generosity and creativity” as she worked “tirelessly each year on the decor, theme and activities.”

In ways both big and small, Sangiacomo said Pruden’s “contributions will have a lasting, positive impact on our quality of life. Judy made our community a better place.”

She was also vice president of the Ukiah Main Street Program and served on countless other committees such as the Tree Advisory Committee, Moonlight Movie Madness, Friends of the Palace, Observatory Park Restoration, and the Mendocino County Museum.

She is survived by her husband, Mike Morgan, whom she moved to Ukiah with from Alaska when she inherited her parents’ home after they died in a plane crash in 1980.

Morgan said she grew to love Ukiah and “filled a lot of posts and kept very busy. She helped a lot of people, which was her way.”

He said she was very private and did not want people to know she was ill.

“Even if you asked her now, she’d probably say, ‘I’m fine,’” he said.

(Courtesy, the Ukiah Daily Journal)

JUST IN FROM LILLIPUT! He ran away and we caught him.

A trusty Mendocino County Sheriff’s K-9 assisted deputies last Thursday in the apprehension of an escaped inmate who disappeared from a Caltrans work crew for nearly two hours, the Mendocino County Sheriff’s Office said in a news release on Wednesday.

Steven Allen Leard Jr., 27, was assigned to the work crew near Talmage Road and the Highway 101 on-ramp in Ukiah around 1:26 pm that day. When the crew was in the process of packing-up the equipment to move to another site, Leard was seen running toward nearby businesses on Airport Park Boulevard, according to the Sheriff’s Office account of the incident.

MCSO deputies, along with California Highway Patrol and Ukiah Police Department officers, responded to the scene and commenced a search.

Approximately two hours later, the MCSO received information that Leard was possibly hiding in an abandoned van in the 100 block of Norgard Land, or one to two miles south of the Airport Park Boulevard vicinity.

Deputies and CHP officers responded to the Norgard Lane location and confirmed Leard was hiding in the van, the Sheriff’s Office said. Law enforcement officials surrounded the van and ordered Leard to get out, but said he refused.

The Sheriff’s Office said its canine ‘Doc’ was deployed and sent up to the door of the van. Leard reportedly quickly surrendered when he heard and saw Doc.

Leard was arrested and transported back to the Mendocino County Jail. MCSO Capt. Greg Van Patten said Leard was originally jailed for a probation violation, and was scheduled to be released in December of 2016. (Actually, Leard was “originally” jailed on stemming from his long term abuse of methamphetamine going back at least to 2006 when he turned 18. — Ed)

THEY WROTE IN THE OLD DAYS that it is sweet and fitting to die for one's country. But in modern war there is nothing sweet nor fitting in your dying. You will die like a dog for no good reason. Hit in the head you will die quickly and cleanly even sweetly and fittingly except for the white-blinding flash that never stops, unless perhaps it is only the frontal bone or your optic nerve that is smashed, or your jaw carried away, or your nose and cheek bones gone so you can still think but you have no face to talk with. But if you are not hit in the head you will be hit in the chest, and choke in it, or in the lower belly, and feel it all slip and slide loosely as you open, to spill out when you try to get up, it's not supposed to be be so painful but they always scream with it, it's the idea I suppose, or have the flash, the slamming clang of high explosive on a hard road and find your legs are gone above the knee, or maybe just below the knee, or maybe just a foot gone and watch the white bone sticking through your puttee, or watch them take a boot off with your foot a mush inside it, or feel an arm flop and learn how a bone feels grating, or you will burn, choke and vomit, or be blown to hell a dozen ways, without sweetness or fittingness; but none of this means anything. No catalogue of horrors ever kept men from war. Before the war you always think that it's not you that dies. But you will die, brother, if you go to it long enough.

— "Notes on the Next War", (1935) By-Line, Ernest Hemingway

BIG ROCK CANDY MOUNTAIN

One evening as the sun went down

And the jungle fires were burning,

Down the track came a hobo hiking,

And he said, "Boys, I'm not turning

I'm headed for a land that's far away

Besides the crystal fountains

So come with me, we'll go and see

The Big Rock Candy Mountains

 

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains,

There's a land that's fair and bright,

Where the handouts grow on bushes

And you sleep out every night.

Where the boxcars all are empty

And the sun shines every day

And the birds and the bees

And the cigarette trees

The lemonade springs

Where the bluebird sings

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.

 

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

All the cops have wooden legs

And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth

And the hens lay soft-boiled eggs

The farmers' trees are full of fruit

And the barns are full of hay

Oh I'm bound to go

Where there ain't no snow

Where the rain don't fall

The winds don't blow

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.

 

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

You never change your socks

And the little streams of alcohol

Come trickling down the rocks

The brakemen have to tip their hats

And the railway bulls are blind

There's a lake of stew

And of whiskey too

You can paddle all around it

In a big canoe

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

 

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains,

The jails are made of tin.

And you can walk right out again,

As soon as you are in.

There ain't no short-handled shovels,

No axes, saws nor picks,

I'm bound to stay

Where you sleep all day,

Where they hung the jerk

That invented work

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.

— Harry McClintock

KISS IT GOODBYE

Dear Editor:

Emergency Drought Regulations—

This week the State Water Resources Control Board after an eight hour hearing unanimously adopted emergency drought regulations that will have a profound effect on millions of people and businesses around the state. As would be expected numerous speakers thought the proposed regulations were too severe and they should should get special treatment. The Board rejected almost all recommendations and adopted the regulations as proposed. Sacramento where I live and parts of inland California will have a drastic cut in water use by up to 36%. Traditionally these areas have increased use of water in the summer for outside watering. Most residences have lush green lawns. To meet the goals set by the Board and avoid large fines lawns will have to go brown, which is very upsetting to many residents who think they have a God given right to a green lawn. This drought could continue for several more years and water usage would have even more draconian cuts by the Board.

In peace and love,

Jim Updegraff, Sacramento

PLANNING COMMISSION REGULAR MEETING

The Planning Commission meeting agenda for Thursday, May 21, 2015, is now available on the County website:

http://www.co.mendocino.ca.us/planning/meetings.htm

THE BOOK

by Manuel Vicent

On the trunk of a beech tree, a pair of lovers has engraved a heart pierced by an arrow. Inés and Luis are the names inscribed with the point of a penknife in the silver-plated bark.

It was done many years ago. The tree was still young when the lovers passed by here. The trunk, now dead, has widened and corroded the engraved names. An expert in botany could ascertain the exact time that has passed, although in this case it’s not necessary since underneath the heart is a date: April 23^rd, 1968.

At the foot of the tree, flows a river whose peaceful waters, like life itself, may have borne the memory of these lovers to the sea or to the tomb. But what has been written, is written.

Etymologically, the word “libro” (“book” in Spanish) is derived from the Latin liber which designates the fibrous layer beneath the bark of certain trees. Pliny the Elder reports that the Romans used to write on these pieces of bark before papyrus was discovered. “Libro” (“book”) and “libre” (“free”) have the same Latin root. Reading and freedom are passions that always end up encountering one another.

The Day of The Book, celebrated on April 23^rd, was instituted in memory of the anniversary of the death of Cervantes at a time when the favorable winds announced The Republic was about to arrive. 1968 wasn’t a bad year either. Perhaps that pair of lovers, Luis and Inés, were children of the French Spring, had worn their first pair of jeans, had stuck out their thumbs on the shoulder of the highway to hitchhike to Paris with a book of the poems of Dylan Thomas in the backpack.

Or perhaps, nothing like this ever happened. Perhaps the lovers were not aware of the meaning of the 23^rd of April, but merely engraved on the trunk of the beech a heart, a date, and their names, and had gone home without knowing anything about the origin of the book so rooted in the bark of trees, on which the Greeks and Romans wrote the first thoughts and the first words of love. (Translated by Louis Bedrock.)

LAWSUIT DELAYING UKIAH COSTCO PLANS DENIED

by Justine Frederiksen

Another significant obstacle delaying the proposed Costco store in Ukiah was removed recently when Mendocino County Superior Court Judge Jeanine Nadel denied a lawsuit’s claims that the project’s Environmental Impact Report was inadequate.

The lawsuit was filed a year ago by Davis-based attorney William Kopper on behalf of two FoodMaxx employees calling themselves “Ukiah Citizens for Safety First,” and alleged that the EIR for the project, which would add a 150,000-square-foot warehouse and 16-pump gas station to the southern end of Airport Park Boulevard, should not have been certified for seven reasons.

In her decision received by the city Wednesday, Nadel denies all seven claims, determining that “the city proceeded in the manner required by law and that the decision made to approve the project is supported by substantial evidence in the record.

“The city performed an adequate environmental review of the project and certification of the EIR was appropriate,” Nadel continues, concluding with: “The petition is hereby denied.”

Assistant City Manager Sage Sangiacomo said there is still the possibility of additional litigation, but that city officials considered Nadel’s ruling “clearing a major hurdle in moving the development phase of this project forward.”

In response to residents’ questions regarding the store’s progress and the lawsuit, Sangiacomo and other city officials prepared a fact sheet explaining that the primary reason for the store not being built already is lawsuits, including another one filed by Kopper that was dropped last year.

When the project was approved by both the Ukiah Planning Commission and City Council last year, Costco representatives said they hoped to begin construction by fall of 2014.

With the latest favorable ruling, Sangiacomo said “a new store could be open as early as 2016,” but if further delays do come up, “the city believes that Costco remains committed to Ukiah, and City staff, with the support and direction from the City Council, will press on.”

(Courtesy, the Ukiah Daily Journal)

SAFE HARBOR

Marco, Thank you for your information and support. Yes, under current FCC regulations, public radio is to refrain from profanity, indecency and obscenity. Low power stations are permitted profanity after 10p at night.

The larger idea here: Double Standard. Two women retained, (still with KZYX) three men thrown off the air. The two women aired CANNED content, the men, in the case of Doug and John S, were not in control of what was broadcast. Unless someone can prove emphatically that Norman DeVall wasn’t thrown off the air after he complained of profanity in prime time, ( January 21, 2014) I stand by my comment that he was axed by Aigner because he rightfully shared observations and facts as they were presented before him, but that management didn’t want to deal with. Losing all three men was a loss for the station.

The FCC profanity clause is one to live with for now.

Please, be aware of the axing of some and not the all with no ethical grievance procedure in place at the time that was/is neutral, fair, and satisfactory to all parties. All grievances go to the GM. The GM won’t even speak to Mr. Sakowicz. How was/is John S going to have a fair grievance hearing?

He won’t.

The Members for Change, Face Book is growing everyday. I was happy to see members in attendance last Monday’s Annual Membership Meeting. Many in attendance jeered and found a paid staff person’s shunning a board member completely unacceptable. Any other non-profit board would have removed the GM immediately! This recalcitrant behavior from John Coate is grounds for dismissal. It has nothing to do with me or any other community member, but everything to do with the Secretary of State’s office, which permits the station to raise funds, your dollars, for the station. To shun a board member is a violation. Done and Done.

Never underestimate the power of one conversation - one person to another.

Talk about these issues with people in your community, your classes, at work, your churches, your neighborhood, and your families. Make people aware of not only your personal experience with KZYX staff, (we all have them,) but let people know that station management feels immune to repercussions from being out of compliance. The station will not be on the best footing until these people are removed and a new and open staff and board are functioning as they can and should.

Funding and underwriting will only continue to shrink as the same pool of people give to the station. This phenomenon has nothing to do with individual volunteers, programmers and community members who have brought this fact to Management and in most cases, were turned away by management. I can find no place on the station’s web site that indicates programmers are regularly or systematically reviewed/evaluated for content, on-air delivery, program relevance, or Arbitron ratings. The lack of dollars is tangible feedback about what the station airs and how it is managed.

Thirteen years ago, 2100 people were registered as members (2002.) The 2002-2006 Strategic Plan had a goal of 20% sustainable increase in membership. Membership has been flat for 13 years. The strategic plan and the goals set out by the Board in 2002 did not position the station to realize this 20% goal. It hasn’t and won’t happen. What’s more, the Strategic Plan voted on and accepted in 2005, is 10 years old with no checks and balances, no evaluation for the money spent on a Board Retreat to build and vote on such a plan, and no public information about how the community would know if such a plan was/is being utilized.

Thanks,

Mary Massey
, Mendocino, CA

KZYX, Members for Change

MIKE SWEENEY TALKS TO HIMSELF

by Mike Sweeney as told to the Fort Bragg Advocate as part of Sweeney's campaign to build a $5 million trash transfer station in one part of the Pygmy Forest while he arranges for his gofers in County government to donate land from another part of the Pygmy Forest. Fort Bragg has an existing and perfectly serviceable transfer station but.....

* * *

County proposes 28-acre Pygmy Forest preserve near Caspar

Submitted by Mike Sweeney,

Mendocino Solid Waste Authority Manager

In response to comments about the proposed Highway 20 transfer station on forest land, the County of Mendocino has offered to create a 28-acre pygmy forest preserve in Caspar.

The proposed preserve is surplus County property that was in the process of being offered for sale, probably for residential development. It is almost all undisturbed forest land which has been found by biologists to include seven acres of extreme pygmy, 12 acres of transitional pygmy, and six acres of Bishop Pine.

The County believes that creation of the Caspar Pygmy Forest Preserve would offset forest impacts at the proposed Highway 20 transfer station where 4 acres of Bishop Pine and 0.6 acres of transitional pygmy would be cleared.

The Board of Supervisors made the entire Caspar parcel available on April 7. Under the County proposal, the parcel would be preserved permanently from development and protected from trespass. The County would continue to own it in perpetuity, or else transfer title or a conservation easement to an environmental protection organization.

Pygmy forestland occurs only in a narrow strip along the North Coast that has the shallow, acidic hardpan soil that allows only certain dwarf trees to survive. As little as 2,000 acres are believed to remain and conservationists want to protect as much as possible. These concerns were voiced at a public hearing March 19 on the transfer station environmental impact report (EIR) by the Sierra Club, California Native Plant Society, and the California Department of Fish & Wildlife.

“By offering to create the Caspar Pygmy Forest Preserve, the County will make the transfer station project into a major benefit for forest protection,” said Mike Sweeney of the Mendocino Solid Waste Management Authority.

“The vegetation here is composed largely of undisturbed pygmy cypress woodland,” said local botanical consultant Kerry Heise in a report on the parcel. “Aside from a small graded road there are no visible signs of human disturbance.”

The transfer station is planned for five acres at the northern edge of Jackson Demonstration State Forest on Highway 20. It is intended to consolidate all of the Fort Bragg region’s trash into the largest possible loads in order to reduce the number of truck trips to the landfill.

According to the project’s draft EIR, the transfer station will save 279,000 miles of truck travel each year and prevent 140 metric tons of greenhouse gases. This should translate into a long-term reduction in the cost of trash service in the Fort Bragg region.

The draft EIR on the project was prepared by GHD, Inc. of Eureka. More than 100 comments were received which will be responded to in a final EIR to be issued in May. The final EIR will be considered by the County Board of Supervisors and the Fort Bragg City Council, who are partners in the transfer station project.

If the transfer station project moves forward, the County and City will acquire the Highway 20 site from the State without charge under a special authorization made by the Legislature in 2011. The project would then be put out to bid for a private waste management company to design, build and operate the facility under contract at its own expense.

When the new transfer station opens, the existing self-haul disposal site at Caspar would be closed and a conservation easement granted to the state over the entire 61-acre Caspar disposal site property, which includes the Caspar Landfill which shut down in 1992.

The proposed transfer station would include a fully-enclosed building to contain any odors, dust or noise. It would be hidden behind dense forest vegetation which will be kept undisturbed between the building and Highway 20.

The draft EIR for the project is posted at www.MendoRecycle.org, which will also host the final EIR when it is issued.

WHALE OF A STORY — SO WHY NO COVERAGE?

Editor,

News Flash—

“A malnourished gray whale washed up on the Oregon Coast just north of where a dead fin whale came ashore in March, and authorities in California are investigating two whales found dead along the Pacific Coast.”

No worries. The authorities are investigating.

More news:

”…several days later, a killer whale also beached itself north of Fort Bragg. Researchers flocked to the Mendocino coast to investigate the rare occurrence. However, they aren’t expected to come to any conclusions as to why the 25-foot creature came ashore to die.”

Why would they come to conclusions? Hell, they're only researchers.

“A dead whale washed ashore on a beach in Pacifica, California, Tuesday. It's the fifth whale to end up on a Northern California beach in three weeks. Experts say it's natural for whales to die.”

Whew! I'm so glad the expert is there to tell me that. Otherwise I might be really concerned about all these ginormous mammals washing ashore the Pacific coast and I might stupidly jump to conclusions. Cuz what do I know? I'm no expert or authority or even an official. I'm only a small mammal, comparatively speaking.

It's probably a good thing I'm not an expert because I do tend to jump to silly conclusions, but back on March 7, 2014 I attended a hearing in Fort Bragg titled Northwest Training and Testing Environmental Impact Statement/Overseas Environmental Impact Statement, Public Meeting. It was put on by the Navy because the lowly citizens were concerned about the impact sonar weapons testing by the Navy off the coast of California would have on the whales, specifically the Humpback, especially during migration. Boy, it looks like those citizens were wrong again. It's not just the Humpback that is affected, but even Orcas and Sperm whales. Cool! I guess the Navy didn't listen to them and just went ahead with blowing things up, but truth be known, I don't know jack. I should just not think about it and listen to the experts.

Jo Torreano, Potter Valley

CLEARING THE AIR

Mendocino County’s Air Pollution Honcho Reported Thursday:

The American Lung Association, State of the Air Report for 2015 has been released and once again, Mendocino County is listed as one of the cleanest counties in California. Mendocino County is one of only 8 counties listed with an "A" rating for Particulate pollution (PM 2.5) and one of 11 counties with an "A" rating for Ozone levels.

We are fortunate to live in an area where clean air is expected. Although overall statewide air quality continues to show slow improvements, over 28 million Californians, approximately 73% of the state population, live in counties that have received a failing air quality grade for 2015. Continuing efforts are made to reduce air pollution but ongoing drought conditions throughout the state as well as impacts from climate change are expected to offset some of these reductions. Additionally, the report cites that 44% of the people in the U.S. live in counties that have unhealthy levels of Ozone, Particulate, or both.

Our achievements continue to rely on the combined efforts and cooperation of all Mendocino County residents and businesses, with participation of local government agencies, Fire Districts and the agricultural community. District efforts will continue to focus on maintaining this cooperation and educational opportunities as needed to protect our natural resource.

The full report can be view at: http://www.stateoftheair.org/ .

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Thank you,

Bob Scaglione
Air Pollution Control Officer
MCAQMD
306 E. Gobbi Street
Ukiah, CA 95482
707/463-4354
www.mendoair.org

THE WINNEBAGO PEOPLE.

What slowed the traffic here were the massive motor homes lumbering up and down the mountain passes. Some of them, amazingly, had cars tethered to their rear bumpers, like dinghies. I got stuck behind one on the long, sinuous descent down the mountain into Tennessee. It was so wide that it could barely stay within its lane and kept threatening to nudge oncoming cars off into the picturesque void to our left. That, alas, is the way of vacationing nowadays for many people. The whole idea is not to expose yourself to a moment of discomfort or inconvenience — indeed, not to breathe fresh air at all if possible. When the urge to travel seizes you, you pile into your 13-ton tin palace and drive 400 miles across the country, hermetically sealed against the elements, and stop at a campground where you dash to plug into their water supply and electricity so that you don’t have to go a single moment without air-conditioning or dishwasher and microwave facilities. These things, these RVs, are like life-support systems on wheels. Astronauts go to the moon with less backup. RV people are another breed — and a largely demented one at that. They become obsessed with trying to equip their vehicles with gadgets to deal with every possible contingency. Their lives become ruled by the dread thought that one day they may find themselves in a situation in which they are not entirely self-sufficient.

— Bill Bryson

BAD GIRLS

Bad Girl #1: On 05/02/15 at about 404 PM, Ukiah Police responded to 136 Ford St. regarding a report of a possible domestic disturbance. Upon arrival officers spoke with involved parties and witnesses and learned that Feather Fallis had been drinking with friends and that she had become physically abusive hitting her boyfriend when they tried to get her to stop drinking. After assaulting her boyfriend, Fallis left the residence in a vehicle and in so doing collided with a parked vehicle. Officers began searching the area for Fallis and located her at 1201 N. State St. Fallis was found unconscious in nearby bushes and an ambulance called. Fallis was later arrested for DUI, hit and run and domestic battery.

Bad Girl #2: On 5/4/15 at about 1107 PM Ukiah Police responded to 650 S. State St, Sunrise Inn, regarding Julie Legendre screaming at her young child who was bleeding from his nose. Upon arrival Officers contacted witnesses who advised that Legendre was seen cursing and kicking her child in the face causing a bloody nose. After speaking with witnesses Legendre was contacted and found to be under the influence of a controlled substance. Legendre was arrested for being under the influence and child abuse. The child was placed in safe custody with Child Protective Services. (Ukiah Police Department Press Release)

DO IT YOURSELF ROBBER DOESN’T DO IT

On 5/6/15 at about 1054 PM, Ukiah Police responded to 998 S. State Street, Express Mart, regarding an attempted robbery. Upon arrival officers contacted the victim and learned that while inside the store a man described by the victim as approximately 5 foot 11 inches tall, thin build, wearing all black clothing, gloves, and a mask enter the store. The victim reported that the suspect was holding a round object under his jacket with his right hand, and pointing it at the victim. This caused the victim to believe the suspect was attempting to make it look as though he had a firearm under the jacket, yet never saw a firearm.

The suspect told the victim to put his hands up, but the victim believed the suspect was joking and walked away from him going behind the counter. The suspect told the victim to place the money from the register into a bag. Again the victim refused telling the suspect to do this himself. The suspect attempted to open the register but failed and fled the scene. (Ukiah Police Department Press Release)

CATCH OF THE DAY, May 6, 2015

DERRICK AYALA, Covelo. DUI-drugs, suspended license.

MARK BURLEIGH, Miranda/Ukiah. Under influence of controlled substance, possession of controlled substance and drug paraphernalia, receipt of stolen property, theft from vehicle.

JONI DEARING, Fort Bragg. Under influence of controlled substance, possession of controlled substance and drug paraphernalia, suspended license, violation of county parole.

TIFFANI FERRIS, Fort Bragg. Pot cultivation, possession for sale.

DANIEL HEATH, Willits. Probation revocation.

SAULO MARQUEZIN, Mill Valley/Fort Bragg. DUI-drugs, possession of controlled substance and paraphernalia and hypodermic needles.

HEATHER MARSH-HAAS, Ukiah. Burglary, forgery, petty theft, obtaining other’s ID without permission.

JEFFREY MCGRAW, Fort Bragg. Pot cultivation, possession for sale.

CODY PERRI-KLIPENSTEEN, Fort Bragg. Probation revocation.

DANIEL RODRIGUEZ, Chicago/Ukiah. DUI-drugs, suspended license, probation revocation.

BLOOM BLAST: REPORT FROM THE GARDENS;

Kate Frey Workshop & Talk

Mendocino Coast Botanical Gardens

Thanks to everyone who enjoyed a day in the Gardens on Retro Sunday and those who visited during the Rhododendron Show last weekend. Many people renewed their memberships during these special events, and several new people joined. We hope you will utilize your membership often and that you might also consider volunteering.

Did you know that with only 25 volunteer hours in a year, you can earn an individual membership? That's only a few hours each month and is a great way to both meet new people, enjoy working in a spectacular setting, while also earning a membership! More information about volunteering at the Gardens can be found here

(http://www.gardenbythesea.org/about-the-gardens/volunteer/).

If you've ever wondered where our Heritage Rose Garden (http://www.gardenbythesea.org/mcbg-plant-collections/heritage-rose-garden/)

is located, or simply how to access it, you may notice a new entrance into that garden from the Perennial Garden. Not only is the new entry more accessible, it is also more visible! Roses are coming into their full bloom this month. Be sure to come experience the incredible fragrance and beauty of these lovely antique varieties.

We've been working on invasive plant removal on the Coastal Bluffs. Removing the plants, such as Mediterranean Ice Plant, allows our beautiful native plants light and space to grow and is an important part of our conservation effort here at the Gardens.

How many of you know that we have a resident Western Screech Owl in the Gardens? Our new inhabitant showcases the importance of the vital “habitat values” we maintain here at the Gardens. These habitat values include leaving select old standing trees, downed logs, and a portion of ungroomed understory brush to create areas for birds, amphibians, reptiles, fungi and more to live in. These species are important components of our natural ecosystem. Similar principles of habitat management can be followed by individual property owners. Information on habitat creation can be found on the National Wildlife Foundation's website

(http://www.nwf.org/How-to-Help/Garden-for-Wildlife/Create-a-Habitat.aspx) .

In Bloom :

Rhododendrons . Coastal Wildflowers . Pacific Coast Iris Heritage Roses . Woodland Fuchsias . Succulent Garden Early Perennials

Success with Vegetables

Saturday, May 9 10am to 12noon

Gardens Meeting Room (please check in at front entrance)

with Kate Frey

Does your vegetable garden fail to live up to your expectations in terms of appearance, plant heath, and/or production? Are weeds taking over and plants failing to thrive? Learn a variety of easy to understand approaches that will make the gardening process more straightforward. We will also discuss vegetable varieties that are full of flavor and of wonderful appearance. Principles and practices will be illustrated in many colorful and inspirational slides and a garden walk.

Kate Frey is a world-renowned consultant, designer, educator, and freelance writer, specializing in sustainable gardens that encourage biodiversity.

Gardens members and Master Gardeners $10; non-members $20 (includes garden admission for the day). Please phone 707 964-4352 ext. 16 to reserve your space. . . . The Fort Bragg Garden Club is celebrating its 60^th year of service. They extend an invitation to the community to attend a presentation by Kate Frey on Landscaping for Birds and Bees Monday, May 11, from 1:00–3:00pm at the Russian Gulch SP Recreation Hall.

— Mendocino Coast Botanical Gardens

18220 N. Highway 1

Ft Bragg, Ca 95437

GOVERNOR JERRY BROWN TELLS TUNNELS CRITICS TO "SHUT UP"

by Dan Bacher

In a moment of candor during a speech he gave at the Association of California Water Agencies (ACWA) conference in Sacramento on May 6, Governor Jerry Brown told critics of his plan to build the twin tunnels to "shut up" unless they have spent a million hours working on the project like the state has.

Brown told the crowd, “I asked my water man sitting over there how many man and woman hours have gone into the Delta Project? Would you tell them? One million!"

"Until you've put a million hours into it, Shut Up!" said Brown, referring to critics of his tunnels and Delta policies.

He added that even that if the staff had "wasted" 25 percent of their time, 250,000 hours, working on the project, that would still be 750,000 hours they spent on the project.

"Let’s assume they wasted a quarter of the time,” Brown noted. “It’s still 750,000 man hours. That’s a lot of stuff...so it is complicated. On this subject we do want to be thoughtful and see what's going on here. We don’t have to do it just to have something to do."

"We’re happy doing this Delta project because for 50 years people have been trying to figure out how to deal with the fish, how to deal with conveyance of water (and) what's the most efficient way to do it that protects all the different interests that we got to think about," he stated.

And those weren't the only controversial things that Brown said in his rambling speech. Reverting from "Big Ag Brown" to "Governor Moonbeam" briefly, Brown talked about us being on "Spaceship Earth," how the astronauts recycled their urine and how "everything goes somewhere."

And he had the gall to spout this eco-babble while his administration has pursued some of the worst policies for fish, water and the environment in recent California history! (http://www.truth-out.org/speakout/item/30452-the-extinction-governor-rips-the-green-mask-off-his-tunnels-plan )

To watch the video of the speech by Gene Beley of the Central Valley Business Times, go to: http://www.centralvalleybusinesstimes.com/stories/001/?ID=28289  or https://player.vimeo.com/video/127131251

In response to the Governor's "Shut Up" comment, Tom Stokely, Water Policy Analyst for the California Water Policy Network (C-WIN), said, "Money and time spent on a deeply flawed project is still a useless exercise and a waste of ratepayer and taxpayer money."

"They've spent $240 million and have nothing to show for it other than a pile of documents 27 feet high," he stated. "The revised Bay-Delta Conservation Plan is an act of desperation to try and save a doomed project."

Barbara Barrigan-Parrilla, executive director of Restore the Delta (RTD), vowed, “We won’t go away. We won’t shut up. We can’t stand by and watch this project move forward because it will destroy the most important estuary on the West Coast of the Americas."

She said that the Governor "has his fingers in his ears" and won't listen to criticism.

Caleen Sisk, Chief and Spiritual Leader of the Winnemem Wintu Tribe, said, "A million hours is not enough obviously to know what's good for the Delta because those million hours must not have included the path to extinction of the Delta smelt and salmon. These fish are so necesssary to the Delta - there won't be a Delta without the smelt and salmon. The smelt and salmon have been here for over six thousand years.

"If people want to survive, they can't trust the Governor and staff, who have only spent a million hours on this project," Chief Sisk said. "The Delta has been dying since they've been doing what they've been doing - and they don't even know that it's dying."

During his speech, Brown quoted Edward O. Wilson, a preeminent biologist and naturalist, as he did before during his inaugural address this January:

"Surely one moral precept we can agree on is to stop destroying our birthplace, the only home humanity will ever have. The evidence for climate warming, with industrial pollution as the principal cause, is now overwhelming. Also evident upon even casual inspection is the rapid disappearance of tropical forests and grasslands and other habitats where most of the diversity of life exists. We are needlessly turning the gold we inherited from our forebears into straw, and for that we will be despised by our descendants."

Osha Meserve, an attorney for Delta agricultural and environmental interests, pointed out the irony of Brown proclaiming "small is beautiful" and quoting from a notable biologist about the need to preserve California and the planet for future generations while promoting an environmentally destructive project like the Delta tunnels.

"Rerouting the Sacramento River into massive tunnels is an outdated nineteenth century approach to water supply that will destroy the largest estuary on the west coast," said Meserve. "We have an obligation to future generations to come up with more effective, long- term solutions using state of the art science to meet our State’s water needs."

Governor Brown continues to fast track his multi-billion dollar project to build the twin tunnels under the Sacramento San Joaquin River Delta to export massive amounts of water to Stewart Resnick, owner of Paramount Farms, and other corporate agribusiness interests, Southern California water agencies and oil companies conducting fracking and steam injection operations.

On April 30 at a press conference in Oakland, Governor Brown and federal officials unveiled their revised plans for Delta conveyance and ecosystem "restoration."

One major difference between the previous version of the BDCP and the latest incarnation is that it now calls for only "restoring" 30,000 acres for wetland and wildlife habitat - down from the 100,000 acres originally proposed.

The other key difference is that the BDCP has been split into two components - The "California Water Fix" component for the tunnels and the "California Eco Restore" component for the habitat "restoration" component.

"We've listened to the public and carefully studied the science," Brown claimed at the press conference, echoing his comments that he made regarding the tunnels plan at a news conference in Sacramento in July 2012.

However, as the Governor's call for tunnels critics to "Shut Up" demonstrated, Brown neither listened to the public nor carefully studied the science. Every group of scientists that has reviewed the plan, ranging from the Delta Independent Science Board to the federal Environmental Protection Agency, has slammed the terminally flawed "science" behind the tunnels.

There is no doubt that the tunnels will hasten the extinction of Sacramento River Chinook salmon, Central Valley steelhead, Delta and longfin smelt, green sturgeon and other species, as well as threatening the salmon and steelhead populations on the Trinity and Klamath rivers.

While the Brown administration has mandated that urban families slash their water usage by 25 percent, California almond growers have expanded their almond acreage from 870,000 acres to 1,020,000 acres during the current drought. That's a 150,000 acre increase in acreage for almonds, a water-intensive crop, since the drought began.

(http://www.nass.usda.gov/Statistics_by_State/California/Publications/Fruits_and_Nuts/201504almac.pdf)

RESTORING DROUGHT RESILIANCE

Please join Sanctuary Forest on Saturday, May 16 for a tour entitled Restoring Drought Resilience for Fish & People in the Mattole Headwaters. This walking tour will begin near the confluence of Baker Creek and the Mattole River, in the “old mill” in Whitethorn, where hikers will learn about river geology and fish habitat. Following the winding creek upstream, through areas impacted by logging and old mill sites, participants will visit the Baker Creek groundwater recharge and coho habitat recovery project. This innovative pilot project (installed in 2012-2014) is the first step to restoring natural functions to the watershed and is already bringing the endangered coho salmon back to the Mattole. Leaders will then take the group to explore the paleo floodplains and vernal pools above Baker Creek. Other topics will include watershed function and health, and impacts of low flows on salmonid populations. This hike will be led by Tasha McKee and Campbell Thompson of Sanctuary Forest, and Sam Flanagan of BLM. This one and a half-mile hike has a moderate exertion rating and will cover uneven terrain adjacent to a small stream. Bring a lunch and water, wear sturdy shoes, and dress in layers. We will meet at the Sanctuary Forest office in Whitethorn at 10 a.m. This hike is free of charge, though donations are gladly accepted and help Sanctuary Forest to offer this program year after year. For questions or clarifications, contact Marisa at marisa@sanctuaryforest.org, or visit www.sanctuaryforest.org.

Support from volunteers and local businesses have made this program possible for Sanctuary Forest. Local businesses that have made generous contributions are James Holland, MSW Counseling Services, J.Angus Publishing Group, Southern Humboldt Fitness, Sylvandale Gardens, The Security Store, Blue Star Gas, Caffe Dolce, Charlotte’s Perennial Gardens, Coffee Break, Mattole River Studios, Monica Coyne Artist Blacksmith, Randall Sand & Gravel, Whitethorn Construction, Ned Hardwood Construction, Pierson Building Center, Chautauqua Natural Foods, Dazey’s Supply, Madrone Realty, First Fig Gallery, Hohstadt’s Garden Center, Humboldt Bar & Grill, Roy Baker, O.D., Redwood Properties, Vella Wood Flooring, Wildberries Marketplace, Whitethorn Winery and Mattole Meadows

Sanctuary Forest is a land trust whose mission is to conserve the Mattole River watershed and surrounding areas for wildlife habitat and aesthetic, spiritual, and intrinsic values in cooperation with our diverse community.

CELEBRATE 150 YEARS AT CAPTAIN FLETCHER'S INN

A full day of events at the historic Captain Fletcher's Inn (ca 1865) on Saturday, June 6 culminates with live musical performances by three local groups. Dinner will be served starting at 5PM and music starts at 7PM at Captain Fletcher's Inn, at the mouth of the Navarro River, just west of Hwy 1.

First on stage, Joey Goforth and Ryan Kroll, half of the Mendocino coast bluegrass band Lafe Crick. Playing as a duo provides an opportunity to further explore the deep well of American roots music. They will be followed by The Ukeholics, seasoned veterans of the stage who recently appeared at Caspar UkeFest. They have expanded musically since their initial introduction to the ukulele. Closing the evening is "All About Sally" - David Alden, Sally Graney and Jessie Lee Van Sant. They feature tight vocal arrangements of a wide selection of traditional and modern Americana music. https://www.facebook.com/AllAboutSally.

Bagpipes will serenade visitors from the cliffs above Navarro Beach during dinner starting at 5:30, in honor of Captain Fletcher, a Scottish Seaman. Suggested donation for dinner varies with entree. $15 cover for evening concert. www.navarro-by-the-sea-center.org or Jim Martin at 707-877-3477

Hit and Run Theater & Friends Improv Comedy Weekend

Mendocino Stories and Events presents Hit and Run Theater & Friends Comedy Weekend with improvised fun, games and stories. They will play at the Hill House Inn of Mendocino on Friday and Saturday, June 19 & 20. Each show is unique, so plan on coming both nights! The shows will start at 7:30PM.

Hit and Run Theater first came together in the late 1970s, with Kathy O’Grady as one of its charter members. Other members are Jill Jahelka, a veteran of many Gloriana shows; Steve Weingarten who also designs the group’s sets; Doug Nunn coach of Mendocino High School Improv Club; the delightful Christine Samas who charms Hit and Run fans; Dan Sullivan comedy-writer and director; and voiceover artist Ken Krauss. Special treat for us - Laura Derry returns as improv keyboardist

All Ages Welcome! Doors open at 6:00 PM for casual and full bar, Theater opens at 6:30PM. Come early for best seating. General admission is $15 at the door. For more information about the shows call Pattie at 937-1732

MERTZ ADDRESSES THE TROOPS

http://www.hrcllc.com/news/letter-to-employees-concerning-tan-oak-treatment_5-1-15/

HUMBOLDT RANKED

(from LostCoastOutpost.com)

Your Lost Coast Outpost and KHUM are again teaming up for arbitrary and capricious listing of local topics. This is still Humboldt Ranked.

Here’s how this works: Starting at 11 a.m., we’ll open up the phones on KHUM (786-5486). At that point you can call in and pitch a nominee as well as where you think it should go on the list. Sell it, folks. Over the course of the next hour, live on the radio, a definitive ranking will be discussed, debated and ultimately etched in e-stone for all eternity.

Tune in to KHUM 104.3/104.7 (or online here) to experience the drama live and follow along with the results below. Later we’ll upload the audio for posterity. Do you love this? Yay! Let’s rank Humboldt now.

THIS WEEK’S TOPIC: You know how when you venture out beyond the safety of the Redwood Curtain and people ask you where you’re from and you say “Humboldt” and they’re like, “__________”? Fill in that blank. What do outsiders say to you when you tell them you’re from Humboldt? Go.

THE LIST:

1. “Where?” (complete blankness and versions of that) (nominated by listener Vanessa)
2. “How much weed are you carrying right now?” (and similar marijuana-related queries) (nominated by listener Bryan)
3. “Oh! Redwood trees!” (and other acknowledgements of our natural beauty) (nominated by Natalie in Freshwater)
4. “Have you seen/are you Bigfoot?” (nominated by commenter Zeke)
5.  “You got hippies/armpit hair/different hygiene standards!” (nominated by commenter Klamathman)
6. “You guys have crappy weather.” (Or other comments about our unique climate) (nominated by Scott in Ferndale; Editorial Note: One human’s crap is another human’s crème brûlée, Scott!)
7. “Here’s one I get all the time: ‘Where are you from originally?’ lol, like there’s never been a black person born in Humboldt County lol. (nominated by African-American commenter Michelle Crockett)
8. “I went there once.” (nominated by listener Yvonne)
9. “You guys got so much water!” (nominated by caller Shawn and commenter Ford Prefect)
10. “You ever been to a Crabs game?” (nominated by New Christy Minstrel Lowell Daniels III)

Bubbling Under:

“That’s by San Francisco, ya?” (and similar; different than the geographic listing above which encompasses complete unawareness of Humboldt) (nominated by multiple LoCO commenters) (We decided to lump this in with the other geography listing).

“You live in Arcadia?” (nominated by commenter)

“‘You’re a bunch of piss-heads.” That’s what I got in New Zealand wearing a Humboldt Brew Co. sweatshirt. Piss meaning beer. And it was all in good humor. (Trevor in Eureka).

“Marching Lumberjacks!” (nominated by caller)

“Cheeeeeese!” (nominated by Casey in Indianola)

“Don’t y’all speak Elvish?” (nominated by listener Judith)

“What’s your rent?” (nominated by caller)

So many weed things. We’re gonna lump ‘em all in the thing on the list, mmmK?

“Isn’t that in the Emerald Triangle?” (Is that necessarily weed too? Maybe.)