I’m gonna charge tariffs
You’re gonna have to pay
And pray for your sad little
4 0 1 K
You’ll do it my way
I’m gonna close food banks
No more surplus cheese
Until I hear thank you
And pretty pretty please
From down on your knees
I’m gonna make you pretend
That you love the Jews
I’m gonna make you depend
On Fox News
I’ll ban the blues
Who needs public schools?
Who wants integration?
Why should we cancel
The Birth of a Nation
Instead of Fruitvale Station?
I’ll deport Latinos
Who have bold tattoos
Then I’ll sink Green Peace
Torpedo their canoes
They were born to lose
Who says the glaciers
Can’t be bought and sold?
Greenland is but real estate
Servers need the cold
Denmark will fold
I’ll own the Gaza beach front
Bibi’s clearing space
I’ll let them build a temple
To glorify their race
And keep them in their place
I’ve got the Orthodox
Priests making room
For me to build a grand hotel
On top of Lenin’s tomb
Putin is my choom
I’ve got the Saudi princes
I’ve got El Salvador
I’m never satisfied
I always want more
And more and more and more
I’m gonna mine crypto
I’m gonna mint wealth
I’m gonna rewrite the script
Why bomb with stealth?
Why pay for public health?
I’ll use the Bill of Rights
To wipe my big white ass
The Second Amendment?
That I’ll give a pass
To show some class
I’m gonna live forever
Which might not take that long
I’ll see the end of everything
And sing the final song
(I’m never ever wrong)
Bravo, Fred!
Well done, Fred Gardner! I’ll add one of my Trump poems from his first term. Weird to put it in a comment but you broke the ice!
I Want All the Foods
A poem inspired by my son Adrian, at the time very hungry, speaking sarcastically in a comic voice that was weirdly familiar…
ADRIAN:
I must eat!
I want all the foods…
We need bread…
Bread is to be bought…
ME:
Honey, I’m not buying bread!
I’m baking sourdough.
ADRIAN:
Bread is not to be made…
No one bakes…
Buying bread…
These things are done.
Only I can do it…
Only I can save you from bad bread…
You see the breads these days…
Coming out of the inner cities.
You eat that bread and you get shot.
Make bread great again.
No one respects bread more than I do…
But a bread that is dark rye is very hard to be a 10.
I am the least racist person you have ever met.
Believe me!
I have a great relationship with the bagels,
I like my bagels in the accounting department.
Tortillas are rapists…
And I assume some are good breads.
Unleavened breads. These are not real bread.
You know it’s true!
I have the best bread…
My bread is tremendous…
Only my bread is good.
The generals love my bread…
All the best people buy it…
I just reach in and grab a piece…
…a piece of bread.
I just start eating.
I don’t even wait.
When you’re a star they let you do anything.
All other breads are bad.
These are very bad breads.
They say I ate those breads…
Did you see that loaf??
I don’t think so.
That would not be my first choice.
I don’t care what dining room we’re in!
I will accept no slices…
…that are not Trump Bread.
Sponsored by: The Foundation to Grab Them By The Pussy
“Tortillas are rapists” — that made my day.
Go Tariffs, I want a bonus check