Bird’s Eye View (Apr 27, 2016)

by Turkey Vulture, April 27, 2016

Greetings one and all. Are you are sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin. What kind of new businesses do we need in AV? The answers are usually establishments such as a bank, a tasteful motel, a pharmacy, a dry cleaners, a bookstore, a carwash, a pizzeria, and my own personal choice, a lingerie shop. And in fact, from long-johns to lingerie, boxers to bras, the world’s largest museum exhibition of undergarments opens today at the Victoria & Albert Museum in London. Tracing the evolution of the most intimate attire from the 1750s onward, “Undressed: A Brief History of Underwear” uncovers even more than you might expect. Butt-lifters, crotch-enhancers and corsets tell the story of how natural assets have been coaxed into physical ideals, many of which have not changed much over time. The exhibition demonstrates the human appreciation for function, form and even fetish. It’s all very revealing and if anyone is planning a visit to England this summer I urge them to visit the exhibit, far more interesting than Buckingham Palace.

It is clearly a slow news week. So for your Quotes of the Week: “I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.” — Woody Allen. “Underwear makes me uncomfortable and besides my parts have to breathe.” — Jean Harlow. “This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.” — Rodney Dangerfield. “I don't always wear underwear. When I'm in the heat, especially, I can't wear it. Like, if I'm wearing a flower dress, why do I have to wear underwear?” — Naomi Campbell. “When my father came over here penniless with $100 sewn into his underwear, thank God some well-meaning liberal didn't come put his arm around him and say, ‘Let me take care of you.’.” — Ted Cruz. “You can tell a lot about a person from his underwear.” — Rachel Bilson. “Wearing underwear on the outside of your clothes can turn a tedious trip to the store for a forgotten carton of milk into an amusement park romp.” — Patch Adams. “I just happen to have one of those skill sets that allows me to work in my underwear.” — Garry Trudeau. “I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.” — Emo Philips. “From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.” — Bertolt Brecht. “Without editors planning assignments and copy editors fixing mistakes, journalists quickly deteriorate into underwear guys writing their columns from their den.” — George Vecsey. It’s as if he has been watching me!

Public Service Announcements. #487. The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital have one more visit this month to the AV Farm Supply on Highway 128, north of Philo. That’s tomorrow, Thursday, April 28. Next month, Thursday, May 19. #488. The 20th AV Beer Festival is this Saturday, April 30, from 1-6pm at The Fairgrounds in Boonville. Tickets are $45 prepaid or $60 on the day. Of course I shall be getting my usual $5 non-drinking ticket. #489. With a strange and, for many of us, unfortunate sense of timing, the very next morning, May 1 at 10am, it’s the 34th running of the Boontling Classic. The 5K (3-mile) race starts and finishes at the AV Elementary School and race day registration will begin at the School at 8.30am. Registration forms are available by calling or emailing race director Mike “Flick” McDonald at 707-621-2701 or flick@mcn.org. #490. The Mendocino Bookmobile returns to the Valley next Tuesday, May 3. They are here on alternate Tuesdays for 45 minutes at each of these places and times: Navarro Store 9am (30 minutes); the Floodgate 12.30pm; Philo 1.30pm; Boonville (Apple Hall) 2.30pm. Phone 463-4694 for further details. #491. The AV Museum is open every Saturday and Sunday, from 1-4pm in The Little Red Schoolhouse next to the Elementary School on AV Way, a perfect thing to do in the Valley when you have a couple of hours spare on a weekend afternoon. “The Best Little Museum in the West.”

Here is the menu for the Community lunches over the next week in the Senior Center at the Veterans Building in Boonville. $6 donation from seniors and $7 for Non-seniors. Tomorrow, Thursday, April 28, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at Noon, will be Pizza: Cheese, Pepperoni, & Veggie with Cookies and Cream Cake for dessert. Next Tuesday, May 3, the lunch will feature Meat Loaf and Mashed potatoes, with Birthday Cupcakes for dessert. All meals include vegetables, salad bar, and fruit, plus milk, coffee, tea, and lemonade. What a deal, maybe the best $7 you’ll spend all week! Tai Chi is now available every Tuesday from 10-11am, and Thursdays at the same time is the water color painting class, leading into yoga at 11am. Hopefully you will be able to attend some of these events and certainly the lunches and dinners. ALL ages welcome! Hope to see you there.

Topics and Valley events from The Three-Dot Lounge: “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (yet surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…High School Soccer Coach Steve Sparks reports back after his comments in last week’s column. “Following a confusing few days of decision-making regarding the significantly damaged high school soccer field, which was as a result of the strange mistake of deciding to mow the field when it was wet (and carried out with equipment unfamiliar to the user), the powers-that-be at the school managed to “do the right thing.” Instead of going with their initial idea of ripping the field up and re-seeding it, a process that would probably not have worked. certainly not in the timeframe required, they simply rolled it and rolled it as many folks had suggested. It worked and the field appears to have survived and should recover well. So the Junior High team can complete their season on a proper pitch; the High School team can practice in the summer and begin their fall season on a good field, along with the youth soccer program; and also, perhaps the adult soccer team can return to its home field, assuming the aforementioned powers-that-be and the team’s officials can reach an agreement on what is expected of the team so that its ban for fighting last year can be expunged. Soccer is once again alive and well in the Valley.”

…Along with several 3-Dot regulars, I enjoyed a few hours at The 2nd Annual AV Goat Festival held last Saturday afternoon among the redwoods at The Fairgrounds. Numbers were a little disappointing, about 200, but those in attendance were treated to a fine Goat Parade, won by Jiny Reynolds and her three goats from Redwood Valley; the Celebrity Goat-milking that was won by Fire Chief Andres Avila who narrowly beat out former Elementary School Principal Donna Pierson-Pugh and Captain “Nine Fingers” Rainbow; the Goat-calling, won by a youngster by the name of Garnet; and the excellent Birria competition (Mexican (Jalisco) spicy goat stew) which saw last year’s runner-up, The Redwood Drive-In, return to take the title this year. Well done to all those who made this event happen. We’ll do it again in 2017.

…Mendocino Crime Watch. A cement mixer collided with a prison van on Highway 101 near Hopland. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.

…A number of curmudgeonly Three-Dot regulars came up with some rarely followed advice that seem to have become less important for the younger generation to adhere to. Little children should be seen and not heard. Don’t do as I do, do as I say. Don’t eat with your mouth open. Don’t talk with your mouth full. Put your hand over your mouth when you cough. Say your “please” and “thank-yous.” No means No…

I’m outtahere. I’ve got see a man about a sheep. So “please take me drunk, I’m home.” Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; if you break a leg don’t come running to me; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; show love to your pets, they will be faithful and true to you to the last beat of their hearts, and please remember to keep your windows cracked if you leave them in your vehicle. May your god go with you. A final request, “Let us prey.” Sometimes poking, often stroking, but almost always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. Contact me through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture9@gmail.com. PS. Skylark, read any good books lately? Hi, Silver Swan, behaving yourself? Hopefully not! Everything cool with you, O.J.? Of course it is.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *