Maybe you’re hoping to get in on the Next Big Thing before it’s replaced by a later, newer trend that’s cooler and hotter.
Heard about Pickleball?
Pickleball is cutting edge, under the radar, ahead of the curve and it’s right here in Ukiah. And has been for about five years, but last time I was ahead of a curve I was in a ditch along Eastside Talmage Road. (NOTE: Sophisticated newcomers call it Olde Hopland Scenic River Boulevard Way).
Pickle ball has been sweeping the nation for many years but it took 40 of them to wash it upon the shores of Ukiah. (Hello,Calgary! You’re next!)
Pickle Ball is all about Baby Boomers, and that makes sense because Swine Generation has authored so much of the hip and hep through the years. Did you miss out on Cabbage Patch dolls, pet rocks, Harvey Wallbangers, Beanie Babies, disco music, bellbottoms, crock pots, Davy Crockett hats, macrame, methamphetamine and mood rings?
I yearn for new stuff like others yearn for dental surgery. Until recently I typed columns on an old Underwood manual typewriter, and yes I know “old” and “typewriter” is redundant. I had a flip phone until six months ago, and Trophy the wife has already promised me a CB radio for my birthday.
I discovered Pickle Ball when Sandy Mac Nab told me about it, several times, around 2018. Then a bunch more times in 2019 and 2020 and 2021 until I couldn’t take it anymore and moved to North Carolina where they haven’t invented Pickle Ball. Yet.
But don’t tell Sandy, an avant-garde trendsetter who’s always ahead of the pack when it comes to spotting and embracing the latest. To wit: Sandy owns a ruined Studebaker, wears wingtip shoes and watches old westerns on black-and-white TV.
If you’ve ever been bored to coma watching ping pong, then Pickle Ball is definitely something else you should ignore and I plan to, repeatedly.
Pickle Ball is like ping pong except the playing field is bigger and PB participants move around a little more. Very little more, but what can we expect from AARPsters who ought to be down in Florida showing off their shuffleboard skills, except shuffleboard is too exhausting. So, Pickleball.
But for action cats like me, who never abandoned our sunglasses, skateboards and backward ball caps, Pickleball is a bit s-s-l-l-o-o-o-w. Next to Pickle Ball, chess is a blur.
I’ve never seen a real Pickle Ball contest but I’ve heard a lot about the game (Thanks, Sandy!) and have an idea of what’s in store when you head over to the “court” where PBers will “volley” or “score” or “serve” and wheeze and moan and finally collapse because their rotator cuff exploded. Or oxygen mask slipped. Or forgot to eat a bottle of Advil before leaving home.
If you are considering taking up the sport of Pickle Ball I suggest you do it soon. Who knows the cost of outfitting oneself in proper PB gear, but like everything else the price is certain to increase.
Pickle Ballers don’t wear team jerseys, shoulder pads and cleats, but I’m sure that between custom rackets, special shoes, mouth guards, knee braces and Advil it all adds up.
Luckily, Mac Nab’s Menswear in downtown Ukiah has all your Pickle Ball (VOTE FOR GEORGE SANTOS) needs, including matching shirts, shorts, socks, sunglasses, sweatbands (VOTE FOR SANTOS!) and any other paraphernalia the modern day PB player needs.
The previous message was paid for by the Committee to Elect George Santos Second District Supervisor.
This has been a brief overview of Pickle Ball, and in no way is meant to minimize the dangers inherent in the game, including heat prostration, loss of dentures, acute embarrassment and liver failure due to over-consumption of Advil, Aleve, fentanyl, Tylenol and other pain relieving products.
Ask your doctor if Pickle Ball is right for you.
(Tom Hine and Tommy Wayne Kramer share DNA and chromosome stuff, but one has to do all the writing work and the other just hangs around. Right now they are either in North Carolina or California.)
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