MOST INEFFECTUAL PUBLIC BODY: Mendocino County Board of Supervisors for ignoring the will of the voters on almost every local ballot measure, and for providing zero leadership as Mendocino County goes slowly broke while providing unsupervised blank checks to outside County contractors, especially lawyers and architects.
PROFILE IN COURAGE: Congressman Jared Huffman for signing a Gaza ceasefire resolution then, the next day, reneging and apologizing to his millionaire funders for his “mistake.”
DEVOTED SON of the year with a family values cluster: Assemblyman James Wood for announcing he was leaving politics to care for his aged mother when, a week later, Wood was appointed to a state legislative sinecure.
LAWN GUY of the year, DA David Eyster with a RoundUp cluster for the only Ukiah lawn with no dandelions over a decade.
MOST PROMISING political newcomers, Carrie Shattuck, Adam Gaska, Jacob Brown.
HINDU OF THE YEAR. Craig Stehr.
SCAPEGOAT of the Year: Chamise Cubbison.
BEST SCHOOL SUPERINTENDENT in Mendocino County for raising Boonville’s perennially saggy educational scores while revitalizing all three local schools.
BEST COMMUNITY GUY AND GALS. Captain Rainbow, Val Hanelt, Karen Ottoboni, Saffron Fraser, DeAnn Wallace, Pilar Echeverria; Palma Toohey; Alicia Perez.
ALL-HOURS EMERGENCY HEROES AND HEROINES, the AV Ambulance Crew gets special kudos for turning out in all kinds of weather and at all hours to attend to all kinds of disasters.
RAGE MONKEY of the year: James Marmon, Lake County intellectual.
AHAB OF THE YEAR. Mike Geniella for his dogged pursuit of the truth in the Cubbison case.
MOST ACCESSIBLE PUBLIC SERVANT, Sheriff Matt Kendall who returns calls and does not hesitate to mix it up on-line or anywhere else where local police conduct is questioned. (Sorry to disappoint the Blue Meanie Brigades, but Mendo cops go about their difficult work efficiently and humanely.)
KIM IL SUNG history rewrite award: Name Change Fort Bragg.
MAZIE MALONE. Coolest Mendo name of the year, and coolest globally since Stella Dallas.
BUNCO VICTIMS OF THE YEAR. The voters of Mendocino County who voted for Measure B mental health services funding only to see the money spent on, like, whatever.
VICTIM OF DA SADISM of the year, the martyred Noble Waidelich, removed as Ukiah Police Chief on the basis of an allegation of sexual misconduct only to remain uncharged ever since. Ditto for Derek Hendry of the Willits PD.
ABOVE AND BEYOND FOR MENDO HISTORIANS AWARD: Brad Wiley, Katy Tahja, with matching appreciation for the Kelly House Museum in Mendocino, and Alyssa Ballard at the Held-Poage Library in Ukiah. Without them, Amnesia County, where history starts all over again every day and you are whatever you say you are, would have even less memory than it does.
GETTIN’ IT DONE AWARD: Jayma Shields of Laytonville for taking the initiative to serve snow-stranded motorists while the County withheld permission to break out emergency gear.
HAPPIEST COMMUNITY: ELK. Mike Koepf moved to Wyoming.
HIGH SCHOOL COACH of the year: John Toohey, Anderson Valley High School for taking a group of kids who’d never played football before and molding them into a small school powerhouse.
BEST RUN MENDO CITY of the year: Fort Bragg, Willits a strong second, Ukiah poised for receivership.
LEAST VISIBLE city official: Ukiah’s ‘Seldom Seen’ Sage Sangiacomo. When he’s in, he’s out, and when he’s out he’s in.
ARRESTEE OF THE YEAR. Sacto attorney Kelli Johnson who claimed to have been mistreated by deputies, then recreationally mistreated again by jail staff as deputy and jail videos showed her steadily mistreating deputies and jail staff.
SAVVIEST POLITICAL ENDORSEMENT of the year or any year. The unanimous endorsement of the feckless Trevor Mockel for supervisor by all five sitting supervisors.
HERE’S YOUR HAT AND WHAT’S YOUR HURRY. County Counsel Christian Curtis, the Professor Irwin Corey of Low Gap Road, has been hired by Redding to screw up its legal affairs.
ONGOING BOONDOGGLES of the decade, the first brought to us by the Superior Court of Mendocino County with a new County Courthouse no one but them wants; and, second, The Great Redwood Trail consisting of two miles of pavement running through Ukiah’s industrial wastelands culminating at the town’s waste treatment plant.
SPORTS HERO OF THE YEAR: Brock Purdy of the San Francisco Forty-Niners.
UNOFFICIAL MAYOR and daylight watchdog of the Anderson Valley, Jose ‘Lumpy’ Garcia.
MARIE ANTOINETTE AWARD IN PERPETUITY goes to the wineries of the Anderson Valley for unapologetically destroying the sleep of at least two thousand Valley residents every Spring for nights on end, their monarchical arrogance memorably expressed by Ted Bennett of the Navarro Winery, “My grapes are more important than your sleep.”
ETERNAL HOPE AWARDS: Bill Allen, car accident victim, and Scott Fraser, cancer casualty, to get all the way well.
BEST NATURAL WORLD COMEBACKS: Indian Creek Park and the Navarro Sand Bar.
SAD TO SEE GO: The Boonville Quiz and Hedgehog Books.
BEST NEW GATHERING PLACE: The Boonville Brewery.
MOST AMUSING YOUNG PERSON: Angus Fraser
LEAST AMUSING ADULTS: Tie between Joe Biden and Donald Trump.
MASS KILLERS OF THE YEAR: Biden, Putin, Netanyahu.
BEST NATURAL EVENT. Last January’s ‘Snowmaggedon.’
WEIRDEST CULT since Manson and Jim Jones: One Taste, the Philo orgasm tune-up shop.
DISAPPEARANCE OF THE YEAR: Former supervisor John McCowen, not seen or heard from since he left office without a single Whereas.
Spot on ! Matt is a fantastic sheriff. I worked for 5 and he matches or surpasses them all. Tim Shea is another excellent example.
MOST ACCESSIBLE PUBLIC SERVANT, Sheriff Matt Kendall who returns calls and does not hesitate to mix it up on-line or anywhere else where local police conduct is questioned. (Sorry to disappoint the Blue Meanie Brigades, but Mendo cops go about their difficult work efficiently and humanely.)