Mendocino County Today: Sunday, Nov. 5, 2023

Light Rain | Panther Victory | Candle Making | Ocean Waves | Music Series | Pet Tucker | Watershed Meeting | Lake Emily | Name-Change Meeting | Handkerchief Tree | Ed Notes | Pond Cabin | Drainage Debris | Peace Songs | Makinen Book | Fifth Bridge | Yesterday's Catch | Bacterial Lake | O Lord | Meet People | Doubly Taxed | Weekend Off | Couch Coyote | Huffsplaining | Smartphone Zombies | Gaza | Native Dispossession | Dug In | Senior Center | Ukraine | Nov 1932 | First Words | Short Windows | Marco Radio | One-Man Band | Traffic School | Crows | Historic Blunders | Pawnee Brothers

LIGHT RAIN continues at modest rates until intensifying this evening. Larger accumulations are expected in Del Norte with decreasing values towards the southern realm of the County Warning Area. Gusty southerly winds are also expected in Del Norte. Rain eases by Wednesday with skies clearing and milder weather. (NWS)

STEPHEN DUNLAP (Fort Bragg): A really warm 59F in drizzly conditions this fall back morning on the coast. Today & Monday are looking rainy then dry for almost 3 days. The unsettled pattern continues.

ANDERSON VALLEY football takes care of business in Potter Valley 57-30. The playoffs await - stay tuned.

— Coach John Toohey

FAMILY HOLIDAY CANDLE MAKING

Where: Anderson Valley Historical Museum, 12340 Highway 128, Boonville

The Museum is sponsoring Candle Making Events: Sunday November 5th 1-4 and Sunday November 26 1-4. Cookies and Cider will be served - Should be lots of fun!

Please join our Anderson Valley Museum - The Little Red Schoolhouse - for Holiday Candle Making. Bring the family and Make a lovely Holiday Candle. Folks can bring their own containers as long as they are small. Our contributors are providing two kind of wax for pouring and dipping. 

For more info contact: Jeffrey Pugh 707 489-4938

GABRIELA LENA FRANK

Hi everyone! After a long hiatus because of the pandemic, the newly renamed Boonville Music Series (formerly Bueno Yabbelow Music Series) is back! 

We will once again be in the Anderson Valley High School cafeteria with its amazingly good acoustics and have a full season of multi-aesthetic concerts with incredible artists. Tickets will be low-cost (sliding scale of $10-$15); 18 and under is free! 

The first concert of the season is coming right up: Thursday, November 9th at 6:30pm (doors open at 6pm) and will feature guitarist/composer Dustin Carlson who will perform original works for solo guitar including music composed specifically in homage to the Anderson Valley. Dustin’s music explores an interchange between the worlds of jazz, flamenco, and modern classical music. 

Dustin will also be joined by special guests percussionist/composer Shane Cook and AVHS senior Rye Baird-Green, vocalist. Both Dustin and Shane are currently artists-in-residence at the Gabriela Lena Frank Creative Academy of Music in Boonville and new music teachers at AVHS. 

All proceeds from concerts go directly to running the Boonville Music series, artists, and Anderson Valley music students learning event production. 

Date: Thursday, November 9th, 6:30pm (doors open at 6pm)

Location: Anderson Valley High School cafeteria

Tickets at door: $10-$15 sliding scale

UKIAH SHELTER PET OF THE WEEK

OMG, Tucker is SO SOOO adorable. Look at those soulful eyes! We’re guessing this dapper dude has some Basset Hound in his mix. Check out those shortish legs! Tucker adores people and appears playful with other dogs. We think Tucker will be your shelter gem adoptee! Tucker is 3 years old and 72 pounds.

For more about Tucker and all our adoptable dogs and cats, head to mendoanimalshelter.com. For information about adoptions, call 707-467-6453. 

Check out our Facebook Page and share our posts! And--if you’re looking for a puppy, the shelter is full of the cutest and sweetest pups. Click here

http://www.mendoanimalshelter.com/landingpage#/pups-young-dogs/ to see them all!

NAVARRO RIVER CLIMATE GOALS

Join the Resource Conservation District for a Community Meeting at the Anderson Valley Grange on Saturday November 11th 8:30-12:30 where they explore ways to weave climate ambitions into the Navarro River watershed.

Landowners, vineyard owners/managers, ranchers, and invested community members are encouraged to attend for inspiration and insights as to into how we can all participate in building climate resiliency in the watershed. You will expand your understanding of how the rich natural resources in the Navarro watershed provide opportunities for climate beneficial strategies that help store more carbon, reduce catastrophic wildfire, and contribute to healthier forests, range and agricultural lands, and developed areas as well. 

Presentations and topics covered: Restoring the watershed by increasing our understanding of Historical Ecology; Greenhouse Gas Accounting; Community based Stewardship Actions; and Ways to get involved.

Presented By: Mendocino County Resource Conservation District in partnership with Dogwood Springs Forestry, San Francisco Estuary Institute, Anderson Valley Land Trust, Anderson Valley Winegrowers Association and Anderson Valley Fire Department. Funding has generously been provided by the Environmental Defense Fund. 

For More Information Go To: https://mcrcd.org/

Hear/learn more about this project and the beginnings of a much longer and broader conversation.

A DOG WASHER, AN INDIAN, AND A YOGI WALK INTO TOWN HALL…

Change Our Name Teach-in will be on Tuesday, November 14 at 7:30 p.m

Change Our Name Fort Bragg will hold its next Teach-in on Tuesday, November 14 at 7:30 p.m. at Town Hall, 363 North Main Street, F.B.

Envisioned as a program to educate attendees about the issues involved in the name change and to hear neighbors’ ideas, the teach-in will last about one hour and will feature three speakers and a question and answer/discussion period.

Speakers will be: Evelyn Arce Erickson is a descendant of the Muisca people of Colombia and is founder and CEO of Indigenous Resilience Consulting, serving as a advisor to both donors and Indigenous communities.

Scott Green is a Health Educator, Adapted Physical Education Specialist, Certified Yoga Teacher, and is trained in MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction). Scott aspires to live in service of a sustainable loving relationship with his family, community, and our dynamic living Planet.

Adriana Narro is an At-Large member of the Board of Change Our Name Fort Bragg and owner of Atomic Dogs mobile dog grooming.

Discussing a controversial topic requires civility and respect for the opinions of others. This program is free and open to all. Please invite your friends to attend.

The venue for this program is significant as Town Hall holds a place at the center of political/community life in our city.

JEFF GOLL: More good, concise reporting on the County's government. You've got the proceedings in print for the record and for those that want to see, but there needs to be a county-wide citizen response. But football tomorrow. Photos for the AVA are enclosed.

ED NOTES

THE CHRON ran an unusually silly piece a couple of weeks ago about how coyotes have been spotted in Marin County parks, greatly alarming the dog people. The story was illustrated by a large photo of a matronly anthropomorph throwing a stick into a stream-fed pond for her medium-size dog to retrieve. A clear-thinking man named Christopher Panton wrote in to complain: “A dog owner throwing sticks into a stream for her blundering dog is just the kind of beneficial stimulus that our precious wildlife habitats need. The scene epitomizes the fact that ‘urban park’ is a classic oxymoron. There is no way we can encourage this type of irresponsible behavior and expect wildlife to thrive. As for the coyotes, if they can pick off free-running dogs in these so-called natural areas, then more power to them. And if coyotes can also take down the occasional mountain biker, then statues celebrating this resourceful canine should be erected all over the state!”

WHEN I had the energy, I used to run for elected office simply to get a few rhetorical shots in at what I and my fellow ten percenters regarded and still regard as The Enemy. I ran for the local school board a number of times, each time making what my mother was kind enough to describe as a “respectable showing.” 

WAY BACK, I was actually elected to the Boonville school board when a drop-fall drunk by the name of Peterson was installed as superintendent although he had turned up loaded for his interview, a fact noted by yours truly and Joan Burroughs. We were nevertheless outvoted 3-2 by our fellow trustees who thought it was impossible that a professional “educator” could be so heedless of the impression he made that he'd turn up staggeringly loaded for a job interview.

THIS WAS YEARS before a couple of professional educators at the County Office of Education were packed off to jail for making pornographic films starring Ukiah teenagers, and the Superintendent of Schools himself did some county time for various forms of theft and credit card fraud. Among other thrilling crimes, he ordered a full-sized printing press for the school district’s print shop from his brother in the midwest, paying top dollar, of course.

ANYWAY, the drunk was placed in charge of Anderson Valley’s tiny contribution to Our Nation’s Future. I felt kinda sorry for the guy, frankly, but as one of five persons responsible for the local educational mission it didn't seem “appropriate,” as the liberals deem everything from mass murder to bad table manners, that the school system should be funding the guy in charge while he drank himself to death.

OUR BESOTTED LEADER passed most of his work hours locked in his office at the high school pounding down fifths of whiskey, a fact soon noted by the student body. 

THE DRUNK'S masochistic wife had quickly ingratiated herself with the local power structure — the Methodists — and even the sot pulled himself together to attend weekly services, probably sending silent but fervent prayers to Bacchus to keep the booze flowing, as the rest of the congregation embraced his suffering wife and their slippery Methodism. 

I IMMEDIATELY clashed with the drunk and the teachers who were the kind of people who would support Charles Manson in the top spot so long as he didn’t interfere with them. The faculty backed the drunk although he was oblivious to the local educational mission while an exasperated Lovella Sand, the school secretary, valiantly ran the district in lieu of the superintendent. 

THE SUPER and his missus had no trouble convincing the Methodists that I was a dangerous bolshevik, not permitting me to explain that I was to the left of most communists but had always admired John Wesley. 

THE TEACHERS, organized by a pudgy hysteric called Mr. Burble Gurble, joined the Methodists for a recall election and my fling with public office was over. I’d lasted about six months. The charge against me was “negativity.” 

SOON AFTER my removal from one-fifth elected responsibility for the Boonville schools, there was a student uprising during which a number of teen insurgents climbed onto the roof of the high school from where they sprayed their classmates with water hoses through the ceiling vents as their ground floor peers, all male, ran the school’s single hallway merrily thumbing their noses at the teachers vainly attempting to restore order. An alarmed school person called me to come to the campus to help restore order. “I'm busy. Sorry, good luck.” 

THE SUPERINTENDENT was of course passed out behind the locked door of his office, most of the teachers had fled, although a student told me two of them were “making out behind the gym,” which was entirely likely at the time as all manner of untoward on-campus occurrences were routine at Boonville Disunified in the early 1970s. 

 A POSSE of administrators had to be summoned from their day beds at the County Office at Talmage to take charge of the Boonville premises. 

DURING these uproarious days a large segment of the county's residents were still in their hippie phase, which partly explains why for years I had a very difficult time keeping a straight face in the presence of Mendo authority, one of whom mooned me, inadvertently but memorably. She of course went on to become a local school board trustee, proceeding from there to a lush career in school administration. 

LIFE went on, as did our schools where, today, we seem to have lucked into what has to be one of the most capable, if not the most capable, school superintendents in the state. I have to wonder how much of this tumultuous history she knows, or cares to know. Mr. Burble Gurble is still around. I'm sure he'd argue with most of it.

BILL FROHLICH:

Obscure and otherwise inaccessible on private property. Here by permission. The cabin & pond have been upgraded, but both pre-existed the current family’s purchase circa 1900. Also an apple orchard that was there at the time the cabin was purchased. This is off Tomki Road in Redwood Valley. Tomki Road started as a stage coach road, later became THE county road between Ukiah and Willits (until the construction of Hwy 101). Past about here, Tomki Road is still a county road but is not maintained including the 5 stream fords.

DRAINAGE, continued…

Ted Williams: Randy, Please confirm my understanding: if the grated inlet on Gualala Court is not blocked, no problem, but annually, it's blocked with sand, forest debris and trash and when the block is removed, you sustain damage from the volume of water?

Randy Burke: Thank you Ted. Your understanding of the situation is correct: when the grate is blocked a large pool of water develops in the low-lying part of the Gualala Court and upon removal of the blockage, the trapped water (estimated at 500 gallons) all at once is released in such a velocity and amount, it overwhelms the downstream drainage improvements on receiving properties. Additionally, the resulting debris travels through my property and ends up in the road culverts on Old Stage Road and as such the debris blocks the downstream roadway culverts on several occasions over the years.

SARAH SONGBIRD

PEACE. It’s on my mind a lot lately. How ‘bout you?

I am envisioning sharing my thoughts of peace on the airwaves at KZYX this week for my monthly Americana show on Tuesday Nov 7th. Can you help? I’m looking for songs about peace to include in my show. I’m especially seeking songs by contemporary folk/Americana artists and, as always, I’d like to feature as many women artists as possible. I’m also open to hearing about any songs about/for peace, even if they don’t fit that criteria.

Do you know of any such songs? Please send ‘em my way in the comments or shoot me a DM. Thanks friends!

A FORMER PUNK AND HINDU MONK Releases a Memoir Exposing the Troubles and Triumphs of a Life Dedicated to Internal Growth.

Philo — How is it possible that we live in an era of unprecedented prosperity and human advancement, yet severe depression, anxiety, loneliness, and suicidal ideation have skyrocketed? Drawing from two decades of spiritual dedication, Makinen argues in his *The Recovering Materialist: From a Nordic Hardcore Punk to a Hindu Monk in California* that humans need wisdom and purpose just as much as they require food and shelter. We are meaning-seeking creatures, and our spirits become malnourished without it.

This modern form of malnutrition was what led Makinen on his quest for spiritual connection. After spending his youth in the Finnish hardcore punk scene, screaming out his discontent and desperately looking for a purpose, he met a Hindu monk in his best friend’s living room. The monk embodied everything Makinen wanted to be, and so he left his family, friends, fiance, and band to follow this monastic to his ashram in Northern California.

However, Makinen’s ideals weren’t so easy to actualize. By living off-the-grid in the redwoods, taking care of gardens and cows, and fully dedicating himself to spiritual practice, all of Makinen’s dreams were supposed to be fulfilled, yet he was sick with grief. Instead of serenity and connection, he experienced soul-crushing withdrawals from his old life. A constant question haunted his mind: would it be better to go back and take baby steps, or stick to the monastic path and accept the agony borne of rapid internal growth?

The Recovering Materialist is a story of personal transformation, resilience, and the realization that the most important things in life are worth risking everything for.

“Apart from being an addictive read, [The Recovering Materialist] doubles as a source of inspiration for separating from the herd and asking key questions about your direction in life…

If you've ever questioned the path that was assigned to you by society, you should read this book.

Readers’ Favorite (five-star review)

Title: The Recovering Materialist

Subtitle: From a Nordic Hardcore Punk to a Hindu Monk in California

Imprint: Opium of the Masses

On sale: November 7, 2023

Price: $14.99

Pages: 200

ISBN: 9798988043904

Bio:

Born and raised in Finland, Tuomas Makinen resides at Audarya ashram in the tranquil redwoods of Mendocino County, California. He has devoted the past two decades of his life to spiritual pursuit, both inside and outside the ashram. When not writing, Tuomas draws comics, shovels cow dung, works for the Darshan Press publishing house, and does mantra meditation.

Contact:

For review copies, contact the author.

Please contact the author for a story in your publication or a review copy of the book.

ON THIS DAY IN MENDOCINO HISTORY…

November 4, 1961 - The fifth Big River Bridge officially opened with a dedication ceremony. The bridge had already been in use for two weeks so that workmen could begin demolishing the old bridge which had been in service since 1924. Unlike previous Big River bridges, the new bridge was elevated with a 47-foot clearance above the water, while the approaches to the earlier bridges were on the flat.

The bridge dedication was sponsored by the Mendocino Lions Club and took place in the afternoon at the north bridgehead. Ted Watkins, the president of the club, extended a warm welcome, and William B. Larkin served as master of ceremonies. George Thompson, chairman of the dedication committee, was assisted by his fellow club members Floyd Strelow, Reo Strelow, Robert Graham, and Glen Walbridge.

John H. Philbrick, chairman of the county planning commission, sketched in for his listeners a brief history of bridges and transportation across Big River, from the days of the ferry in the 1850s and the early 1860s to the first bridge built across Big River in 1864 by William H. Kent. This bridge operated as a toll bridge under the management of the firm of Coombs, Stickney, and Perkins. Philbrick’s father, a Civil War veteran, arrived in Mendocino in 1866, worked at the mill for 12 hours during the day, and served as toll taker at night.

Tolls at the time were 50 cents for a 6-horse team and driver, 15 cents for a single horse and rider, 5 cents for each head of cattle, and 2 cents for each sheep. In 1878, the County bought the toll bridge for $3,500, and crossing Big River Bridge became free.

By 1882, the first bridge was deemed unsafe, and the board of supervisors awarded Pacific Bridge Company a $4,949 contract to build a new bridge. By 1899, this bridge was so weak that heavy cargo could not be hauled across safely.

The third Big River Bridge opened in August 1899 at a cost of $7,793. This bridge was plagued with problems: severe storms often washed away its foundation, part of the bridge dropped into the river during the 1906 earthquake, and a heavy tractor fell through the bridge and landed on the beach in 1921. A new bridge was constructed in 1924 to replace that trouble-prone structure.

By the late 1950s, the fourth bridge was in need of repairs and considered too narrow for modern traffic. Plans were made for a new Big River Bridge as part of the realignment of State Highway 1 along the coast. Construction of the fifth bridge, which is still in use in 2023, began in the summer of 1960.

Celebrate the 50th Anniversary of Mendocino Historical Research Inc., aka Kelley House Museum.

CATCH OF THE DAY, Saturday, November 4, 2023

RODOLFO ARAZATE-PALACIOS, Ukiah. DUI.

STEVEN BECKWITH-ROBINSON, Ukiah. Taking vehicle without owner’s permission, attempt to keep stolen property, no license.

SHANE BILL, Cloverdale/Ukiah. Domestic battery, protective order violation, probation revocation.

MARCOS BUENROSTRO-CORONA, Ukiah. DUI, metal knuckles, controlled substance.

JUSTIN LOUDERMILK, Clearlake/Ukiah. False personation of another.

BRANDON MCLAUGHLIN, Fort Bragg. DUI.

NATHAN MOORE, Ukiah. County parole violation, resisting.

CHELLSEA NIETERS, Ukiah. Domestic battery.

ENRIQUE NUNEZ-DAVILA, Covelo. Failure to appear, probation revocation.

RONNIE PASCHAL, Willits. Domestic abuse.

FRANKLIN PATTY, Ukiah. Concealed dirk-dagger, saps or similar weapons, controlled substance, paraphernalia.

NICOLE VARGAS-GUTIERREZ, Healdsburg/Ukiah. DUI.

DEFINITIVE REPORT on "historic and recent trends of cyanobacterial harmful algal blooms and environmental conditions in Clear Lake, CA: A 70-year perspective"

Local Lake County scientists who participated in this study include Sarah Ryan and John Gichuki, of the Big Valley Rancheria environmental and emergency management department, and Karola Kennedy, formerly of the Elem and Robinson Rancheria environmental departments.

Published on November 3, 2023, in Elementa: Science of the Athropocene (University of California Press): https://online.ucpress.edu/elementa/article/11/1/00115/197668/Historic-and-recent-trends-of-cyanobacterial

Historic and recent trends of cyanobacterial harmful algal blooms and environmental conditions in Clear Lake, California: A 70-year perspective online.ucpress.edu

ON LINE COMMENT OF THE DAY

Used to be that both coaches joined with their players in a group prayer before the game: “Keep us safe, O Lord, and give us victory!” Poor God, He’s gonna have to piss off half his supporters no matter what decision he reaches.

DOUBLY TAXED

Editor: 

Can anyone explain why Social Security benefits are taxed? I am confused. I already paid taxes, including Social Security and Medicare taxes, on my income for 50 years. The income amount they are using now to tax my Social Security has not been updated or indexed for inflation.

I can’t imagine that anyone believes that having up to $34,000 in income annually (before taxes) is considered “substantial,” as listed on the Social Security website. The amount that you have to post on your taxes as income includes the gross Social Security payment and does not take into consideration the amount that is deducted every month for Medicare premiums.

I don’t want any cost of living increases to my Social Security payment because then I have to pay even more federal income taxes. These taxes go into the general fund and do not go back into funding Social Security. Please, can anyone out there explain this? Because it seems punitive to me.

D.S. Cassidy

Windsor

NORMAN DEVALL: I'm sure I'm not alone in trying to reach the Whitehouse to request support for a cease fire...only to find out they've taken the weekend off (202-456-1111) nor can I leave a message.

HUFF GOES DEEP

As the tragic conflict in the Middle East evolves, I want to stay in touch with you about the situation and my votes in the House of Representatives, especially since some of the items I am voting on are infused with political agendas and often accompanied by misinformation. 

While there is complexity, nuance, and room for debate on many aspects of Israel-Palestinian relations, I believe it is critical to have factual and moral clarity on Hamas, a brutal terrorist group whose longstanding goal is not only elimination of Israel but also the killing of Jews around the world. What Hamas did in savagely attacking and killing more than 1,400 innocent Israelis (including helpless families and children) was a terrorist act and an atrocity that cannot be justified or rationalized. This attack is what ignited the current conflict and exposed over a million innocent Palestinians to grave harm and a worsening humanitarian crisis. 

In the days since the October 7th attack, I have consistently affirmed the United States support for Israel’s right to respond militarily against Hamas, while also emphasizing that all efforts must be made to protect innocent Palestinian civilians, secure the release of hostages, and deliver urgent humanitarian aid. I believe the Biden administration – in both the tone it has struck and the substantive positions it has taken on these matters – has gotten it right. I specifically appreciate the President’s recent call for a humanitarian pause in hostilities, for which I have also been advocating. 

As these events continue to unfold, we are seeing a surge in both antisemitism and Islamophobia in the United States, including hate crimes. Whether it is physical assaults, vandalism, intimidation, or incitement, I have always condemned such vile hatefulness and I will continue to do so. How we confront this scourge matters. I believe it is important to acknowledge that hateful threats and incidents are causing fear and harm in both Jewish and Muslim communities. Focusing our outrage on just one of these communities to the exclusion of the other could be perceived as indifference or worse, which could inflame a combustible situation. 

Unfortunately, instead of passing thoughtful and constructive measures to respond to the complex issues, House Republicans have chosen to play politics and stoke division. Many of their bills and resolutions contain poison pill language and substantive problems that could have been resolved if they had simply worked in good faith with Democrats. In some cases, what their bills actually do bears little resemblance to what they purport to do. Because there is so much more than meets the eye – and certainly more than some media outlets chose to cover – I am writing to clarify and set the record straight on several recent votes. 

Emergency Military Support for Israel: 

I joined most Democrats in voting against H.R. 6126, the GOP’s emergency supplemental spending proposal, because it focuses only on military aid for Israel while conditioning that aid (for the first time our long history of supporting Israel) on a gimmicky partisan proposal to shield wealthy taxpayers from audits by cutting funding to the IRS. There’s a reason why both the Senate and the Biden administration pronounced this bill a nonstarter: it ignores other urgent national security needs, including assistance to Ukraine in that country’s existential defense against Russia’s invasion; and it leaves out any humanitarian assistance to innocent people in Gaza who desperately need food, water, medicine and other support. While I have a long history of supporting foreign assistance to Israel, I cannot go along with efforts to terminate military support for our Ukrainian allies at this critical moment, and I cannot ignore the urgent humanitarian needs in Gaza. Thankfully, a responsible, comprehensive emergency funding bill will soon pass the Senate. I look forward to supporting that bipartisan legislation and call on my Republican colleagues to stop playing political games with these vital issues and bring the Senate bill to a vote in the House. 

Condemning and Sanctioning Hamas: 

Some in the media have suggested that H.R. 340, the Hamas International Financing Prevention Act, was a litmus test for whether members of Congress support or oppose Hamas. This bill, and my vote against it, are anything but that. I've been as clear as anyone in Congress about Hamas’ terrorist identity and its culpability for the current conflict in Gaza, in addition to supporting Israel's right and obligation to defend itself against Hamas. Unfortunately, while focusing on doing more to cut off financing of Hamas, the author of this bill chose to specifically remove a provision to ensure humanitarian aid reaches innocent Palestinian civilians. This deliberate omission became even more glaring when the author argued on the House floor that essentially there are no innocent Palestinians and likened them to Nazi citizens during WWII who deserved to be punished. Because the bill tries to choke off humanitarian aid to innocent civilians, I could not support it even though I do support tightening of sanctions against Hamas.

Any question about where I stand on Hamas and sanctions is answered by my cosponsorship and vote for H.Res. 771, a bipartisan resolution that passed the House last week. That legislation clearly condemns Hamas as a terrorist group, expresses strong support for Israel as it defends itself against Hamas, and further calls for the increasing sanctions on Hamas.

Condemning Antisemitism:

Antisemitism is a growing problem not just on liberal college campuses as the rightwing media constantly discusses, but in many other places including rural and urban communities around the country and the extreme fringes of some conservative and liberal political groups. So is Islamophobia. Unfortunately, the GOP’s H. Res. 798 ignores these realities and suggests the problem is about liberal college campuses. Moreover, the resolution inaccurately describes several incidents as having been ignored or condoned by colleges (e.g., Brandeis) when in fact these colleges did seriously confront the incidents. And it is silent on Islamophobia even as the Council on American Islamic Relations reports a spike in problematic incidents. The misleading characterizations and incomplete narrative in this resolution is why the progressive pro-Israel group J-Street opposed it, and why I voted against it, as well. Let me be clear: antisemitism has no place in America. It is a problem on many college campuses – but also in other parts of our country. The same can and should be said of Islamophobia.

Sanctioning and Preventing Iran from Acquiring Nuclear Weapons:

H.Res. 559 was tantamount to a preemptive authorization of military force against Iran at a time when de-escalation is urgently needed. It falsely implied the Biden administration was not working to prevent nuclear weapons in Iran. I strongly supported the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA) which did prevent Iran from having nuclear weapons and which Trump unfortunately rescinded. This resolution also had the potential to encourage reckless Israeli strikes on Iranian nuclear facilities that go beyond the wishes of U.S. officials and provoke broader conflict

Finally, H.R. 3774 was a partisan Republican bill entitled the “Stop Harboring Iranian Petroleum (SHIP) Act of 2023. The bill mandates sanctions on any shipping company that uses a port or refinery that has serviced an Iranian tanker to that entity. If this bill were enacted, U.S. companies would be prohibited from doing any business, including transferring goods, at many of the world’s biggest ports, including in some of our largest allies and economic partners. It would disrupt global trade, supply chains, and damage our relations with important allies and partners. This poorly drafted bill overreaches to the point of having extreme unintended economic and geopolitical consequences, and would do nothing to stop Hamas or hold it accountable for the October 7th attack on Israel.

I hope this information clarifies my positions and the reasons for my votes. I also hope it sheds some light on how Congress and others can engage constructively and responsibly on these complex matters. The people of California’s 2nd District are the most important voices I listen to while serving in Congress. Please do not hesitate to contact my office if I can be of assistance to you in the future.

Jared Huffman

Member of Congress

US AND ARAB PARTNERS DISAGREE ON THE NEED FOR A CEASE-FIRE As Israeli Airstrikes Kill More Civilians

by Najib Jobain, Bassem Mroue & Cara Anna

RAFAH, Gaza Strip— The United States and Arab partners disagreed Saturday on the need for an immediate cease-fire in the Gaza Strip as Israeli military strikes killed civilians at a U.N. shelter and a hospital, and Israel said the besieged enclave’s Hamas rulers were “encountering the full force” of its troops.

Large columns of smoke rose as Israel’s military said it had encircled Gaza City, the target of its offensive to crush Hamas. The Gaza Health Ministry has said more than 9,400 Palestinians have been killed in the territory in nearly a month of war, and that number is likely to rise as the assault continues.

“Anyone in Gaza City is risking their life," Israel’s Minister of Defense Yoav Gallant said.

U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken met with Arab foreign ministers in Jordan a day after talks in Israel with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who insisted there could be no temporary cease-fire until all hostages held by Hamas are released.

Jordan’s Foreign Minister Ayman Safadi said Arab countries want an immediate cease-fire, saying “the whole region is sinking in a sea of hatred that will define generations to come.”

Blinken, however, said “it is our view now that a cease-fire would simply leave Hamas in place, able to regroup and repeat what it did on Oct. 7.” He said humanitarian pauses can be critical in protecting civilians, getting aid in and getting foreign nationals out, "while still enabling Israel to achieve its objective, the defeat of Hamas.”

Senior Hamas official Osama Hamdan told reporters in Beirut that Blinken “should stop the aggression and should not come up with ideas that cannot be implemented.” The spokesman of the Hamas military wing, who goes by Abu Obeida, said in a speech that fighters had destroyed 24 Israeli vehicles and inflicted casualties in the past two days.

Egyptian officials said they and Qatar were proposing humanitarian pauses for six to 12 hours daily to allow aid in and casualties to be evacuated. They were also asking for Israel to release a number of women and elderly prisoners in exchange for hostages held by Hamas, suggestions Israel seemed unlikely to accept. They spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to brief the press on the discussions.

Israel has repeatedly demanded that northern Gaza’s 1.1 million residents flee south, and on Saturday it offered a three-hour window for residents to do so. An AP journalist on the road, however, saw nobody coming. The head of the government media office in Gaza, Salama Maarouf, said no one went south because the Israeli military had damaged the road.

But Israel asserted that Hamas “exploited” the window to move south and attack its forces. There was no immediate Hamas comment on that claim, which was impossible to verify.

Some Palestinians said they didn’t flee because they feared Israeli bombardment.

“We don’t trust them,” said Mohamed Abed, who sheltered with his wife and children on the grounds of Shifa hospital, one of thousands of Palestinians seeking safety at medical centers in the north.

Swaths of residential neighborhoods in northern Gaza have been leveled in airstrikes. U.N. monitors say more than half of northern Gaza’s remaining residents, estimated at around 300,000, are sheltering in U.N.-run facilities. But deadly Israeli strikes have also repeatedly hit and damaged those shelters. The U.N. agency for Palestinian refugees has said it has lost contact with many in the north.

On Saturday, two strikes hit a U.N. school-turned-shelter housing thousands just north of Gaza City, killing several people in tents in the schoolyard and women who were baking bread inside the building, according to the U.N. agency. Initial reports indicated that 20 people were killed, said spokeswoman Juliette Touma. The health ministry in Gaza said 15 people were killed at the school and another 70 wounded.

Also Saturday, two people were killed in a strike by the gate of Nasser Hospital in Gaza City, according to Medhat Abbas, health ministry spokesman. And a strike hit near the entrance to the emergency ward of Al-Quds Hospital in Gaza City, injuring at least 21, the Palestinian Red Crescent said.

The World Health Organization called attacks on health care in Gaza “unacceptable.”

Also hit was the family home of Hamas’ exiled leader Ismail Haniyeh in the Shati refugee camp on the northern edge of Gaza City, according to the Hamas-run media office in Gaza. It had no immediate details on damage or casualties.

Israel has continued bombing in the south, saying it is striking Hamas targets.

An airstrike early Saturday destroyed the home of a family in the southern town of Khan Younis, with first responders pulling three bodies and six injured people from the rubble. Among those killed was a child, according to an Associated Press cameraman at the scene.

“The sound of explosions never stops,” said Raed Mattar, a resident who was sheltering in a school in Khan Younis after fleeing the north.

At least 1,115 Palestinian dual nationals and wounded have exited Gaza into Egypt, but on Saturday authorities in Gaza didn’t allow foreign passport holders to leave because Israel was preventing the evacuation of Palestinian patients for treatment in Egypt, said Wael Abu Omar, a spokesman for the Palestinian Crossings Authority.

The U.N. said about 1.5 million people in Gaza, or 70% of the population, have fled their homes.

Food, water and the fuel needed for generators that power hospitals and other facilities is running out.

Anger over the war and civilian deaths in Gaza sparked large demonstrations in Paris, Washington, London, Pakistan and elsewhere on Saturday. “Against apartheid, free Palestinians,” a banner in Rome read.

Turkey said it was recalling its ambassador to Israel for consultations, and Turkish media reported that President Recep Tayyip Erdogan said he could no longer speak to Netanyahu in light of the bombardment.

Thousands of Israelis protested outside Netanyahu’s official residence in Jerusalem, urging him to resign and calling for the return of roughly 240 hostages held by Hamas. Netanyahu has refused to take responsibility for the Oct. 7 attack in southern Israel that killed more than 1,400 people.

"I find it difficult to understand why trucks with humanitarian aid are going to monsters,” said Ella Ben Ami, whose parents were abducted. She called for aid to be halted until the hostages are released.

Fears continued of a new front opening along Israel's border with Lebanon. The Israeli military said it had struck militant cells in Lebanon trying to fire at Israel, as well as an observation post for Hezbollah, an ally of Hamas. Throughout the war, Israel and Hezbollah have traded fire almost daily along the border.

“We are not interested in a northern front, but we are prepared for any task,” Gallant, Israel's defense minister, said after touring the northern border. He said the Air Force is "preserving most of its might for the Lebanon front,” according to a video statement released by his office Saturday.

Among the Palestinians killed in Gaza are more than 3,900 Palestinian children, the Gaza Health Ministry said, without providing a breakdown of civilians and fighters.

The Israeli military confirmed that four more soldiers have died during the Gaza ground operation, bringing the death toll to 28.

(AP)

OBAMA AGAIN REFUSES TO PICK A SIDE: Ex-president Barack condemns the ‘horrific’ actions of Hamas terrorists… but says Israel attacks on Palestinians are ‘unbearable.’

ED NOTE: Good for Obama. He's exactly correct, and should not be condemned by the Magas for saying what millions of Americans are thinking.

* * *

OBAMA URGES AMERICANS TO TAKE IN ‘WHOLE TRUTH’ OF ISRAEL-GAZA WAR

The former president said everyone was “complicit to some degree” in the current bloodshed and acknowledged the points of view on both sides of the conflict.

by Lisa Larer

Barack Obama offered a complex analysis of the conflict between Israel and Gaza, telling thousands of former aides that they were all “complicit to some degree” in the current bloodshed.

“I look at this, and I think back, ‘What could I have done during my presidency to move this forward, as hard as I tried?’ ” he said in an interview conducted by his former staffers for their podcast, Pod Save America. “But there’s a part of me that’s still saying, ‘Well, was there something else I could have done?’ ”

Mr. Obama entered the White House convinced he could be the president who would resolve the decades-old conflict between Israelis and Palestinians. He left office after years of friction and mistrust with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel, who was frustrated by the president’s masterminding of the Iran nuclear deal and by his demands that Israel suspend new settlements.

In his comments on Friday, delivered at a gathering of his former staff in Chicago, Mr. Obama acknowledged the strong emotions the war had raised, saying that “this is century-old stuff that’s coming to the fore.” He blamed social media for amplifying the divisions and reducing a thorny international dispute to what he viewed as sloganeering.

Yet he urged his former aides to “take in the whole truth,” seemingly attempting to strike a balance between the killings on both sides.

“What Hamas did was horrific, and there’s no justification for it,” Mr. Obama said. “And what is also true is that the occupation and what’s happening to Palestinians is unbearable.”

He continued: “And what is also true is that there is a history of the Jewish people that may be dismissed unless your grandparents or your great-grandparents, or your uncle or your aunt tell you stories about the madness of antisemitism. And what is true is that there are people right now who are dying, who have nothing to do with what Hamas did.”

Still, Mr. Obama appeared to acknowledge the limits of his musings about bridging divides and embracing complexity.

“Even what I just said, which sounds very persuasive, still doesn’t answer the fact of, all right, how do we prevent kids from being killed today?” he said. “But the problem is that if you are dug in on that, well, the other side is dug in remembering the videos that Hamas took or what they did on the 7th, and they’re dug in, too, which means we will not stop those kids from dying.” 

— NYT

UKRAINE, SATURDAY, 4TH NOVEMBER

President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has denied that Ukraine’s war with Russia had reached a “stalemate”, pushing back at suggestions Western leaders were lobbying for peace talks.

The sprawling front line between the two warring sides has barely moved in almost a year, with one senior Ukrainian official warning this week that the conflict was deadlocked.

“Time has passed, people are tired … But this is not a stalemate,” Zelenskyy told a news conference on Saturday in Kyiv with European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen.

The Ukrainian leader also rejected the idea that Western countries were putting pressure on Kyiv to enter negotiations with Russia, amid reports US and EU officials had discussed what such talks would entail.

“No one among our partners is pressuring us to sit down with Russia, talk to it, and give it something,” he said.

Such pressure existed before Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine in February 2022 and at the beginning of the fighting, but “today, none of the EU leaders or the US are putting pressure on me to sit down with Russia, negotiate and give Russia anything. There will be no such thing,” he added.

Zelenskyy expressed irritation at media reports about pressure to negotiate, saying he had no idea where those claims came from. At the same time, he emphasised that he would always act in accordance with the will of the Ukrainian people.

With the war now in its 20th month and Ukraine struggling to gain ground in its counteroffensive, Zelenskyy has routinely met Western leaders in a bid to stave off fatigue with the conflict.

Zelenskyy said the war between Israel and Hamas had also drawn attention away from Ukraine, and said that this was “Russia’s goal”.

“Of course, it’s clear that the war in the Middle East, this conflict, is taking away the focus,” Zelenskyy said.

A HAIRY TALE

by Louise Mariana

Irene sat in the chair at her hairdressers. She was getting a perm so she'd look good for her upcoming 75th birthday celebration. She was deep into gossip with Marge, the salon's owner, when, in mid-sentence, Irene slumped in the chair and fell forward. Marge knew what to do. Call 911 has been so ingrained into our brains that Marge knew instantly to call 911. Luckily, the salon was only 5 blocks from the hospital so the EMTs arrived within 3 minutes. Irene had a cardiac arrest. The EMTs started CPR and brought her to the E.R. in full arrest mode. The E.R. team had been alerted so we were ready and waiting for her arrival. The EKG showed a flat line. She had already been intubated so we could maintain her airway and get that precious oxygen into her system.

Because Irene had no cardiac electrical activity, we shocked her. Nothing happened.

We shocked her again. We saw a blip on the monitor, then that flat line appeared again. We increased the joules (the intensity of the electric current) and shocked her again. She couldn't maintain any electrical rhythm although her heart sure was trying.

We eventually had to shock her eight times. The room smelled like bacon. Her chest was scorched, but she finally maintained a rhythm and we pronounced our code blue a success, temporarily at least.

Off she went to the ICU, still intubated, where attentive nurses watched her throughout the night and into the next morning. Her heart was maintaining a normal rhythm, quite - an accomplishment actually, since fewer than 3% of those who “code” survive the event. The doctors believed she could be safely extubated.

Several staff gathered around her bed for this moment of truth. Would she breathe on her own? The balloon on the tube cuff was deflated, the tube was slowly withdrawn from her trachea, and we hoped and prayed she wouldn't have a laryngospasm necessitating the re-entry of the tube. She did not. She opened her eyes, looked up at all of us, and said, “How does my hair look?”

MEMO OF THE AIR: Uqumangirniq.

Here's the recording of last night's (Friday 2023-11-03) eight-hour-long Memo of the Air: Good Night Radio show on 107.7fm KNYO-LP Fort Bragg (CA) and KNYO.org: https://tinyurl.com/KNYO-MOTA-0565

I'm happy to read your writing on the radio. Just email it to me and that's all you have to do.

Besides all that, at https://MemoOfTheAir.wordpress.com you'll find a fresh batch of dozens of links to worthwhile items I set aside for you while gathering the show together, such as:

Not merely a no-moving-parts ionic thruster, but a wing made out of several of them. He never mentions what this smells like, which is probably because of stunning his nose from the ozone. The whole high-voltage experimentation years of my life smell like that in memory: first, wonderful ozone, then not so much, though of course it's still there. Real future airplanes might run on this principle, and that might be good for the atmosphere, orchids, and people at the beach, if the planes are high enough. Now I want to see an /ironic/ thruster. What would that be like? I'll ask ChatGPT. See below.*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lDSSgHG4q0

Fascinating article about aphantasia. I don't have this, but I know people who say they do. It's subjective. For me, it's somewhere between 2 and 4 on the scale at the top of the page, depending on my focus. It starts out 4, then the more I go into it, the more detail and color emerges, and it isn't always the same amount for different classes of visualized object or scene. Some memories get vivid sounds, and some don't. I've read a science paper that said you can't smell things in a dream, but I have done that, and it's like the scale of visual detail and color, it comes in varying intensity, from ghostly to almost but not quite real, just like the waking memory of a smell, because it's your waking memory of a smell in a dream, duh. Except for poison or decay or good food smells, or the smell of a stranger breathing sweat and alcohol and violent intent into your face– that's as vivid as hitting your thumb with a hammer. Car repair smells. A tire store. A haberdashery in 1964. Uncle Pat's pipe: see it, hear it, smell it, burn your fingers and your tongue on it. https://kottke.org/23/10/does-your-brain-picture-things

* The Ironic Thruster, by ChatGPT: Once upon a time, in a distant future, an eccentric scientist named Dr. Evelyn embarked on a quest to create the most unusual propulsion system ever seen, the Ironic Thruster. Dr. Evelyn was known for her unorthodox thinking and her relentless pursuit of scientific novelty. She designed the Ironic Thruster to smirk at coincidences to generate thrust. It was an intricate device, with a complex array of giant gears, rubber chickens, and more. For Dr. Evelyn's laboratory was filled with whoopee cushions, cat lasers, boxes of banana peels, actual iron, and…

("Actual iron." If that isn't evidence of A.I. sentience, there is no God.)

Marco McClean, memo@mcn.org, https://MemoOfTheAir.wordpress.com

TRAFFIC SCHOOL

by Alexander Cockburn (July 1999)

I was nabbed back in March for speeding in my 1964 station wagon. “I didn’t think this old wreck would go that fast,” the Highway Patrol Officer said sarcastically as he wrote me up for a 78 mph violation. Accordingly, I finally made it to traffic school last week. Under California law you can thus shield your rashness from the insurance companies, provided there’s at least an 18-month interval from your last citation.

Down the years, here in the Golden State, I’ve been to maybe four such sessions, which have to last eight hours. My first such school, back in the late 1980s, was in Riverside, on the eastern margin of the greater Los Angeles area. The composition of the 30-odd people was 50% white, 50% black or Hispanic. At all classes the initial routine is for each person to divulge their name and the cause of their citation. In the Riverside class almost all the blacks and Hispanics said they’d been cited for going a few miles over the limit, in urban areas: 40 mph instead of 35 mph; or 30 mph instead of 25 mph. So, reasonably enough, all the blacks and Hispanics thought they’d been framed or racially profiled. Almost all the whites had been caught speeding on the highway, doing 70 and over. They all thought they’d been breaking the law. 

My next class, in Santa Cruz, was run by a California Highway Patrol officer who spent most of the session giving us useful hints on how to avoid being caught speeding. In Berkeley a couple of years ago, our class was run by a former alcoholic who underwent a visible nervous breakdown throughout the eight-hour session, said break-down prompted by anecdotes about his daughter’s driving skills and her indifference to her father. As he issued our certificates he tearfully thanked us for sharing.

The class in Eureka last week was run by a former cop from San Diego, who divides his time between running a driving school and representing tax deadbeats before the IRS. He offered a torrent of statistics. The most dangerous time to drive: Friday evening, closely followed by Saturday night, closely followed by Sunday night. The safest day is Tuesday. The last 24-hour period in California in which no one was killed on the roads was on May 1, 1991 (which turns out to have been a Wednesday).

Amid this deluge of numbers, he paused to review the best way to deal with the officer as he approaches your car. It’s best, he said, to have your hands up on the wheel. In my case, I was groping under the seat for my registration, and when the itchy young officer asked that I lean over and lower the passenger window, the handle came off in my hand. The instructor plunged into cop’s-eye view about what it was like to approach a car. Death could be waiting. There was no job, he told us, more perilous than that of the police officer.

I told him I didn’t think this claim was true. I told him that in fact police work is among the safer occupations, that the likelihood of being killed in the line of duty was exceedingly slim. He held his ground, but the figures support my view. If you tot up the numbers of local police, sheriff’s deputies, state police, special police (a mysterious category in the U.S. Statistical Abstract) and all sworn officers both full- and part-time, the total in 1993 was 661,103. The total of police killed accidentally and feloniously in that year across the country was 129, which seems to be about average in any year. This gives a death rate per 100,000 cops of 20, most of whom are probably killed in car crashes. The rate of death per 100,000 in coal mining was 38 in 1995, making it the riskiest job, followed by other forms of mining (25), oil and gas extraction (23), agriculture, forestry/logging and fishing (22). If cops walked more and drove less, they’d probably halve their death rate, putting them on par with people in the electrical, gas and sanitary services, at eight or so per 100,000.

That wasn’t my only tussle of the evening in the traffic class. We tangled again on the subject of drunk driving. After reciting the savage penalties meted out to those caught driving under the influence of alcohol, the instructor gave an impassioned speech in favor of the pillory of public ridicule and contempt, meaning in this instance that convicted drunks would have to display orange license tags. I told the class I thought penalties for drunk driving were already out of hand, at least for those who had caused no harm. This intervention was badly timed, because the instructor completed the class by showing a half-hour movie about a teenage drunk who killed a young woman, and his consequent remorse. I felt my classmates were glancing at me with reproving eyes, as though I had somehow argued that the teen drunk killer should have been levied a $10 fine and then handed back his driver’s license. 

The big disclosure of the evening was that the American Psychiatric Association is putting road rage in its next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, meaning that this nebulous category has now been okayed by shrinks as a bona fide mental health condition, amenable to treatment by anti-depressants and kindred potions. Having made road rage official, the shrinks can now begin to coin money off it.

The benefits of the traffic class? I drove home carefully, 60 miles across the mountains, mindful of one particular admonition of the instructor, later confirmed by California’s Fish and Game department. If I struck a bear, tied it to the roof of my car, got it home undetected and was later tempted to sell three or more parts of its anatomy — the gallbladder is particularly esteemed by Asians for medical reasons — I would be liable to at least a year in prison for a felony, plus $10,000 fine. Bear poachers beware.

SIXTH GRADE HISTORY QUIZZES

(Actual Answers)

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, “Am I my brother's son?”

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died Before he ever reached Canada.

Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place very long.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battle fields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”

Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was connonized by Bernard Shaw.

Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same crime.

In midevil times, most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.”

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.

Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this. (Capt. John Smith was the Captain of the Titanic).

One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without any stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and was shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricy and also wrote the book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his poser, but since Josephine was a boness, she couldn't have any children.

The sun never set on a British Empire because the British Empire is in the East, and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio.

…And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.