“Only the lonely know the way I feel tonight,” Roy Orbison sang on his hit single that has never gone out of style. In the greater San Francisco Bay Area, as in many other parts of Northern California, the lonely have always been a tangible presence. Perhaps now more than ever before, though loneliness is not an open and shut case, according to Olivia Mendoza, once a Miss Lonely Hearts herself.
When I've been lonely, the natural world has sustained me, all through COVID; mostly I walk in Golden Gate Park and along the Pacific at Ocean Beach in The City. If I were a woman I'd join Mendoza's organization. Since I'm not, I walk with anyone and everyone who will walk with me, no matter what their ethnicity or gender. Still, I know women who feel more comfortable walking in the company of other women, not in a group with guys who can be competitive on long distance hikes, though the women are as physically fit as can be.
A prosecutor in Santa Clara and in her mid-30s, Mendoza is the brains and the heartbeat behind the “Bay Area Adventure Gals Facebook Group” which launched on Valentine’s Day 2022. Yes, she sends convicted criminals to prison; on weekends and in her spare time, she leads the confined and the cooped-up into the Great Outdoors. Is that ironic? Perhaps. Mendoza's adventure group is fast growing, free and private. The average age is 25-34. To join, you have to be healthy enough to walk on your own two feet. The Internet is merely the springboard that brings women together face-to-face in real time.
Mendoza has a host of sensible and practical suggestions for the lonely. "Above all," she says, “Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and reach out to others. Take the same leap of faith I took.” She adds, “The first and scariest leap is letting others know that you’re open to making meaningful friendships.”
Perhaps you’ve made it through a week without a meltdown and want to take a journey that will bring you to happiness and maybe even a touch of ecstasy. The Adventure Gals might offer what you’re looking for. Mendoza has created 60 or so "Community Chats" that, she says, have, “provided a safe and welcoming space to address feelings of social isolation and loneliness and build new friendships.”
Mendoza admits that during the on-going pandemic she has experienced a profound sense of sadness and loneliness, but that the pandemic has also prompted her “to turn things around.” She started with 15 hikers; that core group expanded until the Bay Area Adventure Gals Facebook Group now numbers 11,000, 3,000 of them living in San Francisco, and with Community Chats for women of color and those who identify as LGBTQ+.
How does it work ? Lonely souls in search of connections go to Facebook, click + Join Groups, read and agree to the guidelines and be approved by Mendoza, who serves as the gatekeeper. If okayed the next step is to join an existing event or a chat, or create new ones. “It’s like picking up your phone and texting a few friends,” Mendoza says, though it’s not always that easy. Sometimes, she says, a lone post gets lost in a blizzard of posts and there’s a break down in communication.
But all is not lost. Mendoza adds that, “you always have your community and connections accessible to you.” Outdoor activities, especially hikes, are the lifeblood of the organization. The “gals,” as Mendoza calls them, have trekked at Castle Rock in Saratoga, on Angel Island in San Francisco Bay, at The Pinnacles National Park which straddles San Benito and Monterey counties, the Marin Headlands, and Portola Valley in San Mateo County as well as Reinhardt Redwood Regional Park in Oakland. Her favorite is probably Yosemite. Women also get together for bingo, food and drink.
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