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Marginalia, Paragraphs Of

When we saw polar bears skateboarding down the big hill on North Dora Street we knew we were back in time for another glorious spring in Ukiah. 

So nice to see the snow and holiday lights. Wait until November when lines run down School Street to get into Triple S Camera, and Jill has to print 9,000 Christmas card orders all showing snow on houses from last March. 

But enough chit-chat. Let’s get on with news (at least to me) from around town and county: 

No Bench Downtown?

I am troubled to think that Ukiah’s Racoonatics were unable to keep the downtown bench in operation during my absence. 

But alas, it’s so. Warring factions, internal strife, fiscal mismanagement and the collective inability to remember where they’d stored the bench last winter all contributed to its disappearance. 

The city is considering a row of wheelchairs lined up at the corner of South School and Church Streets.

Fort Bragg Must Go

It’s obvious to me, you and probably everyone else that it’s long past time to change the name of Fort Bragg. 

Yeah, yeah, there’s all the history and culture and tradition stuff, but the tradeoffs are well worth the minor troubles of renaming it Coastopia or Tolerancetown. 


Look at all the world peace and harmony that broke out when Aunt Jemima’s picture was taken off boxes of her pancake mix. And who wasn’t astonished when standards of living among Native Americans improved dramatically once Cleveland fired Chief Wahoo and the name “Indians” was dropped. 

Long live Anyplace, USA, clap clap. 

Such Cute Panda Bears 

I don’t do Facebook but am able to keep up with the latest because occasionally (about four or five times each morning) wife Trophy makes me look at cute stuff on her Facebook thing. 

By “cute” of course I mean dogs, because nothing else on planet earth comes near, except kitty cats and Panda Bears. 

What’s interesting to a towering intellect like mine is that for every million photos that people put on full Facebook display (“Benny the Bulldog celebrates his third birthday” and “Mister Fluffy before he passed away 10 years ago and I still haven’t gotten over it”) there are precisely zero pictures of parents. Just for an example. 

No shots of mumsy and pops on their 50th anniversary, no pictures of the family at Grand Canyon in 1988 and no images of grandma on her 100th birthday. 

But here’s my cat, Ringworm, standing on the sidewalk. 

Destroy The Cartels

Instead of military billions funneled to any and every global uprising, as if we could determine which horse to back in 100% of the war-torn countries, why not put our money where our national interests most need it? Why not declare war on the cartels? 

These violent drug-trafficking criminals bring nothing positive to the USA, a country they’ll happily abandon whenever convenient. Making money from the murder and miseries of fentanyl is low, even among drug dealers.

What To My Wondering Ears

You won’t believe this (I don’t believe this) but after a one year sabbatical in the land of cotton I returned to a first-night serenade by the Ukiah Howlers. (Not its real name) 

I well remember the neighborhood barking serenades. Every night, and I mean every night would come coyote cries across a narrow band of Ukiah’s deep westside, heartfelt solo vocalizations in appreciation of first responders during the barely remembered Covid era. 

Perhaps “howliations” would better describe it. Anyway, here I am back in town and it’s like they never left, and I’m sure they never did. 

So cool to hear the 8 p.m. canine calls and responses each and every night. Why thanks very much, and let me assure you it’s nice to be back! I want to maximize my Ukiah time, so let’s go bowling and roller skating and eat a lot of pears. Then to the Water Trough and Forest Club for nightcaps, with TWK picking up the bill.

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