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A Grander Old Party with Bruce

Bruce Anderson, forever the Editor of Boonville’s (and the world’s) Anderson Valley Advertiser, has a reputation near, far and in between as a rousing, relentless leftist. 

His political image is so well established no one bothers question it. He’s Peace & Freedom this, longshoreman union that, I.F. Stone back then, Bernie right now, arrested occasionally and guilty of every damnable socialist notion that’s surfaced since I’ve been keeping count.

Which is nigh on 50 years. But over the past 10 or so I’ve had creeping doubts about his dedication to leftism. I see him in public, I scrutinize his writings and I say “By golly, he’s really just a slightly whacky conservative. Nooo,

“H-h-he’s … a … REPUBLICAN!!”

Bear with me and count the ways:

1) Dresses neat and spiff like Robert Taft, always in a sport coat, often a vest, sometimes a tie. Nice shoes. Trousers pressed. Doesn’t own a Hawaiian shirt, Birkenstocks or blue jeans, which is parade dress uniform for Democrats.

2) Well-spoken and polite, willing to hear those with opposing viewpoints, never interrupts. (The very model of old-fashioned GOP-like politeness.)

3) Thinks movies from France are crap.

4) Never been a vegetarian or vegan; eats whatever he wants and whatever’s on the menu. 

5) Never had his astrological chart drawn up, might not know he’s a Leo. No reported history of aura or chakra malfunctions. (Foundational material for progressives.)

6) Married (never divorced) from a female woman (I know, I know! The evidence just keeps piling up!!) 

7) Believes Joe Biden is the victim of elder abuse, routinely exposed to public ridicule, forced to take unwitting blame for idiocies generated by Democrats who duck responsibility for acts they’d otherwise have to explain in a re-election campaign. (NOTE: Yes, Mr. Anderson has a warm spot for AOC but who doesn’t? Cute as a bug, right?)

8) U.S. Marine and a strong proponent of 2nd Amendment rights, gun owner for many years. (No interest in hunting; self protection only). 

9) Big fan of the National Pastime, our great all-American game of baseball. Democrats love women’s basketball, frisbee golf and soccer (very multicultural). Lifelong jock, probably regrets abandoning promising career as a hard-throwing righthander in favor of advanced poetry studies.

10) Drinks Coors beer, Maker’s Mark whiskey. Has not indulged in marijuana, cocaine or fentanyl over the decades; no Democrat can boast such a history. 

11) Bruce is convinced Redwood Community Services is a batch of sharpies gouging the public with expensive, redundant, useless social programs that serve to enrich high-ranking employees while keeping the mentally ill and impoverished right where they belong. Further, thinks most / all nonprofit organizations are in reality jobs programs for connected Democrats. This view leaves him alone among lefties from here to San Diego.

12) Will go to his grave never having driven a Prius.

13) Vigorously opposed to rise in pornography and other permissive sexual behavior in society, including gays parading around naked in SF. 

14) Told the world he’d take a blowtorch to his testicles before voting for Hillary Clinton.

15) Thinks Donald Trump is akin to a cartoon character (many Republicans think and say the same) but his calm assessment of Trump supporters is utterly out of synch with every other spittle-spitting lefty. Bruce: “The MAGAs aren’t deceived or deluded so much as they’re totally rejecting the repellent crew of National Lib’s and Big Lib’s seeming endorsement of everything wrong in America …” Sound like a Progressive Dem to you?

16) Allergic to rock n roll in all its permutations. Has been to one (1) music act in his life (Miss Peggy Lee) but it left no marks.

Yes, Mr. Anderson retains a fierce commitment to leftist causes, but shrinks assure me this is a remnant of a youthful commitment to helping underdogs and those marginalized by society at large. When Bruce realizes how oppressed and downtrodden California Republicans have become he’ll commit apostasy, get his shoes shined and attend annual Conservative Days BBQ & Convention in Turlock, July 17-20.

Then he’ll run for Congress against Jared Huffman, but not in the primaries.

9 Comments

  1. Eric Sunswheat June 4, 2022

    Entry from July 16, 2009
    “Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel”

    “Never argue with someone who buys ink by the barrel” is a popular saying in politics that means don’t argue with the press (especially newspapers), who can publicize an opinion like no one else can.

    The phrase is somewhat dated—newspapers are not as important as they once were, and online newspapers don’t use ink.

    The phrase is cited in print from at least 1962, when it was spoken by Indiana attorney Roger Branigin.

    In the book My Indiana (1964) by Irving Leibowitz, the expression was credited to former Indiana Congressman Charles Bruce Brownson (1914-1988).

    The earliest recorded uses of the phrase come from several Indiana politicians.
    https://www.barrypopik.com/index.php/new_york_city/entry/never_argue_with_a_man_who_buys_ink_by_the_barrel

  2. Dave Gowan June 4, 2022

    TOMMY WAYNE KRAMER.YES,BRUCE IS ALL THAT YOU DESCRIBE ABOUT HIM.BEEN A FRIEND OF MINE FOR YEARS.A “GENTLEMAN AND A SCHOLAR..WHEN HE NEEDS TO BE “A TOUGH S.O.B.”SEMPER FI!

  3. Laura Cooskey June 4, 2022

    Sounds like a good old-school liberal to me!
    Whereas today’s “liberals” seem more like old-time conservatives– authoritarian, freedom-denying, conformity-enforcing, tech- (and pharma-) corporation- loving, war-mongering, woman-denying, status-quo-preserving old prigs.

  4. Pat Kittle June 4, 2022

    “2) Well-spoken and polite, willing to hear those with opposing viewpoints, never interrupts. (The very model of old-fashioned GOP-like politeness.)”

    Yes, like his GOP associates, Bruce tolerates “opposing viewpoints” — as long as they are approved by the Israel lobby. The only campaign promise Trump honored was “I’m the best friend Israel ever had!”

    To that end Trump proceeded to do what no previous US president had ever done. He gave official US approval to…
    — Jerusalem as the capital of Israel (moving the US Embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem),
    — Israel’s theft & annexation of the Golan Heights from Syria,
    — Israel’s theft of most of the West Bank from the Palestinians.
    — Sabotaging the nuclear deal with Iran, which was Obama’s only real achievement.

    Trump actually gave Israel’s criminal leader Netanyahu the official “Key to the White House”!

    Plenty more could be said about all this, but this comment has little more than a snowball’s chance as it is.

    • Bruce Anderson June 4, 2022

      And your point, George, besides the one on your head under your Klan hat?

  5. George Dorner June 4, 2022

    When I read Mr. Kittle’s remarks, I am reminded of the old saying: The dog barks, but the caravan moves on.

    • Pat Kittle June 4, 2022

      That was the gist of Eisenhower’s unheeded warning.

  6. Fred Gardner June 6, 2022

    Run, Bruce, run!

  7. Paul Modic June 8, 2022

    What an outrage that Bruce would publish a story about HIMSELF in his own paper, an OUTRAGE I say!

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