Bird’s Eye View

by Turkey Vulture, December 14, 2011

Greetings one and all. If you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin. Unusually, let’s start off this week with our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, as he shares with us another in his insightful series, ‘Signs of The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, I attended several Holiday/Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzai parties over the past week and have a few more to go before the “season of the goodwill” is all over.

However, it’s not all happiness and joy as evidenced by those folks who seem to get into such a flap over the ‘Happy Holiday’ or ‘Merry Christmas’ thing. I have heard of Valley folks refusing to attend Valley events because they were called a “Holiday Party” and not a “Christmas Party,” and vice versa, I should add. Oh, please! Does it really matter? Of course I know the “big picture” arguments as to why it might cause concern among both the “extreme PC crowd” and the “bible-thumpers,” but really, to miss out on a lovely evening spent with friends simply because of the evening’s title? Surely this time of year gives us all, including those who spend most of the time up on their soapboxes or pontificating from their ivory towers, to simply spend quality with loved ones and appreciate them being in our lives. But that’s easy for me to say — and so I just did.

As a pontificator of some repute myself (see above), perhaps a couple of thoughts on this topic should provide your Quotes of the Week. First up, it’s former Presidential hopeful Adlai Stevenson, a man noted for his intellectual demeanor, eloquent oratory, and promotion of liberal causes, who said, “The sound of tireless voices is the price we pay for the right to hear the music of our own opinions.” Perfect — it’s certainly the very expensive price I seem to pay on my Valley travels. And then there is the classic comment on free speech from Voltaire who famously said, “I may disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” Couldn’t have said that better myself.

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #252. The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back. They will be at The AV Farm Supply tomorrow, Thursday, Dec. 15 from 2-3:30pm. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time. Everyone showing up at anytime before 3:30pm will be seen. #253. It’s the Christmas Carols Sing-a-long with pianist Lynn Archambault at 8:30pm this Saturday, Dec. 17 at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville. #254. Tomorrow is your last chance to enjoy a lunch at the Senior Center until 2012 as they will be closed until Tuesday, Jan 3. #255. No Barn Sale this month.

Topics and Valley events from The Three-Dot Lounge — yes, “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Several regulars toasted the quick recovery from surgery to remove his gall bladder that Bob Sites will undergo this coming Friday. As this small organ aids in fat digestion and concentrates bile produced by the liver, I actually believe that a gall-less Bob will quite possibly be even better company than the previous version!

…Kids sitting on a barstool at the bar? This topic has been a hot one of late and something which, as a bar patron of many decades standing, I personally feel quite strongly about. To be blunt: they really should not be there! If for one minute I have to censor my comments or the topic of my conversation because a young kid is sitting next to me at a bar stool, then we’re clearly further down the road to Armageddon than I had previously thought. And it’s not just for me — it’s for the sake of “the little ones” too! Would any parent really want their child to hear the foul-mouthed and frequently tasteless gibberish that is spoken by so many, so often, as they pontificate at a bar surrounded by like-minded friends and acquaintances? I thought not.

…Talking of gibberish, what is on the current criteria list for getting a show on KZYX? From what I heard over the 90.7fm airwaves one afternoon this past week, I can only deduce that being “articulate” and “not mumbling inaudibly” did not make the list in every case. I know, I know, I know — they are volunteers. But a Turkey Vulture like me could kindly and generously volunteer my time to look after your baby lambs while you were out of town. I would do my best not to, but it doesn’t meant that I would be able to stop myself from eating one or two while you were gone.

…A couple of regulars have heard through the Valley’s widespread grapevine that Deputy Walker was planning to take the Valley’s ‘Best Friend’, Bullet the police dog, to the high school last week in response to the increasing concerns of many staff regarding the permeating marijuana odor that sometimes emanates from certain areas of the campus. I am very aware that many of the students are frequently exposed to marijuana in our culture up here but smoking/selling it at school is obviously quite unacceptable. For reasons that you can work out for yourselves, the students were tipped off by an “inside source” that this search was going to happen and nothing was found. However, the warning has been given, future unscheduled “investigations” by Bullet are on the agenda, and if any incriminating evidence is found, there most certainly will be serious repercussions for those involved.

Time to take my leave. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at PPS. On the sheep, Grace; it’s been two years and you continue to be missed.

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