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Posts published in “Essays”

So You Want to Be a Football Hero

Saturday night, the fairgrounds. The alumni football game against Deep Valley and hordes of Panthers old and new prowl the bleachers and field. I see Don Summit, Deep Valley’s hoops coach, and my old teammates…

Riding Forth on the Fourth

Good idea, a Fourth of July ride. Otherwise I would be home in desultory conversation with family and friends, probably drinking too much, and certainly catching a fireworks show celebrating what we Americans hold most…

My Birthday

JULY 22ND is my birthday, and if any of you say, "I knew you were a Cancer!" you are permanently prohibited from reading this newspaper. I'm way, way too old to care about birthdays. They…

Knock Knock, Who’s There? The FBI

“The FBI is here,” Mom tells me over the phone. Immediately I can see my mom with her back to a couple of Matrix-like figures in black suits and opaque sunglasses, her hand covering the…

Want to Meet the Real WMD Swine?

Week after week Bush and his people have been getting pounded by newly emboldened Democrats and liberal pundits for having exaggerated the threat posed by Saddam Hussein and his still-elusive weapons of mass destruction. One…

Kenny Johnson’s Escapes

Back in olden-times (the 1980s) I was in Marion, the fed’s end-of-the line maximum security penitentiary for the third time, counting off the days, weeks, months, and years of my 199-year sentence given to me…

How To Make Elk Liver

We rolled out of Lemmon Valley, just north of Reno, late on an icy night in December. My brother had insisted that a little midwinter elk hunting was just what I needed, and I couldn't…

Why Alfred E. Newman Is President

This morning I rose with The Answer, which I want to share with you. The same corporations that jerk around gasoline prices and smother public outrage against the practice, during the millennial corporate celebration when…

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