I turned 84 today and created The Fuck-it List™. You know, of course, about the Bucket List – things you hope to do before you die. The Fuck-it List™ is for things you've been hoping to do, but now realize that you never will. By shifting projects, trips, and goals to the Fuck-it List™ you immediately reduce disappointment and sense of failure. The Bucket List is a function of hope. The Fuck-it List™ is a function of realism! You're never going to swim in the Black Sea. Put it on the of Fuck-it List™.
Carolina Twilight
This once took place down in the south
the year was '68
in a twice All-American city
in the Palmetto state
don't ask what I was doing there
it would take a long time to explain
But this evening I was walking towards
the Capitol on Main
It was a pleasant evening
Into which I sallied forth
With honeysuckle in the air
like you don't get up north
A pretty girl comes up to me
and stands right in my way
she says You are a Scorpio, right?
When is your birthday?
I said the eve of Halloween
which proved that she was right
her smile was like the temperature
her eyes were like the light
she said her name was Debbie
and her age was but 16
I asked how she made me
Sight unseen
Scorpio, Oh Scorpio
She lilting laughed loud
It's just so obvious
And I suspect you’re proud
I said I don't believe in astrology
in Heaven or in Hell
She said maybe a triple Scorpio,
Well well well
That hippie chick seen through me like
Owens Corning glass
and I can still see her walkin' away
faded blue jeans round her past
Didn't know how to call her back
I didn't have a line
We might have been compatible
I should have asked her sign.
This ad reminded me of a joke from Woody Allen’s stand-up days: "At Blinkist, we gather the key insights from nonfiction books into 15-minute reads and listens. There are over 7,500 titles across 27 categories including entrepreneurship, management and leadership, and personal development. More than 38 million people, among them Apple CEO Tim Cook, are now expanding their horizons with Blinkist."
Woody’s joke: “I took the Evelyn Wood speed-reading course. It’s terrific, it really works. I was able to Read War & Peace in 20 minutes!" Pause 2 beats. “It’s about Russia.”
Here's a fresher one from Bob Lipsyte’s ex-wife: Old guy runs into a nursing home at dinner time yelling "Supersex! Supersex! Who wants supersex?" And one of the women says, "Ehhh? I'll have the soup."
Uppity behavior used to be called "fresh." I thought the term had gone out of style, but Donald Trump said on October 19 that Colombian President Gustavo Petro has "a fresh mouth toward America." Petro accused US of "murder" after a US missile killed a fisherman.
In recent decades we US taxpayers have spent billions on coca eradication in Colombia. But 10 years ago an ungrateful Colombian court ruled that aerial spraying of Round-up was dangerous to farmers and the environment, and put a stop to it.
Barry McCaffrey, the Democrats’ go-to general, was on MSNBC the other day criticizing Trump for failing to get authorization for his plan to conquer Venezuela – not for the plan itself – and for sending a battleship that would have no practical role play. McCaffrey said “we” should concern ourselves with cocaine production in Colombia, which had “vastly increased" thanks to "the leftist President." According to McCaffrey the situation did not call for interdiction but for "massive aerial eradication" and more involvement by “the magnificent men and women of the DEA.” A saying from my NYC youth came to mind: "The difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats do it to us with lubrication."
Did you know that Barry McCaffrey prepped at Andover? Then he went to West Point. He was severely wounded in Vietnam it took multiple surgeries to repair his arm – and there was something Ahab-like in the atrocity he perpetrated in Iraq. The great Seymour Hersh exposed it in the New Yorker. Two days after the declaration of a cease fire, McCaffrey ordered an attack on a retreating Republican Guard unit. As described by Hersh’s editor, David Remnick, “American ground and air units all but pulverized a Republican Guard tank division on March 2, 1991, in one of the most devastating and one-sided battles of the war.
“A number of General McCaffrey's fellow commanders, including Lt. Col. Patrick Lamar, who was the division's operations officer, told Mr. Hersh that excessive firepower was used against a weakened and retreating Iraqi force that did not seriously threaten the Americans. They believe that the American assault was a clear and willful violation of the cease-fire rules of engagement that had been established by the Pentagon.”
Very Short Song
Cassandra of the legend
Cassandra of the myth
Always being right
Doesn’t always make you easy to be with
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