Mendocino County Today: Monday 4/15/24

Clearing | Angel Missing | Ed Notes | GRT Views | Mosswood & Farmhouse | Comptche Woods | Edmundson Photos | Bridge Opening | Mission Accomplished | Ode to Blanche | Slaughter Yard | Elect Galletti | North Carolina | Yesterday's Catch | Armageddon Update | Say Anything | Other Side | A Joke | Approval Ratings | NPR Uproar | Clearly Unfit | Skirt Check | Lulu Dare | Guru U | Mary Fields | Dog Show | Goony Birds

GUSTY NORTHERLY WINDS expected through mid-week as high pressure builds into the CA coast. Increasing temperatures beneath clearing skies will allow interior valleys to reach into the upper 70's. Marine stratus expected to return in the latter half of the week as northerly winds subside. (NWS)

STEPHEN DUNLAP (Fort Bragg): 43F under clear skies & .24" more rainfall collected this tax day morning on the coast. Some passing high clouds & breezy today. Dry skies are forecast until further notice.

ED NOTES 

THE SKUNK TRAIN is a long-time tourist draw for Fort Bragg. It still seems to be operating at a profit, although the little train that began as a log hauler early in the 20th century these days can only chug a few miles from its stations at Fort Bragg and Willits because its trestles and tunnels have either collapsed or are in danger of collapse. Robert Pinoli Jr., a native son of the Anderson Valley, is a part-owner and President of the Skunk and its combative, some would say overly combative, public face. Pinoli recently published the following letter, which I think deserves some fleshing out, and which I have attempted to do here:

MENDO RAIL FUTURE THREATENED

Members of the Board-

Pinoli: I wanted to call your attention to two very critical matters facing the future of Mendocino County’s transportation network.

Ed: Rather a grand beginning in conjuring a “transportation network” for Mendocino County which presently consists of a thin, heavily subsidized bus system while the county's entire far flung population is wholly dependent on private vehicles. We don't have a transportation network, and haven't had one for sixty or so years when the Skunk connected with two trains every day — two southbound, two northbound — running between Eureka and Sausalito. And the Greyhound also ran every day between Fort Bragg and San Francisco and Ukiah all points north and south.

Pinoli: The first concerns the North Coast Rail Authority (NCRA), a group that even Senator McGuire labeled as “the center of controversy on the North Coast [for the past 30 years],” and that has wasted more than $141 million of taxpayer money. The NCRA has now been rebranded as the Great Redwood Trail Agency (GRTA), but this name change hasn’t ended any of the controversy…

Ed: The Democratic Party of the Northcoast magically came into possession of the old Northwestern Pacific Railroad then, as Pinoli says, spent millions pretending the train would again run a daily train between Eureka and Sausalito. That fantasy served nicely as a jobs program for termed-out Democrats like Dan Hauser and miscellaneous Demo old boys until even the Democratic-controlled legislature refused to put any more public money into the NCRA. (Former Congressman Doug Bosco now owns a lucrative section of the old line in Southern Sonoma County.) Along comes McGuire who, in another conjurer's trick, declared that the abandoned rail line is now The Great Redwood Trail, a fantasy as remote as the Democrat's false promise to restore the rail line to its original reliability.

Pinoli: Because while the GRTA plans to leave the NWP’s tracks in place south of the Mendocino County border—so the people and businesses south of that border can benefit from both rails and trails, the GRTA has decided to deny those benefits to the people and businesses of Mendocino County. So, even though there is room for both rails and trails in Mendocino County too, the GRTA has chosen to forevermore cut Mendocino County off from our country’s national railroad network…

Ed: The Skunk, in its present decrepitude, is light years from again becoming part of the “country's national railroad network.” 

Pinoli: Even more bizarrely, not only do some of Mendocino County’s political leadership seem okay with that, some are even helping the GRTA accomplish their goal…

Ed: The county's political leadership is joined at the hip to the state's Democratic Party. Has been for years. It clambers aboard whatever exploitive scheme Sacramento comes up with, as this “leadership” did for years when the Democrats called themselves the North Coast Railroad Authority. Now the Democrats will shovel millions of tax dollars into the fantasy of a hiking-biking trail from Marin to Eureka, nevermind that 60 miles of the Eel River Canyon is impassable even to experienced hikers.

Pinoli: Isn’t it time for Mendocino County to stop being a doormat, to stand up and demand the same benefits for its people and businesses that the people and businesses of Sonoma and Marin will enjoy?

Ed: Not in our lifetime, given the abilities of the people we elect to sit at the power levers.

Pinoli: Second, in order to more easily achieve its plan to cut Mendocino County off from our national railroad network, the GRTA has announced that it intends to force the abandonment of Mendocino Railway’s California Western Railroad/Skunk Train. If they succeed, they will have killed a railroad that has served, and bound together, the communities of Willits and Fort Bragg for 139 years; a railroad that even today has customers interested in shipping 400-500 railcars of freight between our two cities, shipments that would remove nearly 2,000 trucks from Highway 20 each year. And this is just one example of the railroad freight opportunities that the NCRA (and now the GRTA) has negligently – or intentionally – prevented for more than two decades now. The NCRA and GRTA have insisted that freight rail won’t work in Mendocino County not because there isn’t demand for it, but solely because they have been too incompetent to carry it out and too jealous of their fiefdom to allow anyone else to do so.

Ed: I doubt McGuire and his hack sponsors in the state legislature even considered the potential harm to the Skunk Train as a link to the “national” train system. If the Skunk again operated as a through-line between Fort Bragg and Willits as it hasn't done for twenty years, Pinoli and the Skunk might have a viable argument, but…

Pinoli: Freight trains move millions of tons of goods and materials across our national railroad network every day, reducing road congestion, improving road safety, and avoiding the greenhouse gas and other pollution produced by trucks. Trains can move one ton of freight nearly 500 miles on just 1 gallon of fuel; not even a Prius achieves that efficiency. Our State Legislature and Governor have mandated that California must by 2030 reduce its GHG emissions to 1990 levels. How is Mendocino County going to do that if our leaders have allowed the GRTA to rip out our county’s only remaining connection to our national railroad network?

Ed: Because, Robert, the Skunk does not now, in its present state of infrastructure collapse, even resemble a “connection to our national railroad network.” It would be swell if the Skunk could make a plausible case as that link but the Skunk's fantasy here is as grand as McGuire's Great Redwood Trail.

Pinoli: And why now? Why cut Mendocino County off from our national railroad network at the very same time that the Biden administration has just launched a campaign to reconnect communities that have lost transportation opportunities, creating the Reconnecting Communities Institute, the Reconnecting Communities and Neighborhoods Program, and awarding $3.3 billion to help reconnect communities that were divided by past transportation decisions? The GRTA’s efforts to cut Mendocino County off from our national railroad network seem to be doing exactly the opposite of what our federal government is seeking to accomplish. The GRTA’s efforts seem especially inexplicable when Mendocino Railway has repeatedly offered to move the bureaucrats out of the way and just fix the NWP’s line in Mendocino County, being just as repeatedly blocked by first the NCRA, and now the GRTA, as they simply don’t want to see the railroad restored.

Ed: The Skunk hasn't been connected to the great railroad network beyond for many, many years. Anyway, why haven't you moved “the bureaucrats out of the way” and fixed your rail line? If you had, you'd have a case. As is…

Pinoli: By building its trail on top of the existing tracks, the GRTA pays lip service to the idea that they are “preserving” rail opportunities. This is a red herring, since out of the thousands of “preserved” lines across the United States, only a handful have ever been reopened. Nor is it likely that the NWP will be reopened after the GRTA has spent up to $1,000,000 per mile to bury them underneath a trail…

Ed: That's right, Robert. McGuire and Co have already paved over the rail line through Ukiah as Mendo's judges build a new County Courthouse nobody but them wants on top of that pavement. No train will ever run through Ukiah again. You ought to be raising the money to get the Skunk again running between Willits and Fort Bragg.

Pinoli: The GRTA’s slick political maneuver is to hide behind the fictional notion of rail preservation, so the GRTA doesn’t have to return the underlying land to its original landowners, while at the same time ensuring that the land will never be used for railroad purposes again. It’s a lie intended to fool the gullible. And the leaders of Mendocino County should be ashamed if they fall for it.

Ed: Nothing slick about any of this. The Democrat machine does whatever it wants with Mendocino County. They've deemed rail dead from Ukiah north to Eureka.

Pinoli: A trail where 55 or fewer daily users going through Mendocino County costs the county its rail future and its #1 tourist attraction.

Ed: You've got a point. The Trail, as we see in its Ukiah incarnation, is three miles of pavement through Ukiah's post-industrial wastelands, probably not trod by even 55 people a day. 

Pinoli: Two members of this board are on the GRTA’s board. I can understand why Caryl Hart and Senator Mike McGuire don’t care about the people and businesses of Mendocino County as they live in wealthy Sonoma County. But why is this board, and those of its members on the GRTA’s board, helping them hurt the people and businesses of Mendocino County? If you won’t stand up for your constituents, who will? Why abandon your own constituents in favor of those of Marin and Sonoma County?

Ed: Because they can, and because there's not much of a lobby for restoration of the Skunk.

Pinoli: Not only are railroads far safer and more efficient than trucks, they are also far more environmentally friendly than trucks. And our company is one of the most environmentally friendly railroads in our nation, winning numerous environmental awards. Our sister company, Sierra Northern Railway, is even now building zero-emission hydrogen locomotives. We want to continue investing in Mendocino County, improve both its industry and environment, something this board, and especially some of its members, seem uninterested in.

Ed: We all agree. In theory. And quit saying you want to invest in Mendocino County and invest in the Skunk to get it to where it can again claim to be a link to the great rail network to the east while blaming Democrat hacks for not pretending that it already does.

Pinoli: I encourage the board to act, to announce its opposition to the GRTA’s plans, to oppose the GRTA’s efforts to force the abandonment of the CWR line so that it can more easily cut Mendocino County off from our national railroad network, and to replace those representatives who sit on the GRTA’s board and willingly turn their backs on the people and businesses of Mendocino County for the benefit of millionaires living in Marin and Sonoma County. It’s still not too late to prevent this catastrophe for our people and businesses.

Ed: Save the hyperbole, Pinoli, it's a done deal. 

Respectfully,

Robert Jason Pinoli

President & CEO – Mendocino Railway

ANDREW LUTSKY:

Another view of the “unscenic” Great Redwood Trail between Gobbi and Talmage.

The GRT near Gobbi, the same section Jeff Goll describes as “depressing” and says stands out for “its bleakness.”

Try getting out of your car and walking or riding a little more, Jeff. It really makes you feel better.

SO YOU’RE 90; WHAT’S NEXT?

Pilar & Kaylie at Mosswood & Vicki, Karen and Sandy at the Farmhouse

by Gregory Sims

When the gate is open between Mosswood and The Farmhouse there's a steady stream of folks wandering back and forth between the two distinctly different agencies. Still the staff and owners of both seem to have a comfortable relationship with each other. So it seems reasonable to write about both as sadly, there are a diminishing number of editions left before the last Anderson Valley Newspaper Edition is printed on May First. 

Both have high quality items and faire to offer. But most of the time I enter Mosswood for some welcome downtown alone time or for an appointment with the “So You're 90, What's Next” Group that has but a few members consisting of Bill Holcomb, Judy Basehore, and myself, though there are a few other possible members. Mostly I spend some quiet time by myself but I do meet friends there on occasion. Often when there's a table full of guys and sometimes Pilar or on other occasions the Ma Jong ladies come to play their game. I wave and then move towards doing reading and planning which I seem to refuse to do at home.

Hopefully I will use the summer wisely as I believe we can grow conceptually and become spiritually alive to be of benefit to the community, and the world we live in. Perhaps we can make things better for others and ourselves. I had no idea I would live this long and I would like to put some thoughts, ideas, plans together and develop a realization that would challenge us to develop solutions oriented growth groups that would stimulate others to do the same. This will require us to develop some useful formulations which we can then share with each other. So I will put some “useful formulations” together and share them with you. So then, I come to Mosswood and Boont Berry to socialize and then come home to put life plans together with others and share them with still others on our computers. Now back to Mosswood. I thought it would be good to share my plans, hopes and desires I'm working on at Mosswood so we can use these additional gifted years to be of benefit to humanity and all life.

While I'm comfortably working on my stuff it isn't unusual to hear some people speaking Spanish with each other, sometimes with Pilar or Kaylie who helps Pilar at the counter. She is also an engaging conversationalist. I see Pilar and Kaylie involved in a mix of families with children. Others who visit Mosswood are youngish singles and guys who are workers stopping by for coffee, sometimes for a hearty breakfast or delicious pastries. Lunch and early morning faire are important and lunch has a featured item (the soup is quite special).

Now that Spring is in the air, more and more people are having lunch outside who linger for comfortable conversations. I'm not inclined to listen to them but they seem to be quite involved and Pilar sometimes sits with them. Perhaps it's safe to say one of the features of Mosswood is Pilar who is actively involved with the unfolding demeanor of Mosswood. I also find Kaylie to be conversationally available and she often engages in friendly conversation. All in all quite a number of individuals at any given time appear to be repeat customers, family, friends and as I mentioned in a brief reference last week, several conversations are likely to be happening concurrently at Mosswood.and no one seems to be in a hurry to leave, nor is anyone from Mosswood in a hurry to have us leave - even at closing time.

On to the Farmhouse

Vicki is the one owner from the Farm House I remember by name. Since their merchandise is of a high quality, the price is surprisingly within reach for the average consumer (my opinion). And everyone, owner or employee seems willing to spend a reasonable amount of time (with me), I'm known to be somewhat frugal. Also, wrapping items for shipping, accepting a return. Offering a substitute item, showing a different item on the iPhone, which was warmly received was more than helpful. If you have not been to their store (adjacent to Mosswood) I believe most of you would find quiet time amidst their inventory quite satisfying. At the Farmhouse, as with Mosswood, no one is rushing you, rather they are very willing to answer your questions otherwise allowing you to browse. They have some well-priced animal cards I find intriguing.

TODAY’S WALK IN THE WOODS (Kathy Gagnon, Comptche)

THE NIGHT LEE EDMUNDSON TOOK ON COCKBURN

Dear Editor,

I'm attaching shots taken of my and Alex Cockburn's debate about the relative differences between George W. Bush and Al Gore for President. Maggie O'Rourke moderated. 

Alex posited there wasn't a dimes difference between them, and so vote for Ralph Nader. I took the other side: There was a dollars difference between Bush and Gore, and that a vote for Nader was a vote for Bush. The year was 2000. Three guesses as to who won. 

Alex was a gentleman throughout. Gracious and wrong. Time unfolded, and here we are. Whoopee. 

I'd like to debate him again this year, alas, he's gone. Regrets. 

Use these as you will, or not at all. Alex was a superior mind, and I miss his wisdom and insights and mind. 

Salute Alex.

Lee Edmundson

Mendocino

---

PS. For your consideration for your final print edition.

I submit this to you because I have been an occasional contributor and Jeffrey Blankfort has been a frequent contributor.

I title this shot of me in Chicago at the Democratic Convention published in Ramparts magazine, taken by Jeffrey in 1968 “Lest We Forget.”

Use it, don't use it. Your call. I have severe health issues of my own and empathize deeply with yours. No one gets out of here alive, as they say…

I side with Woody Allen on this one: “I thought they would make an exception in my case.”

So it goes.

“Time passes. Listen… time passes,” as Dylan Thomas reminded us. Way back when.

You are the paragon among the pantheon of Mendocino news reportage. You, Mark, Jim Shields, Mike Geniella… so many great writers too numerous to name. You made it happen, Bruce. Kudos.

So, here's my submission to your final print edition. Use it. Don't use it. Up to you, Mr. Editor.

But keep writing. Keep reporting. You ain't through yet, Bruce. You'll die on your feet.

Warm Regards,

Lee Edmundson

Mendocino

DID IT

Editor,

Just read your “mission statement” for your first issue of the AVA, and by god, you do exactly what you said you would. Damn, how often does THAT happen?

Paul Modic

Redway

JIM PERSKY: I'm looking into writing a short history piece about the slaughter yard that was next to Frank Zeek School. I remember climbing the fence to chase the sheep, the "cow" drills we had at Frank Zeek, and of course the field trips there. Especially when I was given a cow's eyeball. Pics would be great and/or your story if you have any memories of the place.

DIFFERENCES THAT SHED NO LIGHT

by Tommy Wayne Kramer

Those inspired by my tales of triumph and glory here in North Carolina might consider moving here. Be careful.

It’s not inconceivable you’d find a place in the same town I’m in or even next door, so be sure to purchase a roundtrip ticket. Other considerations before leaving Ukiah on the next Greyhound bus:

Californians are likely to be off-put by odd customs and traditions practiced here in the south. Examples? First, nothing here can quite match the Palace Hotel. There’s nowhere to buy surfboards, and no hot tub shops. 

Giants and 49er gear is in short supply and not because everyone has already filled their closets with it. Hint: This is NASCAR country. 

A quaint novelty found in North Carolina is the two-party political system. Unlike Russia, China, Cuba, Venezuela and California, there are lively, competitive elections, and in order for politicians to get things done the winning party is pretty much required to bargain with the other via debate, quid pro quos and old fashioned horse trading. Weird huh?

Also marijuana is not easily purchased and consumed here, mostly because it’s illegal. Keep that in mind when you visit. And ipso resulto it follows that there is less illegal drug use overall down here. 

I’ve never, for example, heard a word about fentanyl, and druggies and mentally lost homeless people are nowhere to be seen. Wife and I have made zero sightings of homeless camps in three years, nor seen anybody pushing a shopping cart except within 100 feet of a grocery store.

* * *

`Real Estate

Don’t bother. Forget it. There are numerous Ukiah houses that would be bulldozed back here. And there are lots of houses in my neighborhood and on my street that have been empty as long as I’ve lived here. If one of the nicer ones showed up “As Is” on West Perkins, long lines would gather.

So forget it already.

* * *

Vehicles

It’s true you can buy a house in North Carolina for less than a car in California, and it’s also true you can buy a car in North Carolina for less than it costs to fill the gas tank in California.

When driving in the south be aware that locals have doubled down on California’s laissez faire attitude toward turn signals. Few cars are equipped with lighting devices hinting what direction the car will be turning. This is because turn signals are expensive options on new cars, and many southerners feel they can’t afford them.

They use the money not spent on turn signals to buy big, loud engines without exhaust systems, which must also be frightfully expensive.

* * *

Food

“California Cuisine” debuted on the west coast so long ago that no one remembers what it was. Blackened fish? Sun dried tomatoes? Avocados on toast? Avocados on toast with wasabi sauce?

Today the Golden State specializes in fresh, vegan, vegetarian, non-GMO, farm to table fare. In North Carolina it’s different and worse. This doesn’t mean BBQ ain’t marvelous back here, but a lot of what they call barbecue gets served up in joints that aren’t much above Denny’s, complete with formica tables, booths seating six (or, depending on patron heft, four) with ketchup-y sauce and a side of mac-n-cheese.

Mac-n-Cheese is the state food. Given its status and the 150 years to perfect the stuff, it fails every cuisine test imaginable. I’ve never made worse macaroni and cheese in my life, and I make mine with 59-cent boxes of Kraft.

Even less glamorous (and less appetizing) side dishes, are cole slaw, fritters, grits and hush puppies. All you need to know is they’re worse than the mac-n-cheese and nearly as popular.

* * *

Nuisances 

Ukiah is overrun with homeless people, but North Carolina is overrun with chiggers. The difference?

The Carolina chiggers are hard to see but easy to get rid of.

In Ukiah homeless people are easy to see but hard to get rid of.

* * *

Social Interactions

Everyone is friendlier and more outgoing in the south and I’m not the first to notice. Shoppers are forever yakking and laughing in grocery store aisles, making it difficult to snatch boxes of Kraft Macaroni ’n’ Cheese off the shelves. 

Racial stuff seems to get ignored; those people gabbing in the grocery store are an easy mix of colors. Stand in line and an old black lady is likely to turn and ask what you plan on doing with those tomatillos, or what the hell’s going on when Cheerios suddenly cost $5 a box?

CATCH OF THE DAY, Sunday, April 14, 2024

LAUREEN BETTEGA, Covelo. Battery with serious injury, child endangerment, disorderly conduct-alcohol.

CARLOS GOMEZ, Ukiah. Domestic battery, probation revocation.

VIKTORIA LADD, Clearlake/Ukiah. Controlled substance, county parole violation.

JOSE MARTINEZ-CASIQUE, Willits. Disorderly conduct-alcohol&drugs, resisting.

MARIO SANCHEZ, Fort Bragg. Attempted murder, assault with firearm, cruelty to child-infliction of injury.

MIJAEL VALDEZ-CARILLO, Lamont/Leggett. DUI.

RYAN YOUNG, Willits. Probation revocation.

ARMAGEDDON UPDATE: Iran bombarded Israel with hundreds of missiles and drones on Saturday in response to a drone strike in Syria that killed 12 Iranians, including two top generals. The strike marks the first time a direct military assault has been launched by Tehran on Israel, despite decades of enmity dating back to the country's 1979 Islamic Revolution. Senior US defense officials have said that they worry an Israeli response to the attacks would be “frenetic” and “catastrophically escalatory.” Biden spoke with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu in a late-night phone call on Saturday and made it clear that US forces would not participate any further. Republican hopeful Donald Trump, however, has instead vowed that he would “make Iran pay” for the attack, and claimed that such an escalation on the world stage would have never happened in the first place if he was in the Oval Office. Biden has urged Netanyahu not to respond to the attacks by retaliating against Iran. The Israeli Prime Minister's war cabinet is in favor of a reaction, but is divided over the timing and scale of any such response, according to reports. Three senior administration officials said that Biden has privately expressed concern that Netanyahu is trying to pull the US into the conflict.

ON-LINE COMMENT OF THE DAY

Here’s a sure-fire way of detecting bull shit: If a debater ever starts claiming to know what the other side thinks or wants, he’s completely full of shit and is immediately disqualified.

I STARTED A JOKE

I started a joke which started the whole world crying
But I didn't see that the joke was on me oh no
I started to cry which started the whole world laughing
Oh If I'd only seen that the joke was on me

I looked at the skies running my hands over my eyes
And I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said
'Till I finally died which started the whole world living
Oh if I'd only seen that the joke was on me

I looked at the skies running my hands over my eyes
And I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said
'Till I finally died which started the whole world living
Oh if I'd only seen that the joke was on me
Oh no that the joke was on me

— Robin, Barry and Maurice Gibb (1968)

NPR IN TURMOIL AFTER IT IS ACCUSED OF LIBERAL BIAS

NPR is facing both internal tumult and a fusillade of attacks by prominent conservatives this week after a senior editor publicly claimed the broadcaster had allowed liberal bias to affect its coverage, risking its trust with audiences.

Uri Berliner, a senior business editor who has worked at NPR for 25 years, wrote in an essay published Tuesday by The Free Press, a popular Substack publication, that “people at every level of NPR have comfortably coalesced around the progressive worldview.”

Mr. Berliner, a Peabody Award-winning journalist, castigated NPR for what he said was a litany of journalistic missteps around coverage of several major news events, including the origins of Covid-19 and the war in Gaza. He also said the internal culture at NPR had placed race and identity as “paramount in nearly every aspect of the workplace.”…

nytimes.com/2024/04/11/business/media/npr-criticism-liberal-bias.html

THE TIMES DONE CHANGED

Editor: 

I grew up in the United States in the 1950s while Dwight Eisenhower was in the White House. Back then, honor and integrity were paramount, and any candidate for the highest office in the land had to prove he was worthy. How different our country is today, now that a candidate who is clearly unfit in so many ways is the front-runner for what was our great Republican Party.

Paul Schumacher

Santa Rosa

JUDY CORWIN: If a teacher thought our skirt was too short, they had a quick way to test it. We had to get on our knees, and if our skirt did not touch the floor, we were sent home. I didn't think much of it back then, but now it seems like a terrible type of shaming. I grew up on Long Island, in New York state. It wasn't happening just in the South.

I DARE YOU

Editor,

Did he appreciate this?

I am in a very militant mood after getting through six months' isolation without the use of my right leg.

I am a revolutionary, and transgender is the greatest revolution in human history. I am afraid of nobody.

I was shot with a Novichok (Russian) chemical in my knee in Kosovo in 2016. I have limited mobility and now use a walker.

But I am fully prepared to beat this louse down if he crosses my path. I said so in court, under oath, predicting that one day people in the Mission would say of him "see that pubic hair in the wheelchair? He messed with Lulu Schwartz."

I have bear spray, a straight razor, and protection by antifascist police officers. Last night I met a guy who had been a bike messenger during the 1994 Chronicle strike. I asked him if he knew the "anarchist" bike messengers (ABMs). He said yes. I told him how KK had led a group of ABMs in attempt to break our strike. KK bragged about this in your paper. He remembered it all.

I never forget.

I dare you to publish this. You should give me a column. Title: From Neocon Ho to TransPussy Stripper. I finally have an option on a book about being trans. Working title: In Defense of J.K. Rowling.

Dare ya.

Lulu LaFlamme (nee Steve Schwartz)

Washington DC

SHE DRANK WHISKEY, swore often, and smoked handmade cigars. She wore pants under her skirt and a gun under her apron. At six feet tall and two hundred pounds, Mary Fields was an intimidating woman.

Mary lived in Montana, in a town called Cascade. She was a special member of the community there. All schools would close on her birthday, and though women were not allowed entry into saloons, she was given special permission by the mayor to come in anytime and to any saloon she liked.

But Mary wasn’t from Montana. She was born into enslavement in Tennessee sometime in the early 1830s, and lived enslaved for more than thirty years until slavery was abolished. As a free woman, life led her first to Florida to work for a family and then Ohio when part of the family moved.

When Mary was 52, her close friend who lived in Montana became ill with pneumonia. Upon hearing the news, Mary dropped everything and came to nurse her friend back to health. Her friend soon recovered and Mary decided to stay in Montana settling in Cascade.

Her beginning in Cascade wasn’t smooth. To make ends meet, she first tried her hand at the restaurant business. She opened a restaurant, but she wasn’t much of a chef. And she was also too generous, never refusing to serve a customer who couldn’t pay. So the restaurant failed within a year.

But then in 1895, when in her sixties, Mary, or as “Stagecoach Mary” as she was sometimes called because she never missed a day of work, became the second woman and first African American to work as a mail carrier in the U.S. She got the job because she was the fastest applicant to hitch six horses.

Eventually she retired to a life of running a laundry business. And babysitting all the kids in town. And going to baseball games. And being friends with much of the townsfolk.

This was Mary Fields. A rebel, a legend.

THE DOG SHOW

by Terry Southern

It was, as a matter of fact, Guy Grand who, working through his attorneys, had bought controlling interest in the three largest kennel clubs on the eastern seaboard; and in this way he had gained virtual dominance over, and responsibility for, the Dog Show that year at Madison Square Garden. His number-one gérant, or front man, for this operation was a Señor Hernandez Gonzales, a huge Mexican, who had long been known in dog-fancier circles as a breeder of blue-ribbon Chihuahuas. With Grand's backing however, and over a quick six months, Gonzales became the celebrated owner of one of the finest kennels in the world, known now not simply for Chihuahuas, but for Pekinese, Pomeranians and many rare and strange breeds of the Orient. 

It was evident that that season's show at the Garden was to be a gala one — a wealth of new honors had been posted, the prize-money packets substantially fattened, and competition keener than ever. Bright young men and wealthy dowagers from all over were bringing forward their best and favorite pedigrees. Gonzales himself had promised a prize specimen of a fine old breed. A national picture magazine devoted its cover to the affair and a lengthy editorial in praise of this great American benignity, this love of animals — “…in bright and telling contrast,” the editorial said, “to certain naive barbarities, e.g., the Spanish bullfight.”

Thus, when the day arrived, all was as it should be. The Garden was festively decked, the spectators in holiday reverence, the lights burning, the big cameras booming, and the participants dressed as for a Papal audience — though slightly ambivalent, between not wishing to get mussed or hairy, and yet wanting to pamper and coo over their animals. 

Except for the notable absence of Señor Gonzales, things went smoothly, until the final competition began, that between “Best of Breed” for the coveted “Best in Show.” And at this point, Gonzales did appear; he joined the throng of owners and beasts who mingled in the center of the Garden, where it was soon apparent his boast had not been idle — at the end of the big man's leash was an extraordinary dog; he was jet-black and almost the size of a full-grown Dane, with the most striking coat and carriage yet seen at the Garden show that season. The head was dressed somewhat in the manner of a circus-cut poodle, though much exaggerated, so that half the face of the animal was truly obscured.

Gonzales joined the crowd with a jaunty smile and flourish not inappropriate to one of his eminence. He hadn't been there a moment though before he and the dog were spotted by Mrs. Winthrop-Garde and her angry little spitz.

She came forward, herself not too unlike her charge, waddling aggressively, and she was immediately followed by several other women of similar stamp, along with Pekineses, Pomeranians, and ill-tempered miniature chows.

Gonzales bowed with winning old-world grace and caressed the ladies' hands.

“What a perfect love he is!” shrieked Mrs. Winthrop-Garde of the animal on Gonzales's leash, and turning to her own, “Isn’t he, my darling? Hmm? Hmm? Isn't he, my precious sweet? And whatever is his name?” she cried to Gonzales when her own animal failed to respond, but yapped crossly instead.

“He is called… Claw,” said Gonzales with a certain soft drama which may have escaped Mrs. Winthrop-Garde, for she rushed on, heedless as ever. 

“Claude! It's too delicious — the perfect darling! Say hello to Claude, Angelica! Say hello to Claude, my fur-flower!”

And as she pulled the angry little spitz forward, while it snapped and snorted and ran at the nose, an extraordinary thing happened — for what this Grand and Gonzales had somehow contrived, and for reasons never fathomed by the press, was to introduce in disguise to the Garden show that season not a dog at all, but some kind of terrible black panther or dyed jaguar — hungry he was too, and cross as a pickle — so that before the day was out, he had not only brought chaos into the formal proceedings, but had actually destroyed about half the “Best of Breed.”

During the first hour or so, Gonzales, because of his respected position in that circle, was above reproach, and all of the incidents were considered as being accidental, though, of course, extremely unfortunate.

“Too much spirit,” he kept explaining, frowning and shaking his head; and, as he and the beast stalked slowly about in the midst of the group, he would chide the monster-cat:

“Overtired from the trip, I suppose. Isn't that it, boy? Hmm? Hmm?”

So now occasionally above the yapping and whining, the crowd would hear a strange swish! and swat! as Gonzales and the fantastic beast moved on, flushing them one by one.

Finally one woman, new to the circle, who did not know how important Gonzales was, came back with an automatic pistol and tried to shoot the big cat. But she was so beside herself with righteous fury that she missed and was swiftly arrested.

Gonzales, though, apparently no fool himself, was quick to take this as a cue that his work was done, and he gradually retired, so that “Best in Show” was settled at last, between those not already eliminated.

Grand later penned a series of scathing articles about the affair: “Scandal of the Dog Show!” “Can This Happen Here?” “Is It Someone’s Idea of a Joke?” etc., etc.

The bereft owners were wealthy and influential people, more than eager to go along with the demand for an inquiry. As quickly as witnesses were uncovered, however, they were bought off by Grand or his representatives, so that nothing really ever came of it in the end — though, granted, it did cost him a good bit to keep his own name clear.