ENTITLEMENT TANKS
In response to Ms. Cooney's gripping drama
That Kemgas allegedly inflected her with such trauma
So as not to burden you busy readers
Like keeping up with the exploits of our government leaders
It's plain and really quite simple
As a chin sporting a handsome dimple:
We tried to make it clear from the very start
A customer cannot use our tank for eleven years only as garden art
To comply with her signed agreement she would not budge
Because she felt she was in the right we said "tell it to the judge"
When all was said and done the gavel fell
Kemgas won the case with nothing else to tell
Not so with Ms. Cooney
She painted a picture of Kemgas as harsh and loony
By having Bruce Anderson as a longtime friend she could continue her pout
Using AVA as her personal fiat front-page tout
If one doesn't care for our wares or what our company requires
One can easily choose from a plethora of other suppliers
From a locally-owned family business of three score and seventeen
This event is the likes with which we have never seen
May we leave you with a very short tory
There are always two sides to each story
With all due respect
We're poets and don't know its
Kemppe Liquid Gas Corp, dba Kemgas
"Propane, fresh and green daily from Mother Earth"
"Your propane company by choice"
Charles Russell II
Eleanor Cooney replies:
A propane purveyor named Chuck
Is a rhymester of singular pluck!
With cunning and sass
He delivers the gas
But not from the back of a truck.
MAKING A KILLING
Editor,
Just thought I'd let you know that the “Need for Speed” crew paid several hundred dollars ($500) to my place of work just for letting them park a couple of vans there for a few hours. I bet they paid a whole lot more to our neighbors each side, on one side, the little sport cars went zipping in and out their drive way all day long, after their runs down the highway, as did all kinds of other film crew vehicles, fake cop cars, etc. There is no way any customers could have fit in there on the day of shooting. The place on the other side of us also had vehicles going in and out all day, plus: the two helicopters were stationed there. This was all very fun to me, and the few customers who made it into our place. The choppers took off many times, hovered over us, and zoomed down to the road, where they dogged the adorable cars- one was the camera, the other a fake cop chopper- and, man, did they fly low and close together! As they went towards the cars, their blades were the same height as the willow tree at the end of the drive! That is LOW! It was also fun to watch the cars zoom back and forth down the road. I know they're really Corvette engines on a custom chassie with fiberglass shells to make them look like the fancy cars- but they are REALLY cute! Like sculptures. My co-worker found it all pretty boring, but I was most entertained!
On a completely different note…RE interest payments. I remember in 1978, I was refinancing my house in Oakland for $40,000. At the bank signing papers, I was looking through the huge stack, and saw this paragraph about interest, and that it would amount to $260,000. I tensely asked the woman helping me, “What's that!??” and she said, “Oh, don't look at that! That just gets you upset! It's ok, that's just how it is, don't worry about it!” and so I didn't. These things are all done on trust! A normal person can never understand them…and that's just the way they like it- so that after everybody's all trusting, they screwed millions of people out of their homes…
And here's another thing that baffles me, and sort of disgusts me, Re an article you printed last week- that people would think it's great when housing prices are high. Yeah, it's great for real estate agents and people who don't want their homes anymore. But it's rotten for people who actually want to live in these places. You don't just have to pay your high down payment when you first acquire your house, you get huge mortgage payments, and property taxes to match! Why is this good? Another thing I think is unfair, is this bidding war thing on houses. How about setting the price you want, and the first people who want your house and qualify get it? It's stressful enough buying a house, adding the bidding war really exacerbates it. When we sold our house in Oakland, we accepted the first offer we got (obviously after making sure they qualified.) It's pretty sad that so many people are not satisfied anymore with making a living, they have to make a killing.
Name Withheld
Philo
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URANTIA, IRANTIA
Dear Editor:
"The growing of plants exerts an ennobling influence on all races of mankind," a statement in The Urantia Book, while not subject to scientific verification, few would disagree, has a certain ring of truth about it. If we have any doubts, all we have to do is ask the producers of "RoundUp Ready" GMO crops at Monsanto, and they will reassure us it is true.
The migration of millions of monarch butterflies from all over North America to the same 30-some acres in Central America each year is one of the wonders of the natural world. Unfortunately, according to a recent news report, it may be coming to an end. This past year the nuptial celebration covered only two or three acres, instead of the usual 30+. Monarchs eat milkweed. RoundUp kills milkweed. Maybe The Urantia Book is wrong.
Aloha,
Bill Brundage
Kurtistown, Hawaii
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DIY POLICING
To the Editor:
With all the talk about adding Ukiah Police officers due to the problems with transients, I have not heard anything about asking multi billion dollar businesses to take some responsibility in protecting their own property. If you look closely at the police log, most of the problems are confined to a few locations. Is it fair to ask the citizens of Ukiah to pay for additional police simply to run transients off of private property?
The first police department I worked for was a town of approximately 30,000 residents. Our staffing consisted of a sergeant and two patrol officers on days and graves and a sergeant and three patrol officers on swing shift. We handled our calls and still found time to knock on doors, serving warrants, etc. I am quite sure that Ukiah with a population of only 15,000 has at least that amount of staffing.
Why should UPD work as "private security" for huge businesses not interested in paying to protect their property, customers and employees? As a former field manager for a large security company, I know that a fully equipped and trained security officer can reduce the calls to law enforcement by handling minor issues such as unwanted persons on client property.
I recently proposed a patrol route for businesses, motels and multi-family property in the Ukiah area. The route would feature a fully equipped patrol officer in a marked vehicle to both patrol client property and respond to calls for service. This route could have reduced calls for service to UPD between 4pm and midnight and been a great benefit to the citizens of Ukiah. I received one (1) response.
The manager of one large retailer said that problems were being "overblown" and two others said they could count on UPD to hire "as many cops as necessary" to handle their problems.
Every time that a UPD officer responds to a retail business, motel, etc. to ask someone to leave, that is time they are not patrolling your neighborhood, working traffic enforcement, serving arrest warrants, etc. There is no reason why businesses cannot spend some money on creative solutions such as private patrol routes. This is nothing revolutionary. It is done all over, but businesses here will not seek solutions as long as UPD responds to every little problem on their property.
Ken Good
Ukiah
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BUT PREVAILING WINDS BLOW INLAND…
Editor,
In Joyce Cary's 1944 novel "The Horse's Mouth," a character makes a suggestion which is appropriate to today, April 17.
Henceforth, the US Senate will convene at the coast where prevailing winds will blow the stench out to sea.
Ralph Bostrom
Willits
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WALKING IN CIRCLES
Dear AVA,
First I would like to thank you for the wonderful paper you publish.
So as I sit here extremely bored and after reading last night's edition of my favorite paper, I figured I would write and let you know a little bit about realignment from the inmate's perspective.
I'm currently housed in D-module in Mendocino County Jail where we have been lied to for the last three weeks by staff about a television that it's been gone for almost a year now.
We have a single program once a month by a very nice gentleman named Santiago. It's Men's Alternative to Violence. Our program has changed a little bit. We do get out together, all at once, and we get a few more hours than we used to. But because we are more sophisticated we stay stuck in maximum security. I've been in jail most of all last year. I was paroled in February and spent every month except September in jail due to my drug and alcohol problems. My probation officer, Augie Marin, who I went to school with, has a personal problem with me. I have asked for numerous transfers to better environments and he keeps me trapped in Ukiah. My little sister killed herself in November. I went to my probation officer and asked if I could move to Fort Bragg with my three-year-old son and do the Alcohol and Other Drug Program there. Yes, but you have to come to Ukiah every day to do the B.I. program. What's the difference between AODP and BI? They are both county programs. So now I'm sentenced to another 180 days and a six months residential requirement. The catch is there are only two programs. You can go to San Francisco or Oakland Salvation Army. I do not believe in God and I really like my long hair. So once again I'm set up to fail. Realignment is a joke. Parole was far better and still is better. At least they will pay for you to go to a program. The jail here helps no one. It's a cesspool of us losers walking in circles, telling war stories. Your government waste at its finest.
Thank you for your time.
Lewy
Mendocino County Jail, Ukiah
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WONDERFUL!
Editor,
I would like to thank Julie Winchester for the wonderful cakes you created for my birthday. They made my day so much more wonderful. And to you Marylin for the super cream pie. Wish you could have stayed longer.
I would also like to thank all of you special people who came to help celebrate my 51 years with me. Wow, what a wonderful party! And a special thanks to you, Phillip, for all you did to make this happen.
Love ya,
Jacqui
Boonville
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HOW A LADY DANCES
Editor,
Todd Walton's “Tenuous Grip” reminds me of parallel experiences. 1. Frequently I will glance at a clock and it will be 11:11. Maybe some etheric memory of WW1 life and death? 2. I don't have to go four dates with a female before she dumps me for lack of financial studliness. One or even less is sufficient. However if I appear in public well-groomed and dressed in better clothes than the standard male slobwear (jeans, T-shirt, baseball cap) I attract attention, only temporarily, though. Clearly the posterior bulge is more important than the anterior one. 3. My mother also made me attend dance classes. They were taught by an aristocratic Latin American couple. The man had this amazing mustache. Two little lines of hair an eighth of an inch wide descended from each nostril, then made sharply cut turns to either side of his upper lip. He must have had some special razor to trim this thing with every day. We had to learn all this stuff no one cared about: waltzes, cha-chas, foxtrots and so on. One day he announced “Today, boys and girls, we are going to learn the ‘Rock and Roll’.” We all looked at each other and laughed. We're teenagers, it's the 60s, right? He puts “Love Potion #9” on the record player and demonstrates the “Rock and Roll” with his partner in an absurd and stilted upper-class manner, then allows us to continue. The prettiest girl in the class has the temerity to wiggle her hips, so Mustache stops the music and loudly shames her for uncivilized and unladylike behavior. “A lady does not move her hips!” She's mortified, we're all embarrassed by this fool, and that was it for dance class.
Yrs,
Jay Williamson
Santa Rosa
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ZEN DILEMMAS
Editor,
Nonattachment, Saving the Earth, and Solidarity. My warmest Sunday greetings to all, I just spent a mindful day at Ocean Beach in San Francisco, followed by a trip to North Beach ending up with Buddhist chants at the Gold Mountain Monastery in Chinatown. Master Hsuan Hwa founded this monastery, he who wisely advised, “Do not be attached to anything at all.” I am emotionally suffering due to my intensity and insistence of returning to Washington DC, in order to bring the metaphysical aspect into the radical environmental and peace & justice dissent effort there. I have until May 1st, when my stay at the St. Mary's Senior Shelter ends, and I do not now have adequate money to finance a beltway goddess-on-a-flatbed-truck action in DC. Also, nobody has emailed me to say that they are enthusiastic about doing this. Frankly, I am not receiving any messages from anyone at all that are encouraging in regard to my being in D.C. again; unless I arrive with money, and can support myself fully, in which case I am welcome to protest anything that I like as much as I care to in Washington D.C. Therefore, I spent today concentrating on NOT being attached to the thinking mind! Perhaps this ought to be my primary focus for the future. I feel very weird about all of this, particularly refocusing away from environmental and peace & justice concerns, but I see no way to continue participating in an activist direction, given that I am receiving no cooperation/solidarity of any significance from the left wing in the USA, and I presently lack sufficient money to make anything happen action-wise on my own. Maybe this is all for the best,
Craig Louis Stehr. Email: craigstehr@hushmail.com
c/o NOSCW, PO Box 11406, Berkeley, CA 94712-2406 Blog: http://craiglstehr.blogspot.com
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CAN’T TOUCH THIS
Editor,
Wow, yesterday was truly one of those days that makes me feel so incredibly lucky to live here in Ukiah, Mendocino County, California.
While back in Boston, most of the city was locked down as the police dragnet closed in around the surviving young Chechen bomber, those of us who were fortunate enough to have tuned into our very own listener-supported radio station, KZYX, were treated to a Ted talk where several brilliant, thought-provoking speakers explored the idea and the meaning of beauty; how it is defined in some cultures, how it is experienced by our consciousness, just a wonderful bunch of thoughts about what we mean when we think of 'beauty', perhaps the most important human value of all.
As I parked downtown later in the day, meeting friends for dinner, the Boston PD announcement that they had taken that kid, alive, into custody was great news; two of my brothers live in Boston, and one had just been right where the bombs went off 1/2 an hour earlier.
Then, later in the evening, our little town produced a packed house at that lovingly maintained, priceless civic asset, the Saturday Afternoon Club, to hear the truly beautiful musical collaboration of Jenna Mammina and Alex De Grassi; her luscious, inventive, powerful voice harmonizing so sweetly with his brilliantly improvisational, virtuoso guitar work. It was as if the one hour lecture about beauty earlier in the day was being laid out in a demonstration project for us all to feel, see, hear and say, “ahhh” to.
Ukiah may have its challenges, but on a day like yesterday, is there anywhere in the world that can really beat our humble little burg as a soul-satisfying social and cultural Mecca? Certainly not from this particular entity's point of view. Could there possibly be a better place for a human being to live? I don't think so.
Sincerely,
John Arteaga
Ukiah
Ed reply: Boonville, where every day's a holiday, every meal's a banquet.
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PEBS ROMO
Editor,
Dr. Doo Re Romo And Me:
Dr. Doo has recently penned some soft-edge cartoons in the AVA about me and my little known sides, such as my love for baseball, special affection for the Giants, the whole team, especially Romo, cool announcers, and quality of camaraderie they play with.
In one cartoon — this is all fiction — Dr. Doo has me heart-ed with closer Sergio Romo, who represents the can-do chemistry of the post-Bonds era. His t-shirt — “I Only Look Illegal!” — worn on his chest as a public statement at the Victory Party of the World Series, is a great laugh at the state of the world! He helped break the hair taboo in MLB by being so competent that who cares if he's a hippy? (Eight league-leading saves this year.)
Dr. Doo tells me that Romo was actually the original beard behind the “Fear the Beard” campaign that Brian Wilson carried forward until his injury, then passed back to Romo.
So, yeah, I feel there's a lot to love about Romo's can-do spirit — team-mindedness, determination, joy of life. All those things are good for the Giants.
Pebbles Trippet
Elk
PS. Mark Casaretto was critical of our Cannabis Cards portrayal of Pancho Villa (AVA 4/3/13, “Not Exactly A Good Stoner”) because we failed to mention the reason President Wilson sent 5,000 troops under General Pershing 400 miles into Mexico on a nine-month search to capture him, all in vain. We depicted Villa as a folk hero based on his dominant army of the poor, daring exploits and defiance of authority during the Mexican Revolution 1910-1920.
During this time that Villa and his counterpart Zapata were attempting to set up rival governments representing the oppressed, Villa's incursion into New Mexico took place, raiding, killing and looting for munitions to fight a revolutionary war. President Wilson sent the cavalry to Mexico to get Villa, who evaded a massive US hunt, enhancing his reputation with the oppressed who protected him. President Carranza took over the suppression of Villa when he was elected in 1917, the year of the Russian Revolution as well; the world was in turmoil. Ironically, after Villa disbanded his army and made peace with the Mexican government, it is widely believed he was ordered killed by President Orozco, a former rival.
We didn't choose Pancho Villa; Pancho Villa chose us. Meaning, Cannabis Cards is laying out the suppressed unadorned history of marijuana thru the actions & accomplishments of remarkable people who have had an impact on society in some important way. Villa was one such individual. His place in cannabis history is unavoidable. His song “La Cucaracha” is a classic about an army of the oppressed fueled by weed, and not being able to function if they had no marijuana to smoke. It was the first known mention of the word "marihuana" (with that spelling); that is the objective history.
Casaretto suggests we may want to be "more selective in the future" as to who we feature. Without censorship, we will feature it all. There is not enough room on a tiny little trading card for detail, but look for it in our coming book, Wikiweedipedia.
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SHIPPEY APPRECIATION
Editor,
On behalf of my family and the hundreds of friends and loved ones who attended the April 13 memorial celebration for my wife Carrie Hamburg, I would like to acknowledge the hard work of the staff of the Rod Shippey Education Facility and Field Station: Meggin Lewman, office manager, Bob Keiffer, superintendant, Jake Green, physical plant mechanic supervisor and Bryan Robertson, senior building maintenance person.
The Shippey Facility is located at the University of California’s Hopland Research and Extension Center and was named for Rod Shippey, who was the UC Farm Advisor for Mendocino County from 1955 until 1989. It was the perfect location for our family and friends to honor Carrie’s memory. The facility was conceived and designed by noted ecological architect Sim Van der Ryn and Paul Roberts and Partners.
The building incorporates numerous forward-thinking design elements including rainwater harvesting, passive heating and cooling elements and green cabinetry. It exceeds the LEED (Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design) platinum benchmark standards. The magnificent indoor-outdoor floor plan enabled us to host an overflow crowd of over 500 people, enabling them to participate in the memorial through the facility’s state-of-the-art sound system.
My family and I were honored to host the first public event at the Shippey Facility following its grand opening. The staff’s attention to detail, their level of professionalism and their understanding and support of our grieving family made the planning and coordination of a difficult event that much easier to accomplish. We are grateful that this beautiful, functional and environmentally responsible event center will be a welcoming and comfortable staging ground for conferences, meetings, school programs and many other community events in the years to come.
Dan Hamburg
Ukiah
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GO AHEAD, BORROW
Editor,
Re Valley People 4/17: “Neither a borrow nor a lender be” is a line from Shakespeare, not Ben Franklin. It’s from Hamlet, part of Polonius’s advice to his son, Laertes. My dad (who had to leave high school after ninth grade) quoted it occasionally.
When I was a college freshman I took a Shakespeare course from a prof named Harry Levin, who pronounced his last name “Le vinn,” with the accent on the second syllable as if it were French, not Rooskie. (Everybody where I grew up pronounced Levin as if it rhymed with Kevin.)
On my first visit home my father happened to quote Polonius’s advice to Laertes. I said, “Dad, you always say that as if it's wise advice, but Professor Le vinn says that the Elizabethan audience thought Polonius was a doddering old fool, and his famous list of pointers was a list of clichés they found laughable.” My father looked kind of sad and said, “I'm not sure I think so much of this Professor Le vinn.”
Fred Gardner
Alameda
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