Bird’s Eye View

by Turkey Vulture, October 28, 2011

Greetings one and all. If you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin. I’m sure most of you will have been fascinated by the news story that a US woman had drugged her estranged husband, tied him to a bed and cut off his penis. A police spokesman in California said, “The female cut off his penis with a knife, tossed the penis in the garbage disposal and turned the disposal to the 'on' position. She was arrested on suspicion of aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse.” Isn’t his kind of crime on the increase? In case this phenomenon spreads to the Valley I just thought you should be prepared — well at least half of you.

And here are some relevant Quotes of the Week that provide a variety of views on the ‘Battle of the Sexes.’ “There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper” — feminist Camille Paglia. “I could point out that, to judge from the covers of countless women's magazines, the two topics most interesting to women are (1) Why men are all disgusting pigs, and (2) How to attract men” — comedian Dave Barry. “Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then” — Katharine Hepburn. “Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats” — Woody Allen. “To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends” — Benjamin Franklin. I like all of these; hope you did too.

And now on to the Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #109. The next Guest Chef Dinner (and the final one of 2011) to benefit the Senior Center will take place this Friday, Oct 28, when A.V. Brewery General Manager and budding chef, Fal Allen, in fine Oktoberfest tradition, will be serving locally “grown” Wild boar (pig) and herb sausages, served on a bed of beer-steeped sauerkraut with a side of traditional German-style warm potato salad (with bacon and onions) and an apple and walnut salad. Desert will be traditional German apple, cherry and plumb strudel. Anderson Valley beers will be on draft and local wines also available. The Social starts at 6.30pm and Dinner is served at 7pm. Seating will be limited to sixty guests at $25 per head. Last month this event once again sold out so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details. #110. The Barn Sale is back this weekend when it will be ‘Christmas in October’! This will take place at The Big Barn at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on AV Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm, on both Saturday and Sunday, Oct 29 and 30. Many special items for the holiday period will be on sale so this is your chance to get some Xmas shopping done early. #111. Saturday Oct 30 sees the end-of-season pumpkin festival and pot luck at the Boonville Farmers Market. The Market will take place as usual in the Hotel parking lot from 9.30am to noon. #112. There is a Halloween Party at The Buckhorn that same evening — Saturday, Oct 30. #113. The Annual Veterans Day event will be held at Evergreen Cemetery on AV Way on Sunday, November 6 at 10.30am and it should be stressed that this special occasion is not a political or religious event. It offers a chance for us to show support and gratitude for both those who gave their lives or were wounded in wars of the past, and for those who have served or continue to serve so that we may have the freedoms and liberties that we continue to enjoy today. #114. The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital will be back in the Valley on Thursday, November 17.

Moving quickly on to a topic that dominated discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge and is summed up by the comments from our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, in his insightful series — ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “Here is an excerpt from the recent article in the SF Chronicle by their wine writer Jon Bonné, ‘The past couple years have brought an inevitable changing of hands for many wine properties here, an unparalleled series of sales hastened by the down economy and devastating 2008 wildfires. Influential names had a rare chance to buy into Anderson Valley and they did not hesitate. Napa label Cliff Lede purchased both the young Breggo label and the esteemed Savoy vineyard. Silver Oak bought the Monument Tree vineyard for its Twomey label; Lazy Creek Vineyards, a staple of Mendocino's rustic wine culture, was bought by Healdburg's glitzy Ferrari-Carano; and the ailing Jim Ball property was purchased by a big valley name, Roederer Estate, which intends to make still wine. These followed the arrival of Napa heavies Cakebread and Duckhorn, the latter of which telegraphed a major shift in the Anderson Valley style when it unveiled its Goldeneye wines.’ “Well who are most of these people? Do you see them in our post offices or at Philo’s Lemons’ Market of the AV Market in Boonville? Do they go to the Senior Center, shop in town, or have any connection to the schools? This is progress? As George Bernard Shaw said, ‘All progress means war with society.’ I agree with both this wise Irish social commentator and also my good friend, the not quite so wise Turkey Vulture, who commented, ‘At this point in history, clearly the lunatics are running the asylum and isn’t it about time there was some serious discussion about a People’s Revolution and a bit more ‘Occupying’?’ I’m with you, Vulture, it’s time to man the battlements, raise up the drawbridge, and prepare for ‘war’ as the Apocalypse approaches!”

Time to take my leave. With the sun still shining and some quite warm days expected, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose. Otherwise, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey.” As always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at PPS. On the sheep, Grace.

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