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In The Good Ol’ Summertime

I woke up this morning with the following phrase rattling around in my head: in the absence of rabbits. I don't know where it came from, if it was the…

Vaseline Tyrranosaurus & The Perils Of Shoplifting

I was perusing the dictionary recently, as I will sometimes, in a sort of meandering, purposeless way, having already extracted the bit of hard info I came for and then…

Fear The Beard!

Of all the mystifying shit that youth is getting up to these days — body-madding, skinny jeans, gender-hopping, emoji poetry, and molecular cuisine being just a few notable examples —…

The Gulls Have Spoken

I only ever deliberately killed another animal once in my life. It was in the mid-80s and I was working on a farm/nursery in Durango, Colorado, where the mistress of…

Nothin’ Doin’

Nothin’ Doin’

I am a busy man. Busy, busy, busy. Beaver, bee, one-armed paperhanger: choose your preferred symbolic figure for a chap in a condition of constant occupation. Not complaining, mind you,…

Yo Ho Ho, A Pirate’s Life…

Society, or at least the arm of it concerned with the making of rules and the forced restraint of natural human behavior, is very good at defining the areas in…

Everything Is Awesome!

If you listen to a very old person talk long enough, and I mean real old, and of a disposition toward colorful slang, you might hear a particular bygone class…

Vigilante Justice

It's a fine thing to be respected and admired. I mean, I guess it must be. It sounds cool. Oh, I'm not universally despised or anything, and during lapses in…

Status: Deceased

I have an excellent moneymaking idea, one sure to rake in millions, and as I plan to outline it here in this space I'm going to need to trust every…

A Sun of One’s Own

It was a day in name only, unidentifiable by simple observation. A look out the window, generally sufficient to get a rough idea of one's orbital position vis-a-vis the sun,…

Night At The Rez

What began as a routine mission out to Pinoleville — well, you know, routine mission, peril-fraught incursion behind enemy lines, six of one, half-dozen of the other — had become…