STUNNING WEATHER for the Labor Day weekend in Boonville. It was gloriously hot, and Highway 128, once far more romantically known as “MacDonald’s to the Sea,” sang with the traffic of holidaymakers from all over. Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks were in Mendocino, another smoking-hot band at the Navarro Store, and everybody in between grilling prime cuts of meat and swilling pricey cups of wine. What fun! (Bruce McEwen)

BUT SOME OF US had to work. And a great many others, languishing in unemployment, wished they could work. I was among the former, and it was my job to go to a more local show, so I missed Dan Hicks and saw Nancy Joy instead. But before we get to “N. Joy” (get it?), let’s snap open a cold one and consider the holiday weekend as a set piece. Many of the vehicles humming happily through town were mounted with ocean-going kayaks, four-wheeler motor scooters, camper shells, and all the fossil fuel-propelled detritus associated with Happy Motoring. Interspersed with the gas guzzling-merrymakers were other vehicles, loaded down with household possessions, refugees of the recent collapse of the drive-and-shop economy, looking for a place to go to ground for the coming winter. Of course the usual bi-annual Flea Market at the Veterans Building in Boonville was in full swing. They do it twice a year, Memorial Day and Labor Day. But sales were off this spring and only marginally better last weekend. So many people who have spent their lives and fortunes collecting what is basically junk, paying storage on it, and looking to off-load it for some rapidly inflating dollars, were scarcely in the market for more. I went every morning for the biscuits and gravy, a huge no-no for a man of my advanced cholesterol levels. But on Saturday I went whole-hog, got the B&G for breakfast and went back for an burger as big as a truck tire smothered in absolutely poisonous red chili on top of which I dumped about enough shredded cheese to clot Gargantua’s arteries. I then cracked open a vial of Tobasco sauce, sprinkled half on the gut-bomb grub and the rest went into a bloody mary. “I’m afraid you’ve caught me with my snout in the trough,” I apologized to the waitress who asked if there’d be anything else. I blew some bubbles in the thick chili sauce through my nose, gulped, belched, and touched my lip with a napkin corner. “I’m good,” I said. “How did it go, the Flea Market, I mean?” She said something, but slurping and licking the plate, I missed it. I went outdoors to fire up a cigarette. A couple of the Gypsies were packing up and clearing off. But before I doused my butt, another truck and trailer pulled in to take their place. There were two magnificent boats flying For Sale pennants parked along the highway. (—Bruce McEwen)

I STOPPED at One Man’s — an on-going yard sale — and chatted with proprietor Mark Fontaine, a retired gent who likes people, he said. Which makes two of us. One Man’s is located in South Boonville between Don Pardini’s house and the Fairgrounds parking lot. Way back, it was a produce stand, operated, I’m told, by the late Evelyn Berry. Mark Fontaine had all kinds of household things for sale, plus a couple of trailers to haul it all off with. “What’s selling?” I asked. “Baby stuff,” he said. “This gave me pause. Of the seven barmaids at the Forest Club in Ukiah, my favorite hang-out, five are pregnant. The bar sports two plaques from the Ukiah City Council. One says ‘Best Cocktail’ and the other ‘Best Pick-Up Place’. I’m ready to believe it — but not ready to pay the child-support. Anyhow, Mark Fontaine had a high-chair. “Eight generations old,” he said. Mrs. Fontaine had scoured and polished and wrapped the high-chair in plastic. It was beautiful. A pregnant woman spotted it from the highway, slammed on her brakes and charmed Mr. Fontaine out of it. “Nothing,” he said and emphasized again “nothing sells for more than $10.” I’m ready to believe it — but didn’t have $10. “I’m not in it for the profit,” he said. “I like to sell and I especially like meeting people. I go to garage sales and get a lot of stuff for a song. A lot of people,” he notes modestly, “have no money so I just give it to ‘em.” He said he sold lots of kids gear, books and exercise equipment. One Man’s will be open on the weekends until Thanksgiving then he’ll close for the season. (—Bruce McEwen)

NANCY JOY was not an hour over 19 by the looks of her, and she said she was from Comptche, a home-grown gal with a guitar and some songs. And her friends. One of these friends, Shawn Nichols of St. Helena, dreadlocks down to his belt, sang about a dozen songs, which were all pretty good. Mr. Nichols got some enthusiastic applause from the small crowd in attendance, the $10 cover charge having negatively affected the turn out. His last song he said was a tribute to his wife. It started out with, “You make me feel…” and then the words grew indistinct to the point I couldn’t make out how she made him feel — good, I bet. Nancy Joy had another friend, Sebastian from Sebastopol, who was only 17. The kid could play but I couldn’t understand any of his words. I asked an enthusiastic listener what he was singing about. “He sings like Michael Hedges,” she said. “Who’s Michael Hedges?” I asked. “You know, the one who got killed in the car wreck.” (— Bruce McEwen)

NANCY JOY sang like her friends, kinda soft, kinda mournful. She told me all three of them were popular at a place called Hop Monk in Sebastopol. They were popular in Boonville, too. I could make out some of Nancy Joy’s lyrics. She sang about hope, and just trying to be happy in a world that offers little objective hope for happiness. I’m feeling pretty good myself, thank you, but to each her own. My generation of songsters had been lied to and sang angry songs about it. These kids have been told the truth and they sound worried. (—Bruce McEwen)

BE SURE TO STOP in at Laughing Dog Books where our very own Stan Peskett, quite renowned internationally as a muralist, has his latest work on display and called “On A Musical Note, richly populated scenes of people gathering to enjoy musical experiences in settings around the world.”

BRIAN SCHREINER stopped by the office to present me with a camo-colored t-shirt emblazoned “USMC Mountain Warfare Training Center,” at the sight of which I was transported fifty years back in time when that place was called Pickle Meadows Cold Weather Training Center, I think, and I spent a month trudging around in the Eastern Sierra snow with a mortar base plate, pulling myself over winter streams on wire ropes, building snow caves, walking around on tennis racket snow shoes. It was cold all right, but beautiful. The nearest town was Bridgeport where my fellow mortarman, Manual Salangsalang — he carried the tube — was declared a Paiute Indian and not allowed to buy beer. “I’m a pucking Pilipino!” Manual would shout. “I never heard of no pucking Paiute Indians, and they never heard of pucking Pilipinos! What is this pucking place?”

IF YOU’RE WONDERING why Alex Wood is walking real, real slow lately you must not know the guy is recovering from back surgery performed recently at Stanford.

ERICA KANE will deliver an introduction to beekeeping workshop at Ludwig’s Irrigation and Landscape on Saturday, September 25th, noon to 3; and again on Saturday, October 2nd, noon to 3. At a mere $45 this instruction is a bargain. Info at 894-9174.

LAST THURSDAY, the 19th of August, marijuana raid teams pulled up 20,675 pot plants from a series of gardens in the Yorkville area. The cops say the gardeners were living among the weeds, so to speak. So far this season, raid teams have uprooted 542,388 plants, grabbed 594 pounds of bud, made 50 arrests, confiscated 66 weapons, all of which may or may not withstand close statistical analysis, but if even half the stats resemble reality, a lot of dope has been interdicted, perhaps even enough to keep prices at about $2,000 a pound, more if you buy your cannabis at medical marijuana centers.

IQBAL SINGH and Barjinder Kaur are the new owners of Pic ‘N Pay, having taken over the busy store from the always personable Shaukat Ali.

A CALLER ASKS, “How about doing an interview with Robert Fullbright, born and raised here?” Robert’s on our list, as is Rod Balson and a whole lotta people, some of whom are shy types who’d rather not be interviewed. Myself, I think we’ve got just about the most diverse, and interestingly diverse, cross-section of people any darn where, Frisco included.

HELEN LIBEU called again. Helen, now in her ninth decade, and a person of means, again insisted that her stepsons, Carl and Jack Libeu, both of Sonoma County, are trying to sell the old growth redwood acres Helen owns about five miles up Peachland Road. Her property is on the market, she says, for $500,000. “They seem to hope nobody notices,” Helen says, “but I haven’t signed anything and I’ve always been under the impression that I owned the property.” I’ve shared Helen’s impression for many years, having visited with her at that very place. I asked Helen if she had an attorney. “Yes, I do,” she said, “but he doesn’t seem too interested.” $500,000 is a figure likely to attract the attentions of most lawyers, but maybe this guy is the type who doesn’t hear old ladies unless they lob wads of cash directly at him. “Grab him by the throat, Helen,” I suggested. “Do what you have to do to get his attention, because if you’re being swindled you’re going to need more than a newspaper to get the wolves away from your door.” I made what inquiries I could, and what I found was this: Helen’s descendants are trying to sell the property, sort of, but they are fighting among themselves to the point an actual transaction is, at this time, impossible.

PANTHER FOOTBALL 2010 kicks off Saturday noon at the Boonville Fairgrounds with a three-way scrimmage between Anderson Valley, Point Arena and RVC. The Panthers are coached by Logo Tevaseu, John Toohey and Bill Nobles. And thank you to Boonville football’s number one fan, Palma Toohey, for dropping off a season schedule.

LISABETH ELAINE MARYA LYON, 28, and Jeremiah Johnson, 29, both of Philo, have taken out a marriage license. As have Joanna Joyce Temple, 27, and Colin Matthew Anderson, 29, also both of Philo.

STATUS of the Navarro Streamgauge: Friends of the Navarro Watershed are raising funds to assist the county in continuing the operation of the United States Geological Survey gauge on the Navarro River. That commitment to raise contributions of $4,000 in public funds is going well. The Mendocino County Water Agency supports this arrangement and combined with the county’s reduced contribution, funding from the USGS, and Mendocino Redwood Company we can assure that the 57-year operation of this vital information source will continue. The Mendocino County Water Agency is presently working on a contract with USGS they will present to the Board of Supervisors at the end of September. We believe the Board is supportive of this effort and with their approval of the arrangement; the donated funds will be given to the county. We are half way to our goal in donations that are coming from all spectrums of the community. We thank those of you who have made contributions and encourage the participation of those who wish to contribute to this effort. You may make checks out to Mendocino County, and mail them to Friends of the Navarro Watershed at PO Box 449, Philo CA 95466. For more information, contact: Steve Hall 895-2735 (pipsteve@pacific.net) or Daniel Myers 895-3887 (dmyers@pacific.net.)

ANDERSON VALLEY BREWING Company’s 14th Annual Legendary Boonville Beer festival, through its’ non-profit entity, The Bahl Hornin’ Foundation, has raised another $118,500 to help support local non-profits. Ken Allen, founder of Boonville Beer, and founder of the Legendary Boonville Beer Festival held each May, has supported good things in The Valley via the annual Beer Festival going on a decade now. Mr. Trey White, Anderson Valley Brewing Company’s new owner and President assures us that he will continue to support this annual fundraising event. “As the new person in the Valley, it has been a pleasure to observe how the folks in the Valley are able to pull together to put on a truly unique event. An event which not only provides entertainment for thousands and provides participants with the opportunity to consume a wide variety of world-class beer but more importantly creates a tremendous source of greatly needed funding for a our local community during these challenging times. The folks of Anderson Valley should be proud and the festival attendees commended for their participation in such a wonderful event.” This year the funds went to the Anderson Valley (AV) Lions Club, Parent Teachers Association, Elderhome, Education Foundation, Sports Boosters, Animal Rescue, Senior Center, Historical Society, AV Fire Department, Volunteer Firefighters Assoc, AV Ambulance, AV Sheriff K-9, Kimmies, Navarro River Resource, AV Land Trust, AV Health Center, AV Housing Authority, Tapestry and the Mendocino County Fairgrounds. Many of the grateful recipients made note that their non-profit would not be in existence without the generosity of Anderson Valley Brewing Company. The Boonville Beer Festival began in 1997. The inaugural event was such a success that the next year Boonville Beer decided to invite other breweries and charge admission to raise profits for their community. The 14th Annual Legendary Boonville Beer Festival featured over 80 breweries and record attendance with 6,500 supporters despite the worsening condition of the overall economy. Next year’s event is Saturday May 14th, 2011. For more information please contact: Debi Paslay, Administrative Assistant, Anderson Valley Brewing Co. 895-2337 or info@avbc.com.

A DISC GOLF Tournament at the Anderson Valley Brewing Company, corner of Highway 253 and Highway 128, is set for September 4th and 5th. Local disc golfers will be pleased to know that the event is titled The “2010 BoontFling!” Disc Golf Tournament. Hosted by AVBC, the competition will be brought to you by Delta Windjammers. Pre-registration is required. Camping offered on site. Please contact www.avbc.com or call 88-207-BEER for details, information and to sign up. Bahl Hornin’! – Debi Paslay, Administrative Assistant, Anderson Valley Brewing Co. 895-2337 or info@avbc.com.

FEELS like an early winter to me, not that Fair Manager Jim Brown wants to hear anything like ‘early winter.’ Was it the winter of ’72 when it started raining the first week of September and didn’t stop until the first week of May? That year it was umbrellas and raincoats at Fair time.

YOUR BELOVED community newspaper will maintain a booth at the Fair this year featuring our writers and their latest books. The books will be on sale, not the writers, although some of us are negotiable. We’re working on Daniel Handler, author of the wildly popular Lemony Snicket who sends us an occasional piece of fiction, but we’ll have a complete roster of appearees and the times they’ll appear in the issue of the paper the week before the Fair kicks off. All us regulars will be there, as will Bruce Patterson, Peter Plate, Robert Mailer Anderson, Todd Walton, and, I hope, Dayla Hepting, if we can lure her west from Montana.

MARIANO LOPEZ FERNANDEZ, 31, was shot and killed by deputies last Wednesday morning at a mari­juana garden near Branscomb, west of Laytonville. Mr. Fernandez had lived in Boonville at Airport Estates with his wife Jessica and the couple’s year-old son. Mrs. Fer­nandez, apparently responding to the boorish jubilation at her husband’s death as expressed on the Ukiah Daily Journal’s comment line, “The man is my husband. We have been together for 3 years and have a 1-year-old son together who had his first birthday 5 days before his daddy was shot down. I know the real truth. I have talked to the other guys that were there with him…I will not give names ever to anyone, but they say they were lying down, still asleep, and they heard something and looked up and saw what they describe as helmets and flung the covers open to get up and run. My husband, Mariano Lopez, was the first and only person shot because he stayed sitting down and began to put on his boots, get­ting ready to turn himself in to deputies. This is the per­son he is, a peaceful, gentle, loving man. He was shot in the legs, stomach, arm, and back. I had always told him that if anything happened to turn himself in, I would be there to visit him in jail and if he got deported, to follow him to Mexico. He would never have fired at deputies, and didn’t. He has a family to think about, and that’s exactly what he was doing, but now I will do what I promised. He’s got into trouble, and now he’s going to Mexico but not in the way he ever would have imagined. I’m going to say good-bye to the one true love of my life and the father of my son, the only person who never said a harsh word to me or abused me in any way. All I have is memories and my son. This is such a huge injustice! And the five deputies will all see me in court! They will see my face, and the face of my son, Mariano’s son, and know that what they did was destroy not only one life, but many lives.”

FOR YOUR CRUMB BUM FILES: Boonville High School’s newly appointed principal, Jim Tomlin, told Dan Kuny and Rick Wyant they could sign up prospec­tive junior varsity football players the first day of school. Tomlin was all smiles. “Great to have you back. Great to have a jv team again.” Kuny and Wyant didn’t know that their return depended on one condition, that condition being that the varsity coaches, Logo Tevaseu, John Too­hey, and the inevitable Pastor Bill, approved of Kuny and Wyant as coaches of the younger boys. Kuny and Wyant went to the high school cafeteria Monday during noon hour and immediately had 18 kids signed up, kids who had previously expressed no interest in playing football this year or any other year. Suddenly there was enthusiasm, life where there had been no life. Kuny and Wyant had assumed they would be welcomed as jv coaches. After all, the 18 boys who’d signed up wanted to play for Kuny and Wyant because they’d played for Kuny and Wyant as little kids. And jv players, young players, need their own coaches because they’re too green, too physically immature to compete against 16 and 17 year olds. But, a few hours later Kuny was informed by Pastor Bill’s triumvirate, “We’ll take ‘em, thanks. Maybe you two guys can fill in for us when we need some extra help.” Which was a nice kick in the teeth for two guys who have devoted many, many vol­unteer hours to the young people of this community. For simply trying to re-interest local kids in football at the high school level they get this casual kiss off? The boys who signed up to play junior varsity wanted to play for Kuny and Wyant. If they’d wanted to play for the Life­Works Group Home, for whom Logo works and for whom Pastor Bill does what he’s told, they’d already have signed up to play, there already would have been 18 kids out for jv football. Logo T and John Toohey are popular with young people, so maybe the kids who signed up to play for Kuny and Wyant will stick around to work out with the big boys, maybe they won’t. But even the big boys the last few years, being drawn mostly from the group home whose proprietor enjoys unique veto power over Anderson Valley High School’s football and basketball teams, have faded long before the season was over, and the football schedule has not been com­pleted. We’re now like Covelo. We start out with a team, albeit a team of strangers, then, halfway through the schedule, Boonville disappears. In years past, for many years past, all the way back to 1920 when the game was played at the Elementary School oval, football worked quite well in the Anderson Valley when both group home kids and local kids comprised the football teams. The community turned out in large numbers for Friday night football. As it stands, the community could care less. Football is dead in the Anderson Valley. Tomlin, with a great big assist from Jack Graves of LifeWorks Group Home, killed it. Kuny says, “That’s it for me. I’m through.” He shouldn’t be through. It isn’t right.

ERICA LEMONS reminds all you parents out there that Pop Warner Football is now on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 5:30pm. “Not too late to sign up, and no experience necessary,” Erica assures us.

MERRY KINION writes that on Saturday of Fair weekend, which is the weekend of September 17th, graduates of Anderson Valley High School, classes 1975-1983, will gather at the Navarro Store Amphitheater for a reunion. Merry says judging from the internet response, lots of graduates plan to attend. She also said Eryll McPhee, who had planned to come to The Valley Fair weekend with his brother Mike from their home in South Carolina, had been killed in an automobile accident. The two were inseparable. I remember them well, well-mannered, pleasant kids, always together, walking along Anderson Valley Way to and from school. When Merry told me Eryll was gone some of the bright vanished from that bright, sunny day.

ANDERSON VALLEY UNIFIED’S $15.5 million bond issue is on the School Board’s agenda for this Wednesday, August 11th at 7pm in the Career Center at the High School. Which is tonight. Most of the bond-related items are formalities to get the underwriter going with the paperwork: election certification, and initial authorization of bonds for $2.2 million for solarization (presumably phase 1), and another $5 million for “series b,” which is probably phase 2 of the school facilities upgrade. You will be relieved to know that The Major, a member of the oversight committee who has vowed to make sure local people get the work, has also vowed to cut through the bureaucratese with regular translations of what is really bubbling in this very large pot of money. There’s nothing, however, on the August agenda about installation of the bond’s oversight committee.

THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL got a haircut last week, not that we’re vain enough to believe that our comments about its shaggy, overgrown look caused someone to suddenly leap behind a lawnmower. The air conditioner was off in the computer room, too, at least for the few minutes I lurked outside late Sunday afternoon. Could this be the new austerity?

SATURDAY, SPOTTING a real estate open house sign at the Boonville end of Anderson Valley Way, I followed the directional arrow to Evergreen Cemetery where another open house sign pointed up into the graveyard.

THIS SATURDAY (August 14) is the Blackberry Pie Bake Off at the Boonville Farmers Market. To participate, bring your pie and recipe not later than 9:30am when the Market opens. The prize for the most tasty pie will be $20 in Green Bucks to spend at the market. Another $20 in Green Bucks will be awarded to the most beautiful pie.

THE AVA suffered another postal delivery delay last week, which we only became aware of on Friday when there was a sudden deluge of complaints by phone, e-mail and even fax. Initial inquiries indicated that the papers arrived at the North Bay Processing and Distribution Center in Petaluma but didn’t leave that immense facility until Friday. Ordinarily, the paper gets there late Wednesday night and arrives at its NorCal addresses the next day, which is Thursday. Even East Coast readers can expect the Boonville weekly to get to them by Friday. Further inquires at Petaluma Central by local postmistress Collette Hanns discovered that papers were just sitting unsorted, unprocessed, unmailed. Ms. Hanns was promptly informed that the papers, thanks to her inquiry, were now being sorted and would go out Friday night. We understand they started arriving at their destinations on Saturday. Why did they just sit in Petaluma’s sort area for two days? Nobody seems to know. Ms. Hanns says in the future she’ll call Petaluma on Wednesday to make sure they’ve arrived and are being promptly sorted as second class time-value mail, for which service the AVA pays about $250 per week. We take our deadlines seriously, hence a certain snappishness at our office on Tuesdays. We’ve got to get ‘er done and outtahere by 5pm! We don’t have time to hold your hand! Say what you have to say and beat it! By casually sitting on our weekly work product, the US Postal Service seriously messes with us. If I had a congressman I’d complain, but most weeks we arrive on time, which is as it should be and quite impressive of the Post Office when we consider the complicated logistics of it all.

FROM JAN WAX’S most amusing pottery blog: “When we first moved to the land – about 25 years ago – it was the quietest place you could imagine. Just the wind in the trees, the watery sound of the creek, birds, frogs. Natural sounds. Chris and I and my daughter managed to scrape together enough money to buy some land on the Holmes Ranch, and with the help of local carpenters, built our house and pottery workshop. We’d always loved this place – the redwoods, the peacefulness. But it’s changing. Early this morning, like many other mornings lately, I woke to the industrial sounds of machinery. Some years ago, a winery from Napa bought 20 acres about a quarter to a half a mile from here, smack in the middle of the Holmes Ranch subdivision. They scraped the land clean of buildings and vegetation and then they planted grapes. Sound carries. They frost-protect in winter in the early morning hours, sometimes starting around 2am with a machine that sounds like a helicopter in the bedroom that ruins everyone’s sleep. They spray god knows what in the summer to kill anything that might threaten their investment. The sprayer is loud, disturbing the peace when most people are still in bed. I wonder and worry about how much toxic spray is getting into the creek. I’ve called the Ag Department about this, but never got very far. Apples and pears used to be grown here in the valley, but the Grape is now King of Agriculture in this county – if you don’t count the illegal crop. Everyone knows someone whose livelihood is connected to the wine industry, so it’s a touchy subject. A few wineries, like Handley Cellars, are growing organically, bless’em. I hope more of the wineries do the same, giving some consideration to their neighbors. I’d appreciate less noise, please, and no poisons. Don’t get me wrong. I like wine. Doesn’t everyone?”

YES, but only when I’m out of beer and whiskey. I live next door to a vineyard. It doesn’t impinge in any way, but then it’s locally owned. The Valley wineries whose owners also live here are, with only one exception in my direct experience, and that was a guy I caught pumping straight out of Indian Creek, are much more considerate than the auslanders, especially The Great Beast of the industry, Jess Jackson. That guy would spray his mother with methyl bromide if he thought it would increase her grape yield.

I’VE GOT A ROOSTER next door, maybe ten feet from my bedroom window. Fortunately, the bird’s retarded. He doesn’t start crowing until the sun’s up, by which time I’m at the office. My friend Carlos, grinning in anticipation of the mayhem he obviously had in mind, said to me one day, “You want me to do something about that thing?” Nah, I said. I like him. He reminds me of the Bush government.

AMONG THE ITEMS on this week’s Board of Supervisors consent calendar is a long list of ancient debt write-offs finally declared officially “uncollectable.” The list includes two bills from Anderson Valley: Jose Ochoa of Boonville is off the hook for $461 and Pedro Arguelles is no longer responsible for $544. The County-wide write off is pretty big at $736,992.20. The single biggest uncollectable debt is owed by former Coast Cable business owner and convicted tweeker, Gerard Hanneman, formerly of Gualala. Hanneman owed the County $6,400. Other names we recognized were Randy Bloyd who couldn’t cough up $3,300 and Troy Huron who has been absolved of forking over $2,500.

GET YOUR ENTRIES for the Mendocino County Fair, soon! The deadline for most entries is August 20th, and entry forms are available at the Boonville Fair office, or on line, www.mendocinocountyfair.com. The summer days to celebrate apples, livestock, baked goods, carnival rides, and much more are September 17th through the 19th. This year’s theme for Garden Feature Exhibits is “Message in the Garden.” What message? That will depend on the gardeners. At latest count there are still openings for both the large and small gardens. What does your garden say? As you walk around, notice which of your flowers will be ready to enter as a cut flower.  Enter all the possibilities, and bring the ones that look good in September. Do you have a favorite potted plant to share and enter? Enter it and bring it in. How do your hanging plants look? Enter some. This year, try a floral arrangement. Novice arrangers might interpret, “North to Alaska.” An Intermediate arranger could interpret, “In Black and White.” There are many themes to choose from, and four levels of competition. Talk to your kids about entering a Junior indoor or outdoor planter.  Junior flower arrangers can also choose to interpret ”Good Morning,” “Rock Star,” “Quiet Place,” or other themes. The Fair phone number is 895-3011 if you have a question. – Barbara Scott

BIG GARAGE SALE this Saturday 10-5 at 20210 Highway 128 about six miles out just past Meyers Fam­ily Cellars. Lots of stuff at give away prices.

EVERYONE seemed to enjoy the weekend softball tournament at the Boonville Little League field. The 8-team event, deftly organized by Willie Housley, raised money for The Valley’s popular Pop Warner Football program. A very strong team out of Ukiah called The Disciples won the tournament. (See page 7 for details.)

TO HELP FUND Youth Football, a men’s softball tournament is being held this weekend, also at the Fairgrounds. $250 per team. Still not too late if you want in. Call Willie at 895-2688.

SLOW FOOD, local food, buy local — it’s all good and it’s also just about the best thing going in Mendocino County, not that the elected leadership makes it any easier. Given the proliferating numbers of farmers not only in the Anderson Valley but throughout the County, that the elected leadership could, among other helpful things, lean on Caltrans to make roadside stands easier to accomplish? Tasting rooms sail right on through the process, but mom and pop farms? Why right here along our uniquely blessed twenty miles of fog-cooled fertility, Yorkville to Navarro, a splendid array of fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, fresh eggs, and even fresh talk might nicely comprise a Farm Trail, a healthy antidote to the Booze Trail, not that I have anything against the bottle, having been devoted to it for years. But Caltrans would need to widen the wide spots. We already have a foodshed group that might exert pressure at the right spots, but as a local farmer recently observed, “An association of farmers is like an association of artists,” meaning that getting strong-willed people like farmers to cooperate in their common interest is never easy, and moving our career officeholders to do much of anything at all that isn’t wine related, is nearly impossible. This weekend’s Not So Simple Living Fair at the Boonville Fairgrounds will offer an array of reality-based farm strategies. This event, by the way, is not at all the jive hippie affair of yesteryear; the Not So Simple Living are, well, No So Simple. And they’re serious.

NEXT TUESDAY afternoon at AT&T Park in San Francisco, home of the playoff-bound San Francisco Giants, Al Green’s Greenwood Ridge Dragons will take on the Bay Area All Stars. The Giants will be in Colorado that night, but if you’re in The City (and there’s only one, just as there’s only one Valley), you can watch local athletes Tom Rodriguez of Maple Creek and Al Green of Greenwood play some afternoon baseball in America’s most beautiful ballpark. First pitch 2:15pm. We’ve got ten tickets to this unprecedented sporting event here at the office, and absolutely free. First come first served.

AT LEAST TWICE a week I eat lunch downstairs at Mosswood Market, now owned by the delightful Pilar Echeverria. Mrs. E has bought the business from the equally delightful Sharon Hurley. Looking around The Valley, I quickly run out of fingers counting the small businesses run by women. The businesses that aren’t run by women are also run by women although there’s a man up front. As has been said of me and my newspaper business, “He’d be sleeping in doorways if his wife wasn’t keeping track of everything.” But if you haven’t visited Mosswood lately, it remains, as always, a delightful place to eat.

AN OUTFIT based at Humboldt State University, Arcata called Schatz Energy Research Center, has released a study that seems to indicate that indoor pot grows are responsible for a dramatic spike in Mendocino County energy consumption. In 1996, Mendo ran at an average 605 kilowatt hours per household, but by 2009 Mendocino County’s sparse population of about 90,000 people was racking up 768 kilowatt hours of annual electricity. (There were roughly the same number of people in the county in 1996.) And these figures exclude Ukiah, which provides its own power. Humboldt County, with double the population of Mendocino County, has seen its power load per household go from 446 kilowatt hours to 673 kwh, less than Mendocino. And the news from Pot World is that medical marijuana dispensaries much prefer indoor grown marijuana; it’s said to be of better quality. Which means more indoor grows.

I BRING IT UP because more than a few locals suspect that recent power outages in Philo and Navarro have occurred because of the new and excessive demand on old PG&E equipment, and it’s a local fact of life that a whole lot of people who used to grow marijuana outside are now growing marijuana inside.

THE GOOD NEWS is that Kay Clark, pleasant as ever, celebrates her 83rd birthday on August 10th.

A PHILO MAN whose name still hasn’t been released, was arrested Sunday on charges of spousal abuse when he punctuated a violent argument with his significant other by setting fire to the weeds outside the couple’s rented trailer at Starr Automotive. The woman ran down the street screaming the alarm, and very soon the gallant Jerry Mabery was running towards the blaze, which was still small enough for one man to extinguish, which Jerry did. Just barely. Small fires can quickly become big fires, especially when the late afternoon breezes are up as they were when Philo Man set this one because he was upset with Philo Woman. Jerry Mabery just may have averted a very large disaster, and good on him for doing it.

VIOLET RENICK, an Anderson Valley Native American, and there’s not many of them besides Violet and her brother Art Knight and Art’s kids, offers a timely suggestion for what to do with the old Palace Hotel a-crumbling in the center of Ukiah. Give it to the Indians. A sign on the Palace door once read, “No dogs, no Indians.” Violet suggests that the hotel could become a historical site with a sign outside that said “No dogs, no pioneers.”

DON DENNEN bought what became the Heritage House in 1949. It was Don and his family that made the property just south of Mendocino into one of California’s premier get away spots. The Dennen family eventually sold the business, there were a succession of owners, each deeper in debt. It now sits abandoned, a victim of bank funny money, and a darned shame too. Don Dennen had many interesting stories about the place, among them this one when he’d found it as an abandoned farm house. “A ship went down off Point Arena a few years ago, and there were some divers around trying to raise it. One of them came up here and asked if he could take a look around. He came into the old house and said, ‘Yes, this is the place all right. George used to sit there.’ He pointed to the dining room. He said, ‘There was a big table there where they laid the money and a couple of pistols. George used to pass out the money.’ The diver had been in the rum-running business. They would boat the liquor into the cove and hoist it up on a cable. Then George would make the payoff. In November of 1934, the diver was looking at a newspaper. It told how two FBI agents were killed in a gun battle at Barrington near Chicago. But in dying they shot George Baby Face Nelson. He died four hours later in the arms of his gun moll. ‘It was George,’ said the diver.”

FIRE CHIEF Colin Wilson told the Community Services District board last week that the organizers of the Sierra Nevada World Music Festival, as well as their staff and the several thousand rasta-rockers who showed up for the annual Boonville event, had been “very cooperative and easy to work with, as has been the pattern for the last three years,” the Chief said. Chief Wilson added that there were only three medical aid emergency responses during the three-day event, which attracted a crowd about five times the size of Boonville’s population.

THE RANCHO NAVARRO fire station is complete. The bay doors, the final pieces of the construction, have been installed. An open house at the new firehouse will be held on Saturday, August 28 between 1-3pm. The station is located near the Rancho’s clubhouse.

CHIEF WILSON also reported that six firefighter volunteers whose “various life changes, such as pregnancy or completion of college” have compelled their resignations from the Department. Two new recruits are in training, four more are needed.

A NEW CALFIRE station for Boonville is scheduled to begin construction in October, as we wonder what was wrong with the old one. Next summer, as construction continues during fire season, one full Calfire team will probably be based at the Boonville firehouse.

CONFUSION between IRS payroll reporting requirements and Federal Labor Standards means our fire department is no longer dispatching equipment and volunteers to staff “strike teams” in other areas of the state. Congressman Thompson is allegedly on the case because mutual aid agreements across the country are jeopardized if the bureaucratic snafu isn’t sensibly resolved.

CSD GENERAL MANAGER Serena Wallace said she’s signed up with the Save-Mart SHARES program. She’s got cards for anyone who would like one, and who wouldn’t like one? They mean your purchases at Food Maxx or Lucky generate 3% of purchase value to the District. For info contact Ms. Wallace at 895-2075.

LAST WINTER’S big rains seem to have resulted in a hay glut. Bale price has dropped so precipitously the Airport can no longer sell them for a profit. The usual buyer of Airport hay is buying this year. Airport hay is priced at $6.25 per bale, but word has it that hay is out there for less than three dollars, delivered.

THE DISTRICT has received a letter from a vineyard real estate company based in Napa County reporting that the Day Ranch , currently known as Standish, has been sold to a company in Wyoming. The Napa outfit three different groups of Chinese nationals are looking around The Valley for something to buy.

CASSIDY GEPPART of Emerald Earth, a simple living collective deep in the hills of Peachland, has been hired as the new Teen Center coordinator. Miss Geppart was recruited by former teen center coordinator Meade Williams.

THE CSD BOARD, reacting to the County’s budget problems, is “exploring the possibility” of an assessment to at least partially cover the cost of law enforcement cost Anderson Valley. An ad hoc committee comprised of the Community Action Coalition, the Unity Club, and members of the Community Services District board will meet to discuss the options after they receive background information from relevant County agencies and Point Arena. Point Arena presently maintains a cost sharing agreement for its law enforcement with the Sheriff’s Department.

CHARLIE PAGET-SEEKINS slideshow and talk last week at the fire house about his three months in Haiti was well attended and very well received. Charlie was affiliated with the Hands On Disaster Recovery volunteer organization. He put in many long days of hard physical work this spring clearing rubble and helping to rebuild homes and schools. As onerous and demanding as the work was, Charlie says he intends to go back for more. HODR.org tells you all about Hands On’s work in Haiti.

CALIFORNIA Human Development, a nonprofit agency serving northern and central California, is seeking interested families for a First-Time Homebuyer assistance program. The program is designed to help low and moderate income households, including those with special needs, to purchase a house and maintain an affordable mortgage. It will be available to those who have not owned a home in the past three years with some exceptions, such as families that lost a house through divorce or those that currently own a severely substandard home. This First-Time Homebuyer program can serve a limited number of clients. Requests to be placed on the waiting list should be made by August 20, 2010. The California Human Development housing department has complete bilingual English/Spanish capacity and can provide information and assistance in person, by telephone, or by e-mail. Please contact Clara Turner, Housing Development Specialist, at 707-521-4763 or clara.turner@chdcorp.org.

DID YOU KNOW the Ukiah’s public swimming pool charges kids $4 to get in? Way, way too much. A local mom told us that she watched a small fry slowly count out his pennies and nickels so he could get himself and his sister into the water and out of the inland heat.

THE NOT SO SIMPLES remind us: “After an exciting day of exploring the possible and practical of the Not So Simple Living Fair, you can shift your cranial hemisphere for celebration. The gigantic potluck of local foods and a meal of local meats (two goats, two lambs, and one pig) in addition to fresh salsa, beans, rice, and tortillas will be provided by the community. The meals can settle to a brief keynote address, a dedication to the totem salmon, and stories of some of participants in the first Simple Living Workshops. Then amping up a bit, the Ukeholics of local fame will warm us up for Pura Vida, the Buena Vista Social Club of Mendocino County. The break for Pura Vida will be spiced with fire dance performers and this spirit will continue into Sunday starting at 10:00 a.m. with the stories from our local farming families and more workshops. All this is free for the modest price of admission to an event that challenges the status quo by focusing on long-term solutions to some of our problems of earthly existence here in Mendocino County. Check out the schedule at http://nsslf.wordpress.com”

EMIL SCHMITT, older brother of our Don Schmitt and father of the redoubtable Jennifer Schmitt, has died at age 86. Emil’s wife, Donna and Don’s wife, Sally, were roommates at Davis when the Schmitt brother were first beguiled by them, and both couple’s went to remain cou­ples all their lives. Jennifer, who now lives in Napa County, also told us that her son, Jack Holman, who left Anderson Valley High School after his junior year, is living in Prague where he is about to sit for academic examinations in Czech!

THE FIRST LOCAL pot raids last week saw thousands of plants pulled up from gardens on the ridges east of Boonville off the Ukiah Road, and from more gardens off Mountain View, Fish Rock and Greenwood roads.

A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, deputy Squires tried to catch up to a white SUV containing “five or six people” that he saw parked in a pullout about five miles up the Ukiah Road from Boonville where several large gardens were subsequently located. At the appearance of the deputy, the vehicle sped off east towards Ukiah. “I was coming down the hill from the other direction,” the deputy said. “By the time I could safely get turned around, I couldn’t catch up to them. They were flying outtahere. I wanted to get their plates, but I couldn’t get close enough to them, and the deputies on the other side of the hill were too busy to intercept them over there. Definitely growers.”

TO PUT ALL THIS in rather startling perspective, in five days of raids on 13 sites at locations throughout the county, including the target-rich environment of Anderson Valley, the County of Mendocino Marijuana Eradication Team or COMMET, took off 85,393 plants.

THAT FIRE SUNDAY afternoon about two, burned a couple of acres at Wallen Summers’ place atop the Vista Ranch, Boonville. Cause? A park from a malfunctioning tractor.

UNCONFIRMED but prevalent rumors say that long-time local resident, John Lewallen, is terminally ill from a fast-moving cancer.

SUNDAY being a work day here at your beloved community newspaper, I was unable to walk the Art Walk. I’ve never been able to talk the Art Talk, but I’ll plunge ahead and say that the water colors of local landmarks like the Philo Methodist Church by Malcolm West are very, very good. On my way to the already crucial Laughing Dog Books, I walked straight into Mr. West’s impressive show on the deck below my office high atop the Farrer Building here in downtown Boonville. A small crowd, including George and Kate Castagnola and Victoria Center, was clustered around the paintings, assuring me I wasn’t alone in my admiration.

AT LAUGHING DOG I encountered a familiar face, which turned out to belong to Linda Schact, now on the faculty of UC Berkeley’s Graduate School of Journalism. A long time admirer of her work all the way back to KQED’s Newsroom, the absolutely best television news presentation ever in the Bay Area, and probably this country for that matter, Ms. Schact was as smart and as gracious in person as she always seemed on my low-def television screen. When KQED TV veered off into Yanni concerts and psycho-pep talks by hot tub quacks, Ms. Schact went over to CBS affiliate KPIX News where her reporting continued to shine. Incidentally, another Newsroom veteran is the well-known labor writer, Dick Meister, whose work often appears in this newspaper. All roads lead, eventually, to Boonville!

LINDA SCHACT would not have misspelled the surname of Laughing Dog’s Loretta and Dan Houck, which I managed to incorrectly report last week as Hauck.

FAL ALLEN, no relation to Ken Allen, is returning to the Anderson Valley Brewery where he has labored previously. “Fal Allen is one of the top brew masters in the industry,” the Brewery’s new owner, Trey White, remarked as he welcomed Fal back to his old job, a verifiably true statement as us dedicated beer drinkers are here to testify to.

MUCH ENJOYED a visit last week with Nikki Ausschnitt and Steve Krieg at their Petit Teton Farm, five miles out from Boonville towards Yorkville on the east side of Highway 128 across the road from the Mathias Ranch. Old timers will recall the site as the Herried Ranch, Lucille and Marvin. N&S have transformed the Herried’s bunker-like ranch house and austere sheep pastures to a lushly productive organic farm whose fresh bounty is available to passersby, local and brightlighter, at startlingly reasonable prices. Nikki is an artist of the real type, defined here as the enhanced ability to accurately depict the subject in paintings so nicely rendered I resisted snagging them off her living room wall and making off with them. Steve is a retired attorney who says forthrightly he’s happy to put his profession behind him. They have the lean look of people who do hard physical work, which is what they do all day every day on their impressive little farm, reinforced by Jesse Spain of Boonville, a young graduate of UC Santa Cruz. I wasn’t surprised to learn that N&S met backpacking, the rigors of which fit nicely with the rigors of farming. The couple may be Valley “newbies,” in Nikki’s self-description, but they’ve pitched right in with the ElderHome and the local foodshed group, the latter being people committed to growing local, buying local. I bought a dozen fresh eggs and a bag of just-picked vegetables and went reluctantly on my way, eager to become a regular customer and looking forward to N&S’s apple and pear orchard whose newly planted trees were grafted on-site. A most congenial couple on oasis-like acres. Stop by and see for yourself.

THE COUNTY’S trash privatization fiasco likely means our Boonville transfer station will soon operate at reduced hours and cost us more to offload our trash when it is open. For reasons that seem highly suspicious to us, the County had assumed Jerry Ward of Willits would be operating all the County’s transfer stations as an exclusive franchise for the next 15 years. Ward was confident he could do it cheaper than the County, saving us a nice annual sum into the bargain. The deal was announced as done. Incredible as it now seems, Fort Bragg, whose large population depends on the heavily used transfer station at Caspar, suddenly announced they had not been consulted about the Ward deal, and if they had been consulted they would not have signed on. The mystery is this: How could such a momentous transaction have been announced as Mission Accomplished without Fort Bragg included in the negotiations? Ward himself seemed shocked that it was all suddenly a No-Go. He reacted as if he, too, had assumed the County had included Fort Bragg. It’s either the usual incompetence at work here or deliberate sabotage of privatization by Ward’s old nemesis, Mike Sweeney, the County’s chief garbage guy. Sweeney could give Machiavelli lessons. His unique influence with County administration derives from his close relationship with Supervisor McCowen and other pivotal Inland Lib figures. Not only was Sweeney permitted to draw up his own job and pay arrangement with the County, it was Sweeney who drew up the County’s deal with Ward. And it was Sweeney and then-Supervisor Shoemaker a decade ago who were caught plotting against Ward to establish a transfer station near Calpella.

FROM OUR INTERNET PROVIDER, Scott Pratt: “To all Anderson Valley Customers, On July 6 at 10:45am, a construction company on Hwy 253 was drilling to place supports in a slide area. In doing so they severed the fiber optic cable that serves not only Advanced Link, but also many other clients on the north coast. Service was lost for seven hours as a fiber splicing crew struggled to repair the damage. Service was restored at 5:40pm As I feel this is unacceptable, I felt this a good opportunity to tell of some near future plans for service redundancy in the Valley. As we can see today, trusting one small cable for all services to an area is a bad idea. So at this time Advanced Link is looking forward to having total redundancy over a new fiber optic line being built over Hwy 36. What this means is if the fiber on Hwy 253 is cut or for some reason service is lost, it will take 90 seconds for service to reroute North over the redundant link. This will vastly increase the reliability of the service as well as opening up new bandwidth potential for our rural areas. The finished timeline for this project is January-March 2011. I apologize for any inconveniences this outage may have caused. Please feel free to call me with any further questions.” – Scott Pratt, QAS Productions, Boonville/Century City.

MENDOCINO County Animal Care Services is full of happy, friendly but orphaned kittens. To find them new homes as quickly as possible there will be a “Kitten Sale” starting Wednesday July 7th. Cat & kitten adoption fees will be lowered to $75. This low fee includes: spay or neuter, age appropriate vaccines, FeLV/FIV testing and a microchip. Our shelters open at 10 am Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. For more information call the Ukiah Shelter at 467-6453 and the Ft Bragg Shelter at 964-2718.

WE’D HOPED to have a photo of Mr. Trout but, just before noon Tuesday, our internet server conked out. A frantic call to Scott Pratt, our only known link to cyber-space, soon had Scott explaining that he’d just learned that a road crew laboring somewhere “between Ukiah and Manchester,” had accidentally severed the fiber-optic cable. It’s almost 2pm, this week’s edition is has one foot in bed and sayonara outside world until next week.

THE HIGHLY REGARDED documentary film, The Most Dangerous Man In America – Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers – will be shown at the Anderson Valley Grange, Philo, Sunday, July 18th, at 6:30 pm. Ellsberg, who lives in Mill Valley, has been invited to attend. Filmmakers Judith Ehrlich and Rick Goldsmith will be here for a bankable fact.

HOTTER than Hades here on the 4th, too hot for this old dog to sit out in the sun at the Fairgrounds celebration which always takes me back to the 4th of July’s of my youth. Those were pretty raucous events, and fascinating to kids. They featured a parade followed by fire hose water fights between volunteer fire departments and a community barbecue replete with serious drinking and lots of highly amusing adult hijinks. These days with the population living in constant fear of lawyers and liability questions the 4th of July is soft drinks, organic hot dogs, a tug-of-war, games for little kids, and everyone outtathere by nightfall. I miss the old 4ths, frankly.

AN IRATE CALLER said he was being gouged by local filling stations where regular sold at Navarro was going for $3.59 a gallon; $3.39 at Philo; and $3.62 at Boonville. I was soon informed, however, that most of the station’s in the County have just been notified that their taxes were again being raised by the state, hence the high prices at the pump. As the people who follow these things keep telling us the oil we depend on comes from places ever more difficult to extract it from, The Gulf, for disastrous instance.

THE GOODELLS of Boonville write: “Charlie Hochberg (of Philo) started developing his own film and printing photos in eighth grade in a friend’s dad’s darkroom. He says that his photographs are inspired by the pictorialist movement of the early 20th century, and consist primarily of painterly landscapes and panoramas.’ He has just hung an incredible display of his photographs of Anderson Valley and Mendocino County’s natural landscapes at the new AV Land Trust office in the Missouri House (Boonville) for the Art Walk on July 10th. You will definitely want to see them! In addition to the Art Walk you can come by during our office hours from 9-1 on Mondays and Thursdays or call the office at 895-3150 to arrange a viewing time.”

I ADMIRE CHARLIE’S work, too, admire it to where I shelled out a couple of times at Rookie-To for Charlie’s panoramas, one as a gift, one for myself because of their almost eerie resemblance to a rare aesthetic experience I once shared with my late dog, Rosco. Rosco and I were prowling the high ridges east of Boonville on a full moon night. The fog had moved in below us, extending a last fingery wisp deep into a canyon between us, Karen Ottoboni’s place and Hopland. The moon came up quickly as full moons do, and there we were, seemingly marooned atop a silent, illuminated inland sea. Rosco seemed unmoved, but I thought about going back to church.

OLD TIMERS and first timers alike will be pleased to learn that the Gualala Hotel, erected more than a century ago, has been resurrected by Bob Sundstrom of that fine community. Beautiful old place complete with beautiful old bar, architecturally almost identical to our Boonville Hotel.

FITCH RATINGS has downgraded Mendocino County’s credit worthiness from A plus to A, meaning several consecutive years of deficit spending has made Mendo a riskier overall proposition than it was when the economy was flush.

MR. JOHN Q. OLSON, pilot and walking billboard appeared in the office the other day with a headwrap featuring a large purple stone to the front of it. He reminded me of Korla Pandit. He was still purple from the early morning motorcycle ride over the hill from Point Arena. Mr. Olson is on the road selling four books, one of them with no words “for people who don’t like to read.” His other three books are about his hang gliding adventures in many parts of the world. Mr. Olson told me he’d just been cited by the federal park police for selling his books in the Presidio of San Francisco. “Illegal book sales!” he thundered. “A $275 fine! Soliciting business without authorization!” He rumbled on about the injustice of not being allowed to sell books “of all things” on public property “in the land of free enterprise.” I said I sympathized and advised him to contest the fine. “But I can’t afford a lawyer,” he said. Better yet, I replied. You might win. At glances one through a hundred Mr. Olson came off as a nut, but when he finally trundled off, his sandwich boards clattering off the hallway and stair rails, I started reading one of the books. He’s not a bad writer. A lot of his anecdotes were funny, and written well enough to capture my fleeting attentions. Mr. Olson’s books now reside at Laughing Dog, Boonville. On a scale of ten I’d give them a solid five.

IT WAS HOTTER than hot here but the high seas off the Mendocino Coast here were rough and cold, so rough they capsized a 32-foot Alameda-bound catamaran sailing south from Crescent City. The two men and one woman aboard were pitched into the Pacific where they remained for almost a fatally hypothermic hour before the Coast Guard helicopter arrived to save them. The three had not thought to equip themselves with survival suits and had been briefly pinned beneath the overturned craft. The wind was blowing at 52 knots, whipping up 20-foot waves. The rescued trio was flown to the Ukiah Valley Medical Center where they were hospitalized overnight then released, physically none the worse for their ordeal but mentally shaken by it.

LAUGHING DOG BOOKS, the fine new and used Boonville book store just opened by Dan and Loretta Hauck at Tom Town, represents a supreme act of faith in books by the Haucks in this, the age of The Hand Held Gizmo. We all keep hearing that non-electronic print is dead, but I’ve visited Laughing Dog four times already and on three of those visits the store was crowded, a very good omen not just for the Haucks but the culture generally.

A MAJOR book guy, Jonah Raskin, stopped in at the paper on Monday where he quizzed us on the marijuana business. Professor Raskin teaches at Sonoma State University, but he’s best known as a writer who manages a good, clear style mercifully free of academic sludge. His book on Jack London is one of the two best books on the old boy, the other being the just released “Wolf, the Lives of Jack London” by James Haley. London, at least twice, stayed at the Boonville Hotel with his wife Charmian as he, America’s very first international celebrity, toured the Mendocino Coast on expeditions mounted from his home at Glen Ellen. The Londons, accompanied by the second of the two Japanese valets London employed during his drink-abbreviated life, traveled by horse-drawn cart. There’s lately a lot of indignant, retroactive huffing and puffing of the politically correct type about London’s “racism,” especially at his infamous phrase “Yellow Peril” and his alleged description of Jim Jeffries as “The Great White Hope” in the run-up to the 4th of July fight between Jack Johnson and Jeffries. London came away from that fight with great respect for Johnson both as a fighter and as a very smart and gracious man. Asked by a reporter why white women seemed so attracted to him, Johnson famously replied, “Because we eat live, cold eels and we think distant thoughts,” which I’ve always considered the wittiest remark ever uttered by an athlete. I’d be pleased to lecture you individually on the etiology of “Yellow Peril” because it’s too long for this space. Better yet, read Raskin’s book.

PROFESSOR RASKIN asked me if I could find him a hipneck to interview. Hipneck? What’s a hipneck? A hipneck is the issue of a hippie and a redneck. Hipnecks began to appear when the children of the first wave hippies hooked up with children of the long-time locals, the latter almost always considered rednecks by the hippies although these so-called rednecks tended to be much more tolerant than the hippies who tended then, and tend now, heavily to self-righteousness. These hippie-redneck unions made for some tense wedding ceremonies, but everything seems to have worked out as both sets of mutually uncomprehending grandparents doted on the resulting little hipneck. Geneticists might help us know why these cross-breedings invariably resulted in hipnecks rather than new batches of fortified hippies, but it seems kind of like the known fact that Native Americans never abandoned their lives as Indians to become white people, but thousands of white people abandoned Caucasian-ville to become Indians. Anyway, if you’re a Hipneck, Professor Raskin would like to interview you for his next book.

HUGE POT BUST by the CAMP (Campaign Against Marijuana Production) aka Marijuana Price Support Unit, last week west of Flynn Creek Road, Comptche – 21211 plants pulled up. As the raid team rolled back over the hill on Orr Springs Road someone took a shot at one of their vehicles, knocking out a window. Pot-Symps say the window was shattered by gravel flung up by the vehicle itself, as if the cops don’t know the difference between a gunshot and a pebble.

JB REYNOLDS WRITES: “A few years ago I happened to blunder into the Palm House, the big showy glass greenhouse in London’s Kew Gardens (actually the first greenhouse ever purpose-built) the summer they had their Glorious Accident. For a century they’d employed stewards to open and close the building’s all-important vents controlling the temperature — — strangely, for being in a city with a pretty indifferent climate, the Palm House can get plenty hot inside. In the 1980s they installed an automated monitor system which electronically opened and closed the windows according to a thermostat, and of course eventually it broke down one afternoon, so in the main room it suddenly started to get up into the 110s and higher with frightful humidity. I think the administrators were more worried about the visitors than the residents (plants don’t sue you, after all, for fainting from heat prostration, and anything over 74 degrees fells Londoners by the drove) so they scurried to secure the funds to fix the system, until it was discovered that some rare old cactus-like plant which had been there since Queen Victoria’s day was, for the first time, suddenly starting to flower! All this while it had been waiting for the stupendo climate extremes it had enjoyed back home — South America, Afghanistan, South Africa … who knows where. My 4 year old son and I clambered around in the dang place until we could hardly stand it any longer (we even took our shirts off, it was so roaring hot & humid in there, and I believe partial disrobing is still a serious crime in England) but I’m dashed if I couldn’t find the zowee plant in question; or maybe I did, and hadn’t recognized it — after ten minutes in that swelter I was probably envisioning a thing the size and shape of a Triffid, if not bigger and weirder, and it was likely just an ordinary looking exhibit. If you ever (god forbid) find yourself in Los Angeles, a very pleasing afternoon can still be spent in the Huntingdon Mansion’s grounds off in hoity toity San Marino. I particularly recommend the two acre cactus garden. No cactus on earth could possibly enjoy a more riley-like existence than those guys have, and they’ve grown into utterly spectacular formations. Second behind them is the cactus patch at “Lotusland” in Montecito (near Santa Barbara). Both spots are weird but idyllic pools of calm within too-hectic surroundings. Rather like the Royal Gardens at Kew, in fact.”

A COUNTY EMPLOYEE provided us with a copy of this week’s “Memo of the Week II” concerning cigarette butt disposal. Nobody is against some kind of public outreach on the evils of tobacco but why, when the County is broke to the point of laying off deputies is there even such a thing as a County “Stormwater Team”? Isn’t there a single non-profit group out there who can handle this subject more effectively than the County Water Agency at no cost to the taxpayers? PS. To the extent that cigarette butts end up in storm drains (the estimate here of 50% seems high), isn’t that an unintended consequence of forcing the smokers outside?