With such licenses hard to come by, unless someone here can step in and buy this license for a location in the Valley, it is very unlikely in the foreseeable future that folks will get to go out locally and enjoy the company of friends while sipping a martini, a fine single-malt whisky, a “Cosmo,” a Vodka cranberry, or even a Trainwreck! If that is the case then this would surely be one of the more glaring examples that we are most certainly faced with the imminent approach of the Apocalypse.

In the meantime, we do have our crab feeds to cheer us up and the most recent one, held last Saturday evening at The Apple Hall in Boonville, was one of the best yet! Once again the “Original” Crab Feed was a sellout, with well over 350 people in attendance, as the Valley sat down to eat, drink, and make merry together. The crab was delicious and never-ending and I can’t imagine anyone went short as Gloria Ross and her crew did a marvelous job of putting on a great night out for the tenth year in succession. Most people were gone by 9:30pm and I left not long after that, leaving some of the young Valley socialites to enjoy a drink at the bar with friends as the hard-working volunteers sat down to enjoy their own crab feed. They certainly deserved it!

As we move on from Black January, and with Valentine’s Day (Feb 14th) less than a week away, I thought some words of wisdom on the topic of “Love” would be in order for your Quotes of the Week. First, let’s bring in the author Katherine Mansfield (1888-1923) who wittily observed, “If only one could tell true love from false love, as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.” And this from Diane Arbus (1923-1971), the American photographer and writer, who wrote, “Love involves a peculiar, unfathomable combination of understanding and misunderstanding.” The list would not be complete without a contribution from my old friend Bill Shakespeare (1564-1616) the English poet and playwright, widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language. Here’s his classic line from Twelfth Night: “If music be the food of love, play on.” And let’s finish with Valley resident and author, poet, and activist, Alice Walker (1944 -?) whose words we could all live by, “I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all of my heart.”

And now back down to earth. Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #363: Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys supported by Wild Oats will be playing for your ‘Romancin’ and Dancin’ pleasure on Saturday, Feb 11th at The Grange in a benefit for the Senior Center. #364: The next afternoon, Sunday, Feb 12th, it’s the AV Historical Society’s Roundtable Discussion entitled “Anderson Valley in the 1930s and 1940s.” This free event will be held at The Grange on Highway 128 beginning at 1:30pm with a discussion panel featuring 15 Valley folks who lived here during those years. Everyone is welcome and encouraged to attend what will surely not only be a fascinating afternoon of old Valley stories and memories but also a unique piece of history in the making. #365: Next Tuesday, Feb 14th, is the second Tuesday so that means Dinner and Bingo at the Senior Center — good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo with prizes, and, as you know by now, you don’t have to be a senior to attend! #366: The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital return for their monthly visit to the Valley next Thursday, February 16th. They will be at The AV Farm Supply from 2-3:30pm.

Topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge. Yes “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life.

…Along with a couple of 3-Dot regulars, I attended the Unity Club luncheon last week, which saw Sheriff Tom Allman and District Attorney David Eyster as the guest speakers. Both are eloquent, informative, and interesting public speakers with affection for, and awareness of, the Valley and its issues, so their words were inevitably well received. However, perhaps what was not expected was their warm welcome of yours truly with firm handshakes and broad smiles. Such greetings by these two powerful men of the law could do a lot of harm to my reputation and I can assure you it will not happen again.

…The downturn in business at the local eateries cannot be blamed on the quality of the food, with Lauren’s Restaurant (with it’s exceptional Pot Roast and Pulled Pork dishes) and The Buckhorn (spicy wings and Buffalo burgers) both making the local dining experience something which deserves a far greater audience. Support your local restaurants; these days you never know if they will always be there.

Time to take my leave. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. Of course, one final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net  PPS. On the sheep, Grace.

FOR A WEEK NOW, the name of the accused has been promiscuously circulated. What if she’s innocent? Her reputation has been seriously damaged before the investigation of the allegations is complete, and barely just begun. Maybe the money isn’t missing, merely misplaced in one of the wonderfulness boxes.

SERIOUSLY, THE WAY these things normally work is that the accused is first confronted with the discrepant figures. He or she is then given an opportunity to explain the figures. If the explanation is defective the police are called. The police do an investigation and submit their findings to the District Attorney. The DA investigates. If he finds that an embezzlement has occurred he can either seek reimbursement or prosecute or both.

PRECEDENT. DA EYSTER, some of you will recall, sent a letter to Supervisor Kendall Smith telling her to either return the money she chiseled from the County on her travel account or else. Smith gave the money back because Eyster wasn’t jiving around. Smith would have been arrested and charged.

THE SUM alleged to have disappeared in this case is $23,000. The accused said Monday night that she had just learned of the letter being circulated and that people were already calling her a criminal.

JANUARY 30, 2012. Dear Parents, It was recently brought to our attention some problems with the finances in the PTAV’s bank account, an account separate from the district’s. PTAV and the district are working with law enforcement to determine who is responsible and to recover the funds. The PTAV Board is being restructured to better achieve the goals of the group. The PTAV’s mission has always been to support its members (parents and teachers) and create a closer relationship between home and school. The PTAV Board is committed to rebuilding a positive and collaborative relationship with the parents, teachers, and members of the community at large. Please be patient while they work through this restructuring in the next couple of weeks. The PTAV is a dynamic and active group of parents and school staff who have provided the help and funds to not only maintain, but to expand the programs in our school in the last five years. We are grateful for all the work and support this organization has provided. Sincerely, JR Collins, Superintendent; Donna Pierson-Pugh, Principal; Nicole Mclain, PTAV President.

ANOTHER INTERESTING EVENT in Boonville last week. A bunch of high school boys left the campus at the noon hour to enact their version of the movie, ‘Fight Club.’ When they straggled back bloody and bruised to resume the educational experience, the high school principal, an uneven fellow named Tomlin, declared that henceforth the campus would be closed at lunch time and, additionally, 13 boys would be suspended for a day while the ringleaders would even more punitive time off from the rigors of secondary scholarship. Tomlin’s disciplinary crackdown occurred for no real reason at all, but it’s in the ancient tradition of American high schools in that it was wholly arbitrary; some of the involved got whacked, some didn’t. But Principal Tomlin, who pulls down $92,000 for half a year’s work, was also unhappy for other reasons. Not only did the Fight Clubbers post their faux fisticuffs on the internet for global viewing, several of them offered full-face denunciations of Tomlin himself. A high school’s discipline guy is always going to be somewhat unpopular, but this guy is a little more than unpopular with his funding units, er, students. High school kids, boys especially, seriously dislike him, and there are lots of grumbles about him from parents, too. Anyway and overall about the Fight Club incident, so what? Teenage boys should be allowed to bleed their overloaded hormonal lines once in a while, and this event was really no more serious than boys being boys. Which they aren’t allowed to be much anymore beneath the great PC mommy blanket that smothers all spontaneity, all joy, all life in educational Mendocino County.

FROM a Mendocino Beacon of January 1938: “The Fashauer brothers of Greenwood Ridge were at Elk, Monday. They were returning from the Ray ranch on Navarro Ridge where they killed a large sheepkilling bear. The old dog and her two pups ran the bear for over ten miles but were unable to tree him. The bear was so done out that Anthony Fashauer shot him while he was on the ground. He weighed about four hundred pounds, and was found to be full of sheep meat.”

SMALL SCHOOL HOOPS is coming down to a three-way duel between Mendocino, Point Arena and Laytonville.

THAT’S A NICE community gift Wendy Blankenheim and Doug Read have given us in the big, illuminated, nighttime heart glowing red out of the winter night on the hillside just north of Breggo Winery.

AND ANOTHER crucial community donor is Ms. Arlene T’s early morning trash pick-ups along the Boonville roadsides. She’s out there darn near every day picking up after us, and we sure as heck appreciate her efforts.

APOLOGIES to Miss Grecia Herrera whose surname we inadvertently dropped from last week’s basketball account.

YORKVILLE MAN, 79, missing, but no sooner did we get the bulletin last Thursday than he wasn’t missing, and doesn’t a person have to be absent more than a couple of hours before the alarm bell is rung?

THE TALENTED singer Nahara knocked ‘em dead at Lauren’s last Saturday night while down at the Philo Grange the Anderson Valley Film Festival, organized by Steve Sparks, garnered some $2,000 for the Senior Center and other Valley non-profits. Steve summed it up as “An excellent festival. Raised about $2,000, the same as always but in a day less and without the $50 we usually ask from 20 or so local businesses. Good films, good discussions, fine food and bar provisions, many plaudits for our efforts.”

DA EYSTER’S APPEARANCE at the Unity Club on Thursday (tomorrow) is sold out for lunch, but interested persons should know they are welcome to hear the DA anyway after the sold out noon meal. If you arrive at 1pm you can hear what the DA, who will be accompanied by Sheriff Allman, has to say over coffee and cookies. The event is at Rivers Bend Retreat Center, Philo. With Eyster and Allman you get a twofer, Mendocino County’s two top law enforcement officers.

THE ANDERSON VALLEY Fire Department is coordinating a Free Chipping Project in the Anderson Valley Area for the Mendocino County Fire Safe Council. As in years past, persons interesting in having free chipping done on their residential property can contact Colin Wilson at 895-2020. The project is designed to provide free chipping service to people who are creating defensible clearance around their homes and along their driveways in the greater Anderson Valley. Call for details.

THE FEBRUARY meeting of the Anderson Valley School Board will be held on Monday, February 13th in the admin trailers at the elementary school, tedium kicks off at 7.

FORTY YEARS AGO if you’d seen “End Corporate Rule” on the Fairgrounds billboard you’d have rubbed your eyes and looked again, and it would have said, “Kill the Hippies.” But darned if End Corporate Rule isn’t up there right now for David Cobb’s appearance tonight. (Tuesday)

A BOX VAN driven by Kenneth Fuller, 61, of Petaluma, unaccountably left Highway 128 at Haehl Grade near Yorkville last Thursday morning and rolled on down into a gully. The accident was witnessed by a passing Elk firefighter who quickly determined that Fuller, a scrap metal recycler, had not been injured. But the van contained propane cylinders requiring that hazardous materials protocols be adhered to and, after several hours, it was determined that no toxics had escaped the van.

VIOLET CARPELLO RENICK isn’t the only local enjoying the remininscences of the late Maurice Tindall. Violet, among the few native people remaining in Mendocino County who grew up in a Pomo-speaking home on Anderson Creek across the road from Evergreen Cemetery, remembers as a child shopping at the old Tindall Market in Boonville where her grandfather, Frank Luff, spoke a dialect of Pomo with Tindall. “Maurice Tindall was the only white man my grandfather knew who could speak our language,” Violet recalls. I will always enjoy Violet’s remark to an uppity old timer who was bragging about her seniority in The Valley. “Well,” Violet said in a quiet voice of ultimate triumph, “my family has been here for 10,000 years.”

WHILE we’re working the ethnic beat here, this from the January 29, 1887 edition of the Mendocino Beacon: “China New Years was celebrated by the Celestials of this place in a very enthusiastic manner. From Saturday morning until Monday night there was almost a constant fusillade of fire-crackers and bombs.” It was these Celestials who hand dug the Navarro Cistern which provides the perfectly sweet and pure water enjoyed by several Deepend households to this day. Chinese also hand dug the Skunk line tunnel outside Fort Bragg and the Eel Diversion Tunnel at Potter Valley.

A PROPELLER BEANIE event occurred at the Grace Hudson Museum last night (Tuesday) called “UFOs: Their Spiritual Mission and Role in Coming World Changes.” Co-sponsored by the Mendocino Environment Center and Sharing for Peace Network, the presentation advertised a Valley telephone number for information. The world is certainly gone to heck in a frayed handbasket, but it’s unlikely that ET and his friends would want to take over management.

BLACK JANUARY. Steve Sparks writes: “Gentlemen…. Amongst all the turmoil and scandal of the stories featuring J. Schmitt and All That Good Stuff, the High School Fight Club and its accompanying student suspensions, and the PTA’s financial irregularities, perhaps the most disturbing piece of news I have heard this past few days is that The Boonville Saloon, formerly The Boonville Lodge is closing and the liquor license is being sold to an establishment in Point Arena. If this is true we may never get one back here in the Valley. Say it ain’t so!”

MY FRIEND SEAN at Pic ‘N Pay laments the deteriorating local business climate. He says his business was alarmingly down in 2011 and 2012 is off to a bad economic start. Sean’s distress is widely shared in the Anderson Valley, and there’s not so much as a glimmer of hope at the state and national leadership levels.

THE VALLEY’S very own Kathy Cox, a truly excellent teacher, is offering Spanish language classes for adults at the high school beginning the week of February 19th. Fifteen sessions at the bargain rate of $150, days and starting times to be determined at the first meeting on Wednesday, February 15th, 5pm, in the Career Center Classroom.

THE NEWLY formed Anderson Valley Tennis League team scored 3 wins no losses in their first match-up with Cloverdale. Tina Walters paired with co-captain Arnaud Weyrich in a see-saw match with the first set ending in 7-6 after a tie-breaker and an equally hard fought 6-4 second set. J.R. and Jeanne Collins won their first set 6-2 but then had to dig deep to pull out a 7-5 win for the second set. The combo of Peter Gordon and Rich Ferguson proved too much for the Cloverdale team with a 6-4, 6-3 triumph. Well done team AV. The next match will be on the home courts at the high school at 10 am on Saturday, February Come out and cheer on the home team.

With this in mind, let’s have a couple of relevant Quotes of the Week. First from English novelist Jane Austen (1775–1817), who clearly had a very dim view of history, referring to it as “The quarrels of popes and kings, with wars and pestilences in every page; the men all so good for nothing, and hardly any women at all.” Well, that will certainly not be the case at the Roundtable Discussion, I’m sure. Far more likely, our local event will reflect the view of Stephen Spender (1909–1995), the English poet, novelist and essayist, who commented, “History is the ship carrying living memories into the future.” Perfect. I hope to see you all there.

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #361: The ‘Original’ Crab Feed is this coming Saturday, Feb 4th and it is sold out. Happy Hour is at 6pm; dinner served at 7pm. #362: The 29th Annual Fruit Tree Grafting Workshop and Seed & Scion Exchange is on Saturday, February 4, 2012 from 9-4 at the Domes at Anderson Valley High School in Boonville. For more information, call Barbara Goodell 895-3897; Mark Albert 462-7843; or Richard Jeske 459-592. #363: Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys, supported by Wild Oats, will be playing for your Romancin’ and Dancin’ pleasure on Saturday, Feb 11th at The Grange in a benefit for the AV Senior Center.

Topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Many 3-Dot regulars attended the 6th Annual AV Film Festival held at The Grange last weekend and commented that not only were the films very interesting, informative, and entertaining, but there were also very good crowds in attendance. The Festival gave all profits to three local beneficiaries – The Senior Center, Animal Rescue, and the AV High Film Class, and ya gotta like that. The food and refreshments were also highly praised but, on the flip side, one local businessman was spotted eating a sandwich he had presumably brought to the Festival from elsewhere. To make matters worse, this miserable so-and-so was eating it on the porch right next to Alicia’s Taco stand that was donating 50¢ to the event for every taco sold. Boooo! Some folks just don’t get it.

…President Obama will be back in San Francisco next month — once again as part of a West Coast fundraising swing. A pair of Feb. 16 events are planned in the City, one of which is the $35,800-a-head dinner for 50 guests at the Pacific Heights home of novelist Robert Mailer Anderson and his wife, Nicola, followed by a large reception at a yet-to-be-decided public venue where tickets will go for anywhere from $100 to $10,000. There is no truth to the vicious rumor that Robert has asked his uncle, AVA Supremo Bruce Anderson, to fork over the full $35,800 to attend. Nevertheless, Bruce has said he does not expect to get in for nothing and has offered to work at the coat-check stand in return for a seat at the ‘Top Table.’

…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “Based on the recent turnout at Lauren’s Restaurant, quite a few local folks are excited at the prospect of bike lanes in the Valley; all the way to the coast in fact, an idea being championed by a local group’s (‘Cyked’) campaign. The idea behind this latest fundraiser is a good one and I wish them well. However, one cannot help but wonder if this is not just the passion of a small section of the community, with the best will in the world, but few followers beyond their own friends and associates. They would not be the first such group around here to be described as such. I only occasionally see people on bikes, even on a slow and safe road like Anderson Valley Way. As for kids being out on their bicycles, as in the good old days, I hardly ever see this. Do kids cycle to school? No. Is this because there are no bike lanes? Possibly; but perhaps more likely because bicycling is not seen as ‘cool’ among school students these days. Hopefully, this would all change if the bike lanes were installed. ‘Build it and they will come’ would be great and one hopes that the community as a whole is not indifferent to such an idea. If they are then surely it is too bad and yet another sign that the Apocalypse is approaching if ever there was one. We shall see.”

Thanks for the insights, Buzzard. Time to take my leave. Until we talk again. Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. On the sheep, Grace.

“The Frey winery?” my mom asked, over the phone. “Howie, Spec’s staying at the Frey winery!” They made me promise to take a bunch of pictures. Turns out my folks, who are retired Lutheran School teachers living on the prairies of Northeast Nebraska, ONLY drink Frey wine on account of the sulfites added to conventional wine as a preservative, which gives my dad headaches. Wine that is produced organically does not contain added sulfites.

“I can’t believe you can get [Frey wine] out there,” I said, adding that I would try to take pictures, but warning that I’m no good at it. Nobody in our family is. Old-fashioned Lutherans have a lot in common with the Amish, psychologically, and we still feel guilty snapping photographs, or posing, so my fingers always quiver with pilgrim stagefright, and the faces are usually blurred beyond recognition. “Maybe Cassandra will take the pictures.”

Cassandra is my second Ex, and a sharpshooter with the camera. “I think something’s wrong with the camera,” she said as we accompanied Luke and Emily’s son, Daniel, and about a dozen goats on their daily walk through the vineyards, where they grazed on cover crops, weeds, perennial leaves of bushes. Here were the pictures, I thought. Damn. The boys were riding on the goats’ backs like a rodeo, falling off into glistening oat leaves, but the camera I’d purchased at a drug store would not accept the SDS card. Fifty bucks, I thought, as Cassandra handed the piece of shit to me. “It says, MEMORY FULL.”

No pictures for Mom and Dad, but we had a great stay at the Freys’. As I travel from farm to farm, I can never help asking myself, “Do I wish I was these guys?”

The answer is almost always, No. Sometimes it’s a “not really,” and often it is a resounding, “Hell No,” which is why I resort to fiction.

Staying in the home of Luke and Emily, where the meat, milk, vegetables, even some of the grain is raised on the soil between the grapes, I had to admit that I wouldn’t mind being in their shoes. They are actually doing what the people in the current Local Food movement, an offshoot of the old Back to the Land movement, aspire to do, thanks to a combination of luck, genious, and perserverance. They’re also making money, which is what the rest of us aspire to do. The first grapes were planted several decades ago, when Luke and his dozen brothers and sisters were kids running around barefoot in cow pastures. It was the kids who put the cuttings in the ground and carried water in buckets to establish them. When Luke was a young feller he worked for the Fetzers, learned about wine making. His brothers and sisters played different roles getting the business established, and the winery grew organically, you might say, from the ground up, as all the crushing equipment, the tanks, they found second-hand, more like hand-me-downs from the established wineries. They started using nitrogen gas to displace the oxygen under every cork, in lieu of preservatives.

On New Year’s Eve I spoke with Luke’s brother, Paul, who had just returned from Atlanta where organic wine producers had battled in the courts over whether to allow the use of sulfites as a preservative. “We actually dug up records from the sixteenth century, to prove that added sulfites had not always been part of wine-making,” he said. “I mean the original documents.”

I wasn’t taking notes, but it sounded like the anti-sulfite crowd won out, for now, though the whole issue will be redebated in a few years.

Since my parents had sprung to fly my pauper ass out to Mendo for the holidays, I really had to send a box of wine to Nebraska. You can ship wine to Nebraska, it turns out, but not Indiana.

“What kind do they prefer?” asked the ladies in the office.

“They’re midwestern Lutherans. They always choose plain white or red. It’s not really what they prefer. What do you like?”

She said the 2010 Zinfandel was her favorite. After that, the 2009 Petite Sirah.

And for your Quote of the Week, let’s stay with good causes and turn to this comment from Walt Whitman (1819-1892), the American poet, essayist, journalist, humanist, and wit, who perceptively pointed out, “Charity and personal force are the only investments worth anything. And of course, I should also mention these wise words from Francis Bacon (1561-1626) the English philosopher, statesman, and scientist who said, “In charity there is no excess.” Not when it comes to the giving-folks of Anderson Valley it would seem.

Public Service Announcements, calendars and pens at the ready. #117: This coming weekend is the 6th Annual AV Film Festival at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, January 27th-28th. The program is as eclectic as ever with some excellent documentaries, a feature film for all the family on the Saturday night, and the usual assortment of socially aware and environmental films, plus the recent work of the AV High Film Class, with some films accompanied by the filmmakers themselves, present to discuss their projects. Beer from the AV Brewery, local wines, and hot and cold food is available, including delicious tacos from Alicia’s Restaurant. All profits will go to the AV Senior Center, AV Animal Rescue, and the AV High School Film Class. Festival details can be found on the Festival website www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org. #118. The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back; they will be at The AV Farm Supply tomorrow, Thursday, January 26th from 2-3.30pm. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time, everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen. #119” A few Crab Feed tickets are still available for the second of the Valley’s two crab feeds, but it is anticipated they will sell out very soon, if they haven’t already. This is the 10th ‘Original’ Crab Feed, benefiting the Catholic Church, and will be Saturday, February 4th. For ticket information, call Gloria Ross at 895-3071. As usual, the event is to be held at The Apple Hall in Boonville and, as I’ve said many times, together with the previous crab feed, this is one of the best pure Valley-dweller gatherings of the year.

Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge: “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Following the aforementioned crab feed, several revelers continued with their evening at The Boonville Saloon (formerly The Boonville Lodge). By 1am, three of them were in no shape to drive home to Philo so, to solve this dilemma, bartender Cindy Hughbanks stepped up and drove them there. Now that’s what I call excellent bartending and a full service bar!

…Another ‘feel good’ story that regulars at The 3-Dot were sharing this past week was the sight of several employees and out-of-town sales people employed by the AV Brewery, led by co-owner Trey, enjoying a hearty lunch at the Senior Center. Brewery manager, Fal Allen is on the Senior Center Board and no doubt encouraged this and I must say it was very pleasing to see. Some Valley business folks are never seen out and about in the community and that has always puzzled me.

…The 3-Dot was closed on Sunday afternoon, so along with many regulars I endured the disappointing loss by the 49ers among a large crowd of local 49er fans who assembled at The Buckhorn, Boonville. For one and all, the afternoon was no doubt an emotional rollercoaster that ultimately crashed and burned following the bonehead play by the ‘Niners’ second-string punt-returner — his second such egregious error of the game, which together led directly to 10 points for the opposition. I imagine he left San Francisco on a red-eye flight very early on Monday morning, never to return. Nevertheless, not to make light of such a disappointing loss to the big bad NY Giants (in overtime 17-20), there was a silver-lining: the large plate of hot and spicy wings were back to their very best and when served with a pint of Guinness for $12, the excruciating loss was almost bearable. (But not quite.)

Time to take my leave. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net, PPS. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

Bradford is survived by his daughters Renee English and Brenda English of Ukiah, sons Cory English and Jacob Wright of Ukiah, sister Barbara Adams of Ukiah, mother Rose English of Ukiah, grandchildren Chevi English of Boonville, Hope English of Willits, Natasha English of Ukiah, Oliva English of Ukiah, Nick Fross of Ukiah, Shelbi Fross of Ukiah and Adam Lewis of Ukiah. A memorial service was held last Wednesday in Ukiah.

6pm Worst in Show (2010) – 59 min

Every summer, proud dog owners bring their canine companions to Petaluma, California, to compete for a highly coveted title. No, this isn’t your standard ‘Best in Show’ championship; this is the contest for the World’s Ugliest Dog. This fascinating documentary takes viewers behind the scenes at a contest where the competitors never fail to impress. Equally impressive is the devotion of their human counterparts, all of whom prove that love goes beyond skin deep.

7pm Intermission (15 minutes)

7.15pm Tabloid (2010) – 87 min

A former beauty queen obsessed with a Mormon mis­sionary became ferocious tabloid fodder in England in the mid-1970s–a perfect storm of sex, religion, and sheer craziness. Director Errol Morris–creator of such nonfiction films as The Thin Blue Line and The Fog of War–crafts a kind of poetry from his portraits of people whose lives have bent in one obsessive direction. Former Miss Wyoming Joyce McKinney fell in love with aspir­ing missionary Kirk Anderson, but the Mormon Church decided she wasn’t fit material and whisked Anderson away to London. McKinney and an accomplice followed and then either kidnapped or liberated Anderson, depending on whom you believe–and therein lays the crux, as McKinney, Anderson, and rival tabloids tell competing stories. Morris combines lively interviews with archival footage to prove, again and again, that the truth can be both elusive and deeply, deeply weird.

8.45pm Intermission (30 minutes)

9.15pm Troubadours: The Rise of the Singer-Song­writer (2011) – 101 min

In the wake of the turbulent 1960′s, as a new style of song and songwriter came to the fore, Troubadours tells the story of when rock `n’ roll grew up. The time was the early `70s, the place was an old beatnik folk club called The Troubadour in Los Angeles, CA, and the players were young musicians emboldened to share their most intimate thoughts backed by little more than a lone acoustic guitar or simple piano. Exploring the early careers of Carole King and James Taylor, as well as the entire California singer/songwriter scene, Troubadours includes interviews with many of the other singer/songwriters from that historical once-in-a-lifetime period – Jackson Browne, David Crosby, Kris Kristoffer­son, Elton John, Bonnie Raitt, and more.

11pm – End of program

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Saturday, January 28th. Screenings: 11am–11pm

11am Maurice (2010) – 20 min

A documentary portrait of Maurice Laroche, owner and projectionist of the ‘Beverley’, the last Porno Cinema in Paris (and possibly Europe, maybe even the world) still playing 35mm films. The film depicts a technician holding on to his dying Art, even against his own better judgment. ‘Maurice’ is an anthropological document of a man, a subculture, and a physical space that are slipping towards becoming obsolete. Winner Grand Jury Prize, Nevada Film Festival.

11.20am Client 9: The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer (2010) – 117 min

This documentary feature takes an in-depth look at the rapid rise and dramatic fall of New York Governor Eliot Spitzer. Nicknamed “The Sheriff of Wall Street,” when he was NY’s Attorney General, Eliot Spitzer prosecuted crimes by America’s largest financial institu­tions and some of the most powerful executives in the country. After his election as Governor, with the largest margin in the state’s history, many believed Spitzer was on his way to becoming the nation’s first Jewish Presi­dent. Then, shockingly, Spitzer’s meteoric rise turned into a precipitous fall when the New York Times revealed that Spitzer–the paragon of rectitude–had been caught seeing prostitutes. As his powerful enemies gloated, his supporters questioned the timing of it all: as the Sheriff fell, so did the financial markets, in a cata­clysm that threatened to

unravel the global economy. With unique access to the escort world as well as friends, colleagues and enemies of the ex-Governor the film explores the hidden contours of this tale of hubris, sex, and power.

1.20pm Intermission (25 minutes)

1.45pm Anderson Valley Schools’ Film Class (2010-11) – 20 min

6th grade -‘Hey, Soul Sister’ – Stop Frame Anima­tion by Julia Brock

High School – ‘The A.V.H.S. Space Program’ – a camera is sent into the strratosphere aboard a vessel designed by high school students. What happens? You’ll be amazed!

2.05pm Change Over Horse Haven Ranch (2011) – 6 min

A documentary short about a time and place in Ander­son Valley. The demolition of the old Horse Haven to be replaced by vineyards of the Rhys Winery of Santa Clara is the inspiration for both the film and subsequently several paintings by the filmmaker, Valley artist Rebecca Johnson.

2.15pm Save Hendy Woods (2011) – 15 min

Faced with the prospect of closure by the State Park system, the local community rallies to save this remark­able place and local treasure for the continued enjoyment of one and all. Made by renowned environmental film­maker Heidi Knott and featuring scenes from the ‘Occupy Hendy Woods’ protest weekend and ensuing events, this uplifting short documentary shows what ‘The 99’ can achieve when acting as one.

2.30pm Guest Speakers and Discussion on the ‘Save Hendy Woods’ movement

3pm Intermission (15 minutes)

3.15pm Waiting for ‘Superman’ (2010) – 111 min

From the Academy Award-winning Director of An Inconvenient Truth comes the groundbreaking feature film that provides an engaging and inspiring look at public education in the United States. Waiting For “Superman” has helped launch a movement to achieve a real and lasting change through the compelling stories of five unforgettable students such as Emily, a Silicon Valley eighth-grader who is afraid of being labeled as unfit for college and Francisco, a Bronx first-grader whose mom will do anything to give him a shot at a better life. Waiting For “Superman” will leave a lasting and powerful impression that you will want to share with your friends and family.

5pm Guest Panel and Discussion. Moderator – Heidi Knott

6pm Intermission (30 minutes)

6.30pm Queen of the Sun – what are the bees tell­ing us? (2010) – 83 min

A profound, alternative look at the global bee crisis that takes us on a journey through the catastrophic disap­pearance of bees and the mysterious world of the bee­hive, this engaging and ultimately uplifting film weaves an unusual and dramatic story of the heartfelt struggles of beekeepers, scientists and philosophers from around the world as they reveal both the problems and the solu­tions in renewing a culture in balance with nature.

8pm Intermission (45 minutes)

8.45pm Will (2011) – 105 min

Special Market Screening of ‘Will’… A film for all the family, starring Bob Hoskins (Who Framed Roger Rabbit?), Damian Lewis (Your Highness), and Perry Eggleton. The movie follows a heartbroken 12 year old Will who, after tragically losing both his parents, jour­neys across Europe to honor his father’s wishes to wit­ness their beloved Liverpool play in Europe’s biggest soccer match of the year, against AC Milan at Istanbul’s Ataturk Stadium. En route, Will encounters Alek, a for­mer Bosnian soccer star, battling his own demons. Together this unlikely duo sets off an improbable jour­ney — hoping to restore their faith in family, friendship, and soccer… proving to themselves and the world that it’s never too late to dream. Directed By Ellen Perry. Written By Ellen Perry and Zack Anderson.

10.30pm Guest Speaker – Zack Anderson – Pro­ducer and Screenplay-writer – ‘Will’

11pm – End of Festival

An extremely light agenda left some Board members surprised, especially Laviva Dakers, of Mendocino, who, arriving late from the coast, never had time to remove her jacket.

The meeting began on a warm note with Board President Bob Page apologizing to the three attending members of the public for bypassing them during the round table check-in where Board members recount anything of interest which may have occurred since the previous meeting. He noted the meetings of late have had a family atmosphere about them.

Addressing the only added agenda item from the bare bones standard format, Election Coordinator, Fran Koliner, gave a pre-election update. Of the nine Board seats, four will be open to new applicants. They are the Ukiah (District 1) and Boonville (District 5) seats currently represented by Melville and David Jackness, the At Large seat held by Cole and the Coast seat (District 4) that has been vacant for the past three years. The deadline for applicants, looming ever closer, is January 31. Applicants must be station members as of December 31 2011.

According to General Manager John Coate, no applications had been received as yet. He stated that P.J. Neilson of Handley Cellars had expressed an interest. On further inquiry, Neilson clarified that her company, Neilson’s Computer Services, is contracted to count election ballots.

Ballots will be mailed in February to those whose membership was active on or before the last day of December 2011. March is the time allotted for candidate forums and voting of members. Election results are usually available by the first week of April with new Board Members inducted at the annual membership meeting on May 14.

The trim GM Report, being slightly more than one page, would suggest that the former agitation over lack of reception at the various signals has quieted down. The mild weather has prevented any meaningful testing of the effect of tree removal on the transmission signal between towers. The station has had no problems with the 90.7 signal since the bad circuit breaker was replaced by Cal Fire. Problems with the 88.1 signal were still experienced even after a rebuilt amplifier was installed. Through long distance phone instruction, staff managed to repair the translator unit after bypassing an unreliable internal switch. It was also learned that the twin antennas on that 70-foot tower were hung incorrectly — positioned side by side in opposite directions rather than staggered vertically a specific distance apart.

* * *

Two new programmers have been added to the station schedule. Local school teacher, Ryan O’Corrigan will be alternating with Todd Telfer’s Rockin’ Pneumonia time slot on Wednesdays at 10pm. Anthony Catanzaro will likely be alternating with the Saturday’s Lunch on the Back Porch spot within two months. Mendo Matters will now be aired twice a month on alternate Thursdays at 7pm while Cal Winslow has been given a green light to air new segments of his Community and Ecology series, which according to Coate, were well received.

A new Bill Moyers program, Moyers & Company, will be given to the station free of cost. Staff has subsequently announced that it will air in the 1pm time slot now held by Alternative Radio which is also offered to the station at no cost. That popular program will be cut from a weekly format to alternate weeks and moved to 7pm on Thursdays.

A couple of programmer mistakes involving incorrect settings of the main control board resulted, in one case, in the simultaneous playing of a CD along with the BBC news program for a half hour causing the removal of that programmer.

A programmers meeting will be held on February 12. No mention of the content of some of the expected changes regarding public affairs programming were included. The changes are expected to revolve around information gleaned at a National Federation of Community Broadcasters (NFCB) public affairs conference attended by Coate and Program Director, Mary Aigner earlier last year. When David Hopmann asked for the location of the meeting, Coate mysteriously told him he would give him that information after the meeting. When questioned about the secrecy of the location, Coate responded that the meeting was not open to the public. Board members, however, are cordially invited.

Had the information been freely given it would not have even caused a blip on the radar screen. The fact that the location was such an obviously guarded secret raised a red flag for the interminably curious among the public. Did management fear an extension of the Occupy Movement to present themselves at the meeting site?

* * *

The 2011 Audit showed that $17k was deducted from the station’s positive cash balance for equipment depreciation leaving the final figure at $10k in the red. Current fiscal statistics show that expenses exceed income by over $5K.

The holiday auction brought in $5,005. End of year gifts secured through holiday mailers was between $14k and $15k — two varying figures of $8oo+ difference was listed in the GM Report. Accounts receivable was $33k+ which includes uncollected pledges from the August and October pledge drives. Almost one quarter of the money comes from the October fund drive — a possible backlash of frequent program changes after the drive. Over $43K has been received from underwriting, approximately half in income and half in trade. Coate noted that the station is in the third year of the five-year payment plan of past NPR debt.

The budgeted $3K for freelance news stories has not been forthcoming leaving the station’s newly hired newsman, David Brooksher, in a bind, unable to pay, as agreed, for past stories and seeking new contributors who will expect no compensation.

One of the Citizen Advisory Board’s recommendations was to expand beyond the limitations of a one man News department by recruiting qualified reporters. Knowing that Brooksher is operating without the promised funds makes the lackluster reporting of information, largely from the heads of local public agencies, understandable. Hence, a 15-minute report on a change in the weather. To be fair, this occurred during the holiday season, a difficult time to find anyone in local administration at their desks.

To increase cash flow, the management plans to decide whether to add another one or two day pledge drive in the near future. Coate noted that pledge drives are exhaustive. Also noted was the increasingly competitive environment with the popularity of iPods and XM radio. Other fundraising ideas were discussed. One possibility is to have Board members and selected staff phone former KZYX members who have not renewed. In 2011, the station experienced a significant loss of membership. In contrast, KMUD, Humboldt’s public radio station saw an increase in memberships from Mendocino County.

During public comment, Mindy Cairn, easily coasting into her 70s and still going strong, reminded Page of his habit of addressing the public through the use of the generic phrase “you guys.” She noted the presence of other women in attendance and asked for a more appropriate acknowledgement. She spoke favorably of the new programming.

Kelley Arbor, a newcomer to the area and former journalist for the La Haina newspaper published out of Maui, had several thoughts regarding fundraising. One was to have regular monthly fundraisers, like movie showings, in inland areas where there is a large base of support. She was also in favor of reviving the former tactic of big-ticket raffles which do not require excessive of staff energy. Arbor brought to the Board’s attention that she had requested an application to the Citizen Advisory Board (CAB) and had received no response. Coate apologized and said the oversight would be immediately corrected. It was then learned that at this time, there is no limit on the number of members to the CAB.

Two of the outgoing Board members, Jackness and Cole, have expressed interest in serving on the CAB when their three-year commitment on the Board ends in May. Whether this revolving door strategy of former Directors evolving into the role of advisors to the new Directors adequately serves the interests of the broader community was not a topic of discussion at this time.

The lack of any mention of Strategic Planning of the station’s five-year goals was also conspicuous in its absence from both the agenda and the GM report. Secretary Cole, whose energy created the structural format for the future Strategic Plan, explained that the organization of members for the various groups will be delayed until after the programmer’s meeting. Program Director, Aigner expressed the opinion that the programmers meeting was a staff priority. The delay could mean postponing the presentation of the final draft of the new Strategic Plan until the end-of-year November meeting scheduled for the coast. The minutes of the November 2011 Board meeting state that “Cole was advised to refer to the CAB for guidance regarding upcoming meetings and goals.”

Also missing from the GM report was any mention of the decision to terminate the 800 call-in line (499-7117) which gave out-of-zone listeners and members the same access and financial equality as members who lived close to the station. Coate claimed it was a financial decision, but when asked for figures of amount of use versus cost, he did not have the information readily available. Trying to tease some ballpark estimates from him, this reporter asked if the amount of use was 1000 calls. He indicated that it was considerably less — somewhere between 50 and several hundred. At that point Vice President David Hopmann interjected “a point of process.”

Hopmann, who, incidentally, indicated having three years experience in Army Intelligence in his bio for reelection to the Board in 2009, stated: “Public comment is for making statements, not asking questions. Questions may be submitted in writing and may be considered for answering.” This interpretation of public comment left everyone at the table speechless. The room was stunningly silent. I retreated and apologized, thinking I had inadvertently thrown a curve ball, saw it whiz by GM Coate, only to be caught with a resounding thud by Hopmann’s rather oversized mitt. I considered this statement an opinion rather than official Board policy since at every previously attended meeting, the public had asked questions which had been courteously fielded and answered without batting an eyelash.

Even the usually gregarious Page felt the chilling effect of Hopmann’s presence. He made a curious admission regarding coming into the role of Board President, saying, “There were a lot of people standing along side of me, then they all stepped back and I was the only one left standing there.” That seemed to indicate that he regretted that some of the pleasant family feeling had evaporated in the last ten minutes. He then proceeded to renege on his former position of allowing public comment to extend past two minutes when there wasn’t a large audience stating, “He needed to tighten things up.”

The Office of the Attorney General of the State of California has stated that a three-minute restriction of public comment may be appropriate when the number of participants puts constraints on the length of the meeting. Noam Chomsky has posited that it takes five minutes to develop an idea of any depth. So the tightening of public comment begs the question, Whose interests are served by such limitations?

End of report? Not quite.

Believing the station had no reason to be less than forthcoming about the 800-line information (and honestly forgetting about the instruction to submit questions in writing), I called Coate’s office the following day. I asked Coate for the numbers, was refused, and then purposely disconnected. Twice.

Coate’s behavior reminds one of a toddler who, not wishing to acknowledge your existence, turns his/her head to avert his/her eyes. Before the second abrupt ending to our conversation, Coate admitted that it was his decision to terminate the line as early as the October pledge drive. It seems counterproductive to limit access to the station during pledge drive, forcing out-of-area callers to pledge donations on their own dime. Actually, the line was still active at pledge time as some folks called in on it and got through. Staff, however, had been instructed not to give out the number.

A quick call to the phone company ascertained that 800 business lines cost a flat fee of $20 a month with calls averaging from 3¢ to 6¢ a minute depending on distance. With approximately 15 call in shows, including Trading Time, which gets the most out of zone calls, one might guesstimate that the 800 line might cost the station not much more than $600 a year. Hardly a big financial burden, especially considering that $5,451 was spent on meals and lodging in 2011 — 449% of the $1,215 budgeted for that item. Connecting all the dots, it appears that some staff and management are supplementing their diets through the station’s coffers while services to the general membership are cut.

When I called Coate a second time, I told him that as a public radio station “owned by the members,” the station’s financial decisions were less than transparent. At that point he morphed into a 12-year old playground bully, resorting to personal insult. Considering that Coate’s forte is in computers, it is not surprising that he is remarkably deficient in interpersonal conflict resolution skills.

It is much more likely that the line was terminated to relieve the problem of frequent pesky callers who used the line to inform the station of the numerous outages in past months. On public affairs shows, a frequent caller would refer listeners to KMUD’s schedule of programs cut from the KZYX line up.

Recently, on the Point and Click show, host Jim Heid mistakenly gave out the 800-number. Apparently, no one had left a note in the various studios to inform programmers of the change. One listener called up to tell Heid, “The number was defunct because freeloaders were costing the station too much money.” Such a statement smacks of “station speak” and is an uncharitable view of a person or people who may have been past members or could be future members.

Under Coate’s management such polarization of the community is the result of his penchant for turning a hot spot into a wildfire.

The meeting ended at 7:15 — 45 minutes shorter than usual. The next opportunity to attend a KZYX Board meeting will be on the coast on March 12th.

This past Saturday night saw the first of the Valley’s two Crab Feed gatherings, arguably the best “pure” Valley events of the year in the sense that the vast majority of those who attend are from across the wide spectrum of Valley folks. This one benefited the AV Senior Center and with a turnout of over 250, a very brisk business at the bar, and the sale of many raffle tickets, I’m sure that the Center will be most grateful for the community’s very generous support. So many people come together to put together an event of this size, from the Senior Center Board led by the effervescent and tireless Sheri Hansen, to the many volunteers on the night, including the very capable wait staff from the AV High School cheerleading and football teams, led by coaches Keri Sanchez and John Toohey, to Harold Hulbert, who organized the crab, and of course the various donating wineries and the AV Brewery, plus the local folks and small businesses who provided raffle prizes. With Dean Titus and fellow musicians Craig Titus, Chris Rossi, Brian Wood, and talented singer Susan Clark, providing both background and dance music, the atmosphere was wonderful and it was a joy to be a part of such a special event. Well done to one and all!

That’s enough “gushing” for this curmudgeonly Turkey Vulture. Let’s move on to the Quote of the Week and share with you some words on the continuing major talking point about around here – the weather. As you read this, hopefully the rain is pouring down outside because, as everyone will readily let you know — we need it! Here’s a good one from Charles Dudley Warner (1829-1900), the American essayist, novelist, and friend of Mark Twain, who very perceptively said, “Everyone talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.” And if it really does come down in torrents this week, let’s hope it’s not too much all at once so that we have to recall William Shakespeare’s great line, one used by myself often in the company of Hummingbird, “’Tis a naughty night to be naked in.”

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #422: Crab Feed tickets are still available for the second of our two crab feeds but it is anticipated they will sell out once again. This is the “Original” Crab Feed that will be held on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Just like the “feed” this past weekend, it is to be held at The Apple Hall in Boonville and, as I’ve said many times, together with the similar Senior Center event this is one of the best Valley gatherings of the year. #423: The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital return for a second January visit to the Valley next Thursday, January 26th. They will be at The AV Farm Supply from 2pm-3.30pm. #424: Coming up is the 6th Annual AV Film Festival that will take place at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, January 27th-28th. The program is as eclectic as ever with some excellent documentaries, a film for all the family on the Saturday night, and the usual assortment of socially aware and environmental films, plus the recent work of the AVHS Film Class. All the details can be found on the Festival website www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org .

Topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Raised eyebrows, comments of incredulity, and questions as to the man’s sanity, were all in evidence in the 3-Dot upon hearing that dedicated newspaperman, Bruce Anderson of the AVA, last weekend declined an invitation to the 49er play-off game against the Saints. It was not just a regular invitation though. Let Bruce explain” “Such is my commitment to an unfettered press, I turned down my nephew Robert Mailer Anderson’s conditional offer to watch Saturday’s playoff game from the owner’s box. He said I was invited but I couldn’t write about the experience. So, with a heavy heart, I declined.” I must say that this was an amazing act of sports martyrdom, which modesty no doubt forbade the esteemed editor from mentioning in his column. Obviously most of our regulars at the 3-Dot just thought the man had taken too much of his medication to turn down such an offer, but hoped he was able to watch this fantastic game, that saw the 49ers gain a famous victory, from the comfort of his luxurious leather Barcalounger, the Presidential model obviously.

…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series, “The Approach of the Apocalypse.” Buzzard reports, “It’s quiet around here. Following a relatively slow holiday period, from the point of view of our local small businesses, the first couple of weeks of 2012 have not been great either. January is always a little slow but February and March generally slower. With that in mind I encourage the community to support your local businesses even more than ever at this time of year and, if you have a choice, put your hard-earned dollars back into the Valley before you think about ‘going over the hill’ to Ukiah. It would be very disappointing, although perhaps not entirely shocking given the current financial climate, if anyone had to close-up shop but hopefully with us all pulling together and thinking locally, this will not happen. If it did, I would have to see it as yet another sign that the Apocalypse is fast approaching.”

After this emotional rollercoaster of a column, now I think it’s time to take my leave. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net, PPS. On the sheep, Grace.

GREG KROUSE alerts those of us desirous of high speed internet that we get put on an AT&T wish list to be sent to corporate offices where a decision on service to remote customers like us will be made in March. The e-mail address for your wish list submission is SR1242@ATT.com Type in the subject heading “dsl wish list.” Write in the body your home telephone number and/or business number. If you’re not an AT&T customer, write in a contact number and your physical address. “If enough people do this,” Greg says, “there’s a good possibility we can get them to tap the lines and give us access. We live real close to access points, and dsl is faster, more secure, probably more accurate, and probably cheaper.”

IT WAS SO cold at The Major’s house Monday morning he said the water in his toilet bowl froze over. “I had to chip it clear with an ice pick so I could continue my morning ablutions, some of which, so to speak, had bounced.” It was 23 degrees at my place, and Mike Kalantarian at Navarro said it got down to 26 at the Deepend.

AND FROZEN PIPES everywhere in The Valley and, according to my old friend Sam Halstad, a plumber, everywhere in the county. Sam’s own water was out, and he’s on a municipal water system. I’m among the many waiting for mine to defrost and the water to begin flowing again, hoping the pipes don’t crack, which is always a fairly major hassle.

SOME 250 satisfied diners enjoyed the Senior Center’s crab feed Saturday night with the Catholic’s annual crustacean feast coming right up.

A VOLUNTEER Santa at Sea Ranch was startled by the little girl who jumped up on his lap to ask Santa to bring her “a hog-stickin-knife” for Christmas. Santa replied, “Little girl, you must be from Annapolis.”

BRUCE McEWEN is agog at Jacqueline Carmody’s vivid acrylics on display at Lauren’s Restaurant and, when “three lovely ladies beckoned me to come inside and listen to us sing,” I marched right on in and was glad I did. They sang beautifully, especially when they did ‘Nightingales Singing In the Branches of My Heart.’ The human nightingales that night at Lauren’s were The Motherland Family Band, and there was free champagne courtesy of Scharffenberger’s Winery. A great event.”

DEPUTY AND MRS. WALKER have returned to The Valley from a two week vacation in the Far East where they enjoyed stays in Hong Kong and Mrs. Walker’s native Philippines. Mrs. Walker, by the way, is a long distance runner, a runner of very long distances including a hundred miler she recently completed in less than 24 hours. When she says she’s going to run to Ukiah she just might mean it.

THE MISS MENDOCINO County 2012 pageant — “an official preliminary to Miss California and Miss America” — will be held on Saturday, February 4 at the Ukiah High School Cafetorium at 7pm. Tickets are $15 at the door. All proceeds go to scholarships for winning contestants. Ordinarily, we don’t pay much attention to this Ukiah-centric event, but this year the six contestants include an Anderson Valley entrant: the vivacious and multi-talented AV High Senior Olivia Allen. She can sing, she can dance, she pulls straight A’s! The multi-talented Miss Allen’s performances at the Anderson Valley Variety Show and the Ukiah Players Theater hold the promise that she just might walk away with the Miss Mendo tiara. Miss Allen tells us that she will deliver her rendition of “Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again” from Phantom of the Opera. Knock ‘em out, kidoo!

SMALL SCHOOL basketball season has begun. It looks like a three-way race between Mendocino, Point Arena and Laytonville. The smart money is on Laytonville.

JUST NORTH of Cloverdale, a large new billboard announces, “Entering Mendocino County. Wilderness, Waves, Wine.” You can probably think up more than a few variations on the theme.

CROOKED TELEMARKETERS (are there any other kind?) have been calling Mendocino County residents claiming to be employees of the Mendocino County Sheriff’s Office. If you are contacted by telemarketers who say they are associated with the Mendocino County Sheriff’s Office in any type of fundraising effort, they are not. “Please call immediately to report it to our office at (707) 463-4086.”

LITTLE LEAGUE BASEBALL signups are being held this week and next at the Elementary School cafeteria. All kids ages 5-12 are encouraged to play. Please appear on Tuesday the 17th, Thursday the 19th or Tuesday the 24th between 5-630pm to sign up. You’ll need your child’s birth certificate and 3 proofs of residence. Cost is $120 and there are scholarships available. Call Shauna @ 684-9126 for info.

***

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”After 22 years in business, providing many, many customers with a wide range of goods and services, from greeting cards and birthday gifts to a copying machine and a UPS drop-off, it appears that ”All that Good Stuff’s” landlord, Johnny Schmitt, proprietor and chef at The Boonville Hotel, is thinking seriously about other plans for the business space in the Farrer Building that he and his partners own in the very heart of Boonville. If these plans come to fruition, storeowner Leslie Hummel, having just negotiated a sale to store employee Claudia, a sale that was to provide a retirement nest-egg for Leslie and a wonderful opportunity for Claudia to run her own business, will have to close and make way for a cheese and wine tasting establishment to be run by Johnny and his partners.

Now, before I go on, this is not necessarily going to happen in the next month or so, in fact it may not happen at all if the members of the community with whom I spoke over the past weekend have anything to do with it. Or perhaps Johnny will reconsider and write it off as an idea whose time is a long way off.

However, if he sticks with the plans he has recently expressed to those affected, it is likely that the best possible scenario for the tenants is for some sort of temporary ”stay-of-execution.” In that case, the store will remain as it is for as long as Leslie and Claudia can get Johnny to agree to at the meeting held between the interested parties this week.

Nevertheless, whatever that time period may be, and three years may well be the maximum, the inevitable will happen and at that time Leslie and Claudia will be left with virtually nothing to show for their endeavors. The current store would be worthless and unsaleable with such plans in place for its future in the relative short term.

Needless to say the community will not be happy with this development. Leslie is personally very popular and is regarded as a mainstay amongst the small business owners of the Valley. Many people have already expressed disapproval of Johnny’s proposed actions and I have been contacted by three people close to the situation, each asking me to write about events and pass it on to the Turkey Vulture column.

It appears that the wine and cheese tasting operation would be run by Johnny and partners so Leslie and Claudia would have no legal recourse — the lease ran out several months ago and Leslie has been on a month-to-month lease since then. Claudia was going to pay Leslie off for the business over the next few years, it is her only option, and Leslie was going to rely on this for a significant part of her retirement income. That deal will obviously be compromised if Johnny’s perceived intentions are carried out and Leslie will have nothing to show for her 22 years at the store, hence the ‘angry villagers’ I spoke with over the weekend.

I have heard that ”aesthetically” the quirky store is not in keeping with the landlords’ ideas about what businesses ”fit” in their Farrer Building, alongside the Mosswood Market, the Farmhouse Mercantile Store, and Paysanne Ice Cream. It is not Healdsburg, but I think you get my meaning. That is fine of course, the businesses all provide good quality products, and Johnny, to his great credit, has put as great deal of effort into improving the look of the place and its surroundings. However, to add a cheese and wine tasting venue to complement these businesses at the expense of such a versatile community store as ”All that Good Stuff” is surely not the way to go. Certainly not in the eyes of local people, it isn’t.

Johnny has expressed his grief at having to do this to his long-standing tenant. Whilst this may well be true, and I have no reason to think otherwise, the real question is why do this in the first place? Wines and cheeses are available all over the Valley; ”All that Good Stuff” is a unique store for the community, one that provides many of us with ”Stuff” (goods and services) that you cannot get anywhere else around here. This fact, coupled with the ill-conceived idea to kick out one of the more popular local business owners after 22 years of serving the community, really does mean that any backlash hurled in the direction of Johnny would not be at all unexpected.

What can be done about this? Well, as I said above, nothing legally. However, perhaps the landlords will be quite sensitive to any negative public opinion, which could well lead to a backing-off on their behalf. Other than that it is difficult to see what else the aggrieved tenants can do about this situation. Community ill will and a boycott of The Hotel by Leslie’s ”crowd” is hardly a threat since the vast majority of them are not regular customers there. I would be surprised if Johnny shopped at Leslie’s store himself and most people I have spoken to feel that he has misread the situation and has no idea that the feelings will be very strong in support of ”our Good Stuff.” From his point of view, he is in the process of making what he believes to be a sound business decision, and ultimately that is his right of course.

Ideally, Johnny may realize that this ”cheese and wine” idea of his will cause more ill feeling than he imagined, or wish to confront, and he and his partners will decide to forget the idea. That may well be the wise thing to do. It would certainly be viewed as the ethical move and one that would bring him kudos rather than the undoubted dishonor that will be placed upon him if the idea moves ahead. If it does so, then I believe this past weekend’s relatively mild tirades of negativity expressed his way are just the beginning.”

Well thanks for the report, Mr. Sparks. I think a public protest, an old-fashioned chanting of ”Hands off our Stuff!” and a placard-waving gathering outside either the Hotel and/or Leslie’s Store might have an effect, but I’m just a troublemaker and could be wrong. Meanwhile, before moving on let’s have a couple of relevant Quotes of the Week. First it’s the words of Oliver Goldsmith (1730-1774), the writer, poet and physician, a native of Ireland, from the Anglo-Irish Ascendancy, who said, ”Honor sinks where commerce long prevails.” And a second comment would be that of Henry Ford (1863-1947) who said, ”A business that makes nothing but money is a poor kind of business.” I couldn’t agree more, Henry!

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #64: The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back for a visit to the Valley on two occasions this month. They will be at The AV Farm Supply tomorrow Thursday, January 12th and then again in two weeks on the 26th, from 2-3.30pm each day. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time — everyone showing up before 3.30pm will be seen. #65: Crab Feed tickets are now available. The first of these very popular annual Valley events will benefit the Senior Center and takes place this coming Saturday, January 14th, just a few days away! You can call Gina Parlini for tickets at 895-3609 or stop by the Senior Center or any of these other Valley locations: Lemons’ Market, Laughing Dog Books, All That Good Stuff, and the Mendocino County Fair Grounds. Then it is the ”Original” Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year. As my attorney told me many times, and I’ve since shared his words with you on many occasions. ”Trust me on this, you can thank me later.”

Time to take my leave. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. Oh, and of course, one final request, Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or by e-mail at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. Hi, Silver Swan; behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

It has been a very interesting project indeed and one warmly received by subject and reader alike. Every single person I have interviewed has either shaken my hand or given me a hug at the interview’s conclusion, yet the majority, when initially approached by me, would ask, “Why would anyone want to read about me?” or “My life has not been that exciting,” or something to that effect. This, I pointed out to them, is not at all true. Everyone has a story and this has been emphasized every week to me in person and undoubtedly to the very supportive readership of the column. Besides that, these interviews are not only providing people with a way to learn a little more about their neighbors and/or friends, but they also give the reader an insight to the Valley, its character, and its uniqueness.

Many, many people have told me how much they enjoy reading the interviews and getting to know someone a little more than they normally would by simply chatting briefly at the Post Office or in the local store. Bruce Anderson, the AVA editor, perhaps put it best when he wrote, “Steve is introducing the Valley to itself.” That is my reward for doing this, along with the sharing of any fresh insights to the Valley’s history, its present, and the future.

Anyway, after much deliberation, I have decided to take a break from conducting and writing the interviews. I have done 146 in the last 155 weeks. I feel a little jaded and in need of re-charging my batteries. I have a list of over 100 more Valley folks whom I have not got to, and there are no doubt others who I have not written down as potential candidates, but for now that is all I can do.

I wish to thank the many people far and wide who have sent comments regarding either their pleasure at reading about people they had lost touch with or other positive remarks about the interviews. I should like to express my gratitude to those in the local community both for their supportive remarks to me personally and for their many messages of encouragement upon reading these small windows into the Valley’s community from week to week. Most of all, I wish to thank the 146 interviewees to-date who have shared their stories with me and whose interesting and informative tales have provided so many of the AVA’s readers with a wide variety of the “lives and times” of Valley folks.

Finally, I would like to express my appreciation for the support of the AVA’s Bruce Anderson and Mark Scaramella throughout this project to-date.

To read the stories of Valley Folk, visit the archives at www.avalleylife.wordpress.com. On this website they are listed under ‘Select Category,’ in alphabetical order of first names.

Here is a complete list of the interviewees, in the order they appeared in the AVA.

1. Emil Rossi, 2. Captain Rainbow, 3. Amy Bloyd, 4. Gloria Ross, 5. Carroll Pratt, 6. Billy Owens, 7. Mary Aigner, 8. Eva Holcomb, 9. Buckhorn Bob Wright, 10. Lauren Keating, 11. Jerry Cox, 12. Joyce Murray, 13. Alicia Garcia, 14. Danny Kuny, 15. Ted Bennett, 16. Eileen Pronsolino, 17. Bruce Hering, 18. Freda Fox, 19. Tom Smith, 20. Vince Ballew, 21. Helen Papke, 22. Johnny Schmitt, 23. Benna Kolinsky, 24. Mitchell Holman, 25. Rod Basehore, 26. Dick Sand, 27. Mike Shapiro, 28. Val Muchowski, 29. David Norfleet, 30. John Hanes, 31. Barbara Goodell, 32. Ernie Pardini, 33. Milla Handley, 34. Cyndee Hollinger, 35. Kevin Burke, 36. Don Shanley, 37. Kirk Wilder, 38. Rodolfo Ibarra, 39. Hayes Brennan, 40. Barbara Lamb, 41. Mary O’Brien, 42. Ross Murray, 43. Alice Fashauer, 44. Guido Pronsolino, 45. Bobbie Peterson, 46. Christine Clark, 47. Peter C. Boudoures, 48. Larry Smith, 49. Elwin Maxey, 50. Doug Read, 51. Uncle Donn Jaekle, 52. Gloria Abbott, 53. Bob Mathias, 54. Kay Clark, 55. Pat Hulbert, 56. Bud Johnson, 57. Bo Hiatt, 58. Judy Long, 59. Bob Nimmons, 60. Tom Towey, 61. Jill Derwinski, 62. Andrea La Campagne, 63. Fred Wooley, 64. Wallen Summers, 65. Bill Holcomb, 66. June Lemons, 67. Leslie Hummel, 68. Butch Paula, 69. Via Keller, 70. Kurt Schoeneman, 71. Bruce McEwen, 72. James Gowan, 73. Tom English, 74. Sheila Hibbs, 75. Tom McFadden, 76. Cheryl Schrader, 77. Mark Fontaine, 78. Patty Liddy, 79. Karen Ottoboni, 80. Dave Evans, 81. Jim Clow, 82. George Bennett, 83. Tex Sawyer, 84. Efren Mendoza, 85. Loretta Houck, 86. Mary Pat Palmer, 87. Charlie Hochberg, 88. Pilar Echeverria, 89. Susan Spencer, 90. Mike Crutcher, 91. Elaine Busse, 92. Lee Serrie, 93. Betsy Taylor, 94. Doug Johnson, 95. Mike Reeves, 96. Harold Perry, 97. James Dean, 98. Bruce Patterson, 99. Dick Browning, 100. Mark Scaramella, 101. Kent Rogers, 102, Allan Green, 103. Jim Nickless, 104. Bill Kimberlin, 105. Maria Goodwin, 106. Diane Heron, 107. Tim Bates, 108. Gene Herr, 109. Michael Hubbert, 110. Muriel Ellis, 111. Tom Rodrigues, 112. Rene Auberjonois, 113. David Eyster (DA), 114. Bill & Gail Meyer, 115. Sandy Creque, 116. Kelley Hiatt, 117. Bill Harper, 118. Judith Dolan, 119. Wes Smoot, 120. Nadia Berrigan, 121. Stephen Sparks, 122. Maire Palme, 123. Heidi Knott, 124. Tom Allman (Sheriff), 125. Fred Martin, 126. Ben Van Zandt, 127. John Leal, 128. Jim Hill, 129. Ellen Ingram, 130. Manuel Soto, 131. Beverly Dutra, 132. Antoinette von Grone, 133. Clyde Price Jr, 134. Florianne Weyrich, 135. Deanna Apfel, 136. Jose Luis Orozco, 137. Keith Martin, 138. Bob Klindt, 139. Beverley Bennett, 140. Linda Boudoures, 141. Bullet / Dep. Walker, 142. Lanny Parker, 143. John Scharff., 144. Eva Johnson, 145. Susan Newstead, 146. Terry Ryder, 147. ???????.

And for your Quotes of the Week, here are some heart-warming thoughts on the passing of loved ones. First it’s these words from Helen Keller, the deaf/blind author, political activist, and lecturer, who said, “What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” And there is this wonderful thought proposed in an Eskimo Legend: “Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.” And finally, the anonymously written but poignant, “Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed and very dear.”

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #64: The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back for a visit to the Valley on two occasions this month. They will be at The AV Farm Supply on Thursdays, January 12th and 26th from 2pm-3.30pm each day. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time. Everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen. #65: Crab Feed tickets are now available. The first of these very popular annual Valley events will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 14th — just ten days away! You can call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609 or stop by the Senior Center or any of these other Valley locations: Lemons’ Market, Laughing Dog Books, All That Good Stuff, and the Mendocino County Fair Grounds. Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year. As my attorney told me many times, and I’ve since told you too, “Trust me on this, you can thank me later.”

The Three-Dot Lounge was closed over the holiday but that allowed me some time to come up with some of my personal hopes and wishes for 2012.

• Chocolate Chip and Vanilla Ice Cream will be in plentiful supply at every grocery store in The Valley.

• All drivers shall follow the rules of the road. That most definitely includes California Vehicle Code # 21656 — ‘Slower vehicles must pull over to allow others to pass’. No driving over 60mph anywhere; no driving under 40mph in the 55mph limit without pulling over in the Valley’s many turnouts to let others pass. Of course driving at 30mph or less in town is to be strictly enforced, with very grave consequences for those who do not follow these guidelines. Do I hear ‘feed ‘em to the pigs’ from anyone?…

• All drivers parking at 90 degrees to the sidewalk outside businesses and stores will have their vehicles egged. Eggs will be paid for (upon proof of receipt and photograph of the eggs on the windscreen) by Captain Rainbow, as this is his pet peeve and he wants to see the practice brought to an end as much as any of us…

• Residents will be asked to ‘verbally confront’ the ‘biker hordes’ when those weekend visitors (mostly accountants, bankers, and lawyers posing in their rarely worn, stiff and shiny leathers, pretending to be ‘rebels’) arrive this summer and annoyingly begin revving up their very noisy Harleys. From now on hopefully they will be pointed at and told, “Don’t be late at the office on Monday morning.”.. What are they going to do? Throw their man-purses at us?…

• When some people are asked a question about something they know nothing or very little about, they should be encouraged to say, “I don’t know.” That is o.k. and is a very acceptable response is such instances. It will also save everyone lots of time…

• All citizens must get tags for their pets. It’s easy and cheap at www.tagxpress.com and all those hard working volunteers at the Animal Rescue, plus the many other animal lovers in The Valley, will certainly appreciate it… Anyone not abiding by this rule to be fined $1 and the monies collected to be donated to the A.V. Animal Rescue…

• All attendees at Pot Lucks in The Valley must bring a dish or some form of alcohol large enough to feed or quench the thirst of at least eight guests. A stick of celery/ days-old bread/two beers will no longer suffice…

• No more vineyards are allowed if they are to be owned by a wine-guzzling know-all who assumes they can make wine just because they have made their millions elsewhere in an entirely different expertise. This is to be rigidly enforced if such a person is living in some far flung location, has never lived here, and who wouldn’t know a wild hog if it bit him in the ass or a Turkey Vulture if it defecated on his head…

• Anyone, anywhere in public, starting a sentence with “You should” will be fined $1 on the spot. All monies going towards the Christmas Tree Fund…

• Phone service employees will be issued written warnings as to their future conduct if they are observed standing around for more than an hour at the side of the road pointing up in the air. Perhaps this will save time and then we would not be told that in order to have our phone repaired we have to stay at home and to expect the technician to arrive “sometime between 8am and 7pm”!…

• Caltran workers who are standing around doing nothing will not be allowed to scowl menacingly at drivers as they pass. It’s not clever, funny, or even that menacing, but it does seem to keep many of them from their work for long periods of time…

• When the power goes out, PG&E will not be able to tell us that they are “out of power” themselves. Lie to us — anything will do rather than this ridiculous and unsettling announcement that was heard over the radio waves around this time last year…

• When somebody calls to remind you of your appointment for something or other at their place of work, they should do so clearly and concisely, not by mumbling or by speaking so quickly that the message is undecipherable. That seems to me as if it really defeats their purpose?…

• All herky-jerky, whirling, twirling, hippy-dancing, whenever and wherever it breaks out in public, will be halted by concerned residents. Obviously this applies neither to the female movers who have rhythm nor the exotically-skilled belly dancers one occasionally sees, but it certainly does to the other 90% who make up this odd group…

• And finally, and perhaps most important of all — the limited choice in toilet tissue sold at the local stores will be enlarged in 2012 so as to include the really strong stuff that myself and The Four-eyed Woodpecker, to name just two, require to complete our daily ablutions satisfactorily and thus avoid the ‘internal self-examination’ we currently seem to have to go through every morning…

Time to take my leave. So, until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net.

THE HAZARD of year-end remembrances is leaving someone out, and we somehow forgot to include Jim Clow on our roster of Valley people who left us this year.

DAVID EPPSTEIN, a Frisco computer specialist with senior Wikipedia chops and Mendo connections, has done a nice update of the Hendy Woods Wikipedia entry, with new information about the Occupy Hendy Woods activity and the status of closure resistance. Look it up on Wikipedia under Hendy_Woods_State_Park. We expect that Mr. Eppstein will continue the updates.

THE SIXTH ANNUAL Crab Feed Fundraiser for the Senior Center will be Saturday, January 14th. Happy Hour at 5:30, dinner at 6:30. $25 per ticket. Call 895-3609 for tickets! (PS. Mileage reimbursements are available to drivers taking seniors to necessary medical appointments. Volunteer drivers are needed. Call the Senior Center 895-3609 for details.)

LAST THURSDAY NIGHT, about six miles up the Ukiah road, the rural peace was rent by a sudden, the repeated explosions of gun fire. Soon, someone from the Toll House was at the gate of the shooters shouting for a cease fire. The shooters, the same people who plunked down that eyesore shipping container beside the road a couple of years ago, shouted back insults and continued shooting. Deputy Squires being out on disability, and deputy Walker on vacation, there was no one available to mediate. Fortunately, the shooting subsided, the irate Toll House guy retreated and there was again quiet in Bell Valley.

REBECCA JOHNSON, the talented Navarro sculptress, has made a short film called “Change Over Horse Haven Ranch,” which will be shown at the Anderson Valley Film Festival the weekend of January 27th at the Philo Grange.

HORSE HAVEN, as us locals know, has transmogrified into Rhys Vineyards, vineyards that would not be there if Mendocino County had a grading ordinance. (A grading ordinance for Mendo was discussed for twenty years, but…) Even the wizards of Silicon Valley aren’t allowed to plant grapes on precipitous Sonoma and Napa hillsides, but in Mendocino County the One Percenters have it all their own way.

BOB SITES is fit again and back at his Yorkville home after holiday gall bladder surgery at the Vet’s Hospital in San Francisco.

BAD ROLLOVER crash Monday evening about 7:30 just south of Philo. The driver, still not identified, was medi-vacced to Santa Rosa with serious head injuries.

THE MAJOR took a midnight stroll around Boonville to watch  Boonville celebrate the arrival of 2012. “Departing AVA headquarters high atop the Farrer Building, a precautionary pistol in my pocket, I walked into the chilly night air of Boonville’s sedate streets. It was just before midnight. All was quiet at the brewpub next door. Four pickups were in front of the Boonville Saloon. A thin dark-haired drunk, female type, stumbled out of PicNPay, east down the alley and on into the laundromat. I thought back to a time when I did my laundry at midnight in a New Year’s laundromat. I’d almost called the Suicide Hot Line that time. The pleasant sound of a bass guitar trickled out of the Saloon. Country guitar emanated from Lauren’s Restaurant down the street where the ever popular Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys were entertaining. A drunk leaning against the Valley Bible Fellowship Church asked me if I was looking for trouble. ‘Are you looking to get knocked out?’ I snarled back. ‘This isn’t like you, Major,” he said. ‘What’s up with you?’ Another drunk asked me to keep his booking photo out of the Sheriff’s Log. ‘Cost you fifty bucks, punk,’ I said, walking on. 15 to 20 revelers appeared in front of the Boonville Saloon. Firecrackers exploded. ‘Anybody here need a serious punch in the mouth?’ I asked. Someone said, ‘Dude, cool all the way out.’ A man produced what looked like a flare gun and an umbrella of multicolored sparks instantly lit up the sky. Within the minute three of these brightly hued umbrellas had appeared  above Highway 128. Between the firecrackers, a burst of gun fire seemed to be coming from the house next door to the Saloon. More fireworks went off and several more gunshots were heard, some of them in bursts of 10 or 12 rounds. Firecrackers again, but not quite as loud. I kept my trigger finger on my piece. You never know who might go off in Boonville.  You can’t have too many guns in this place. Nothing seemed immediately threatening, however. All good clean celebratory noise. A solitary reveler in a cardboard top hat blew into a paper noisemaker. I stifled a sob. A quintet of drunks screamed incoherences into the sky. “Go, Giants!” I shouted, finally into the evening’s spirit. I could hear muffled gunshots deep in the hills. Smoke drifted up into the night air from the last of the street level fireworks. By 12:30 it was quiet again. 2012 was already half-hour old.”

With all the excesses of the holiday season I have inevitably come to the conclusion that, like Alexander Woollcott, social commentator for New Yorker magazine, almost “all of the things I enjoy doing are immoral, illegal, or fattening.” So, with the dawn of a new year upon us, and with new resolutions bursting forth, for the Quote of the Week let me offer you these wise words by Gore Vidal to think about as we move into 2012. “Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.” Difficult to argue with that, I’d say.

Delicious cheeses, homemade biscotti and breads; succulent hams, turkeys, hot chicken wings, and rib roasts; unique and zesty guacamole and bean dips, potato salads, garlic mashed potatoes, bacon wrapped asparagus, etc., not to mention the accompanying wonderful local wines and thirst-quenching beers. Yes the holidays at The Nest have been quite a binge so far. However, did you know that along with all those goodies, we Turkey Vultures also like our veggies? Yes, folks, a recent study of almost 400 of our pellets collected in the Castro Valley and Livermore areas in California showed that plant material was the single most common ingredient of the Turkey Vulture’s diet. The material consisted primarily of grass and leaves. Don’t let all this fool you, though. Animal food items in the pellets included: shrew, mole, squirrel, gopher, mouse, rat, rabbit, bird, reptile, insect, muskrat, opossum, raccoon, skunk, badger, sheep, and coyote. If not consumed and sterilized by the TVs, these carcasses would have rotted on the ground and could have spread disease. We truly are nature’s garbage collectors and proud of it. “Trust me on this. You can thank me later.”

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #131: Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville is having a New Year’s Eve Dance Party with Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys, featuring Susan Clark. The music will start at 9pm with a $12 cover charge. Dinner served 5-9pm. #132: For many Valley folks of perhaps a different ilk, The Boonville Saloon will have a party on the same night and this will most likely be a sort of alumni gathering for large numbers of the AVHS grads of 1970 to 2005 and their families and friends. #133: Meanwhile, down the street at The Buckhorn there is an evening with a different flavor: Casino Night with four-course dinner, complimentary drinks, champagne at midnight, party favors, and $50 in casino chips. #134: Crab Feed tickets are now available. The first of these will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 14th. Call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609. Then it’s the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year. As I’ve said many times before (in fact just moments ago in the previous paragraph), “Trust me on this. You can thank me later.”

Now for more Topics at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…I am very pleased to report that ‘Confused of Comptche, California’ stopped by The 3-Dot this past week and shared some words of wisdom with the regulars. “Let me share with you a little Christmas anecdote. My great Uncle Ernest was born in 1908, and he had all his own teeth until the day he died. This isn’t as impressive as it might at first seem, however, as he died aged 16 when he choked on a turkey bone on Christmas Day 1924.” I hope I wasn’t too late in sharing this tragic tale. Eat carefully.

…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series” ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “I thought I’d sit in for Turkey Vulture and do my own ‘Wine/Whine of the Week.’ Having sipped a couple of glasses of the Claudia Springs Zinfandel with wild pig ribs on Christmas Eve, the choice for the Wine of the Week was easy: truly delicious, well done Bob and Claudia Klindt! My ‘Whine of the Week’ is far more in keeping with the Approach of the Apocalypse theme and it concerns the dreadful music played on Christmas morning on the Valley’s KZYX radio station. After 30 minutes of dull and morose songs, I had to turn it off and scratch a blackboard with my claws. I know this is a subjective topic but what were they thinking of? Certainly not the vast majority of listeners, I’d say. Surely the show is not a private listening for the benefit of the presenter in a little room in Philo. I know, I know, they are volunteers and I realize it was Christmas Day and we should be grateful somebody showed up. With that in mind I even went back to the program, twice in fact, so that I might hear an improvement. But no, the choice of songs for such a festive morning continued to be most annoying and I turned it off until noon. That’s when Fred Wooley showed up on the airwaves with his ‘Audible Feast’ and, as always, provided us with some relevant and entertaining music — as many others frequently do, including Diane Hering and Jimmy Humble to mention just two. As we are reminded repeatedly, KZYX is ‘listener supported, community radio’ but sadly this will not be for much longer around Buzzardville Mountain if such programming as we were served up with on Xmas morning continues. And that would be a shame.

Oh, dear, did Buzzard upset somebody? Well, that’s unfortunate but I’m sure many others would agree with his comments about the Christmas morning broadcast. And some will possibly disagree. It is life in the Valley after all! Meanwhile, until we talk again. Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Hopefully, the New Year will bring you happiness and good health and may your dreams come true for 2012. Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. On the sheep, Grace.

Terry was born in Santa Monica, southern California to parents Muriel Berg and William Ellis. Her great grandparents on the Berg side were immigrants from Sweden and her great grandfather was a skilled carpenter who made pattern makers. Her grandfather was a banker for the Federal Reserve Bank where he spent his entire career, from sixteen to sixty-five. The Berg’s had settled in Pennsylvania where her grandfather was born before moving to El Paso, Texas where her mother, Muriel, was born and grew up. Muriel married in 1942 but lost her husband, who was in the Army Air Corps, when he was shot down and presumed dead over the Pacific towards the end of the Second World War. Vowing to ‘pick up the pieces and carry on’, Muriel moved to Inglewood, California, in October 1945, staying with a cousin there, and renting a space where she opened a small photography studio. She met and fell in love with the landlord’s son, William, and they were married in 1948, living in West Los Angeles.

The Ellis family is of English/Scottish descent. Terry’s great grandmother and her family were involved in the Oklahoma land rush and she married a much older man who owned various saloons. “My grandfather grew up in and around saloons but he became a pharmacist and owned several drugstores in the town of Henrietta, in the Texas panhandle — oil country. He followed the oil rush, opening drugstores for the prospectors as they moved around. My father grew up in Henrietta during the depression and saw his father lose all of his stores except one. He had debts and kept that one open to pay those off while my grandmother left Texas with my Dad and his two sisters. She took them to Hollywood to get them into the movie business, where my father and one of his sisters became extras in various movies, including some ‘Little Rascals’ films. My father was in ‘Gone with the Wind’ as a wounded soldier! My grandmother was a stage mother and an extra into her seventies, mainly in westerns for which she had many of her own costumes. My aunt stayed in the business as a dancer and was a contract performer for MGM, or maybe it was 20th Century Fox studios, and appeared in a number of films, a couple with Judy Garland, but my father had little interest or ambition in the film business after those earlier years.”

After the war, and clearing his debts, Terry’s paternal grandfather, William Ellis, re-joined the family in California where he bought and fixed up small properties. In one of these, his tenant was a photography studio owned by Terry’s mother, who began to date Ellis’ son, William Jr, and in 1948 the young couple were married. Terry was born in 1950, with brother Dirk coming along nine years later.

Terry’s father was involved in the vast construction of tract housing n southern California at that time, where he became the General Superintendent of Building. ‘My mother was a homemaker and I remember living in several different houses and apartments before, when I was seven, we bought a house in West LA for $13K in a very middle-class area. This was halfway between Santa Monica and Westwood, real suburbia where the houses were all of different designs. I was a very social kid and had many friends in the neighborhood, always playing outside. We had complete freedom and rode our bikes everywhere; it was idyllic. I would use the very good bus system to go by myself to Westwood Village, downtown Santa Monica, or the beach. I walked to elementary school and had a ton of friends at Junior High.”

Entering high school, most of Terry’s friends went to Venice High but Terry went to University High, near to UCLA. “There were a lot of rich kids there, from affluent Bel Air and other such neighborhoods. It was a big culture shock to me. However, a few of my friends from earlier went there too and I met Japanese and Mexican kids for the first time. The diversity at the school was new to me but it did lead to polarization between the rich and poorer kids. I was in the middle and there were not many of us. I must say that overall I hated high school and was a B-student. I only really enjoyed the arts classes and enjoyed doing projects connected to that, making things, crafting – pottery, jewelry-making, three-dimensional art.”

Terry’s parents, particularly her father who was always very curious about other cultures, wanted to expose Terry and her brother to the many outlets that Los Angeles offered. “We were taken to various events, theatre, fiestas, music and I had taken guitar lessons at elementary school. I graduated in 1968 and was aware of the political upheavals of the time but was not particularly politically oriented. I wanted to go to UCLA but my grades were not good enough so I went to San Fernando Valley State for one year and then to Long Beach State for my second year. They had a great art department, I lived in the dorm, and it was all that I wanted college to be. It was a great time to be that age. I was not a hippy but the cultural explosion and the music was all so new. I saw Jefferson Airplane in concert and many people that I knew were hitchhiking to San Francisco to check out that scene and become flower children, although I did not do that.”

For a couple of years Terry’s life was “art, art, art.” Then she went to Cal State, LA, and studied Early Childhood Education, something she thought she’d enjoy but after just one semester she dropped out. “It was 1970 and I was given the opportunity to go to visit my mother’s brother in Cuba where he was working as a contractor for the navy, running the post-exchange at the Guantanamo Bay naval base. It was a two-week visit but I had a great time, scuba diving, getting a tropical island experience, and making family connections. I also met a man there, Michael Fisher, who was nine years older and worked at the post-exchange. He pursued me and on my return he sent me a ticket to fly to New York City to meet him and decided he was going to marry me. We met up and it was a great romance, all very impetuous. He wined and dined me and I was very impressed and after one week there we got engaged! We returned to our lives and he called me constantly from Cuba. Meanwhile, I went to Pacific Oaks College in Pasadena to take more classes in Early Childhood Education.”

Despite initial reluctance by her father to accept the relationship, he saw Terry was serious about Michael and accepted it, and the couple were married in 1971 in her parents’ back yard. Michael continued to work for the company that ran post-exchanges and he and Terry chose to move to the Coast Guard Academy in New London, Connecticut where Michael worked at such a facility. “It was close to New York and we were excited to enjoy east coast ‘stuff’, plus Michael was near to his family in New Jersey. I had worked as a junior clerk in the public library as a teenager and now found a job in the children’s section of the New London library. We settled into being newly weds and I really liked my job and continued my studies at Connecticut College, still thinking about getting a degree. However, I went to a puppetry workshop run by Margaret Rose, who had created the Howdy Doody puppet, and I started to make puppets and doing that with the kids at the library. I had a set of my own puppets, made for me as a child by my mother.”

After a time both Terry and Michael left their jobs and moved to Long Branch, New Jersey, near to Asbury Park, and Terry got a job at the Long Branch library, again in the children’s room. However, things were not working out between the couple and they broke up by mutual agreement and Terry left the library to do puppet shows full-time at the brand new Great Adventure Park in New Jersey. She was one of many variety acts, doing six ‘Punch and Judy’ puppet shows a day. In late 1973, she visited family in California and “found that there was lots of puppet action in L.A. I stayed and worked for a well-known puppeteer, Tony Urbano, building puppets for him for a time. For the 1974 summer season, I got a job for the Ringling Brothers at their Circus World near Orlando and that fall I went to Clown College in Venice, Florida. I had wanted to learn some clown comedy that I could apply to puppetry and while I was not a good clown I did graduate from the college but became a good puppeteer instead. Had I been offered a clown contract, I would have certainly accepted it — traveling on a circus train as a clown — who wouldn’t do that?”

Terry returned to LA and turned her creative skills to making dolls and selling them at art fairs in southern California. One of the dolls was bought by the craft editor of ‘Better Homes and Gardens’ magazine who then asked Terry to do a pattern and make a prototype to publish in the magazine. “I did that and realized I could sell more. The editor bought almost of all of them —a goose, a rabbit, and a lion that was presented to David Letterman in his show, and some stuffed animals. Suddenly I was making some money from doing a hobby — it was an exciting and lucrative time.” During this time, Terry was also building puppets for puppeteers and doing one-person shows in schools, churches, and shopping malls.

By 1977, Terry had had enough of LA and moved to San Francisco. “I thought that perhaps northern California might be more my cup of tea — it was. I arrived in the City at a time when the disco scene and the gay movement were both making the headlines. The following year the gay politician Harvey Milk was murdered, along with Mayor Moscone, by fellow city supervisor Dan White. I had met all three in the months prior to that — the two politicians at a fundraiser and White when I bought a baked potato from him at his stall! It was a very exciting time in SF, particularly in the arts. For a couple of years I did full-time puppet stuff at schools as part of a project funded by the federal government, living in the Mission District for much of that time.”

In 1980, Terry was recruited to teach and perform shows in Alaska. “There was lots of oil money there and artists were moving up as part of an effort to enrich the school programs. I went for a couple of brief visits and liked it. I saw a ton of opportunity there and moved up for a couple of years, booking myself through the Arts Alaska agency and traveling all over the state on bush planes to do shows. It was a big adventure but after two years that was enough.”

Terry returned to the Bay Area in 1982. She had been studying Buddhism in Alaska, after attending a meditation retreat in Berkeley prior to leaving, and on her return she moved to Berkeley in the East Bay where she worked for a Buddhist printing and publishing company while she took classes in Buddhism. She was there for ten years during which time she met fellow Buddhist, Brian McSweeney at the company, and they were married in 1986. In the late eighties they left their job and moved to Santa Rosa and began to foster children in the juvenile justice system. They had six boys who would live with them and attended the Family Life Center School in Petaluma.

Terry and Brian mutually agreed to end their marriage in 1992 and “I began my ten-year ‘business phase.’ I sold graphic design services for a small advertising agency in North Beach in SF. I got the taste of making money for the first time and ate at the top restaurants and lived the high life of the City. I made the most money I’d ever made but it was the least rewarding period of my life. I was once handed a check for $10K in commissions and I asked myself ‘Am I happy? No.’ Money cannot buy happiness; it can buy a hell of a lot of convenience though.”

“During that time, in the early nineties, I came up to Anderson Valley and as I drove along Hwy 128 for the first time I had a ‘funny’ feeling about where I was going. It was like the ‘yellow-brick road,’ so pretty, so interesting. I knew I would be coming back here; I had a very specific take on Anderson Valley. I rented out a cabin here with a client and came up at weekends from the City. She eventually backed out and I took it over by myself. For two-and-a-half years I was a businessperson during the week and up here virtually every weekend. I hated going back to the City but eventually I found myself becoming a real hermit, holed up in the cabin alone every weekend. I felt that was unhealthy so I decided to let it go.”

For a time, Terry sold advertising for the East Bay Express in Berkeley but when that was sold to a larger syndicate things changed and she wanted to move on. She was offered a job at The Bohemian in Santa Rosa, another liberal alternative newspaper. “I decided I would take the job if I could find a place to live in Anderson Valley. I fortunately hooked up with John and Dee Pickus who had property on Big Oaks Drive in Yorkville and I moved into the little house there, commuting to Santa Rosa. After a year of that I could not see the point of living in the Valley if I was always in Santa Rosa so I quit the job and started to get work in the Valley’s wine industry.”

Terry worked in the tasting rooms at various wineries, including Christine Woods, Greenwood Ridge, Maple Creek, briefly at Standish and a little at Philo Ridge. She also worked at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville and at the Wellspring Resort in Philo, ultimately working in hospitality for several years. “I particularly loved the Wellspring job, where I did catering, housing, and was also the office assistant. One day I was in Ukiah and decided to check out the Sun House at the Grace Hudson Museum. While there I saw an old puppet-collecting friend, Alan Cook, who was installing a puppet exhibit at the museum. He introduced me to the curator, Marvin Schenck and we ended up at the Schenk house where I met Marvin’s wife, Colleen. One thing led to another and I ended up getting a job as her assistant in her job as Community Liaison Officer for the schools in Anderson Valley. I cut back on the hours at whichever winery I was at and eventually quit those jobs all together.”

Terry’s job with Colleen continues and sees her at both the elementary and junior/high schools, most of her time spent assisting Colleen with various prevention programs funded by federal grants. An extension of this is the Community Action Committee that rises up to help on any number of Valley issues such as ensuring the Valley maintains its two sheriff deputies and working with the Unity Club on getting the new police dog, Bullet. Terry also writes a weekly column in the AVA newspaper called ‘School News’ covering school activities and connected updates.

“Before answering your questions that I know are coming, I want to mention a few people specifically. First my boyfriend, Bob Sites, who would be highly disappointed if I didn’t mention him! We met at the weekly Trivia Quiz when it was held at The Highpockety Ox, now called The Buckhorn. I thought he was a quirky individual and set my cap for him. I think he was oblivious for a long time but I finally penetrated that and we started going out in 2006 and now live together in a house on the Pickus property next to that first one I moved into ten years ago. We love our neighborhood and our neighbors. Then there is Allan Green, owner of the Greenwood Ridge Winery — one of the most generous people I have met in my whole life. Terry McMillan at Wellspring, who taught me more about how to treat people than anyone. Lauren Keating, of Lauren’s Restaurant — a force of nature — they don’t make people like her anymore. And finally Colleen Schenck who has the patience of a saint and we are a good complement to each other.”

I asked Terry for a verbal image of her father. “He died about six years ago of congestive heart failure. He was very creative but an artist who never found his medium. As a parent he was very involved and gave us lots of guidance in his own way.” And her mother Muriel (who incidentally is one of the best players at the weekly General Knowledge and Trivia Quiz held at Lauren’s Restaurant every Thursday evening). ‘I am so grateful that I got her for a mother. She is brave and bold, smart as a whip, and very loving. At the Quiz, she is much more competitive than me.”

And what about Anderson Valley? “I came for the beauty and found so many people who enrich our lives. By comparison, there is nothing to whine about compared to other situations I’ve been in. It would be petty to complain.”

What about various Valley issues?

The wineries and their impact? “Well, they keep the land in agriculture. I have worked for many of them and they have all been very good to me.”

KZYX radio? “They serve a great purpose and in their manager, Mary Aigner, they have someone who is pretty amazing.”

The AVA? “I love the AVA and Bruce Anderson and Mark Scaramella are unique individuals. However, I must say I dislike their criticism of ‘School News’ and the school system.”

The school system? “I’m a huge booster for the school. I am in the position to know many teachers who are extremely bright and committed. The proof is in the pudding. Check out the comparative test scores.”

Changes in the Valley in recent years? “Boonville is very different and looks more upscale these days. It is very pleasant but I am sorry some of the salt-of-the-earth people cannot afford to live here anymore. That goes for the young families too and that is very disappointing; an aging population is very sad to me.”

Marijuana in Anderson Valley? “There is so much grown here apparently and it always surprises me that I don’t smell it more. So much is invisible to me. People are more discreet than I would have expected. My job in prevention makes me very aware that developing brains, those under twenty-five years old, are very negatively affected by marijuana.”

I posed a few questions to Terry.

What excites you; makes you smile; gets your juices flowing creatively, spiritually, emotionally? “The scenery of Anderson Valley; when Bob Sites is funny or makes me laugh.”

What annoys you; brings you down; turns you off creatively, spiritually, emotionally? “Super loud noises; people being uncivil to each other.”

Sound or noise you love? “Bird’s singing; coffee percolating.”

Sound or noise you hate? “Leaf blows; the heavy bass sound on boom boxes.”

Favorite food or meal? “Roast chicken, green beans, mashed potatoes, and a nice glass of Greenwood Ridge merlot.”

If you could meet one person dead or alive, one on one for a conversation, who would that person be? “My Dad. I miss him.”

If you were sitting at home and a fire broke out in the building, what three things would you make sure you took with you? “My cats; my family photographs; family jewelry.”

Favorite film/song/book or one that has influenced you? “The film would be ‘Apocalypse Now,’ or maybe ‘Moonstruck,’ or perhaps even ‘Bridget Jones Diary’; the book would be ‘Shipping News by E. Annie Proulx; and the song, ‘Over the Rainbow’ by Judy Garland.”

Favorite hobby? “Currently it’s learning to play the accordion. In the past it was making stained-glass and I hope to go back to that when I retire.”

Profession other than your own you’d like to have attempted if you were given the chance to do anything? “Hospital nurse, but I was too poor in the sciences to do that. Or a schoolteacher. That would be a rewarding career.”

Profession you’d not like to do? “A bookkeeper. I don’t like numbers.”

How old were you when you went on your first date? Where did you go? “I was 15 and went to the movies with Peter. It was not a stellar moment.”

Something you would do differently if you could do it over again? “May be to have studied harder when I was at high school so I would have gone to a better college straight out of school.”

A memorable moment; a time you will never forget. “It’s too hard to pick just one.”

Something that you are really proud of and why? “Of having stuck with anything that was hard without quitting. I believe it’s important not to quit.”

Favorite thing about yourself? “My creativity and resilience.”

Finally, if Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “Welcome. We are glad to have you.”

To read the ‘stories’ of other Valley Folk, visit the archives at www.avalleylife.wordpress.com.

BOONVILLE’S CHRISTMAS displays seem grander by the year, and this frigid Christmas season, with most of us dancing at the danger end of the most tenuous economic tenterhooks, the random optimism we feel at the hopeful sight of electric diamonds against the cold dark have never been more welcome.

ANOTHER NICE thing about Christmas in Boonville, Ricardo Suarez’s carolers strolling through town last week singing the old standards. Mr. Suarez owns the Redwood Drive-In, having purchased that pivotal local institution from Cheryl Schrader now of Boonville and Grass Valley.

CORRECTION: The Saturn stolen off Anderson Valley Way a couple of weeks ago did not belong to Stephanie Adams. It belongs to Jed Adams’ mother-in-law, and jokes about stolen cars without the mother-in-laws in them are not appropriate here.

FOUR NEW YEAR VENUES likely to be jammed with revelers Saturday night include the always convivial Boonville Saloon; Burt Cohen’s place on Lambert Lane where the popular proprietor of Boont Berry Farm serves whole seas of sushi to his many friends; Lauren’s Restaurant offers dinner and dancing with Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys; and Tom Towey hosts a combination Casino Night and dinner at the Boonville Brewpub.

KZYX RADIO, perennial winners of the Nikita Award for impenetrable communiqués, recently posted this update about the station’s Fort Bragg signal difficulties. “The factory does not at this time have a loaner unit available for our use and if we sent our unit back to them in Colorado they would not be able to work on it until late January, so we took the 88.1 ‘translator’ unit to a technician in Napa and worked on it while the lead technician for the manufacturer guided us over the phone through the repairs. We made three repairs that are the main problems that usually cause this type of failure. When we put it back together it was working fine so we took it back up to Bald Hill and hooked it back up. We believe this was the best option under the circumstances. It has now been working steadily since December 6. When a loaner becomes available, we may send it off then, especially if it gives more trouble.” Translation: OK for now but we’re still working on it.

RUMORS seem to circulate faster the colder it gets, but the prevalent ones last week said a local couple had been held up at gun point and relieved of the pot they’d uneventfully sold for years to the stick-up man; two home invasion robberies had occurred in The Valley but went unreported; and lots of people were describing by name the alleged snitch who was assumed to have orchestrated the recent bust of a popular Yorkville man.

THAT SHY, pretty young woman you meet behind the cash register at Anderson Valley Market may not be there much longer. Her name is Stephanie Frost and she can sing, really sing, sing so well that her album called “A Quiet Fire” is getting five star reviews on I-Tunes and other on-line music sites. You won’t be surprised to learn that Miss Frost is the daughter of the attractive and gracious Marcia Martinez, co-owner of the Boonville Saloon.

THE BOARD of Supervisors recently put their “Community partners on notice” that as of July 1st of 2012 there’s no more County money for the flow gages on the Navarro or Noyo rivers. These “community partners” — local grape growers and the Mendocino Redwood Company in the case of the Navarro — will have to pick up the $14,000 annual tab if the gages are to continue operating.

MANY OF US saw the young black woman hitchhiking west on Mountain View Road two weeks ago, and most of us couldn’t help but notice that the young woman was nursing an infant as she stood surrounded by trash bags of her belongings and, incongruously, a car seat, as forlorn a tableau as we’ve seen lately. She was vague as to her ultimate destination and, it seemed to some of us, so generally vague about everything else that we had to wonder if she was fully capable of caring for herself, let alone herself and a nursing child. But over the hill she went and the next we heard the young mother had appeared in Point Arena where a kindly MTA driver had deposited her with directions to seek shelter at the Sea Shell Inn. The Inn’s owner, Ken LaBoube, instantly embraced the wanderer with no thought of the timely Biblical implications of his generosity, which was soon supplemented by the Reverend Alyce Soden of the South Coast Crisis Line. The young mother, not much over the age of twenty, if that, mentioned Placerville as if she may have come from there. To another she said her surname was Butler. Rev Soden, who’s been helping the distressed for many years, was unnerved by the sudden appearance of the mysterious mother and child. “I think she was running away from something awful,” the Reverend speculated, an audible shudder in her voice. Two days later, mother and child were on the road again, this time to Ukiah where the two-person family was last seen last week.

ALICE BONNER writes: “Despite the new federal funding status of the AV Health Center, ongoing financial support is crucial for this community resource. A committee to plan future fundraising events and activities will hold its first meeting Monday, January 9th at 6pm at the Family Resource Center. All are invited to attend. The FRC is the brown portable building located behind the AV School District Office just south of the Elementary School on Anderson Valley Way. A light dinner will be served. Please let us know if you plan to attend by emailing or phoning Alice Bonner at arbonners@directv.net / 895-2545.”

IF YOU’VE DRIVEN north on 101 lately you’ve seen that big billboard advertisement near Calpella for the casino just up the road. “Come to Shodakai Casino!” it says. “Try our new pot-themed slot machines!” The invitation is illustrated by a cartoon dude in dark glasses, a joint hanging from his mouth against a backdrop of a triple pot leaf jackpot. And near Ukiah on 101 and deep South State Street, billboards advertise turkey bags, prompting visitors to comment, “These people sure must eat a lotta turkey.” Nope. The bags are used to transport marijuana because they are dope-dog sniff-proof. No odor escapes the interior of the bag. And the pot brigades scratch their heads and wonder why the feds have made NorCal their top drug priority.

This was pointed out to me by a Board member who was no doubt very surprised to hear through this column that he had this health insurance when in fact he knew that he most certainly did not. My source on that was incorrect and has since been fed to the pigs as a result of his sloppy investigation work. Meanwhile, the Board member and I talked it through in a dignified manner, I apologized sincerely, and, at the end of our conversation, handshakes were made and an assurance of our continued friendship was mutually agreed upon. I will endeavor to do my best to ensure that such an error does not occur again.

With this in mind, and for your Quote of the Week, I have found a couple of relevant comments on the issue of wrongdoing, both of which suggest that one error can undo a lot of good work… First it’s the English wit and historian, Thomas Fuller who said, “A small demerit extinguishes a long and worthwhile service.” And then there is the Latin proverb, “Those who are once found to be bad are presumed so forever.” Harsh stuff and a lesson learned by a humble Turkey Vulture.

So here we are again — another Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzai, or whatever, and every year it seems to get more frantic out there. However, up here at The Nest, Hummingbird and I plan to have a relatively calm and very relaxing few days. In fact, let’s be honest, ultimately this holiday is only really for the enjoyment of a couple of groups of people. As a result of spending many Christmas holidays in San Francisco, I feel that I can state with a degree of authority that Christmas is primarily for the enjoyment of gay men (they have the best Xmas parties) and children (for all the obvious reasons). Not that there is anything wrong with this of course, but I am neither, so I will no doubt eat, drink, and be merry in my own reserved and mellow manner. Meanwhile, if you’re out Xmas shopping try to remember that I’m an XXL; otherwise fresh carrion is always good.

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #21: Useful numbers at this time of year: for road conditions and closures call 1-800-gas-road (427-7623) and for power problems and outages call 1-800-PGE (743)-5000. I just thought you should know. #22: The Quiz at Lauren’s Restaurant will take place as usual tomorrow, Dec 22nd at 7pm. Yes, it is near to Christmas, but if you’re going to be hunkered down at home with loved ones for two or three days then perhaps a night out in the Valley, sipping beer and wine, enjoying a tasty meal, and exercising the mind, would be ideal preparation. #23: An early ‘heads-up’ for the 6th Annual AV Film Festival that will take place at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, January 27th-28th. The program is as eclectic as ever with some excellent documentaries, a film for all the family on the Saturday night, and the usual assortment of socially aware and environmental films, plus the recent work of the AVHS Film Class. All the details can be found on the Festival website which has recently been updated and can be found at www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org .

Now for Topics and Valley events from The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life.

…With Xmas gifts still not purchased, some regulars were in panic mode this week. ‘Look no further,’ I told them. ‘Crab Feed tickets are now available.’ The first of these will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 14th — you can call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609. Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year; trust me on this, you can thank me later.

…The votes are in on the two ‘Best holiday season meal-deal dinners in the Valley,’ both for less than $20. Our regulars have decided on Lauren’s Restaurant’s Hot Turkey Sandwich with gravy, cranberries, mashed potatoes and green beans and The Buckhorn’s Buffalo Burger with all the fixin’s and garlic fries. Having tried them both, I wholeheartedly agree, particularly when ‘devoured’ in the company of friends while guzzling a beer or two.

Time to take my leave. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. Hi, Silver Swan! behaving yourself? Hopefully not!