Before there was an Occupy Hendy Woods movement, before there was a Hendy Woods State Park, there was Hendy Grove. When my parents, siblings and I first came to Anderson Valley in the spring of 1957, two years before we became full-time valley residents, Hendy Grove was a spectacular stand of virgin redwoods on the property just northwest of where we would eventually live.

And so, perhaps inevitably, your Quotes of the Week are all concerned with my third favorite animal: the pig. “Think P.I.G. — that’s my motto. P stands for Persistence, I stands for Integrity, and G stands for Guts. These are the ingredients for a successful business and a successful life,” from American businesswoman and inspirational speaker, Linda Chandler. Then let’s go to “The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed,” from former tennis star Martina Navratilova. I like this from Albert Einstein: “Well-being and happiness never appeared to me as an absolute aim. I am even inclined to compare such moral aims to the ambitions of a pig.” Next up it’s, “I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig — you get dirty; and besides, the pig likes it,” from the Irish playwright and author, George Bernard Shaw. And finally this proverb and its wise and hopeful thought: “Even a blind pig finds an acorn every once in awhile.” Now go eat some pork at the Barn Sale!

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #72. Grange Groove has returned to, where else?, The Grange, on Hwy 128. It’s always the 3rd Friday of the month, in this case May 18th, and the ‘free-dance for all’ runs from 8pm on. This month it features dancing and gyrating to the sounds played by D.J. Stevie D, whose actual grown-up name is Steve Derwinski. (So now it’s Derwinski the DJ.? Who knew?) Anyway, it’s an evening of family fun that is drug and alcohol free (and yet I’m sure it’s still lots of fun! (I’m kidding!)) #73. The annual Pinot Festival takes place this weekend from May 18th thru 20th. #74. The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will return to the Valley twice more this month, Thursdays, May 24th and 31st. They will be at the AV Farm Supply on Hwy 128 from 2-3:30pm on each occasion but have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time; everyone showing up at anytime before 3:30pm will be seen. And if you call 48 hours in advance (462-8833) you can ensure that your pet’s medical charts are brought over and order any meds that may be needed. #75. The Guest Chef Dinner benefiting the Senior Center this month will feature Maple Creek Winery owner and chef, Tom Rodrigues. It’s Friday, June 1st and Tom will be serving an Hawaiian-style bbq, featuring pork ribs marinated in pineapple, mango, tamari, shallots, and garlic; chicken thighs marinated in ginger, pineapple, mango, fruit juice, citrus; a fresh green salad with lots of goodness and Hawaiian herbs; and Fresh Tropical Fruit with homemade whipped cream for dessert. Tropical attire is requested! Call 895-3609 to get tickets. This event will sell out.

Topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…The AV Farm Supply, as owned by Dave and Nancy Gowan, will be gone within a month. Last I heard there were still some positive developments on the possibility that the new owners, who are to be the locally-based Ardzrooni Vineyard Management, will to some degree keep the current operation as it is, while also “doing their own thing.” Along with many other Valley folks, I certainly hope they manage to be successful at doing both.

…Good reports on the 1st Annual Fish and Chips dinner to benefit Youth Footballers who next season will be playing on the new High School JV team. Around $1700 in profit was raised and this should go a long way in covering the new helmets and uniforms that the newly formed team will need.

…The 16th Annual AV Beer Festival — same as always. Great fun for many; excessive drinking for some; ridiculous stupidity by a few. For some of us it was a case of “done it, seen it, enough is enough.”

…Members of the AV Unity Club stopped by at The 3-Dot last week and reminded us that they meet at The Fairgrounds at 1:30pm on the first Thursday of the month. Dessert and tea or coffee is served to accompany the business meeting and a guest speaker or some form of entertainment. I informed them that I’d be there and then read in their leaflet that “all ladies in the community are welcome.” I fully understand. A male in the room would create a different “vibe” — just as a woman in attendance at the local Gentlemen’s Military History Book Club would. Some things should not be messed with simply to address political correctness and surely there is nothing wrong with that.

Time to take my leave. Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. On the sheep, Grace. PPPS. Despite what many of you may think, it’s not all glamour being a Turkey Vulture, but I must say we do get many compliments. My favorite, that has no doubt been mentioned here before, comes from no less an expert than the naturalist of Evolution fame, Charles Darwin, who said about us Turkey Vultures, “A disgusting bird whose bald scarlet head is formed to wallow in putridity.” Thank you, Charles, you’re very kind.

The night before I loaded myself up with my super food, dark chocolate and bananas, and then couldn’t sleep because of this sumptuous challenge to my stomach. At seven in the morning I felt that my mother had lied about my age, and I was actually 80, instead of 69. The mirror image confirmed this suspicion. The rescue remedy was immediately applied. Coffee and then some more coffee. Following a Finnish tradition it has to be thick and strong enough to have a spoon stand upright in the middle of the cup, like a stick in a mud.

My husband gives me a cellphone to call in case I collapse and have to be carted away at some point of the run. He is an ex-EMT. My other eye is still in sleep. Is this a dangerous sign? But after the second cup of mud I suddenly feel as if I am born to run, perhaps even born to fly. A fleeting moment of self-confidence that soon fizzles out when I arrive to the event.

Everyone at the starting point looks healthier, younger and more vigorous than me. Maybe I just came to watch the event. Do I really have to make a fool of myself? I check the number 175 on my chest and this confirms to me that I have passed the point of no-return and cannot do anything else but execute some kind of a moving action, resembling vaguely “the running.” Then an odd thing happens. I find myself actually running, not particularly fast and impressively, yet some one, less a sporty type, would mistake my movements for “running.” The weather is perfect. The road is smooth and everybody around me cares less about how good I should look in my eccentric running-form. Halfway through the race I am almost regretting that this wonderful, easy, and breezy, moment will soon end. Immediately the body protests and pants back to my spirit: “This is ALL we will do now! No extra miles!”

Already I am planning my next race in 2013. This time I will run in an “easy” over 70 group, unless the other grandmothers have made there also. Thank you for a great race, Flick and all the others who created this event.

This coming Sunday, as I hope you all know, it’s Mother’s Day, a celebration honoring mothers and celebrating motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society. Originally, in the 1870s, it was a call for women to join in support of disarmament and it did not really become a celebration of motherhood until it was made an official national holiday (2nd Sunday of May) when President Woodrow Wilson made it such in 1914. The holiday eventually became so highly commercialized that many, including its founder, Anna Jarvis, considered it a “Hallmark holiday,” i.e., one with an overwhelming commercial purpose. But, for all that, it does give us an opportunity to sit back and think about how appreciative we should be of our mothers. After all, where would we be without them?

For your Quotes of the Week, here are some words of wisdom on the subject. Let’s begin with a Jewish proverb that goes, “God could not be everywhere, therefore he made mothers.” And another proverb, from Spain, “An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.” From Harriet Beecher Stowe (1811-1896), the American abolitionist and author of ‘Uncle Tom’s Cabin’ comes the observation, “Most mothers are instinctive philosophers.” And from Honore de Balzac (1799-1850), the French novelist and playwright we have “The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.” It was Florida Scott-Maxwell (1883-1979), a playwright, author and psychologist who said, “No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.” I imagine quite a few of the Valley’s Moms were in her thoughts at the time she said that! And finally, from the British actress and director, Janet Suzman (1936-), comes a comment that might be appropriate around here, “Motherhood is the most emotional experience of one’s life. One joins a kind of women’s mafia.” And there’s nothing wrong with that!

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #73. As mentioned last week, this summer sees a new time for the weekly gathering of the Boonville Farmer’s Market in the parking lot of The Boonville Hotel: it’s from 10am to 12.30pm. #74. The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will return to the Valley on three occasions this month — tomorrow, Thursday, May 10th and again on the 24th and 31st. They will be at the AV Farm Supply from 2-3:30pm on each occasion but have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time. Everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen. #75. There will be a fundraiser for AV Youth Football in the form of a Fish and Chips Dinner at the Senior Center on Friday, May 11th from 6 to 9pm. You get one free beer too! #76. The 16th Annual Beer Festival is this Saturday, May 12th from 1pm to 5pm. Enjoy a drink or ten, and then let someone else drive you home! #77. The next meeting of the AV School Board is at 7pm on Monday, May 14th at the Career/Family Resource Center at the High School. If you want to see if the board members are doing what they claimed they would do at election time, then come along. All are welcome. #78. And finally this week, you should be aware that the next Barn Sale is not on the last weekend of the month as is usually the case. That will be Memorial Day Weekend so the good deals and fun of the Barn Sale on AV Way are on Sat/Sun, May 19/20 instead. Oh, and in case you need further temptation, on the Saturday, Gloria Ross will be serving her “world famous” pulled pork sandwiches and potato salad; then on Sunday it’s bbq burgers and hot dogs!

Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge. Yes, it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life.

…In my humble opinion, and those of a few other regulars too, those wonderful eggs provided by the hard-working chickens at the High School Ag Dept are as tasty as any in the Valley. Apart from the shape, there is little comparison with those you get from the supermarkets! Call teacher Beth Swehla at the school to make sure she is there and has some available. 895-3496. You will be glad you did.

…Following last week’s meeting at the high school, attended by Principal Jim Tomlin, Athletic Director Robert Pinoli, High School Soccer Coach Steve Sparks, School Board member Ben Anderson, school groundsman, Mike Foucault, and representatives of the three adult soccer teams who call the Valley home — Roque Guerrero, Vidal Ferreyra, and Ysidro Pandilla, it was agreed to allow the teams to play their home games on Sunday’s at Tom Smith Field in return for a team fee ($400 each) and assurances that the field would be maintained and school rules regarding alcohol adhered to. The meeting ended with handshakes all round and hopefully it was the ‘beginning of a beautiful friendship.’

…I was pleased to be invited to the AV Theatre Guild’s after-show party that followed the final night of their splendid production of ‘Cocktails for Mimi’ presented at The Grange over the last two weekends. The champagne flowed, the euphoria of success was palpable, and the cast’s potluck was plentiful and delicious. Many cast members praised the job done by Director Marcus Magadeleno and expressed their desire to work with him again next year. I agreed with everyone and everything that was said. It was that kind of night.

…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series, ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “In Afghanistan in recent times, apart from the obvious stuff that makes it into the main headlines, eight people have been killed by two bombs at a dog fight in the volatile southern Afghan province of Kandahar. Dog-fighting competitions remain a popular pastime in Afghanistan for some ungodly reason. A year or so ago, at least 65 people were killed by a suicide bomb at a dog-fight, also in Kandahar. Meanwhile, a few weeks ago, a suicide bomber blew himself up at a buzkashi match in northern Afghanistan, killing at least three people. Buzkashi is a precursor of the modern game of polo, although with a difference — it is played with the body of a headless goat that is filled with sand. Nothing wrong with that of course, although the continuing suicide bombing is obviously deeply wrong. For centuries it has been clear that this is a country that wants and needs to be left alone, to practice its own customs, to enjoy its own culture — even if this means that unmarried men and women should never be alone in the same room (if that happens they must ensure a door is left open), and men and women should never touch one another under any circumstances in public. Fine. Good. Enjoy. So to lose one more life in a vain attempt to change things there is not only a clear sign of the approach of the Apocalypse, but for the loved ones of the deceased, it is the Apocalypse.”

I’m outtahere. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. You can contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. Hi, Silver Swan — behaving yourself? Hopefully not! PPPS. Hope you’re doing well, Jamal.

The Ross family is of French/Irish/English ancestry and they originally settled in Iowa in the 1800’s where Grandfather Ross was a farmer before he moved the family to Nebraska. He had two sons from his first marriage and then two boys and Mabel with his second wife. While at high school in O’Neill, Mabel worked at a restaurant/bakery. “One day the ice man made a delivery, it was my Dad, and the two of them kinda hit it off and started dating. He took her on a delivery to Omaha — he used to go as far as South Dakota and all over northern Nebraska, and they visited his aunt in Omaha. While they were gone he asked her to marry him and she said yes so they did. He told a friend of his back in O’Neill that he and Mabel were married but it was to be kept a secret. Well the friend decided that was not going to happen and he called the local radio station and announced it on the air so that the family and most of the town knew when they got back to town!”

Frank and Mabel bought a house and Frank Jr was born a year or so later. When he was four years old Frank Sr. found a better paying job as a heavy equipment operator working for a construction company building roads in Cheyenne, Wyoming so the family moved there for a year. Then, in November 1941 he was offered a job working for Boeing, the aircraft manufacturers, in Seattle. Frank Sr. took the job and went our west to start and look for somewhere for the family to live. In the meantime, Mabel, Frank Jr., and the newborn Alan, went back to Nebraska, staying with Grandpa Ross until Frank Sr. found them a home in Seattle. “In December 1941 the Japs hit Pearl Harbor and with the talk about further attacks or even an invasion Grandpa Ross refused to let us go out west — there was a real fear of a Japs bombing the west coast at that time. Eventually he changed his mind and we lived out there for the duration of the war.”

The climate in Seattle did not suit the young family and so in 1946 they returned to Nebraska, where they lived again with Grandpa Ross and picked corn on the various farms in the area. The following spring they moved in with Grandpa Ross’ mother, eight miles out of town, where they lived for four years, working on the family ranch. At that time, when Frank was ten years old, his father fell off a wagon when the horses bolted as they crossed a bridge and he broke his back. He could no longer work in the fields so they moved to Aurora in southern Nebraska where the Wyant family owned two gas station/stores “I was sad to leave where we were, I had many friends, but the store was in a great location and the business was a success. My Dad bought one of the gas stations from his father and then a few years later had saved enough to buy one of the Ross family ranches back up north too. We moved back, to a few miles north of O’Neill, and were living on the ranch during the ‘Great Blizzard of ’48-’49’ It hit when I was at school and we were snowed in at a farm across the road from the school for two weeks. The school only had seven kids but we were all stuck there. Normally you could see for miles and miles across the plains but visibility was just a few feet. We ran out of fuel and used wood from fences. We had some chickens and a couple of cows. I never got so tired of homemade ice cream in my life!”

Frank had attended quite large schools in Cheyenne and Seattle, where they had worn dog tags like soldiers, but back in Nebraska he was at one-room schoolhouses, out on the plains. “I rode a horse to school every day. It was about four or five miles away, out on the plains, and there was a barn for the horses while we were in class. There was nothing except fields and an occasional farmhouse for as far as you could see in every direction. No trees, just wild grass, hay land. In the lower lands, alongside the rivers, there was corn, oats, barley, and alfalfa, but out on the plains, nothing. The ranch was 410 acres, less than two hours drive from the South Dakota state line on the Niobrara River, north of O’Neill, which was the Holt County seat of about 2000 people back then. I guess the nearest sizeable town was Kearney, about eighty miles away, then a town about the same size that Ukiah is today, and it was where the university was for anyone able to go to one. Quite a few girls took Teachers Ed. at the local high school and this allowed them to become teachers for a year after leaving school despite not having full credentials. I remember during 7th and 8th grade having some teachers who looked pretty good to us kids!”

“I lived a typical country boy’s life. I had my chores, cutting wood, feeding the cattle — we had about one hundred plus about 12 dairy cows that had to be milked. We had chickens, about thirty hogs that we sold every year, and at twelve I was driving a tractor — before that we had horses to do all the work that the tractor did. In the winter we skated on the frozen over ponds or get a horse to pull our sled half-a-mile up the hill to our mailbox and slide all the way back down, and at night we’d sit around and listen to the Lawrence Welk show and Amos and Andy on the battery operated radio that could only pick up the station out of Yankton, South Dakota. We did not have electricity until 1952. We had kerosene at 10 cents a gallon to keep our ‘Aladdin’ lamps going; the fuel for the tractor was 18 cents a gallon… We’d fish for bass and carp and I’d set trap-lines and hunted for various animals and hope to sell their furs. Beavers were worth $50 each! Minks $35, and skunks around $3 — you were pretty smelly after skinning them. You could only kill beavers if they were damning up rivers and causing hardship for the farm and there was a limit of twelve a year. There was no deer season although we’d usually get one a year illegally and bury the hide and bones. The meat was canned — we had no freezing capability. We always sat down together for dinner at night and the Ross’s were a big family, gathering together a couple of times a year for Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

In 1951, Frank graduated from grammar school and went to Lynch High School about ten miles north. “I was fourteen and my Dad had bought a car for the family —a 1940, four door Sedan, and even though I did not have a driving license I was allowed to drive it to school. Most of the roads at that time were still just gravel, in the towns and on the highways.”

Franks’ mother had visited her brother in Weaverville, California and found the climate to be very much better for her health than living in Nebraska. As a result, following Frank’s sophomore year at high school, in the summer of 1953, the family, with newborn baby girl Connie, moved out to the west coast. “My brother and I did not like the idea, we had a great life where we were and I guess we thought it would be tough but it was a new experience and we soon got to enjoy it.”

Weaverville was in California’s Trinity County, a logging town between Redding and Eureka about the same size as Cloverdale today. Thanks to his uncle having some contacts, Frank Jr. was promised a summer job for the forestry department at the campgrounds in Willow Creek so when they arrived in Weaverville he was packed off to the job. However, he was soon missing his family and quit. That fall Frank went to Weaverville High School where he finished his final two years of schooling. “I made friends easily and soon settled in. Some of them got jobs the following summer with the forestry department but because I had quit the previous year they refused to take me back so I worked in construction instead.” Frank enjoyed school overall and his favorite subjects were Geography and Math. He did not like English. He had played football at the school in Nebraska but once he moved California at sixteen it seemed like he was more interested in girls and he stopped playing sports.

Frank’s father worked at the sawmill with Frank’s uncle and there were other families who had moved out from Nebraska who they knew. They would socialize with these families, playing pinochle, fishing, panning fro gold, and having parties at which Frank’s buddy, Gerald Bailey would often entertain everyone. “He was a gifted musician and could play many instruments.”

“Before my senior year began, Gerald, who was dating a girl I had known in Nebraska, introduced me to his sister who was visiting from Texas where she lived with her mother. The girls name was Jo Ann and she was staying with her father and Gerald in Weaverville. Anyway we went together for that year and Jo Ann did my English homework for me! Just a week after graduation in 1955 we went to Reno and got married. I had got a job with the phone company but had only been there a week and had not even got my first check so I had to borrow $100 to pay for our trip!”

Frank’s family soon got over the initial shock and accepted the marriage. Frank and Jo Ann moved into an apartment in town, then they bought a trailer before selling that and buying their first house. “Jo Ann worked two nights a week at the library and I worked for a private phone company for $1.50 hour. The house cost us $4000 and we paid a mortgage of $30 a month. We didn’t have a car but our family was close by — my uncle was right across the street and we were just down the road from my parents’ house. The phone company laid me off after a year or so and I found work as a laborer in the tunnel at the Trinity Dam. Jo Ann’s father worked for the state in the winters and a foreman friend of his suggested that I take a Class 2 license to drive a truck and apply for a job with the Division of Highways. I did this but there was a waiting list so after finishing at the dam I worked in a gas station for a time. We had started a family by that time with Cathy being born in 1956.”

On May 26th, 1958, Frank was called in to their Woodland office by the Division of Highways (later Cal Tran) and hired. He was given the choice of three places to work. “Well Colusa was always flooded; Woodland too busy for a country boy like me; and so I chose Esparto, which was almost two hundred miles to the south” (in Yolo County north of Sacramento). “Jo Ann, Cathy, and I moved there, with Jo Ann pregnant with Rick. It was a tough pregnancy so Jo Ann and Cathy moved back to Weaverville to live with my mother and her grandmother but after Rick was born later that year they all returned to Esparto. Bryan was born there two years later in 1960.”

Frank and the family stayed in Esparto for eight years. During that time he continued to work for the highways department and Jo Ann worked as a manager for the local drive-in in Esparto. He worked mainly on road maintenance on Highway 16 between Rumsey, Guindo and Capey. Jo Ann worked five days a week starting at 4pm each day, so they would get a baby-sitter for half-an-hour, and then Frank would get home from work at 4.30pm and have the kids in the evening. “She then moved to the camera department at a supermarket and after that at the check-out in a grocery store. Most of our time was spent raising our family and working, although we did love to go camping at the weekends whenever we could.”

Frank had applied for various promotions and, in October 1964, he took a temporary promotion, until May 1965, working on a crew on Donner Summit, high up in the Sierra Nevada mountain range. He returned from that job and completed two more years in Esparto before interviewing for a job in Boonville in June 1966. “We had camped once in Ft. Bragg and had driven down to Bodega Bay on Hwy 1 along the coast, but we’d never come along Highway 128 through Anderson Valley. The countryside looked real good and there were no big freeways — that suited me. Four days after the interview I was hired. The family stayed in Esparto while I came over to look for accommodation. I stayed in the motel that used to be where the apartments are now — across the road from the Senior Center in Boonville. I found a place up on the Greenwood Road near to the rock pits and the state paid for the family to move over. Our neighbors were the Pronsolino’s and me and Angelo Pronsolino, who worked on the highways also at that time, would take it in turns to drive us to work. We stayed there for about a year but with the kids all in school we wanted to move into town, near to the schools. We rented the house that was in the spot behind Weiss’s restaurant before Weiss’s burned down. It’s still there — behind what is The Buckhorn now. There was no restaurant there at the time we lived there, just a big cactus patch.”

“In 1969, we visited Dan Godfrey and his wife on the new development on Estate Drive, just out of Boonville by what would later become the airport. It was mostly fields back then. They told us they were moving out and were selling for $22,000. We had put our place in Esparto up for sale, after renting it out for a couple of years, and had to wait for that to sell before we could finance any new house. It soon did sell and when we came back to them a month or so later, we got it for $19,500 — property was not moving at that time. It was a four-bedroom house — which was just as well because soon afterwards our fourth kid came along — Renée! I think it was 1969 — I didn’t keep a track of that stuff, Jo Ann did! I could have thrown Jo Ann off a bridge when I found out she was pregnant again. Or even jumped off myself!”

Frank and Jo Ann were kept busy raising the four kids, particularly with the two boys heavily involved in sports. “All of us would go to the games, including baby Renée — hey, she had come to live with us, that is what we did so she had to come along! Cathy and Rick were also really into 4H and we certainly had a very busy life for quite a few years. During this time Jo Ann worked at the post office in Philo with Thelma Pinoli on Saturdays and so most of our camping trips stopped. She also worked at the Redwood Drive-in and briefly at the AV Market. But most of the time she was being a mother.”

Frank ran a crew as the lead worker, mostly on Highway 253 over the hill, to Ukiah, nineteen miles away. “After a time I found myself all over the area, along Highway 128 and out to the coast and Highway 1. Going out to Point Arena was not going to work for me so for a couple of years or more I worked on a special striping crew out of Ukiah, doing stops and lines from southern Mendocino County all the way up to Leggett in the north and across to Lake County. I was able to plan my own schedule — it was a good job and I really liked it even though it involved lots of driving. Eventually the driving was too much and after Johnnie Pinoli retired I returned to Boonville. I felt like a dog who was tied up after running loose for a long time but I knew all the guys and gradually accepted it and stayed here.”

Frank likes to be social and shortly after arriving in the Valley he joined both the AV Lions’ Club and the AV Grange. Meanwhile, Jo Ann found an outlet with the Boontown Players, a group who regularly played music and put on plays and skits — people such as Emil Rossi, Eva Holcomb, and Dick Sand. “I actually appeared once — with Smokey Blattner and Dick Sand, performing a ballet dance in a tutu!… As I mentioned earlier, 4H played a significant part in our lives, with many of our friends’ kids also involved. I taught a ‘small engines’ class in 4H and Jo Ann was a Cub Scout den mother along with Betty Pronsolino and Berna Walker. The Lions did many events — they still do, and we’d often end up at The Boonville Lodge bar afterwards, dancing and drinking, before staggering home — that was when we lived closer to town at the Weiss’s place, which was very handy.”

By the seventies the Okies (from Oklahoma) and Arkies (from Arkansas) had been settled for a generation. “Quite a few had left though. The work in the woods was still good but it was definitely going down. The hippies and back-to-the-land’ers were arriving in numbers, and many are still here — they’ve cleaned up quite a bit by this time though! Most of them lived in the woods back then and would bathe in the river and hang out on the sand bars — lots of them. Johnnie Pinoli, Jim Clow and me would take our breaks down by the river and take a look at the naked girls while we were there. Paul Titus and Donald Pardini would join us sometimes. I remember once we were there and Donald and Johnnie decided to go for a closer look at the girls. Donald left his lunch with us — it had a fruit pie in the box and we ate it. When they returned he was mad and asked who had eaten it. We all denied it but Donald looked at Paul Titus and said, “You lying sucker, it’s all over your cheek!” And it was! I had lots of fun with those guys but we always did our work, in all weathers, and we did it well.”

As far as a social life in the Valley, the Lodge was the main place through the seventies and early eighties. The Track Inn had closed by then, as had The Last Resort in Philo. “I think I went to the Boonville Hotel once, after it had been re-modeled. They made it clear that it was not built for locals — and we have always obliged them… I have socialized with the same people for over forty-five years — Gene and Berna Walker, Wes Smoot, etc. I remember when I used to make out the time cards for the crew how there seemed to be so many Italian names on them — some of them are still here, of course. When I first started here most of the guys were older than me and I was a little nervous at first. They knew the area better than me and after a day’s work sometimes I would get them back late to the yard. That was not good and I learned quickly not to do that!”

Frank retired in at fifty-eight in November 1994. “I received a lump sum of vacation pay at my retirement and invested most of it. A few years later, when my mother passed, I invested more money in municipal bonds and they have done very well. For years, every time I received a pay raise I would put it in a 401K plan and later used that money for vacations after retirement. We had some great vacations for thirteen years or so. That is a good lesson for young folks I think. Put money aside for your later years and enjoy them. Two of my grandsons, Renée’s boys, Garrett and Drake, have planted garlic here in my garden, maintained it, harvested it, and sold the crop at market, with the money being invested in mutual funds. They will thank me one day.”

All four of Frank and Jo Ann’s kids went through the Anderson Valley school system and they have each gone on to have families of their own. Cathy was married to Jamie and they had Trevor and she is now married to Frank Keach; Rick married Schevilla and they have Jennifer and Clinton; Bryan married Diana and had son Derek and daughter Ashley before getting married to Elizabeth; and Renée was married to Angelo and had the two boys Garrett and Drake before marrying Kevin Lee. Frank also now has four great grandchildren.

Frank continues to go to lots of Valley events and be involved in many activities. After retirement he joined The Fair Board and continues to play a role for The Lions and The Grange, for whom he was on the building committee when the old Grange burned down. He and Jo Ann went on many vacations together in the time following his retirement, before her illness and then her untimely passing in 2010. He remembers each of them vividly and with great fondness. “We went to Yellowstone National Park and on to Texas and Colorado; drove to Alaska with our trailer; took a cruise to Alaska; went with the Walkers to Ft Lauderdale and then a cruise through the Panama Canal; another cruise from Los Angeles to Hawaii; virtually every winter we’d go to Arizona, New Mexico, and Nevada with the Walkers; Death Valley, Oregon, Montana, Idaho… We took Garrett and Drake to Yellowstone and on to Mt Rushmore, the Crazy Horse monument and then to Nebraska — we took all our kids back there at some point — I still have some cousins there. It was quite sad — our ranch was bought and most of the buildings are gone and it’s not been kept up.”

Jo Ann was seventy-three when she passed in 2010. “She had had heart issues since her thirties — she had no artery on one side of her heart, just a vein. Then, following lower spine problems and a mistake in the surgery that followed, there was a blood clot in her lungs. Some of this was dealt with but not all of it and it hit her heart, maybe it stuck in the small vein, and she died. I saw her on the Friday in hospital and said I’d be back on Sunday. She died on the Saturday — October 31st, 2010 — Halloween…… That was a rough old pill to swallow. It was very lonesome after fifty-five years of marriage. I started to go to the Senior Center more often but it was not the same without her. I was getting lonesomer and lonesomer. I went crabbing with my son Bryan in the November and then the whole family was around for that Thanksgiving but it was just not the same. I had this big family giving me love and support but it was in my mind that perhaps I would like to have a companion from my generation — the walls don’t talk to you. I think the same happened to my friend Wes Smoot after his wife died. I believe you have to move on and continue a life. I will always have Jo Ann — she is with me every day.”

“Then one day, a few months after Jo Ann’s passing, I drove into the parking lot at the Center and Joy Fraser was in the car next to me. I had known her for many years but we’d never really talked much — she and her husband Don had not been part of our group. He had passed in 2008. I asked if she’d like to go out to dinner and a show and she agreed. We went to Ukiah and ate at the Calpella Club and saw a movie — I can’t remember which one. We had a few dates and then I took her on a trip to Reno. It was not easy on the family perhaps — so soon after Jo Ann’s passing, but they came to accept it. We then went on a vacation with Bryan and Elizabeth and at one point the two of us went on alone. People were wondering where we were and when we were coming back home. Joy had never really been anywhere and we were enjoying each other’s company. Joy has been a wonderful companion and we enjoy ourselves together. We plan another trip this fall to Philadelphia, Niagara Falls, and into Canada. I like to spend my money on vacations — I earned it.”

I asked Frank what he most liked about life in the Valley. “The people here and the country atmosphere.” And dislike? “All the grapes, but I can’t do much about it. It was much prettier when it was apples and sheep, more natural looking.” I inquired if he’d ever thought about leaving the Valley. “That first winter there was 68 inches of rain and I thought about moving if we had another one like it. But soon the kids were into their schools and the thoughts went away.” And what if he was the Mayor and had some political power? “I think a water system for the Valley would be good. In 1967 this idea was in the works, and the state would have funded it, but the apple growers and hippies didn’t want it.”

I now inquired about Frank’s thoughts or comments on some frequently discussed Valley issues or topics of conversation.

The Wineries? “They look nice and they bring in people and their money.”

The public radio station, KZYX? “I’ve listened may be five or six times. That’s it. I have my radio set for Ukiah’s western station, KUKI, 103.3fm”

The AVA Newspaper? “I’ve nothing against it but they should have more local stuff.”

The School System? “I used to be very involved and go to every school board meeting. Not anymore. They’ve done a good job overall.”

To end the interview, I posed a few questions to my guest, some of which are from a questionnaire featured on television’s “Inside the Actors Studio with James Lipton.

What excites you; makes you smile; gets your juices flowing? “I’m just glad that I wake up every day!”

What annoys you; brings you down? “Parents who do not correct their kid’s manners. And cashiers in stores who do not count out the change back to you.”

Sound or noise you love? “Equipment running.”

Sound or noise you hate? Groups of kids shouting and being rude.”

Your ‘last supper’? “Steak.”

If you could meet one person dead or alive, one on one for a conversation over dinner, who would that person be? “My Mom and Dad — they both had pretty sound advice for us.”

If you were sitting at home and a fire broke out in the building, what three things would you make sure you took with you? “The urn with Jo Ann’s ashes, family photographs, my guns.”

Where would you like to visit if you could go anywhere in the world? “The South and the Carolina’s.”

Favorite hobby? “Gardening — it’s when I relax; or in my shop doing my woodcrafts.”

Favorite word or phrase that you use? “Well from my son I got ‘Busha-busha’ — it means hurry up. I like it.”

Profession other than your own would you like to have attempted if you were given the chance to do anything? “A pilot of some sort.”

Something you would do differently if you could do it over again? “Hindsight is great of course, but I would have bought some lots here on Estate Drive. And I wish my kids could have experienced a farm life like I did. It was not always fun at the time but looking back I have many good memories.”

Something that you are really proud of and why? “I am proud that I gave Jo Ann a nice home to live in — she was from a broken home and had nothing. I am proud that I worked hard to ensure we could raise a family and then have time together to travel when I retired. Jo Ann and I worked hard as a team, saved hard as a team, and played as a team.”

Favorite thing about yourself, your best quality? “I was always taught that your words are worth more than your money and I’ve tried to live up to that. I hope I have succeeded.”

Finally, if Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “I hope he’d see my good qualities, I assume I have some, so ‘Welcome, come on in’ would be fine with me.”

If you would like to read the ‘stories’ of other Valley Folk, visit the archives at www.avalleylife.wordpress.com. In two weeks, in the 4th issue of the month on May 23rd, the guest interviewee from the Valley will be Marvin Schenck.

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #113. As mentioned above, the annual A.V. Theatre Guild production is presenting its second and final weekend of performances this week. ‘Cocktails with Mimi’ is ‘a comedy for all ages’ and will be presented on Friday and Saturday May 4th/5th at The Grange with a curtain at 7pm both nights. Alicia’s tacos will be available before the show and during the intermission but you’ll have to bring your own cookies! #114. The Boonville Farmer’s Market Opening Day, featuring the Spring Plant Sale, is on Saturday, May 5th from 10am to 12:30pm in the parking lot at The Boonville Hotel. #115. The Annual Boontling Classic 5K Footrace is on Sunday May 6th at 10am. Sign up on the day between 8:30am and 9:30am. For further details call Flick at 895-2701 or Bruce at 895-895-3589. #116. The revitalization of AV Youth Soccer continues this week with sign-ups at the Elementary School on Sunday 6th from noon to 2pm. #117. The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital return to the Valley on three occasions in May. These will be from 2-3.30pm on Thursdays, May 10, 24, and 31. If you call the vets 48 hours in advance (462-8833) you ensure that your pet’s charts are brought ‘over the hill’ and also order any medications. New customers and their pets always welcome. #118. The 16th Annual Anderson Valley Beer Festival is just over a week away: May 12th from 1-5pm at The Fairgrounds in Boonville.

Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge: “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…I had a delicious sirloin sandwich at Lauren’s Restaurant this past week and I thought you should know. Served with her ‘Valley’s Best’ fries, it was, as you can no doubt imagine, positively orgasmic.

…While the regulars praised the Theatre Guild play at The Grange last week, it was nevertheless suggested by several of them that an event such as this should have some snacks (cookies, brownies, etc) available before the show and during intermission. While I find them delicious (and had two plus a tamale), as did several others, it was pointed out that not everyone wants the tacos served up by Alicia. I’m just passing on the thoughts and comments of the people, it’s my job.

…Although numbers were perhaps down on previous years, the Unity Club’s Wildflower event, run by their Garden Section, was still regarded as a success this past weekend. The regulars I spoke with certainly enjoyed themselves. I did too. Talking to members of this splendid organization of women is always fun and informative and, while my own membership remains in infinite limbo, they remain one of my favorite Valley groups, despite the fact that they didn’t save me any of the chicken salad sandwiches which was one of the main reasons I attended!

…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series, ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “The AV Farm Supply has accepted an offer-to-buy and is now in escrow to be sold! According to long-time owner (38 years, no less!) Dave Gowan, it remains unclear if the new owners will offer the same kind of farm supply business that many Valley folks have relied upon for such a long time. No hay and feed, no pet supplies, no gardening equipment, no knowledgeable advice on all things connected with farming, and no vet visits for your pets! All of which, if not continued, is bad news for the Valley, I must say. Dave and wife Nancy cannot be blamed for moving on of course — their efforts in serving the Valley over so many years are to be commended, but the loss of this institution, along with several other fairly recent changes to the Valley’s social, economic, and commercial fabric, not to mention the nation’s general malaise, all point to the likelihood that the Apocalypse continues to approach. Meanwhile, until it arrives, enjoy your loved ones and support your local businesses!

Finally, and perhaps inevitably, your Quotes of the Week will refer to farmers and farming. Let’s start with this observation from President Kennedy who said, “The farmer is the only man in our economy who buys everything at retail, sells everything at wholesale, and pays the freight both ways.” Then we have this from Bharati Mukherjee (1940-?) the award-winning Indian-born American writer, currently a professor in the department of English at the University of California, Berkeley: “A farmer is dependent on too many things outside his control; it makes for modesty.” And from S.J. Perelman (1904-1979), the American humorist, author, and screenwriter (who must have visited the Valley at some point), we have these wise words, “A farm is an irregular patch of nettles containing a fool and his wife who didn’t know enough to stay in the city.” And finally, from Daniel Webster (1782-1852) the American statesman, senator from Massachusetts, and Secretary of State under three Presidents, who observed, “When tillage begins, other arts follow. The farmers therefore are the founders of human civilization.” Let’s just hope they are able to find somewhere local to get their supplies!

Time to take my leave. So, until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net> PPS. On the sheep, Grace.

Ms. Hanes denied writing the larger of the two checks, saying that it must have been some kind of bank mistake which she would correct.

But Ms. McLain soon discovered that Ms. Hanes had also written an additional 17 PTA checks to herself beginning in August of 2011.

These checks totaled more than $23,000.

The PTA had not authorized the expenditures.

Ms. Hanes had been a PTA officer for about five years, not that her seniority and general community standing prevented the ensuing outbreak of Boonville schadenfreude, only now just beginning to subside.

By the summer of 2011, responsibility for PTA financial transactions had fallen to Ms. McLain and Ms. Hanes because two prior PTA treasurers had resigned but, it seems, resigned without stating that they suspected Ms. Hanes was diverting the organization’s money to herself.

One of the departed treasurers was Bonnie Harris. Ms. Harris had been a model of efficiency and accountability, but when her responsibilities were usurped by Ms. Hanes, board meetings became irregularly scheduled and financial reporting became sporadic.

After a review of the final bounced checks written by Hanes, bringing the total of PTA checks written to herself to 18, the PTA was short some $27,000.

An alarmed bi-lingual note was sent home with every elementary school child implying that PTA money-handling needed improvement but that the school had nothing to do with the apparent missing funds. Parents scratched their heads and wondered, “What in the heck que bloody pasa are the crazy gringos into now?”

It developed that Ms. Harris had told Ms. Hanes that efforts by Ms. Harris to reconcile PTA accounts with Ms. Hanes’ fluid justifications had failed and she was resigning.

Ms. Hanes soon informed the PTA’s board of directors that Ms. Harris had resigned for reasons of her own, not mentioning the financial difficulties.

Confronted with a $27,000 discrepancy, Ms. Hanes initially said that the checks she’d written to herself were reimbursements for legitimate PTA expenses she’d had to pay out of pocket.

The PTA Board unsuccessfully sought to reconcile the claims made by Ms. Hanes with actual PTA expenditures. They’d reviewed each suspicious check, soon finding that none were legitimate. The people Ms. Hanes said she’d paid on behalf of the PTA had not been paid. In fact, the PTA hadn’t even been billed.

When asked to explain the phony reimbursements, Ms. Hanes submitted computer spreadsheets depicting what appeared to be legitimate drafts on PTA funds but turned out to be fanciful, as in made up.

By the end of January Ms. Hanes had resigned from the PTA, and a delighted Anderson Valley rumor mill, Ms. Hanes, digging herself in deeper, made several more attempts to explain the checks and withdrawals with transparently bogus spreadsheets.

In early March, law enforcement, in the form of local deputy Craig Walker, filed a recommendation with the Mendocino County DA that Ms. Hanes be charged with felony embezzlement.

Having concluded that her latest attempt to explain her thefts had been faked, and that Ms. Hanes was stubbornly sticking to claims of innocence that obviously weren’t true, Sheriff’s investigators were not persuaded to change their original early-March recommendation to the DA that Ms. Hanes be charged with felony embezzlement.

On April 12, 2012, after the District Attorney reviewed the police report, Ms. Hanes was booked into the Mendocino County jail on Grand Theft charges with bail set at $15,000, which Ms. Hanes posted on the spot and was released pending arraignment and/or a preliminary hearing not yet scheduled.

For your Quotes of the Week I must inevitably turn to some that have trees as their subject matter. Let’s start with this from Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941) the Indian Bengali prophet and literary figure who said, “Trees are the Earth’s endless effort to speak to the listening heaven.” And how about these words from American poet Lucy Larcom (1824-1893): “He who plants a tree plants hope.” Of course there are always those less enlightened figures who have to say something stupid and narrow-minded, and one of those is most certainly former US President Ronald Reagan, whose resurgent popularity in recent times can only be regarded as a mystery and indicative of how short society’s collective memory can be. Anyway, this is what “The Great Communicator”(??) famously and unforgivingly once said, “If you’ve seen one redwood tree, you’ve seen them all.” What a clown!

We must end the quotes on a positive note, so here are three such comments on the almighty tree. First some wise words from William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878), the American romantic poet, journalist, and long-time editor of the New York Evening Post, who observed, “Groves of trees were God’s first temples.” Next is this from Seneca the Elder (28BC-39AD), the Roman rhetorician and writer, who said, “When you enter a grove peopled with ancient trees, higher than the ordinary, and shutting out the sky with their thickly inter-twined branches, do not the stately shadows of the wood and the stillness of the place strike you with the presence of a deity?” And finally, from Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931), the Lebanese-American artist, poet, philosopher, come these words, which I believe perfectly sum up the need to keep Hendy Woods open for one and all, “Trees are poems that the earth writes upon the sky.”

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #114. The annual AV Theatre Guild production, under the directorship of Marcus Magdalena, begins its two weekend run this coming Friday and Saturday. This year’s play is “Cocktails with Mimi,” “a comedy for all ages,” featuring a dozen talented local thespians. It will run for two consecutive weekends, Friday and Saturday, April 27/28 and May 4/5 at The Grange with a curtain at 7pm every night. Oh, and there’s Alicia’s delicious tacos available before the show and during the intermission at every performance! #115. The Barn Sale returns on the final weekend of the month for the first time in 2012. This will take place at The Big Barn at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on AV Way, just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm on both Saturday and Sunday, April 28 and 29. And the always enjoyable Barbecue will be open on the Sunday! #116. The AV Unity Club presents its Annual Wildflower Show at The Fairgrounds in Boonville this coming Saturday and Sunday, April 28 and 29 from 10am to 4pm each day. It is fun and free! Call Robyn at 895-2609 for further details.

Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…A number of our local regulars were very pleased to hear that Steve Sparks will shortly be resuming his “Lives and Times of Valley Folks” series of interviews, the first of which will appear in this newspaper in May. After doing 146 of these in 155 weeks, Steve took a few months off and now feels reinvigorated enough to get going once again. He tells me he has many names on his list of potential interviewees and it is just a matter of getting people to agree to do them. He also asks for any suggestions and wants to assure all subjects that they always have the final word on what appears in print.

…Many regulars and I were full of praise for the special lunch put on by Lauren and her staff at the restaurant in Boonville last Thursday from 1pm to 3pm. The guests were primarily Valley innkeepers/lodging owners and winery owners/managers, who were all treated to a delicious and eclectic feast featuring the many dishes on Lauren’s menu. With wine also provided and a fun atmosphere of meeting and greeting, I imagine the already symbiotic relationship between Lauren’s Restaurant and the Valley’s various hosts would have been strengthened even more.

…As you may already know, this month’s Guest Chef Dinner at the Senior Center on Friday 27th has sold out. The next one is on June 1st with Maple Creek Winery’s Tom Rodrigues as the Guest Chef. I shall keep you informed about the menu and ticket details but this too will sell out, I’m sure.

…Talking of the Dinner this Friday, I shall not be in attendance as I plan to be at the opening night of the Theater Guild’s play. A tough decision, but Hummingbird is involved in the play and so that’s where I’ll be. Even though the dining event was sold out, the Signal Ridge Quail and her flock had arranged to provide me with a dinner but now this means that the lovely gesture has to be declined. Nevertheless, it was much appreciated anyway.

…A couple of disgruntled high school students swung by the 3-Dot for after school snacks and a few beers, sorry ice teas, and were bemoaning the fact that the “lunchtime lockdown” was still in effect at the school. You may recall that following a “fight club” lunchtime episode a few months ago, the whole student body is not permitted to leave the school during the lunch break. The rumor is that this will be continued into the next school year too and this is creating even more dissatisfaction on campus. It does seem a little excessive wouldn’t you say?

I’m outtahere. So, until we talk again, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. Hi, Silver Swan. Behaving yourself? Hopefully not! PPPS. Get well soon, Jamal.

And with this topic in mind, I have managed to come up with some Quotes of the Week on the unusual topic of dentists. First we have these words from advice columnist Ann Landers who said, “Blessed are they who hold lively conversations with the helplessly mute, for they shall be called dentists.” Then there is this classic from an unknown source: “You know, sometimes a man just can’t satisfy all of a woman’s desires. Which is why God invented dental floss.” And finally we have this comment from Joseph Heller (1923-1999), the American satirical novelist, short story writer, and playwright whose best-known work is Catch-22: “We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.”

Onward. Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #130. The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will return to the Valley tomorrow, Thursday, April 19th when they will be at The AV Farm Supply from 2-3.30pm on each occasion. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time. Everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen. And while you’re there, why not make a purchase or two at the Farm Supply, whose continued support for this service is the main reason we have it on our doorstep? #131. In my absence the monthly Grange Groove has returned to, where else?, The Grange on Highway 128. It’s the 3rd Friday of the month, April 20th, and is a ‘free-dance for all’ from 8pm on, featuring dancing and gyrating to the sounds of DJ Jeanine. This is a family fun evening that is drug and alcohol free — but I’m sure it’s still lots of fun! (I’m kidding!) #132. The next fundraiser in support of the Save Hendy Woods movement will be held this coming Sunday, April 22nd, at Navarro Vineyards on Highway 128. The event, featuring a bbq, Navarro wines, a silent auction, and live music, will go from noon to 3pm with tickets available via www.hendywoods.org. All proceeds will go toward keeping Hendy Woods open. For further questions contact Navarro Vineyards at 895-3686. #133. KZYX, our local public radio station, begin their week long Spring Pledge Drive on Sunday April 22nd. Call 895-2324 for further details or to make a pledge. #134. And finally this week, a note that the annual AV Theatre Guild production is just around the corner. Under the directorship of Marcus Magdalena, this year’s production is ‘Cocktails with Mimi,’ ‘a comedy for all ages’ that will feature a fine cast of local thespians. It will run on two consecutive weekends, Friday and Saturday, April 27th/28th and May 4th/5th at The Grange, with the curtain at 7pm on each of those evenings.

Topics and Valley events at The Three-Dot Lounge, Yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Are there three more friendly and efficient post office workers anywhere? I’m referring to Joe Dresch, Sheila Hibbs, and Ann Carr who continue to work their ‘magic’ at the Philo PO. When I put this question to a few of the 3-Dot regulars it was wholeheartedly agreed that they didn’t think there could be.

…Many regulars were disappointed to hear that the first in this year’s Guest Chef Dinner evenings at the Senior Center had already sold out — three weeks before the event! This special event will be on Friday, April 27th when the guest chef will be Marilyn Pronsolino who will present her famous homemade ravioli from the secret family recipe. Beer and wine is available but I’m afraid none of the 60 tickets remain. The next such evening is on Friday, June 1st when Maple Creek Winery’s Tom Rodrigues will again be the featured Guest Chef. Get your tickets early by calling 895-360. Once again, there will only be sixty sold.

…Bud-break has arrived in the vineyards so now, with frosty nights still occurring, we have to put up with the ridiculously loud ‘helicopter-like flyovers’ that some wineries’ warming fans sound like to anyone living anywhere within a mile or so of such businesses. He could have been pulling my claw, I suppose, but one regular told me that certain wineries are providing a complimentary bottle of wine and free ear-plugs to those who go in and complain that they simply cannot sleep through the noise. That’s quite a kind gesture, although I must say it would be rude of them not to.

…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series — ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “Not for the first time and probably not for the last, the ignorance of some of our politically correct friends has surfaced as they eagerly try to tell the rest of us how to behave and speak. Once and for all let me inform the uninformed that, according to any dictionary you may wish to refer to, the word ‘niggardly’ is an adjective of Scandinavian origin that may be used to describe someone who is ‘not generous or mean.’ Got that? It is not the racial slur that certain self-righteous people immediately assume it to be in their clamor to accuse others of being ignorant. A little enlightenment and social awareness is one thing, but at this point in time I’m quite convinced that the levels of political correctness that this country has risen/ fallen to are as sure a sign as any that the Apocalypse cannot be far off.”

Oh, dear, I suppose I should get my coat and leave. Meanwhile, until we talk again: Please don’t be niggardly and buy me a beer or glass of wine next time you see me out on the town; ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. On the sheep, Grace. PPPS. Get well soon, Jamal.

And talking about “mysterious disappearances,” one of the more unsettling ones was that of Valley resident, Jamal Essayah (a personal friend of mine), who two weeks ago, for reasons that were unclear, cancelled his cellphone and Facebook accounts and simply disappeared, curtailing all contact with family and friends. Once this became apparent, many Valley folks were very concerned, knowing him to be a very well adjusted, competent, and gifted young man. Finally, over a week later, news of his disappearance was posted on Facebook and as a result many more people far and wide were adding their concern. Fortunately, their very worst fears were relieved last Friday when it was reported that he was alive, but had been in a road accident in Redding, California and was recovering in hospital. Although his behavior had been erratic at the time of this incident, and the reasons behind his actions remain unclear, his life was not in danger and the Valley could breathe a collective sigh of relief. “Get well soon, Jamal — your many friends in the Valley have you in their thoughts for a speedy and complete recovery.”

As I zoomed around the Valley this past week, catching up on Valley affairs and people, perhaps my most enjoyable experience was at The AV Lions Club Easter Breakfast and Egg Hunt held at The Apple Hall in the Fairgrounds in Boonville on Sunday morning to benefit the FFA and High School Ag class. There was an excellent turnout of Valley folks who no doubt enjoyed the splendid breakfast presented by the Lions’ Cooking Crew of Judy Long, Derek Wyatt and wife Nicole Johnson, Renée and Kevin Lee, Patty Liddy, Christy Reilly, Bob Sites, and Robin Harper, plus assistance from Fair Board member, Morgan Baynham. With Lions’ President, Christine Clark, overseeing the event, Terry Ryder and mother Muriel producing the Easter baskets for the raffle, Joanne Clark on the door, and the cheerful and hard-working volunteers from Beth Swehla’s FFA group and AVHS Ag Class, the event was a big success — and that’s without even mentioning the delicious food. This was so good that I was a little greedy and unable to partake in the ensuing egg hunt! Yes, it was what I would call a “classic” Valley occasion — all sorts of people, young and old, coming together for the common good — ya gotta like that!

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #255. The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will return to the Valley on two more occasions this month — tomorrow, Thursday, April 12th and again next week on the 19th, from 2-3.30pm on each occasion. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time — everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen. #256. The Winter Market continues its weekly “show” at the Boonville General Store on Saturday from 10.30am to 1pm, featuring locally made foods and crafts. #257. The AV Grange has its monthly meeting next Tuesday, April 15th. This is the best time to become a new member as throughout April you will receive a year’s free membership! The evening also features a potluck competition with prizes. Call Don at 2214 for details.

Topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…A hearty congratulations are offered by the 3-Dot regulars to Antonia Perez who last week received her US citizenship. It is no exaggeration to say that with all her hard work for the schools and at many Valley social functions, she has been regarded as a wonderful ‘citizen’ for many years.

…Regulars were pleased to have heard through the sports grapevine that Youth Soccer is to be resurrected here in the Valley. Thanks to the efforts of Elementary School Principal, Donna Pierson-Pugh, among others, there are plans to field three or four teams this fall, providing a much-needed outlet for the youngsters aged between 7 and 12 who have greatly missed playing ‘the beautiful game’ over the past year or so.

…One topic under discussion at the 3-Dot this past week was ‘Jobs we would hate to do’ and I surprised some regulars with my choice of air steward. Having spent time on many long haul flights I am convinced that this line of work is not at all the glamorous occupation that it’s frequently depicted as. You are dealing with a grumpy and frequently overly demanding public and basically you are a waiter/waitress in a very cramped restaurant serving quite poor food. So job seekers, trust me on this — you can thank me later.

Talking of traveling, for your Quotes of the Week here are three of my favorites on this subject. First up it’s these words from Richard Burton (1925-1984) the Welsh actor nominated seven times for an Academy Award (without ever winning) who said, “Travelers, like poets, are mostly an angry race.” And then there is this comment from Paul Theroux (1941-?) the American travel writer and novelist: “Travel is glamorous only in retrospect.” Finally, how about this from Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) the Irish writer and poet who typically remarked, “I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on one’s travels!”

Finally this week, I must just comment on a letter I received a few weeks ago regarding my critical remarks about those who attend charity events and bring their own food, in this particular case the AV Film Festival. The author of the note defended his/her actions and stated that I was part of a “group of people who look down on brown-baggers, seeing them as some sort of cheapskates.” Err, when people attend charity functions with their own food then yes I do, and why would I think otherwise? Please don’t tell me that a $2 taco or $1 cookie was too expensive for anyone. It is not. With films offered all-day long for just $7 in total, quality food and drink on sale for very reasonable prices, and every penny of profit going to local charities, calling them “cheapskates” is being very polite I’d say. In fact “Tight-fisted, miserly buggers” is more along the lines of what I really think. (I’d use the word ‘niggardly’ but that would be far too controversial for those unfamiliar with this word who are not inclined to look it up in a dictionary.)

Time to take my leave. So, until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. Hi, Silver Swan — behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

Normally I abstain from working barefoot in the garden, even though the beach sand constitutes a thermal pleasure. I normally don’t go barefoot on account of my Lutheran neighbors and friends who might possibly stop by to chat about the weather, etc., and these folks gossip enough about Spec’s eccentricities. Bare feet would blow their minds.

A grown man planting carrots, weeding them with a hoe in the days of Roundup-Ready corn and soybeans, with dinosaur spray rigs flying up and down the country roads where horses once pulled buggies, weirds out my neighbors enough, so I really try to keep a damper on non-Lutheran exhibitions. I suppose bare feet would fit into the stereotype of the organic frarmer who spent more than a decade in northern California, but I normally refrain from such a sensual deviation, except this time I simply could not insert my left foot into my leather boot on account of the sprained, swollen ankle.

“How’d it happen, Spec?” they ask.

My son and I had been watching Seinfeld DVD’s rented from the county library, one night after a grueling day running the zero-turn-radius mower, the weed eater, and gas-powered blower for my buddy Mort’s younger brother, Jimmy, who manages a lawn care service in the town of Seymour. Still trying to get this farm up and running, I’d been trading hours of labor for use of Jimmy’s John Deere tractor with the front end loader. With the apocalyptically warm spring, the heavily-fertilized lawns had prospered out of control, and somehow my son and I had ended up skipping lunch one day last week, running on vapors as they say. About dusk, we’d finally had tacos at this absolutely authentic, from-scratch taqueria in Seymour, returned home to chill out with Seinfeld’s first season, and at bedtime I’d attempted to rise from the seventies vintage lazy-boy some dairy farmer had donated to our cause. I guess with my blood sugar still catching up, or my legs numbed from sitting on the mower all day, or something — my left leg was entirley “asleep,” and my ankle collapsed with a crunch.

Not only was my ankle swollen, but with bare feet I’d incidentally stepped on a a dandelion that had been in the middle of pollination with a honey bee, and the bee had stung the arch of the same left foot, which was now also swelling. Hoeing weeds out of carrot sprouts is a slow activity, though, so on Friday I’d taken a break from plowing ground and was limping in the sand when the text notification rang from the cell phone in my blue jeans pocket.

“If I may ask what pantyhose should I wear with my cutoffs[?] Sheer or opaque[?]”

“What’s the occasion[?]” I had to reply.

“Walking aroiund trying to get noticed[.]”

I had no opinion on pantyhose. Ever since fleeing academic civilization in the 1990′s, I’d been with hippie women who generally don’t even shave their legs. But this one, Antonia, had caught my attention last fall with her witty, on-the-scene reporting from the original Occupy Wall Street protests, honest observations and interviews that had irked some of the more zelaous of my Mendo contacts in the heat of revolution frenzy, bursting a few paradigm bublbles. We’d become Facebook friends. Eventually that on-line relationship had developed into a crush on my end, and back in March I’d proposed that Antonia try a tour of duty as a “woofer” on my new farm.

“A Manhattan bitch,” she describes herself as. “No way I could live in — where? Indiana?”

“Well just for like a vacation. . .a break from the rat race.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I’m still in a relationship that’s not Facebook-official,” she’d typed, “and I don’t want to undermine it.”

THE ANDERSON VALLEY Community Action Coalition is inviting the community to discuss its future the evening of Tuesday, April 17th, 6-8, at the Live Oak Building. Funded out of a grant due to expire and not likely to be renewed, the CAC is seeking alternatives.

ACCORDING to the Redding police, Jamal Essayah, described as “a 24 year old transient,” deliberately threw himself into the path of a bus, then a passing van, last Thursday (April 5th). Essayah is well known and highly regarded in the Anderson Valley where he has lived off and on for some ten years. A bright and engaging young man, his sudden disappearance when his family reported him missing a week ago, shocked everyone who knows him, and his apparent suicide attempt in Redding is regarded as inexplicable by his many friends in Mendocino County. Redding police suspected Essayah was on methamphetamine when he threw himself into traffic on one of Redding’s busiest streets, but hospital tests revealed he was not under the influence. He is not known to have used drugs while a resident of Boonville. Essayah remains in intensive care in a Redding hospital but, doctors say, is expected to recover from his nearly fatal injuries sustained in Thursday’s startling event.

MONIKA FUCHS WRITES: “I too was harassed by Mr. Farrer while walking with my dogs on his precious, private road. And it was not the first time. Mr. Farrer seems to think of his property as his personal fiefdom and wont even consider people out for a stroll as his neighbors but sees them only as intruders. I don’t think his behavior is racially motivated because I am as white as can be and was treated just as hostile and combative as everybody else. The same goes for the forever changing Shenoa caretakers. If I am remembering correctly, Rebecca is the fifth in the 10 years I have lived in the valley. What is this American obsession with the NO-Trespassing Sign? I cannot understand it. Even River’s Bend, the former Wellspring Renewal Center has put up an unfriendly no-trespassing sign and that from a place that always struck me as Hippy Central! The European settlers of yesteryear certainly did not bring this with them from the old country. In Europe hiking and walking trails often meander thru private property and that seems to work just fine. What is happening in our community? The well-off and their minions are circling the wagons? Hiding behind fences? Might they be afraid of their neighbors? Why not instead try to get to know the people that live around you? I live on a one acre property right in Philo and I invite Mr. Farrer and Rebecca and Justin, current caretakers at Shenoa; to stop by anytime and talk a walk in my garden, have a seat on my porch and should I’ll be home, I even make’m a cup of tea and tell them all about the historic home I live in, if they are interested.”

MYSELF, I also have to wonder what Farrer thinks he’s doing. Ditto for Jeff Skoll at Shenoa, and who knows why Wellspring, lately re-christened RiversBend, has suddenly gone all private property on its neighbors. Of course old hippies often go mean in their dotage, all that smiling and love bombing finally overcoming them. Farrer has zero standing. Ray’s Road, as it passes the Farrer place, is your basic easement-by-historic-use public way. That stretch of barely maintained country road has been freely traveled by whomever and whatever for a hundred years. It’s not Farrer’s road, and anyone passing by who’s harassed by the old goat should either tell him to get back on his meds or call the cops on him. It’s not as if the south end of Ray’s Road sees more than a pedestrian or two a day in the first bleeping place, so Farrer must be lying in wait for the opportunity to leap out and woof-woof at the rare passerby. As for Emperor Skoll at Shenoa, lord of all he surveys at E-Bay, does he deliberately hire unsocialized caretakers or do these oafs and oaf-ettes merely reflect his tidy bowel personality? RiversBend? I can’t help but remember when the Falleris owned it, Frank and Lenore. Imagine the most gracious, welcoming, accommodating couple you know and you’ve got the Falleris. They’d be aghast, mystified even, at all the unneighborliness that’s taken hold on Ray’s Road.

EARTH DAY CLEAN UP, April 14, 2012. A great opportunity for local folks to get out to the Mouth of the Navarro River for what hopefully will be a nice weather day while helping to make this part of the world an even more beautiful place. Navarro-by-the-Sea Center, Earth Day Clean Up, Saturday April 14th, 9am to 4pm. Volunteer shifts from 9 to noon and 1 to 4. Free bbq picnic lunch noon to 1 for all volunteers. Please join us if you can for our first annual Earth Day Clean up at Navarro Beach and Navarro-by-the-Sea. Bring your gloves, work boots, and tools if you have them, and please come down and help out. Navarro Beach and Navarro-by-the-Sea needs your energy and support. Projects include trash pickup along beach and river, garbage and slash removal around historic Mill House and Inn, invasive English ivy and eucalyptus removal and disposal, painting and cleanup of Mill House, and repairs to workshop building. To get to Navarro-by-the-Sea, follow Navarro Beach Road west from Highway 1 on the south side of the Navarro River out to the beach. Check in on 4/14 at the table set up in front of the Mill House (the first house you come to along Navarro Beach Road). Check in starts at 8:45 for the morning shift and at 12:45 for the afternoon shift. Please contact Jim Martin at 707-877-3477 or beach1127@aol.com with any questions and/or to RSVP if you want to partake in the free bbq lunch for volunteers — so we can plan for enough fixins for all! Hope to see you there on 4/14. And watch for construction to finally start on the Inn later this spring. First with demolition of the non-historic motel building, followed by critical stabilization work on the Inn. — Linda MacElwee.

JUST IN FROM UKIAH: “The city has installed a bench at School and Standley, which is bolted to the sidewalk facing an empty store for a nice view of a window that’s been papered over from the inside and the massage parlor next door. The bench is one of those million dollar powder coated ones with the cutout of a tree in the back; it’s about a foot off the School Street curb, but of course facing 180 degrees in the wrong direction. Also: Two garbage cans are three feet to the immediate north of the bench. A supreme feat of engineering, planning, design and accountability!”

GRASSROOTS Peace Conversion with John Lewallen. Philo’s Congressional candidate invites us, “Please come and participate in creating a peaceful conversion. How can we convert a weapons industry to create jobs and build a society based on renewable energy? Keynote speaker Bruce Gagnon brings 20 years of “Create Peace in Space” work to Lauren’s Restaurant, Hwy 128, Boonville, on Saturday, April 14, 12 noon until 3:30. Poetry by David Smith-Ferry, “Of this Earth” music with Bill Taylor or Jaye Moscariello, and a special song of freedom by Miranda will be offered. This Peace Conversion event is hosted by the John Lewallen for Congress Campaign. For information, call (707) 895-2996.”

MUCH ACTIVITY of the clean-up type underway at the former Guerrero Tire Shop, South Boonville. Rumors say an enterprising young man will soon be freshly enterprising at that historically fraught site.

COME JOIN in on the fun of celebrating Earth Day by helping to build an outdoor classroom and work on the Creek trail at the Anderson Valley Elementary School. There is going to be a workday Saturday April 21st from 9am-3pm down in the lower field area at the AVES. We are going to be building an outdoor classroom for the students, as well as adding some finishing touches to the Creek Trail and removing some invasive plants along with general clean up of the area. Snacks and lunch will be provided. Bring gloves, hat, water bottle, and wear sturdy shoes. For more information and to RSVP to be included in the lunch count, call Linda MacElwee 895-3230 or email rivercenter@mcn.org. (Linda MacElwee)

WE HEAR a tour bus specializing in UK lookie-loos will soon be making regular stops in Boonville on Thursday mornings.

WAY EARLY, but the Hendy Woods benefit tickets for the Kris Kristofferson concert on the Mendocino Headlands, Wednesday, 11th July can be investigated at HendyWoods.org.

THE REVIVED Boonville Assembly of God church got off to a well-attended re-launch on Easter Sunday, as jubilant congregants invited passersby to come on in. Pastor Jerry Rivera is at the pulpit.

DANIEL ANGULO of Philo is not only an honors student at Sac State as he was here at Boonville High School a few years ago, he’s got a good shot at being elected student director of the social sciences and interdisciplinary studies department.

AT MONDAY night’s school board meeting, Salvador ‘Chava’ Gutierrez was awarded a $2,000 college scholarship from the Emeryville-based bond company financing Anderson Valley’s school building rehab.

THE LATE RAINS have wrecked havoc on Panther baseball, but in between the storms the Panthers have acquitted themselves well in games with Clearlake, Point Arena and Calistoga, as Oren Klein was named to the all-tourney team at Point Arena, having elicited oohs and aahs from the crowd with his crucial and perfect suicide squeeze. Justin Soto pitched well in a 5-4 loss to Calistoga.

IN AN ACCIDENT that has so far gone unreported, a man driving on 128 near Navarro last Saturday morning had an oak tree fall on his vehicle. He was airlifted outtahere but that’s all we know. So far.

THERE’S ALWAYS A LOCAL ANGLE. Two weeks ago, a 76 year old Willits man went missing. A search was mounted by Mendocino County Search and Rescue volunteers, Brooktrails Fire Department, the Community Emergency Response Team, Mendocino County sheriff’s deputies, and Philo resident Natacha Durandet and her German Shepherd called Bavo, but couldn’t find the old guy until… Ms. Durandet and Bavo were on the case! Ms. D is a sommelier from France’s Loire Valley, and a partner in Phillips Hill Winery. She also functions as sales consultant at Violet Green Winery in Humboldt County.

BAVO is eight years old and has been with Durandet from puppyhood. Durandet estimates that together they have had about four years of search training. The Bavo-Durandet team is also a member of the California Rescue Dog Association. According to Willits News reporter Linda Williams, “Bavo started at the victim’s home, where he was provided with a sole from one of the victim’s shoes to imprint on. … After leaving the victim’s home, their assignment was to begin searching in a new area identified by a potential witness. A utility worker told searchers he might have seen the victim on Madrone Drive. Bavo caught the victim’s scent near that location and followed his nose to where the man was eventually found, lying on the ground in a forested area across a creek and down a muddy trail from the end of Brown Place. Durandet described how she worked with Bavo to locate his victim, stopping and recasting, to make sure he was really on the scent. Bavo’s nose found the victim lying in a location where, according to Durandet, a human searcher could have easily walked by without seeing him. Bavo and Durandet were among the last to arrive back at the command center. As they came in, the duo was greeted with a hero’s welcome, especially Bavo. Bavo was already a celebrity in Search and Rescue circles — this is the second lost victim he has successfully located since joining the team. When asked what kind of reward Bavo was going to get, Durandet laughed and said she had promised to stop at McDonald’s to get him a treat on their way home.”

A TEAM of game wardens set up check points near Jenner a couple of weeks ago, stopping 518 vehicles containing 1,568 abalone divers. They wrote 58 citations for 76 violations and seized 85 illegal abs.

WE’RE STILL TRYING to assemble a complete AVA archive, and will have one if we can find these three papers: February 1st of 1984; February 8th of 1984; and December 26th of 1984. If you have them, please let us know and we’ll haggle from there.

CLARENCE FREDERICK LEA was our Congressman from 1917 until 1949. You’d have to be a medium-old old timer to remember the old Democrat, and a cup of coffee to you if you know who succeeded Lea as our man in Washington.

A WOMAN calling herself Dianna Blakeley, further identifying herself as a real estate broker with Wine Country Real Estate Network, e-mailed the paper early Tuesday morning: “I am writing this with tears in my eyes. I came down here to Madrid, Spain with my family for a short vacation. Unfortunately, we were mugged and robbed at the park of the hotel where we stayed. All cash, credit cards and cell were stolen off us, but luckily for us we still have our lives and passport saved…” And send money.

I WROTE BACK: “With laughter in my heart because I know you are a crook with a medium-plausible little scam going here, I write to you for your home address here in the United States.”

AND MS. BLAKELEY REPLIED: “Oh, no. I know this sounds weird and you wouldn’t believe me. I wish I could call but I don’t have access to a phone at the moment….”

THE LATE FRANK CIECIORKA of Alderpoint was a modest, unassuming man of large gifts. His poster art from the 1960′s, to me and lots of other people, represents that era of dissent. It is rightfully included in “The 1968 Exhibit” that opened last Saturday at the Oakland Museum. Michael Rossman, who died in 2008, amassed a collection of some 23,000 pieces, among them Frank’s. Rossman’s infallible standard was that any art “that sticks it to The Man” went into his collection. The Oakland Museum show consists of 68 of the stickiest.

THE SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT says bunko artists are calling County residents soliciting donations for the Department. Do not give these people any money or respond to messages from Western Union or the internet asking you to send money to the Mendocino County Sheriff’s Department.

AND SPEAKING of crooks, Amy Goodman of Democracy Now has again devoted considerable on-air time to Mendocino County’s longest-running scam, the Judi Bari Bombing. Goodman and a national network of dupes seem to think the case remains a mystery, apparently unaware or uncaring that it is eminently solvable by dna. Please note that our local public radio station, tax supported, permits no dissenting views on this particular fraud and quite a number of lesser ones, the great speakers of truth to power being the primary offenders. On the off chance anyone’s interested, the Bari matter is exhaustively discussed at our website theava.com

MO MANDEL, born and raised in Boonville, will perform at the Punchline Comedy Club in Sacramento from Thursday, August 30th through Sunday, September 2nd. The club is located at 2100 Arden Way. The kid is funny, and he’s catching on with roles in television sitcoms, none of which are yet called Boonville, fortunately for us.

NEPOTISM is defined as favoritism shown to a relative or palsy walsy for employment. The Anderson Valley schools have been heavy on nepotistic hiring practices just short of three-eyed, six-fingered children. Our community services district doesn’t have much opportunity for nepotism because it only employs a couple of people. But just in case, the CSD is considering a nepo-policy drafted by me, Mark Scaramella, aka The Major: “It is the policy of this district that relatives and friends of members of the Board of the Anderson Valley Community Services District shall not be employed by the District unless the employment preceded the election of the Board member by at least one year. Relatives of other District employees shall not be employed by the District in positions where the employee has the official authority to hire or recommend or approve the hiring, salary, or promotion of the relative. Relatives shall not be employed in the supervisory-subordinate relationship even if it results from marriage after the employment relation was formed. The supervisor-subordinate relationship shall be interpreted to include all levels of line administrative supervisors, from the lowest to the highest, not just the immediate supervisor.” Hereby offered to the School Board at no cost or attribution.

I WAS ALSO among members of the School Bond Oversight Committee who toured the elementary school and high school locker room last Wednesday in preparation for the remodel work now described as “Phase I” of the bond-funded school upgrade. The classroom remodeling is mostly an interior facelift of the classrooms, none of which will be expanded, enlarged or rebuilt but will get new floors and carpets, wall paneling and a “teaching wall” with slidable whiteboards and improved storage areas, along with long overdue upgraded electrical systems and computer hookups. But several minor areas of upgrade have been overlooked in the planning — curtains for outside light control and the logistics of moving the classes in and out of their rooms during construction being primary among them — leading some Oversight Committee members to wonder if the plans had been reviewed by teachers. One elementary teacher told us privately that teachers were “invited” to a review but that the invitation was at a time when few teachers were available and the reviews, such as they were, were very loosely organized.

THE REMODEL will be done two classrooms at a time; classroom contents, including students, will be moved into a modular classroom for four to six weeks, then moved back into their re-done classrooms. Construction Manager Don Alameida, a smart and affable man, said he’d look into what appears to be small-ish oversights.

A WALK THROUGH the dank funk of the high school locker rooms was not an encouraging experience. The locker rooms appear to be semi-abandoned. The tiled floor of one of the boy’s shower bays was teeming with termites. A toilet that looked to be out of service and backed up, turned out to be simply unflushed. Tile was crumbling. A storage area featured a floor refinishing machine blocking entry. The lighting was bad. Construction Manager Alameida explained what the remodel would do, but I had to wonder how the locker room had been allowed to deteriorate to the point where it had become a health hazard. I’m informed that few kids even try to shower at the gym after physical exertion; they simply go home after a sporting event to shower there. It was mentioned that students these days prefer more individual privacy, that they consider the open bay showers of yesteryear immodest. The shower area is scheduled to be substantially upgraded.

SEVERAL Oversight Committee members thought the school hadn’t done near enough to talk to coaches and athletes before coming up with the remodeling plans because the plans are short on space. Alameida ruefully conceded that the existing equipment storage problem will actually be made worse by the remodel. High school facilities are in their 7th decade, and maintenance over the years has been hit or miss — mostly miss.

BRUCE McEWEN has it on good authority that the winning pot plants at last season’s Emerald Cup dope championships was grown with “bunny balls” or rabbit fertilizer.

THE COMMUNITY SERVICES DISTRICT Board took another look at the abandoned “Ricard Building” on the south end of town last Wednesday night at the initiation of Board member Kathleen McKenna. Fire Chief Colin Wilson said that while he agrees the building is a blight and unsightly, it isn’t blighted enough to trigger an abatement order. The Chief added that even if the District had adopted the State Fire Code (it hasn’t), the building’s not an actual fire hazard because there’s no obvious break-ins, and no evidence of use by transients or drug dealers, adding that the building is more or less structurally sound, although a lot of the interior walls are coming apart. The District will consider writing another letter to Mr. Ricard at next month’s board meeting asking him to do something about his building. Ricard has been offered attractive amounts of money for his ramshackle eyesore but has turned them down.

NO DISRESPECT to the Chief about the Ricard structure, but Mendocino Village and Ukiah have abated buildings less flammable than Ricard’s kindling pile and much less unsightly, too. Not only is Ricard obstinately sitting on his building with its multiple commercial addresses in a town woefully short on commercial space without either selling or rehabbing it, he lives in Little River where comparable hazard and unsightliness would never be tolerated. Ricard also owns property in Mendocino where alarmed shrieks rent the seaside air if a property owner so much as alters the color of a window frame. It’s unfair to this community that this guy can interminably thumb his haughty nose at us. He’s the only property owner in Boonville who makes no effort whatsoever to maintain his place.

THE GOOD NEWS. Before they began getting rained out, the Panther baseball team, in a big upset, knocked off Rincon Valley Christian, on their field, 8-3. Justin Soto hurled a complete game 4-hitter for the win and also went 2-4 and stole two bases. Jose Gaxiola had a big day at the plate and was brilliant at shortstop, while Christian Tapia, moved from his accustomed right field to second base, racked up his first base hit ever.

LAST SATURDAY NIGHT, as deputy Craig Walker drove from Ukiah to Boonville in his patrol car, the deputy was startled by the sudden appearance of a car “about two feet off my bumper, literally.” The deputy pulled over to allow the careening vehicle to pass and to get a look at its license plate when another car pulled up behind the deputy on the shoulder. It was Mr. and Mrs. Gary Island. Island pointed at the suspect vehicle and told Walker that he’d just been sideswiped by the guy. The Islands were not injured, but their car was badly damaged, as was the drunk’s car as Walker discovered when he pulled the drunk over. Augustin Ayala-Hernandez of Boonville was taken into custody, his reading on the loop-o-meter was a very drunk 0.17, twice the legal limit.

NICE STORY in Sunday’s Press Democrat by Glenda Anderson on Valerie Hanelt of Yorkville, in which we learn that Ms. Hanelt is a former Santa Rosa teacher who is president of the Unity Club of Anderson Valley and a member of the Anderson Valley Community Services District Board. She is married to retired CalFire firefighter Hans Hickenlooper. The couple live in a house on Rancheria Creek built in the late 1960s by Ms. Hanelt’s parents.

BRUCE GAGNON, internationally acclaimed coordinator of the Global Network Against Weapons and Nuclear Power in Space, will be speaking on “Peace Conversion or Expanding Militarism” on Saturday, April 14, beginning at noon at Lauren’s Restaurant in downtown Boonville. Gagnon’s presentation is sponsored by the John Lewallen for Congress Campaign.

TERRY RYDER informs us that The Valley’s very own Bullet, assigned to deputy Craig Walker, is the fastest police dog in these parts, moving at 36 miles an hour over 90 yards, dusting all other cop dogs going away.

MURIEL ELLIS, part-time resident of Yorkville and ace of Boonville’s Trivial Pursuers along with Willie Housley and Mark Scaramella, and the mother of the aforementioned Ms. Ryder, has returned from the 35th annual American Crossword Puzzle Tournament at the Brooklyn Bridge Marriot founded by Will Shortz, editor of the NY Times Crossword Puzzles and a regular on National Public Radio. Muriel was among 12 contestants in the 80 year old-plus category but competed against all 650 people at the Tournament. How did she do? Well, of course.

DISCUSSING THE VALLEY’S oldest structures, as we were recently, Jeff Burroughs, a crack local historian comments, “At one time I was certain which building was the oldest standing structure in Boonville, but it was torn down about 15-20 years ago. It was an old home, built low to the ground, that sat out in the tall grass of the field between the Horn of Zeese Restaurant and what is now the Hanes Gallery; actually, it would have been right about at the back door of the Hanes Gallery Building if it was still there. It was built by J.D. Ball around 1851-1853. Let’s also not forget the first story of the Boonville Hotel, the part that survived the terrible fire of the 1890s, was originally built sometime in the 1870′s. Not far behind would be the Missouri House, its original structure — incorporated into what we see today — was built sometime before or just following the end of the civil war, 1862-1866 . The Missouri House and the Rancheria Reality Building are probably the only buildings still standing from when Boonville was Kendall’s City, circa. 1871-1873.” Jeff also points out that the very first Boonville was called Crossroads and was located near the present junction of 128 and 253.

LOCAL SPORTS FANS will want to know that Cloverdale High School’s Robbie Rowland is in his second year of professional baseball with the Arizona Diamondbacks, and doing quite well in their minor league spring training camp. Rowland’s throwing motion has been adjusted to bring more movement to his fastball, and with his new delivery he’s regularly getting the other boys out. His first season was rough, partly because he played through mononucleosis. Rowland’s father and brother Richie also played professional baseball, dad having made it to the bigs and Richie going on into the high minors. Robbie also holds the Redwood Empire basketball career scoring record for area high school players. All the Rowlands are well known in the Anderson Valley.