With such licenses hard to come by, unless someone here can step in and buy this license for a location in the Valley, it is very unlikely in the foreseeable future that folks will get to go out locally and enjoy the company of friends while sipping a martini, a fine single-malt whisky, a “Cosmo,” a Vodka cranberry, or even a Trainwreck! If that is the case then this would surely be one of the more glaring examples that we are most certainly faced with the imminent approach of the Apocalypse.

In the meantime, we do have our crab feeds to cheer us up and the most recent one, held last Saturday evening at The Apple Hall in Boonville, was one of the best yet! Once again the “Original” Crab Feed was a sellout, with well over 350 people in attendance, as the Valley sat down to eat, drink, and make merry together. The crab was delicious and never-ending and I can’t imagine anyone went short as Gloria Ross and her crew did a marvelous job of putting on a great night out for the tenth year in succession. Most people were gone by 9:30pm and I left not long after that, leaving some of the young Valley socialites to enjoy a drink at the bar with friends as the hard-working volunteers sat down to enjoy their own crab feed. They certainly deserved it!

As we move on from Black January, and with Valentine’s Day (Feb 14th) less than a week away, I thought some words of wisdom on the topic of “Love” would be in order for your Quotes of the Week. First, let’s bring in the author Katherine Mansfield (1888-1923) who wittily observed, “If only one could tell true love from false love, as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.” And this from Diane Arbus (1923-1971), the American photographer and writer, who wrote, “Love involves a peculiar, unfathomable combination of understanding and misunderstanding.” The list would not be complete without a contribution from my old friend Bill Shakespeare (1564-1616) the English poet and playwright, widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language. Here’s his classic line from Twelfth Night: “If music be the food of love, play on.” And let’s finish with Valley resident and author, poet, and activist, Alice Walker (1944 -?) whose words we could all live by, “I have learned not to worry about love; but to honor its coming with all of my heart.”

And now back down to earth. Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #363: Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys supported by Wild Oats will be playing for your ‘Romancin’ and Dancin’ pleasure on Saturday, Feb 11th at The Grange in a benefit for the Senior Center. #364: The next afternoon, Sunday, Feb 12th, it’s the AV Historical Society’s Roundtable Discussion entitled “Anderson Valley in the 1930s and 1940s.” This free event will be held at The Grange on Highway 128 beginning at 1:30pm with a discussion panel featuring 15 Valley folks who lived here during those years. Everyone is welcome and encouraged to attend what will surely not only be a fascinating afternoon of old Valley stories and memories but also a unique piece of history in the making. #365: Next Tuesday, Feb 14th, is the second Tuesday so that means Dinner and Bingo at the Senior Center — good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo with prizes, and, as you know by now, you don’t have to be a senior to attend! #366: The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital return for their monthly visit to the Valley next Thursday, February 16th. They will be at The AV Farm Supply from 2-3:30pm.

Topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge. Yes “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life.

…Along with a couple of 3-Dot regulars, I attended the Unity Club luncheon last week, which saw Sheriff Tom Allman and District Attorney David Eyster as the guest speakers. Both are eloquent, informative, and interesting public speakers with affection for, and awareness of, the Valley and its issues, so their words were inevitably well received. However, perhaps what was not expected was their warm welcome of yours truly with firm handshakes and broad smiles. Such greetings by these two powerful men of the law could do a lot of harm to my reputation and I can assure you it will not happen again.

…The downturn in business at the local eateries cannot be blamed on the quality of the food, with Lauren’s Restaurant (with it’s exceptional Pot Roast and Pulled Pork dishes) and The Buckhorn (spicy wings and Buffalo burgers) both making the local dining experience something which deserves a far greater audience. Support your local restaurants; these days you never know if they will always be there.

Time to take my leave. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. Of course, one final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net  PPS. On the sheep, Grace.

With this in mind, let’s have a couple of relevant Quotes of the Week. First from English novelist Jane Austen (1775–1817), who clearly had a very dim view of history, referring to it as “The quarrels of popes and kings, with wars and pestilences in every page; the men all so good for nothing, and hardly any women at all.” Well, that will certainly not be the case at the Roundtable Discussion, I’m sure. Far more likely, our local event will reflect the view of Stephen Spender (1909–1995), the English poet, novelist and essayist, who commented, “History is the ship carrying living memories into the future.” Perfect. I hope to see you all there.

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #361: The ‘Original’ Crab Feed is this coming Saturday, Feb 4th and it is sold out. Happy Hour is at 6pm; dinner served at 7pm. #362: The 29th Annual Fruit Tree Grafting Workshop and Seed & Scion Exchange is on Saturday, February 4, 2012 from 9-4 at the Domes at Anderson Valley High School in Boonville. For more information, call Barbara Goodell 895-3897; Mark Albert 462-7843; or Richard Jeske 459-592. #363: Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys, supported by Wild Oats, will be playing for your Romancin’ and Dancin’ pleasure on Saturday, Feb 11th at The Grange in a benefit for the AV Senior Center.

Topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Many 3-Dot regulars attended the 6th Annual AV Film Festival held at The Grange last weekend and commented that not only were the films very interesting, informative, and entertaining, but there were also very good crowds in attendance. The Festival gave all profits to three local beneficiaries – The Senior Center, Animal Rescue, and the AV High Film Class, and ya gotta like that. The food and refreshments were also highly praised but, on the flip side, one local businessman was spotted eating a sandwich he had presumably brought to the Festival from elsewhere. To make matters worse, this miserable so-and-so was eating it on the porch right next to Alicia’s Taco stand that was donating 50¢ to the event for every taco sold. Boooo! Some folks just don’t get it.

…President Obama will be back in San Francisco next month — once again as part of a West Coast fundraising swing. A pair of Feb. 16 events are planned in the City, one of which is the $35,800-a-head dinner for 50 guests at the Pacific Heights home of novelist Robert Mailer Anderson and his wife, Nicola, followed by a large reception at a yet-to-be-decided public venue where tickets will go for anywhere from $100 to $10,000. There is no truth to the vicious rumor that Robert has asked his uncle, AVA Supremo Bruce Anderson, to fork over the full $35,800 to attend. Nevertheless, Bruce has said he does not expect to get in for nothing and has offered to work at the coat-check stand in return for a seat at the ‘Top Table.’

…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “Based on the recent turnout at Lauren’s Restaurant, quite a few local folks are excited at the prospect of bike lanes in the Valley; all the way to the coast in fact, an idea being championed by a local group’s (‘Cyked’) campaign. The idea behind this latest fundraiser is a good one and I wish them well. However, one cannot help but wonder if this is not just the passion of a small section of the community, with the best will in the world, but few followers beyond their own friends and associates. They would not be the first such group around here to be described as such. I only occasionally see people on bikes, even on a slow and safe road like Anderson Valley Way. As for kids being out on their bicycles, as in the good old days, I hardly ever see this. Do kids cycle to school? No. Is this because there are no bike lanes? Possibly; but perhaps more likely because bicycling is not seen as ‘cool’ among school students these days. Hopefully, this would all change if the bike lanes were installed. ‘Build it and they will come’ would be great and one hopes that the community as a whole is not indifferent to such an idea. If they are then surely it is too bad and yet another sign that the Apocalypse is approaching if ever there was one. We shall see.”

Thanks for the insights, Buzzard. Time to take my leave. Until we talk again. Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. On the sheep, Grace.

And for your Quote of the Week, let’s stay with good causes and turn to this comment from Walt Whitman (1819-1892), the American poet, essayist, journalist, humanist, and wit, who perceptively pointed out, “Charity and personal force are the only investments worth anything. And of course, I should also mention these wise words from Francis Bacon (1561-1626) the English philosopher, statesman, and scientist who said, “In charity there is no excess.” Not when it comes to the giving-folks of Anderson Valley it would seem.

Public Service Announcements, calendars and pens at the ready. #117: This coming weekend is the 6th Annual AV Film Festival at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, January 27th-28th. The program is as eclectic as ever with some excellent documentaries, a feature film for all the family on the Saturday night, and the usual assortment of socially aware and environmental films, plus the recent work of the AV High Film Class, with some films accompanied by the filmmakers themselves, present to discuss their projects. Beer from the AV Brewery, local wines, and hot and cold food is available, including delicious tacos from Alicia’s Restaurant. All profits will go to the AV Senior Center, AV Animal Rescue, and the AV High School Film Class. Festival details can be found on the Festival website www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org. #118. The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back; they will be at The AV Farm Supply tomorrow, Thursday, January 26th from 2-3.30pm. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time, everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen. #119” A few Crab Feed tickets are still available for the second of the Valley’s two crab feeds, but it is anticipated they will sell out very soon, if they haven’t already. This is the 10th ‘Original’ Crab Feed, benefiting the Catholic Church, and will be Saturday, February 4th. For ticket information, call Gloria Ross at 895-3071. As usual, the event is to be held at The Apple Hall in Boonville and, as I’ve said many times, together with the previous crab feed, this is one of the best pure Valley-dweller gatherings of the year.

Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge: “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Following the aforementioned crab feed, several revelers continued with their evening at The Boonville Saloon (formerly The Boonville Lodge). By 1am, three of them were in no shape to drive home to Philo so, to solve this dilemma, bartender Cindy Hughbanks stepped up and drove them there. Now that’s what I call excellent bartending and a full service bar!

…Another ‘feel good’ story that regulars at The 3-Dot were sharing this past week was the sight of several employees and out-of-town sales people employed by the AV Brewery, led by co-owner Trey, enjoying a hearty lunch at the Senior Center. Brewery manager, Fal Allen is on the Senior Center Board and no doubt encouraged this and I must say it was very pleasing to see. Some Valley business folks are never seen out and about in the community and that has always puzzled me.

…The 3-Dot was closed on Sunday afternoon, so along with many regulars I endured the disappointing loss by the 49ers among a large crowd of local 49er fans who assembled at The Buckhorn, Boonville. For one and all, the afternoon was no doubt an emotional rollercoaster that ultimately crashed and burned following the bonehead play by the ‘Niners’ second-string punt-returner — his second such egregious error of the game, which together led directly to 10 points for the opposition. I imagine he left San Francisco on a red-eye flight very early on Monday morning, never to return. Nevertheless, not to make light of such a disappointing loss to the big bad NY Giants (in overtime 17-20), there was a silver-lining: the large plate of hot and spicy wings were back to their very best and when served with a pint of Guinness for $12, the excruciating loss was almost bearable. (But not quite.)

Time to take my leave. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net, PPS. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

This past Saturday night saw the first of the Valley’s two Crab Feed gatherings, arguably the best “pure” Valley events of the year in the sense that the vast majority of those who attend are from across the wide spectrum of Valley folks. This one benefited the AV Senior Center and with a turnout of over 250, a very brisk business at the bar, and the sale of many raffle tickets, I’m sure that the Center will be most grateful for the community’s very generous support. So many people come together to put together an event of this size, from the Senior Center Board led by the effervescent and tireless Sheri Hansen, to the many volunteers on the night, including the very capable wait staff from the AV High School cheerleading and football teams, led by coaches Keri Sanchez and John Toohey, to Harold Hulbert, who organized the crab, and of course the various donating wineries and the AV Brewery, plus the local folks and small businesses who provided raffle prizes. With Dean Titus and fellow musicians Craig Titus, Chris Rossi, Brian Wood, and talented singer Susan Clark, providing both background and dance music, the atmosphere was wonderful and it was a joy to be a part of such a special event. Well done to one and all!

That’s enough “gushing” for this curmudgeonly Turkey Vulture. Let’s move on to the Quote of the Week and share with you some words on the continuing major talking point about around here – the weather. As you read this, hopefully the rain is pouring down outside because, as everyone will readily let you know — we need it! Here’s a good one from Charles Dudley Warner (1829-1900), the American essayist, novelist, and friend of Mark Twain, who very perceptively said, “Everyone talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.” And if it really does come down in torrents this week, let’s hope it’s not too much all at once so that we have to recall William Shakespeare’s great line, one used by myself often in the company of Hummingbird, “’Tis a naughty night to be naked in.”

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #422: Crab Feed tickets are still available for the second of our two crab feeds but it is anticipated they will sell out once again. This is the “Original” Crab Feed that will be held on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Just like the “feed” this past weekend, it is to be held at The Apple Hall in Boonville and, as I’ve said many times, together with the similar Senior Center event this is one of the best Valley gatherings of the year. #423: The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital return for a second January visit to the Valley next Thursday, January 26th. They will be at The AV Farm Supply from 2pm-3.30pm. #424: Coming up is the 6th Annual AV Film Festival that will take place at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, January 27th-28th. The program is as eclectic as ever with some excellent documentaries, a film for all the family on the Saturday night, and the usual assortment of socially aware and environmental films, plus the recent work of the AVHS Film Class. All the details can be found on the Festival website www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org .

Topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Raised eyebrows, comments of incredulity, and questions as to the man’s sanity, were all in evidence in the 3-Dot upon hearing that dedicated newspaperman, Bruce Anderson of the AVA, last weekend declined an invitation to the 49er play-off game against the Saints. It was not just a regular invitation though. Let Bruce explain” “Such is my commitment to an unfettered press, I turned down my nephew Robert Mailer Anderson’s conditional offer to watch Saturday’s playoff game from the owner’s box. He said I was invited but I couldn’t write about the experience. So, with a heavy heart, I declined.” I must say that this was an amazing act of sports martyrdom, which modesty no doubt forbade the esteemed editor from mentioning in his column. Obviously most of our regulars at the 3-Dot just thought the man had taken too much of his medication to turn down such an offer, but hoped he was able to watch this fantastic game, that saw the 49ers gain a famous victory, from the comfort of his luxurious leather Barcalounger, the Presidential model obviously.

…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series, “The Approach of the Apocalypse.” Buzzard reports, “It’s quiet around here. Following a relatively slow holiday period, from the point of view of our local small businesses, the first couple of weeks of 2012 have not been great either. January is always a little slow but February and March generally slower. With that in mind I encourage the community to support your local businesses even more than ever at this time of year and, if you have a choice, put your hard-earned dollars back into the Valley before you think about ‘going over the hill’ to Ukiah. It would be very disappointing, although perhaps not entirely shocking given the current financial climate, if anyone had to close-up shop but hopefully with us all pulling together and thinking locally, this will not happen. If it did, I would have to see it as yet another sign that the Apocalypse is fast approaching.”

After this emotional rollercoaster of a column, now I think it’s time to take my leave. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net, PPS. On the sheep, Grace.

”After 22 years in business, providing many, many customers with a wide range of goods and services, from greeting cards and birthday gifts to a copying machine and a UPS drop-off, it appears that ”All that Good Stuff’s” landlord, Johnny Schmitt, proprietor and chef at The Boonville Hotel, is thinking seriously about other plans for the business space in the Farrer Building that he and his partners own in the very heart of Boonville. If these plans come to fruition, storeowner Leslie Hummel, having just negotiated a sale to store employee Claudia, a sale that was to provide a retirement nest-egg for Leslie and a wonderful opportunity for Claudia to run her own business, will have to close and make way for a cheese and wine tasting establishment to be run by Johnny and his partners.

Now, before I go on, this is not necessarily going to happen in the next month or so, in fact it may not happen at all if the members of the community with whom I spoke over the past weekend have anything to do with it. Or perhaps Johnny will reconsider and write it off as an idea whose time is a long way off.

However, if he sticks with the plans he has recently expressed to those affected, it is likely that the best possible scenario for the tenants is for some sort of temporary ”stay-of-execution.” In that case, the store will remain as it is for as long as Leslie and Claudia can get Johnny to agree to at the meeting held between the interested parties this week.

Nevertheless, whatever that time period may be, and three years may well be the maximum, the inevitable will happen and at that time Leslie and Claudia will be left with virtually nothing to show for their endeavors. The current store would be worthless and unsaleable with such plans in place for its future in the relative short term.

Needless to say the community will not be happy with this development. Leslie is personally very popular and is regarded as a mainstay amongst the small business owners of the Valley. Many people have already expressed disapproval of Johnny’s proposed actions and I have been contacted by three people close to the situation, each asking me to write about events and pass it on to the Turkey Vulture column.

It appears that the wine and cheese tasting operation would be run by Johnny and partners so Leslie and Claudia would have no legal recourse — the lease ran out several months ago and Leslie has been on a month-to-month lease since then. Claudia was going to pay Leslie off for the business over the next few years, it is her only option, and Leslie was going to rely on this for a significant part of her retirement income. That deal will obviously be compromised if Johnny’s perceived intentions are carried out and Leslie will have nothing to show for her 22 years at the store, hence the ‘angry villagers’ I spoke with over the weekend.

I have heard that ”aesthetically” the quirky store is not in keeping with the landlords’ ideas about what businesses ”fit” in their Farrer Building, alongside the Mosswood Market, the Farmhouse Mercantile Store, and Paysanne Ice Cream. It is not Healdsburg, but I think you get my meaning. That is fine of course, the businesses all provide good quality products, and Johnny, to his great credit, has put as great deal of effort into improving the look of the place and its surroundings. However, to add a cheese and wine tasting venue to complement these businesses at the expense of such a versatile community store as ”All that Good Stuff” is surely not the way to go. Certainly not in the eyes of local people, it isn’t.

Johnny has expressed his grief at having to do this to his long-standing tenant. Whilst this may well be true, and I have no reason to think otherwise, the real question is why do this in the first place? Wines and cheeses are available all over the Valley; ”All that Good Stuff” is a unique store for the community, one that provides many of us with ”Stuff” (goods and services) that you cannot get anywhere else around here. This fact, coupled with the ill-conceived idea to kick out one of the more popular local business owners after 22 years of serving the community, really does mean that any backlash hurled in the direction of Johnny would not be at all unexpected.

What can be done about this? Well, as I said above, nothing legally. However, perhaps the landlords will be quite sensitive to any negative public opinion, which could well lead to a backing-off on their behalf. Other than that it is difficult to see what else the aggrieved tenants can do about this situation. Community ill will and a boycott of The Hotel by Leslie’s ”crowd” is hardly a threat since the vast majority of them are not regular customers there. I would be surprised if Johnny shopped at Leslie’s store himself and most people I have spoken to feel that he has misread the situation and has no idea that the feelings will be very strong in support of ”our Good Stuff.” From his point of view, he is in the process of making what he believes to be a sound business decision, and ultimately that is his right of course.

Ideally, Johnny may realize that this ”cheese and wine” idea of his will cause more ill feeling than he imagined, or wish to confront, and he and his partners will decide to forget the idea. That may well be the wise thing to do. It would certainly be viewed as the ethical move and one that would bring him kudos rather than the undoubted dishonor that will be placed upon him if the idea moves ahead. If it does so, then I believe this past weekend’s relatively mild tirades of negativity expressed his way are just the beginning.”

Well thanks for the report, Mr. Sparks. I think a public protest, an old-fashioned chanting of ”Hands off our Stuff!” and a placard-waving gathering outside either the Hotel and/or Leslie’s Store might have an effect, but I’m just a troublemaker and could be wrong. Meanwhile, before moving on let’s have a couple of relevant Quotes of the Week. First it’s the words of Oliver Goldsmith (1730-1774), the writer, poet and physician, a native of Ireland, from the Anglo-Irish Ascendancy, who said, ”Honor sinks where commerce long prevails.” And a second comment would be that of Henry Ford (1863-1947) who said, ”A business that makes nothing but money is a poor kind of business.” I couldn’t agree more, Henry!

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #64: The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back for a visit to the Valley on two occasions this month. They will be at The AV Farm Supply tomorrow Thursday, January 12th and then again in two weeks on the 26th, from 2-3.30pm each day. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time — everyone showing up before 3.30pm will be seen. #65: Crab Feed tickets are now available. The first of these very popular annual Valley events will benefit the Senior Center and takes place this coming Saturday, January 14th, just a few days away! You can call Gina Parlini for tickets at 895-3609 or stop by the Senior Center or any of these other Valley locations: Lemons’ Market, Laughing Dog Books, All That Good Stuff, and the Mendocino County Fair Grounds. Then it is the ”Original” Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year. As my attorney told me many times, and I’ve since shared his words with you on many occasions. ”Trust me on this, you can thank me later.”

Time to take my leave. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. Oh, and of course, one final request, Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or by e-mail at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. Hi, Silver Swan; behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

And for your Quotes of the Week, here are some heart-warming thoughts on the passing of loved ones. First it’s these words from Helen Keller, the deaf/blind author, political activist, and lecturer, who said, “What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” And there is this wonderful thought proposed in an Eskimo Legend: “Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.” And finally, the anonymously written but poignant, “Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed and very dear.”

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #64: The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back for a visit to the Valley on two occasions this month. They will be at The AV Farm Supply on Thursdays, January 12th and 26th from 2pm-3.30pm each day. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time. Everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen. #65: Crab Feed tickets are now available. The first of these very popular annual Valley events will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 14th — just ten days away! You can call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609 or stop by the Senior Center or any of these other Valley locations: Lemons’ Market, Laughing Dog Books, All That Good Stuff, and the Mendocino County Fair Grounds. Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year. As my attorney told me many times, and I’ve since told you too, “Trust me on this, you can thank me later.”

The Three-Dot Lounge was closed over the holiday but that allowed me some time to come up with some of my personal hopes and wishes for 2012.

• Chocolate Chip and Vanilla Ice Cream will be in plentiful supply at every grocery store in The Valley.

• All drivers shall follow the rules of the road. That most definitely includes California Vehicle Code # 21656 — ‘Slower vehicles must pull over to allow others to pass’. No driving over 60mph anywhere; no driving under 40mph in the 55mph limit without pulling over in the Valley’s many turnouts to let others pass. Of course driving at 30mph or less in town is to be strictly enforced, with very grave consequences for those who do not follow these guidelines. Do I hear ‘feed ‘em to the pigs’ from anyone?…

• All drivers parking at 90 degrees to the sidewalk outside businesses and stores will have their vehicles egged. Eggs will be paid for (upon proof of receipt and photograph of the eggs on the windscreen) by Captain Rainbow, as this is his pet peeve and he wants to see the practice brought to an end as much as any of us…

• Residents will be asked to ‘verbally confront’ the ‘biker hordes’ when those weekend visitors (mostly accountants, bankers, and lawyers posing in their rarely worn, stiff and shiny leathers, pretending to be ‘rebels’) arrive this summer and annoyingly begin revving up their very noisy Harleys. From now on hopefully they will be pointed at and told, “Don’t be late at the office on Monday morning.”.. What are they going to do? Throw their man-purses at us?…

• When some people are asked a question about something they know nothing or very little about, they should be encouraged to say, “I don’t know.” That is o.k. and is a very acceptable response is such instances. It will also save everyone lots of time…

• All citizens must get tags for their pets. It’s easy and cheap at www.tagxpress.com and all those hard working volunteers at the Animal Rescue, plus the many other animal lovers in The Valley, will certainly appreciate it… Anyone not abiding by this rule to be fined $1 and the monies collected to be donated to the A.V. Animal Rescue…

• All attendees at Pot Lucks in The Valley must bring a dish or some form of alcohol large enough to feed or quench the thirst of at least eight guests. A stick of celery/ days-old bread/two beers will no longer suffice…

• No more vineyards are allowed if they are to be owned by a wine-guzzling know-all who assumes they can make wine just because they have made their millions elsewhere in an entirely different expertise. This is to be rigidly enforced if such a person is living in some far flung location, has never lived here, and who wouldn’t know a wild hog if it bit him in the ass or a Turkey Vulture if it defecated on his head…

• Anyone, anywhere in public, starting a sentence with “You should” will be fined $1 on the spot. All monies going towards the Christmas Tree Fund…

• Phone service employees will be issued written warnings as to their future conduct if they are observed standing around for more than an hour at the side of the road pointing up in the air. Perhaps this will save time and then we would not be told that in order to have our phone repaired we have to stay at home and to expect the technician to arrive “sometime between 8am and 7pm”!…

• Caltran workers who are standing around doing nothing will not be allowed to scowl menacingly at drivers as they pass. It’s not clever, funny, or even that menacing, but it does seem to keep many of them from their work for long periods of time…

• When the power goes out, PG&E will not be able to tell us that they are “out of power” themselves. Lie to us — anything will do rather than this ridiculous and unsettling announcement that was heard over the radio waves around this time last year…

• When somebody calls to remind you of your appointment for something or other at their place of work, they should do so clearly and concisely, not by mumbling or by speaking so quickly that the message is undecipherable. That seems to me as if it really defeats their purpose?…

• All herky-jerky, whirling, twirling, hippy-dancing, whenever and wherever it breaks out in public, will be halted by concerned residents. Obviously this applies neither to the female movers who have rhythm nor the exotically-skilled belly dancers one occasionally sees, but it certainly does to the other 90% who make up this odd group…

• And finally, and perhaps most important of all — the limited choice in toilet tissue sold at the local stores will be enlarged in 2012 so as to include the really strong stuff that myself and The Four-eyed Woodpecker, to name just two, require to complete our daily ablutions satisfactorily and thus avoid the ‘internal self-examination’ we currently seem to have to go through every morning…

Time to take my leave. So, until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net.

With all the excesses of the holiday season I have inevitably come to the conclusion that, like Alexander Woollcott, social commentator for New Yorker magazine, almost “all of the things I enjoy doing are immoral, illegal, or fattening.” So, with the dawn of a new year upon us, and with new resolutions bursting forth, for the Quote of the Week let me offer you these wise words by Gore Vidal to think about as we move into 2012. “Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.” Difficult to argue with that, I’d say.

Delicious cheeses, homemade biscotti and breads; succulent hams, turkeys, hot chicken wings, and rib roasts; unique and zesty guacamole and bean dips, potato salads, garlic mashed potatoes, bacon wrapped asparagus, etc., not to mention the accompanying wonderful local wines and thirst-quenching beers. Yes the holidays at The Nest have been quite a binge so far. However, did you know that along with all those goodies, we Turkey Vultures also like our veggies? Yes, folks, a recent study of almost 400 of our pellets collected in the Castro Valley and Livermore areas in California showed that plant material was the single most common ingredient of the Turkey Vulture’s diet. The material consisted primarily of grass and leaves. Don’t let all this fool you, though. Animal food items in the pellets included: shrew, mole, squirrel, gopher, mouse, rat, rabbit, bird, reptile, insect, muskrat, opossum, raccoon, skunk, badger, sheep, and coyote. If not consumed and sterilized by the TVs, these carcasses would have rotted on the ground and could have spread disease. We truly are nature’s garbage collectors and proud of it. “Trust me on this. You can thank me later.”

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #131: Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville is having a New Year’s Eve Dance Party with Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys, featuring Susan Clark. The music will start at 9pm with a $12 cover charge. Dinner served 5-9pm. #132: For many Valley folks of perhaps a different ilk, The Boonville Saloon will have a party on the same night and this will most likely be a sort of alumni gathering for large numbers of the AVHS grads of 1970 to 2005 and their families and friends. #133: Meanwhile, down the street at The Buckhorn there is an evening with a different flavor: Casino Night with four-course dinner, complimentary drinks, champagne at midnight, party favors, and $50 in casino chips. #134: Crab Feed tickets are now available. The first of these will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 14th. Call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609. Then it’s the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year. As I’ve said many times before (in fact just moments ago in the previous paragraph), “Trust me on this. You can thank me later.”

Now for more Topics at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…I am very pleased to report that ‘Confused of Comptche, California’ stopped by The 3-Dot this past week and shared some words of wisdom with the regulars. “Let me share with you a little Christmas anecdote. My great Uncle Ernest was born in 1908, and he had all his own teeth until the day he died. This isn’t as impressive as it might at first seem, however, as he died aged 16 when he choked on a turkey bone on Christmas Day 1924.” I hope I wasn’t too late in sharing this tragic tale. Eat carefully.

…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series” ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “I thought I’d sit in for Turkey Vulture and do my own ‘Wine/Whine of the Week.’ Having sipped a couple of glasses of the Claudia Springs Zinfandel with wild pig ribs on Christmas Eve, the choice for the Wine of the Week was easy: truly delicious, well done Bob and Claudia Klindt! My ‘Whine of the Week’ is far more in keeping with the Approach of the Apocalypse theme and it concerns the dreadful music played on Christmas morning on the Valley’s KZYX radio station. After 30 minutes of dull and morose songs, I had to turn it off and scratch a blackboard with my claws. I know this is a subjective topic but what were they thinking of? Certainly not the vast majority of listeners, I’d say. Surely the show is not a private listening for the benefit of the presenter in a little room in Philo. I know, I know, they are volunteers and I realize it was Christmas Day and we should be grateful somebody showed up. With that in mind I even went back to the program, twice in fact, so that I might hear an improvement. But no, the choice of songs for such a festive morning continued to be most annoying and I turned it off until noon. That’s when Fred Wooley showed up on the airwaves with his ‘Audible Feast’ and, as always, provided us with some relevant and entertaining music — as many others frequently do, including Diane Hering and Jimmy Humble to mention just two. As we are reminded repeatedly, KZYX is ‘listener supported, community radio’ but sadly this will not be for much longer around Buzzardville Mountain if such programming as we were served up with on Xmas morning continues. And that would be a shame.

Oh, dear, did Buzzard upset somebody? Well, that’s unfortunate but I’m sure many others would agree with his comments about the Christmas morning broadcast. And some will possibly disagree. It is life in the Valley after all! Meanwhile, until we talk again. Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Hopefully, the New Year will bring you happiness and good health and may your dreams come true for 2012. Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. On the sheep, Grace.

This was pointed out to me by a Board member who was no doubt very surprised to hear through this column that he had this health insurance when in fact he knew that he most certainly did not. My source on that was incorrect and has since been fed to the pigs as a result of his sloppy investigation work. Meanwhile, the Board member and I talked it through in a dignified manner, I apologized sincerely, and, at the end of our conversation, handshakes were made and an assurance of our continued friendship was mutually agreed upon. I will endeavor to do my best to ensure that such an error does not occur again.

With this in mind, and for your Quote of the Week, I have found a couple of relevant comments on the issue of wrongdoing, both of which suggest that one error can undo a lot of good work… First it’s the English wit and historian, Thomas Fuller who said, “A small demerit extinguishes a long and worthwhile service.” And then there is the Latin proverb, “Those who are once found to be bad are presumed so forever.” Harsh stuff and a lesson learned by a humble Turkey Vulture.

So here we are again — another Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzai, or whatever, and every year it seems to get more frantic out there. However, up here at The Nest, Hummingbird and I plan to have a relatively calm and very relaxing few days. In fact, let’s be honest, ultimately this holiday is only really for the enjoyment of a couple of groups of people. As a result of spending many Christmas holidays in San Francisco, I feel that I can state with a degree of authority that Christmas is primarily for the enjoyment of gay men (they have the best Xmas parties) and children (for all the obvious reasons). Not that there is anything wrong with this of course, but I am neither, so I will no doubt eat, drink, and be merry in my own reserved and mellow manner. Meanwhile, if you’re out Xmas shopping try to remember that I’m an XXL; otherwise fresh carrion is always good.

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #21: Useful numbers at this time of year: for road conditions and closures call 1-800-gas-road (427-7623) and for power problems and outages call 1-800-PGE (743)-5000. I just thought you should know. #22: The Quiz at Lauren’s Restaurant will take place as usual tomorrow, Dec 22nd at 7pm. Yes, it is near to Christmas, but if you’re going to be hunkered down at home with loved ones for two or three days then perhaps a night out in the Valley, sipping beer and wine, enjoying a tasty meal, and exercising the mind, would be ideal preparation. #23: An early ‘heads-up’ for the 6th Annual AV Film Festival that will take place at The Grange on Friday/Saturday, January 27th-28th. The program is as eclectic as ever with some excellent documentaries, a film for all the family on the Saturday night, and the usual assortment of socially aware and environmental films, plus the recent work of the AVHS Film Class. All the details can be found on the Festival website which has recently been updated and can be found at www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org .

Now for Topics and Valley events from The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life.

…With Xmas gifts still not purchased, some regulars were in panic mode this week. ‘Look no further,’ I told them. ‘Crab Feed tickets are now available.’ The first of these will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 14th — you can call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609. Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year; trust me on this, you can thank me later.

…The votes are in on the two ‘Best holiday season meal-deal dinners in the Valley,’ both for less than $20. Our regulars have decided on Lauren’s Restaurant’s Hot Turkey Sandwich with gravy, cranberries, mashed potatoes and green beans and The Buckhorn’s Buffalo Burger with all the fixin’s and garlic fries. Having tried them both, I wholeheartedly agree, particularly when ‘devoured’ in the company of friends while guzzling a beer or two.

Time to take my leave. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. Hi, Silver Swan! behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

However, it’s not all happiness and joy as evidenced by those folks who seem to get into such a flap over the ‘Happy Holiday’ or ‘Merry Christmas’ thing. I have heard of Valley folks refusing to attend Valley events because they were called a “Holiday Party” and not a “Christmas Party,” and vice versa, I should add. Oh, please! Does it really matter? Of course I know the “big picture” arguments as to why it might cause concern among both the “extreme PC crowd” and the “bible-thumpers,” but really, to miss out on a lovely evening spent with friends simply because of the evening’s title? Surely this time of year gives us all, including those who spend most of the time up on their soapboxes or pontificating from their ivory towers, to simply spend quality with loved ones and appreciate them being in our lives. But that’s easy for me to say — and so I just did.

As a pontificator of some repute myself (see above), perhaps a couple of thoughts on this topic should provide your Quotes of the Week. First up, it’s former Presidential hopeful Adlai Stevenson, a man noted for his intellectual demeanor, eloquent oratory, and promotion of liberal causes, who said, “The sound of tireless voices is the price we pay for the right to hear the music of our own opinions.” Perfect — it’s certainly the very expensive price I seem to pay on my Valley travels. And then there is the classic comment on free speech from Voltaire who famously said, “I may disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” Couldn’t have said that better myself.

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #252. The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back. They will be at The AV Farm Supply tomorrow, Thursday, Dec. 15 from 2-3:30pm. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time. Everyone showing up at anytime before 3:30pm will be seen. #253. It’s the Christmas Carols Sing-a-long with pianist Lynn Archambault at 8:30pm this Saturday, Dec. 17 at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville. #254. Tomorrow is your last chance to enjoy a lunch at the Senior Center until 2012 as they will be closed until Tuesday, Jan 3. #255. No Barn Sale this month.

Topics and Valley events from The Three-Dot Lounge — yes, “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Several regulars toasted the quick recovery from surgery to remove his gall bladder that Bob Sites will undergo this coming Friday. As this small organ aids in fat digestion and concentrates bile produced by the liver, I actually believe that a gall-less Bob will quite possibly be even better company than the previous version!

…Kids sitting on a barstool at the bar? This topic has been a hot one of late and something which, as a bar patron of many decades standing, I personally feel quite strongly about. To be blunt: they really should not be there! If for one minute I have to censor my comments or the topic of my conversation because a young kid is sitting next to me at a bar stool, then we’re clearly further down the road to Armageddon than I had previously thought. And it’s not just for me — it’s for the sake of “the little ones” too! Would any parent really want their child to hear the foul-mouthed and frequently tasteless gibberish that is spoken by so many, so often, as they pontificate at a bar surrounded by like-minded friends and acquaintances? I thought not.

…Talking of gibberish, what is on the current criteria list for getting a show on KZYX? From what I heard over the 90.7fm airwaves one afternoon this past week, I can only deduce that being “articulate” and “not mumbling inaudibly” did not make the list in every case. I know, I know, I know — they are volunteers. But a Turkey Vulture like me could kindly and generously volunteer my time to look after your baby lambs while you were out of town. I would do my best not to, but it doesn’t meant that I would be able to stop myself from eating one or two while you were gone.

…A couple of regulars have heard through the Valley’s widespread grapevine that Deputy Walker was planning to take the Valley’s ‘Best Friend’, Bullet the police dog, to the high school last week in response to the increasing concerns of many staff regarding the permeating marijuana odor that sometimes emanates from certain areas of the campus. I am very aware that many of the students are frequently exposed to marijuana in our culture up here but smoking/selling it at school is obviously quite unacceptable. For reasons that you can work out for yourselves, the students were tipped off by an “inside source” that this search was going to happen and nothing was found. However, the warning has been given, future unscheduled “investigations” by Bullet are on the agenda, and if any incriminating evidence is found, there most certainly will be serious repercussions for those involved.

Time to take my leave. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. On the sheep, Grace; it’s been two years and you continue to be missed.

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #443. The movement to “Save Hendy Woods” is holding a community meeting tonight, Dec 7, at 7pm at The Grange. Your support would be greatly appreciated. #444. The Vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital will be returning to the Valley for their December visit on Thursday 15. As always they will be at the AV Farm Supply from 2-3:30pm and have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then have to wait a long time. In fact, everyone showing up at anytime before 3:30pm will definitely be seen. #445: Sunday, December 11 is the date of the Holiday Pot Luck Dinner at The Grange. The Food Shed folks and Grangers will provide the ham, turkey, stuffing, potatoes and gravy. Everyone else brings the rest and their own tableware. This is an alcohol-free event (inside The Grange Hall anyway!?) although at the time of writing I’m not sure if it is Ukeholic-free too! #446: Next Tuesday, December 13 is the second Tuesday so that means Dinner and Bingo at the Senior Center. Good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo with prizes, and, as you know by now, you don’t have to be a senior to attend! And a couple of very early heads-up’s. #447: The AV Senior Center Crab Feed will be held in the Apple Hall on Saturday, January 14, 2012. #448: And then there is the Original Crab Feed scheduled for Saturday, February 4, 2012, also at The Apple Hall in Boonville. I’m giving you plenty of notice on these two major Valley events because some of you may wish to give Xmas gifts to loved ones in the form of tickets. If so please contact organizers Gina Pardini at 895-3609 for the Jan 14 big night out, or Gloria Ross at 895-3071 for the February 4 extravaganza.

With that “Save Hendy Woods” meeting taking place tonight, I thought of The Old Buzzard’s comment earlier this year which probably sums up both the positive thoughts and serious concerns for many of us about what the future holds. Here they are, your Quote of the Week: “I visited Hendy Woods this past weekend. Is there a more perfect location in which to reflect on one’s existence, the meaning of life, to be thankful for all that we have, and be at one with nature? Not in my experience there isn’t, and the thought that this very special place may be closed to the public is surely one of the more distressing signs that the Apocalypse is indeed approaching.”

Time to take my leave and bid you farewell for another week. Until we meet again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. On the sheep, Grace. PPPS. Is that “lafter” I hear, Carroll?

My philosophy regarding the Thanksgiving Day festivities, and I assume I’m in the majority on this, can be summed up by these words from the wonderful novelist and short story writer, W. Somerset Maugham (‘Of Human Bondage’ (1915)), who wisely observed, “Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.” — good stuff, William… Of course I could have given you the classic comment on this topic by William Blake. In fact, as this is the mantra for any self-respecting Turkey Vulture, I think I will add it anyway. It was Blake, a fine poet, who said, “The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom.” Who can argue with those for your Quotes of the Week?!

Public Service Announcements… Calendars and pens at the ready. #382. The Independent Career Women (ICW) celebrate the holidays with their annual party on Friday, Dec. 2nd at Wellspring just outside Philo. This is one of the most sought after tickets of the season, for men anyway. I hope to be there, representing my gender and species, and, as is my custom over the years, I shall endeavor to be the last to leave once again. I think I’ll have a good chance of keeping up that record, unless of course I am asked to leave early following some kind of ‘unfortunate misunderstanding.’ #383. The annual Holiday Bazaar sponsored by the AV Unity Club is this coming weekend, on Saturday Dec. 3 at the Apple Hall in Boonville from 10am to 4pm. Christmas gifts and food, raffle, snack bar, and my personal favorite, photographs with Santa Claus, who, let me assure you, is neither the thinly-disguised AVA Supremo Bruce Anderson nor a former owner of the AV Brewery, despite vicious rumors to the contrary. #384. Just so you know well in advance, the Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be here on Thursday, Dec. 15. More details next week.

Topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge. Yes, “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…A number of regulars have been very disappointed to read that AV High School quarter-back, Garrett Mezzannatto, oldest son of Kevin and Reneé Lee (Wyant), was forced to wait over two weeks to get an MRI after receiving a serious knee injury on the final play of his high school career at Point Arena back on ‘Black Saturday’ — Nov 5th, a day so-called after both football and soccer high school teams lost their final games of the season with championships beckoning. This delay occurred despite the fact that he had medical insurance. It was primarily a result of the usual bureaucratic bullsh*t and gives us yet another insight into the inefficiency of our health system and an example of a situation that would almost certainly not occur in the many nations around the world that have ‘civilized’ healthcare systems in place. As the editor of this esteemed organ would say: ‘it’s criminal.’ Meanwhile, the injury means that this fine young man’s final seasons of high school basketball and baseball could be in doubt, although if anyone can return to play in either of these sports after this particular injury then it would be Garrett. We here at the 3-Dot wish him the very best on a speedy return to both the boards and the mound.

…Talking of medical matters, despite the recent school board election process taking place, during which the board’s activities and functions were under the ‘microscope’ as it were, it still seems that to most regulars at the 3-Dot, and to folks around the Valley in general, it comes as a surprise when told that School Board Members get medical insurance through the school as a perk of the job. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “Several regulars have recently commented, many of them quite angrily, on the wide range of propane prices in the Valley at this time of year. I have done intensive research and in summation it would seem that the whole propane business is one big racket with deals offered either with little rhyme or reason or at the discretion of the person in the office, particularly if the threat of changing company is made. Meanwhile, special offers are made to entice new customers, mysterious add-on fees and surcharges appear on bills, and exorbitant charges are made to remove tanks if a customer changes their propane company. All-in-all, it is a very unsatisfactory situation and I can only advise propane users take these few precautions. Try to compare the prices of the four main companies — Suburban Propane (462-3858), Ferrellgas (463-1515), Eel River Fuels (462-5554), and Redwood Coast Fuels (463-3100) and get them to lock in your opening price for as long as you can; check bills from one to the next and be aware of significant price rises per gallon; if your price per gallon goes up, call to inquire why and do not be put off with vague explanations. Ask to talk to the supervisor if you are not satisfied. Personally, up here at the Nest we have Suburban but their customer relations are pathetic and their prices high and non-negotiable at this time. A move to the more locally-owned and certainly cheaper ($3.09 compared to $3.99) Eel River Fuels is a distinct possibility once I get to deal with the annoying tank removal. Good luck with this, you will need it.

Time to take my leave. Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. You can contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. Hi, Silver Swan. Behaving yourself? Hopefully not! PPPS. On the sheep, Grace.

Anyway, as you digest that unnecessary yet unavoidable second helping of food tomorrow, and before your nap, perhaps you will be inclined to summon up the energy to take part in my Thanksgiving Day Quiz. Answers at the end of the column.

1. How many people were aboard the Mayflower when it set sail from England in 1620? a) 35 b) 88 c) 102 d) 148 e) 715

2. One year after the pilgrims had arrived at Plymouth Rock half of them had died. So, as they sat down to the first Thanksgiving, what would you say was the ration of men to women at that historical event? a) Even b) 2:1 c) 5:1 d) 9:1

3. What color was ‘taboo’ to the new settlers and was never worn?

a) Red b) Purple c) Blue d) Black e) Brown & Gold

4. What was the last name of the Mayflower’s Captain?

a) Smith b) Brown c) Jones d) Bligh e) Pardini

5. Which two teams in the NFL traditionally play at home on every Thanksgiving — one since 1934, the other since the 70’s?

6. How many degrees can a Turkey see with its eyes?

a) 360 b) 270 c) 180 d) 90

7. What is America’s favorite dessert on Thanksgiving?

a) Pumpkin Pie b) Pecan Pie c) Sweet Potato Pie d) Crème Brule

8. At the first Thanksgiving which of the following was approved table manners? a) To eat with your hands b) To spit on the floor, c) To throw bones into the fire when done d) All of these

9. Who pushed for the Turkey to be the nation’s national symbol?
a) Benjamin Franklin b) Abraham Lincoln c) FDR. d) George W. Bush

10. Fish, fowl, peas, pumpkins, veal, beef, turkey. Which of these items was not on the very 1st Thanksgiving Day menu?

11. True or False? Indians attended the first Thanksgiving feast.

12. True or False? Thanksgiving is always the last Thursday of November.

13. True or False? Male Turkeys are the ones who make the gobbling sound.

14. True or False? The Pilgrims bought beer with them on the voyage to the New World.

15. True or False? At the early Thanksgivings, Turkey Vultures were also on the menu.

Staying with the “Thanksgiving” theme for the Quote of the Week, I have a few words from Matt Groening, creator of ‘The Simpsons’, to perhaps remember when all of the family is gathered together on the big day — “Families are all about love overcoming emotional torture.” Hey, it could have been worse. I was going to share Joseph Stalin’s comment about gratitude which is a feeling we should all perhaps have on this special day. He said “gratitude is a sickness suffered by dogs” — what a miserable bastard; I shall not be inviting him or his ilk over tomorrow! OK, let’s have a positive thought to finish with — and with the Thanksgiving Day Dinner the focal point for most of us, what better sentiments than those uttered by English novelist and essayist, Virginia Woolf, who very wisely pointed out, “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” Who could possibly argue with that?!

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #100. Thanksgiving tomorrow — just to remind the less alert amongst my readership. #101. The annual Holiday Bazaar sponsored by the AV Unity Club is next weekend, Saturday Dec 3rd at the Apple Hall in Boonville from 10am to 4pm. More details next week. And that’s it — apparently a week dominated by Thanksgiving and not much else.

Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…The 3-Dot was a little quiet last Saturday evening as several regulars decided to take a road trip out to Elk and ‘Bobby Beacon’s’ bar there — up on a hill overlooking the small town and the ocean beyond. It is owned and run by the Elk Fire Chief of that name and with his generous drinks and the bar’s friendly atmosphere, it is no wonder that this very out-of-the-way location is popular — even the Valley’s Bloyd Family — Amy, Eric, and Mea — make it their regular Saturday night haunt!

…The recent ‘Occupy Hendy Woods’ event was a success according to both those involved and those who attended. Up next, as the community and others try to keep this special place open to one and all, will be a short film and discussion on this very important topic at the 2012 AV Film Festival in January.

…The regulars who stayed in town came to the almost unanimous decision that for bar snacks it is very difficult to do better than Lauren’s fries and The Buckhorn’s chicken wings. No argument here.

…A few other customers decided to by-pass the road-trip to the coast, and both the bar snack discussion in the 3-Dot and the Hendy Woods event, to travel down to Rincon Valley just northeast of Santa Rosa, to watch the #2-seeded A.V. High School girls compete in their postseason Volleyball final against the #1 RV Christians. And they must be so delighted they did. In what was apparently one of the most amazing games in this program’s long, storied, and very successful history, the Lady Panthers came out on top in a five-set thriller 25-19, 17-25, 25-23, 23-25, 16-14 to clinch their second successive post season title. Many congratulations to the players and Coach ‘Flick’ McDonald.

Well, why not finish on that very high note, I say? I’m outtahere. Remember to Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PS. Hi, Silver Swan.

Happy Thanksgiving!

PPS. Quiz Answers: 1. Answer c). 102 — 74 males, 28 females. (2 dogs, no Turkey Vultures). 2. Answer d). With only fifty-one survivors, the ration of men to women was 9:1 — there were just five women remaining! I couldn’t possibly comment further. 3. Answer b). Purple. It was associated with wealth and the upper classes in the Old World at that time. 4. Answer c). Jones. His name was Christopher Jones 5. The Detroit Lions (since 1934) and the Dallas Cowboys play at home on this day every year, which for the hapless fans of the Lions, in recent years anyway, has generally meant a miserable Thanksgiving. 6. Answer b). A Turkey can see for 270 degrees around it. This would explain why you’ve had little luck when trying to creep up and capture a wild one for dinner. I suggest you just buy one from Lemons’ Market! 7. Answer a). Pumpkin Pie, although Freshly Squished Squirrel Pie covered in a creamy entrails sauce is the pie of choice here at The Nest. 8. Answer d). All were acceptable — similar to Thanksgiving at The Nest where guests are encouraged to partake in each of these. 9. Answer a). Benjamin Franklin — a great man and obviously a true visionary. 10. Beef. Not even bulls’ testicles or cow eyes. Too bad… 11. True. The Indians easily outnumbered the Pilgrims, more than half of whom had died over that first year. 12. False. It’s always the 4th Thursday of November, even when November has five Thursdays. 13. True. Females do not. 14. True. Yer gotta like that. 15. False. That would be unacceptable, although possibly quite tasty.

Almost as important. It would appear that there has been a potentially significant change to the AV School Board with the election of Ben Anderson who will replace the recently retired Grace Espinosa on this ‘Gang of Five’ who make many decisions affecting our schools and therefore the children of the Valley. Anderson received 25% of the vote, with the other two “winners” being incumbents Dick Browning (20%) and Marty Bradford (19%) — surely a disappointing endorsement of their efforts in recent times, one has to say. Bradford very narrowly (by 17 votes) edged out Ernie Pardini (18%) to hold on to her seat of 26 years standing, while “new kid on the block” Don Harris garnered a creditable 16%. There are still a small number of votes to be counted but it is unlikely that these results will change. Let’s hope Mr. Anderson, with his fresh ideas and boundless energy, can follow up on his pre-election mission to “clean-up” the school, both literally and with regard to its many contentious issues, and at the very least possibly bring an end to the very questionable number of 5-0 votes that have dominated the School Board’s decision-making for far too long. As he himself said, “I am very willing to be held accountable — you will see me around the school. I will endeavor to work on the connection between the school and community that many feel is not there. Whether that feeling is right or wrong is irrelevant — many perceive it that way. I genuinely care deeply about this school. This is my home and I want the best for where I come from, where I lived growing up, and for the kids of the Valley’s future.”

And with that in mind, here is your Quote of the Week, from David Broder, Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for The Washington Post and a political writer for four decades, who wrote, “It is dangerous for a political candidate to say things that people might remember.” I’m very hopeful that Anderson will do his very best to overcome any such “danger” and will “walk the walk” in the ways that he has clearly stated. While I’m here in Quoteville, let’s have another relevant few words from the lighter side — “Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then we did elect them.” That’s from comedienne Lily Tomlin and I can insure you that she did not vote in the election here last week.

Public Service Announcements, calendars and pens at the ready: #78. Tomorrow, Thursday, Nov 17, will see the vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital returning to the Valley after a two-month absence due to staff shortages. They will be at The AV Farm Supply from 2pm-3.30pm and have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then have to wait a long time. In fact, everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will definitely be seen. #79. Although it is not the final weekend of the month — that will be the one after Thanksgiving — the Barn Sale is taking place this coming weekend when it will be “Christmas in November”! This will take place at The Big Barn at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on AV Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm, on both Saturday and Sunday, Nov 19 and 20. Many special items for the holiday period will be on sale so this is your chance to get some Xmas shopping done early. #80. “Secrets of Salsa,” the bi-lingual cookbook by the Mexican women of the Valley, celebrates its10th Anniversary edition with some new recipes and a book signing on Saturday, November 19. This will be from 2-4pm at The Shed, behind the ice cream store in Boonville. (Follow the signs.) #81. Dusty Rhodes and Her Handsome Cowboys are at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville on Saturday, November 19 with a 9pm show.

Topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge — yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Once again a very moving Veterans’ Day event was held last week at the Evergreen Cemetery on AV Way. Despite inclement weather, a crowd of over forty Valley folks, aged from nine to ninety and beyond, showed up to support this poignant occasion honoring those who have given their lives while serving in the military. Special mention was made of the powerful readings by Patty Liddy, Joe Patelle, and John Toohey of letters written by soldiers from the war zones of Vietnam and Iraq to their loved ones back home. No doubt those in attendance had many thoughts about those who had ‘fallen’ and hopefully everyone took a few moments at some point last week to follow the words: ‘We shall remember them,’

…Those regulars who attended the recent wine and mushroom evening at The Buckhorn, Boonville, were full of praise for the delicious five-course dinner prepared by Chef/Owner Tom Towey and crew, along with wine pairings provided by Tom Rodrigues of Maple Creek Winery. The overwhelming consensus was that hopefully another such evening is already in the works.

…Several of our patrons expressed a desire to pass on their best wishes to Bob ‘Oyster’ Sites for a full recovery from his recent illness. Bob, whose life companion and better-half is school advocate Terry Ryder, is a popular figure on the Valley social scene where his wit, joviality, keen observations, and ability to make short stories long is being missed by many. Miss ya, Bob. Get well soon.

…“Black Saturday” for AV High School sports was a major talking point among the regulars at the 3-Dot following November 5th’s last minute defeat for the football team in their regular season championship-deciding game at Point Arena and the overtime penalty-kick shootout loss by the boys’ soccer team in their play-off game against Emeryville High on the same afternoon. The #2 seeded girls’ volleyball team continues to roll however and will play a play-off semi-final game tonight at home against #3 Mendocino with an appearance in the final on Saturday as their reward for a win.

Time to take my leave. So, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. On the sheep, Grace.

With this in mind, I will to forego my usual ‘chat and conversation’ and instead present a poem. These very moving words are entitled “Disabled”, a poem written in 1917 by World War One poet, Wilfred Owen, arguably the finest war poet of all. They express the tormented thoughts and recollections of a teenaged soldier in the Great War who has lost his limbs in battle and is now confined, utterly helpless, to a wheelchair. The subject contrasts the living death he is now facing with the youthful pleasures he had enjoyed “before he threw away his knees” and he goes on to recall the impetuous and frivolous circumstances in which he had joined up to fight in the war. He also notes how the crowds that greeted his return were smaller and less enthusiastic than those who cheered his departure, and how women no longer look at him but instead at “the strong men who were whole”. In the opinion of many, it is one of the finest anti-war poems ever written.

“He sat in a wheeled chair, waiting for dark,

And shivered in his ghastly suit of grey,

Legless, sewn short at elbow. Through the park

Voices of boys rang saddening like a hymn,

Voices of play and pleasure after day,

Till gathering sleep had mothered them from him.

About this time Town used to swing so gay

When glow-lamps budded in the light blue trees,

And girl glanced lovelier as the air grew dim—

In the old times, before he threw away his knees.

Now he will never feel again how slim

Girl’s waists are, or how warm their subtle hands.

All of them touch him like some queer disease.

One time he liked a blood-smear down his leg,

After the matches, carried shoulder-high.

It was after football, when he’d drunk a peg,

He thought he’d better join. He wonders why.

Someone had said he’d look a god in kilts,

That’s why; and maybe, too, to please his Meg,

Aye, that was it, to please the giddy jilts

He asked to join. He didn’t have to beg;

Smiling they wrote his lie: aged nineteen years.

Germans he scarcely thought of; all their guilt,

And Austria’s, did not move him. And no fears

Of Fear came yet. He thought of jeweled hilts

For daggers in plaid socks; of smart salutes;

And care of arms; and leave; and pay arrears;

Esprit de corps; and hints for young recruits.

And soon, he was drafted out with drums and cheers.

* * *

Some cheered him home, but not as crowds cheer Goal.

Only a solemn man who brought him fruits

Thanked him; and then enquired about his soul.

Now, he will spend a few sick years in institutes,

And do what things the rules consider wise,

And take whatever pity they may dole.

Tonight he noticed how the women’s eyes

Passed from him to the strong men that were whole.

How cold and late it is! Why don’t they come

And put him into bed? Why don’t they come?”

PS. Wilfred Owen was killed in action at the age of 25, on Nov 4th, 1918, a week before the war ended. Ironically, the telegram from the War Office announcing his death was delivered to his mother’s home as her town’s church bells were ringing in celebration of the Armistice, signaling the war’s end.

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #251. The ‘Occupy Hendy Woods’ movement of local folks is acting on their words and doing just that, starting on Friday, November 11th at 4pm and going all weekend in their efforts to save that majestic place for all of us to share and enjoy. It will be a time for info sharing, community networking, and discussion as they unite as one clear voice to save our park. The park will close forever in June 2012 if nothing is done to save it. Let’s not let that happen! More details of the weekend’s activities are on the group’s Facebook page. #252. The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back – they will be at The AV Farm Supply next Thursday, November 17th to be precise, from 2-3:30pm. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time. Everyone showing up at anytime before 3:30pm will be seen.

Be careful out there. May your god go with you. Let us prey. Very humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net.

There are many excellent quotes that have been made on this topic so here we go with my three favorites for your Quotes of the Week. Let’s start with the classic by Abraham Lincoln who unforgettably said, “The ballot is stronger than the bullet.” Up next is drama critic George Jean Nathan’s comment, “Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.” And finally, one which I think should be followed to the letter here in the Valley, Madonna’s saucy remark, “If you don’t vote, you’re going to get a spankie!” Making it tempting to not vote I would say! I’m (half) kidding.

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #343: On Sat Nov 5 at The Grange on Hwy 128, it’s The Ruth Moody Band with Laurie Lewis and Tom Rozum. This is a benefit for local public radio station, KZYX, and it ‘kicks-off’ at 7pm. #344. Tuesday, November 8 is Election Day. #345: It’s the second Tuesday of the month on November 8 and that means Dinner and Bingo Night at the Senior Center — good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo with prizes, and, as you know by now. You don’t have to be a senior to attend! So, after your hard day at the polls, I urge you to come along and support this event, and remember. All proceeds go to our Senior/Community Center. #346. The ‘Occupy Hendy Woods’ movement of local folks is acting on their words and doing just that, starting on Friday, November 11th at 4pm and going all weekend in their efforts to save that majestic place for all of us to share and enjoy. It will be a time for information sharing, community networking, and discussion as they unite as one clear voice to save our park. The park will close forever in June if something is not done to save it. Let’s not let that happen! More details of the weekend’s activities can be found on the group’s Facebook page.

And now to a public service announcement that gets a paragraph of its own. The special Veterans Day (officially Friday Nov 11th) event held annually at Evergreen Cemetery on AV Way will take place this coming Sunday, November 6th at 10.30am It should be stressed that this occasion is not a political or religious event. It offers a chance for us to show support and gratitude for both those who gave their lives or were wounded in wars of the past, and for those who have served or continue to serve so that we may have the freedoms and liberties that we continue to enjoy today. In terms of taking a deep breath and thinking about what really matters, in my humble opinion, this is one of the more important community gatherings of the year. Despite it’s significance it will take less than an hour so please think seriously about attending. Hopefully I’ll see you there. Note: A little inclement weather will not postpone this ceremony, after all those we are remembering went through far worse I’m sure, but in the event of significant rain, signs will be posted at the cemetery informing you that we have moved to the Veterans Hall/Senior Center in Boonville. Different place, same time, 10.30am. (Remember to move your clocks BACK earlier that morning.)

Now for topics this week at The Three-Dot Lounge. Yes, “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…How was your Halloween? Hopefully you did not get caught up in the annual ‘Battle on the Streets of Boonville’ between The Zombies and The Angry Villagers, thankfully won again by the Villagers. With their burning torches and sharpened pitchforks, the Villagers saved the town from those walking corpses who would no doubt have made things very difficult around here had they been victorious – certainly with their plans to ban all speed limits, bring in a Starbucks and a Taco Bell, invite outsiders to plant even more vines, open a medical marijuana dispensary in the school cafeteria, and shockingly install former Brewery Supremo ‘King’ Ken Allen as Mayor of the Valley— a narrow escape and we have much to be thankful for.

…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series — ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “I recently read in this newspaper about the plague of flies in the Valley at this time of year, and its connection to the significant decline in the number of frogs, the flies’ natural enemy, quite likely as a result of the spraying done by the vineyards. A vineyard advocate said, ‘You can’t grow grapes without sulfur, so what if a few frogs go, too?’ Charming, eh? I would respond to such nonsense by mentioning that a couple of months ago I was reliably informed that at one of the winery’s ponds there had been sightings of six-legged frogs! Six-legged frogs! This once again prompts the question, ‘What the hell is been sprayed around here?’ Anyway, after a few more moans and groans, Turkey Vulture and I opened a bottle of Pinot and moved on.”

…Yes, we did — showing what hypocrites we are! I love wine, and many of the varietals produced by our locally owned wineries are not to be missed. All I can do to explain my hypocrisy is to refer you to the proverb, “All are not saints that go to church.” Or to give you yet another Quote of the Week, how about these words from Greek philosopher and tragedy writer, Euripides, “Often a noble face hides filthy ways.” Come on Euri, didn’t you mean, “Often a filthy face hides noble ways”? Hope you enjoy and get to share these bonus Quotes of the Week with your friends.

Time to take my leave. ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. Hi, Silver Swan. Behaving yourself? Hopefully not! PPPS. Vote, vote!

And here are some relevant Quotes of the Week that provide a variety of views on the ‘Battle of the Sexes.’ “There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper” — feminist Camille Paglia. “I could point out that, to judge from the covers of countless women’s magazines, the two topics most interesting to women are (1) Why men are all disgusting pigs, and (2) How to attract men” — comedian Dave Barry. “Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then” — Katharine Hepburn. “Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats” — Woody Allen. “To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girlfriends” — Benjamin Franklin. I like all of these; hope you did too.

And now on to the Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #109. The next Guest Chef Dinner (and the final one of 2011) to benefit the Senior Center will take place this Friday, Oct 28, when A.V. Brewery General Manager and budding chef, Fal Allen, in fine Oktoberfest tradition, will be serving locally “grown” Wild boar (pig) and herb sausages, served on a bed of beer-steeped sauerkraut with a side of traditional German-style warm potato salad (with bacon and onions) and an apple and walnut salad. Desert will be traditional German apple, cherry and plumb strudel. Anderson Valley beers will be on draft and local wines also available. The Social starts at 6.30pm and Dinner is served at 7pm. Seating will be limited to sixty guests at $25 per head. Last month this event once again sold out so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details. #110. The Barn Sale is back this weekend when it will be ‘Christmas in October’! This will take place at The Big Barn at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on AV Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm, on both Saturday and Sunday, Oct 29 and 30. Many special items for the holiday period will be on sale so this is your chance to get some Xmas shopping done early. #111. Saturday Oct 30 sees the end-of-season pumpkin festival and pot luck at the Boonville Farmers Market. The Market will take place as usual in the Hotel parking lot from 9.30am to noon. #112. There is a Halloween Party at The Buckhorn that same evening — Saturday, Oct 30. #113. The Annual Veterans Day event will be held at Evergreen Cemetery on AV Way on Sunday, November 6 at 10.30am and it should be stressed that this special occasion is not a political or religious event. It offers a chance for us to show support and gratitude for both those who gave their lives or were wounded in wars of the past, and for those who have served or continue to serve so that we may have the freedoms and liberties that we continue to enjoy today. #114. The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital will be back in the Valley on Thursday, November 17.

Moving quickly on to a topic that dominated discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge and is summed up by the comments from our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, in his insightful series — ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “Here is an excerpt from the recent article in the SF Chronicle by their wine writer Jon Bonné, ‘The past couple years have brought an inevitable changing of hands for many wine properties here, an unparalleled series of sales hastened by the down economy and devastating 2008 wildfires. Influential names had a rare chance to buy into Anderson Valley and they did not hesitate. Napa label Cliff Lede purchased both the young Breggo label and the esteemed Savoy vineyard. Silver Oak bought the Monument Tree vineyard for its Twomey label; Lazy Creek Vineyards, a staple of Mendocino’s rustic wine culture, was bought by Healdburg’s glitzy Ferrari-Carano; and the ailing Jim Ball property was purchased by a big valley name, Roederer Estate, which intends to make still wine. These followed the arrival of Napa heavies Cakebread and Duckhorn, the latter of which telegraphed a major shift in the Anderson Valley style when it unveiled its Goldeneye wines.’ “Well who are most of these people? Do you see them in our post offices or at Philo’s Lemons’ Market of the AV Market in Boonville? Do they go to the Senior Center, shop in town, or have any connection to the schools? This is progress? As George Bernard Shaw said, ‘All progress means war with society.’ I agree with both this wise Irish social commentator and also my good friend, the not quite so wise Turkey Vulture, who commented, ‘At this point in history, clearly the lunatics are running the asylum and isn’t it about time there was some serious discussion about a People’s Revolution and a bit more ‘Occupying’?’ I’m with you, Vulture, it’s time to man the battlements, raise up the drawbridge, and prepare for ‘war’ as the Apocalypse approaches!”

Time to take my leave. With the sun still shining and some quite warm days expected, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose. Otherwise, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey.” As always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. On the sheep, Grace.

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready, there is a lot going on. #104. The Fall Pledge Drive for our KZYX radio will run from Oct 15 to 23. #105. The HazMat vehicle to take away your ‘nasty stuff’ will return to the Valley at the Fairgrounds’ parking lot on Fri/Sat Oct 21/22. #106. This weekend, on Friday, October 21, the Ashland, Oregon Shakespeare Festival actors will be performing some of the Bard’s works on the stage at The Grange. This event is put on by the Education Foundation and starts with a reception and silent auction at 6.30pm with the show starting at 7.30pm. There will be a no host bar, appetizers, sweets, etc and admission is $20 for adults, $10 18 and Under. #107. The annual ‘U-Pick Pumpkins and Wagon Rides’ is coming up once again at Gowan’s Oak Tree and Fruit Stand north of Philo. This will take place on Sat/Sun, Oct 22/23, from 11am to 4pm each day, and it’s free! #108. High School Student Art is still showing at Lauren’s Restaurant while Cyndee Hollinger’s mixed media art is at Laughing Dog Books.

Take a breath. Onward. #109. The next Guest Chef Dinner (and the final one of 2011) to benefit the Senior Center will take place on Friday, Oct 28, when AV Brewery General Manager and budding chef, Fal Allen, in fine Oktoberfest tradition, will be serving locally “grown” wild boar (pig) and herb sausages, served on a bed of beer-steeped sauerkraut with a side of traditional German-style warm potato salad (with bacon and onions) and an apple (locally grown) & walnut salad. Desert will be traditional German apple, cherry and plumb strudel. Anderson Valley Beers will be on draft (Poleeko Pale Ale & Boont Amber) and local wines also available. Dinner is served at 7pm and seating will be limited to sixty guests at $25 per head. Last month this event once again sold out so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details or get your tickets from Laughing Dog Books in Boonville. #110. The Barn Sale is back at the end of the month when it will be ‘Christmas in October’! This will take place at The Big Barn at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on AV Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm, on both Saturday and Sunday, Oct 29 and 30. Many special items for the holiday period will be on sale so this is your chance to get some Xmas shopping done early, and in the relative calm of the Valley rather than the holiday madness of Ukiah and beyond in the weeks to follow.

And #111 gets a paragraph to itself. It’s an early-ish heads-up for the annual Veterans Day (Friday Nov 11th) event held at Evergreen Cemetery on AV Way. This year it will take place on Sunday, November 6th at 10.30am and it should be stressed that this special occasion is not a political or religious event. It offers a chance for us to show support and gratitude for both those who gave their lives or were wounded in wars of the past, and for those who have served or continue to serve so that we may have the freedoms and liberties that we continue to enjoy today. In terms of taking a deep breath and thinking about what really matters, in my humble opinion, this is one of the more important community gatherings of the year. It will last less than an hour so why not mark it on your calendar today!

Moving quickly on to a few of the topics that arose this week at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite meeting place in the Valley.

…As mentioned above, Candidate for School Board, Ben Anderson was specifically asked a question at the ‘Meet the Candidates’ gathering last week regarding the apparent concern held by some that he was simply running to ‘stir the pot’ on the Board, being a pawn following the instructions of his father — AVA Supremo, Bruce Anderson. ‘Would he be the son of his father?’ was the final wording. After clearing up any confusion about whether he is ‘the son of his father,’ Ben capably dealt with the crux of this somewhat insulting question, politely stating that he had his own ideas as to how the School Board could and should move forward. At the 3-Dot later that evening, Ben shared the fact that “If anyone wants to see how much me and my Dad agree on things they should come to our house at Christmas — it is not pretty!”

…Talk about ‘pretty,’ last week I conducted a poll of 20 high school boys in which I asked how they would vote on a school uniform referendum. Their response was an absolute and unanimous ‘No’ vote. However, when asked how they would vote if it only the girls would be in uniform, it was a unanimous ‘Yes.’ They even generously offered to share their thoughts on the design of such a uniform. I don’t think I need to go on.

…What happened to those 4 wonderful horses, two adults and their offspring, that could be seen grazing in the field alongside Hwy 128 next to Breggo all summer long? Many readers would appreciate any update.

…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series, ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “I visited Hendy Woods this past weekend. Is there a more perfect location in which to reflect on one’s existence, the meaning of life, and be at one with nature? Not in my experience there isn’t, and the thought that this very special place may be closed to the public due to county cutbacks is surely one of the more distressing signs that the Apocalypse is indeed approaching.”

Time to take my leave. Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net.

PPS. Hi, Silver Swan. behaving? Hopefully not!

Quotes of the Week. With the election just a few weeks away, here are a few quotes that seem relevant. First up are these words from Elizabeth Cady Stanton, (1815-1902), an American social activist, abolitionist, and leading figure of the early woman’s movement. “To throw obstacles in the way of a complete education is like putting out the eyes.” Some of the more cynical among you might feel Mark Twain was closer to the truth when he said, “In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.” However, perhaps the most pertinent comment comes from Jonathan Kozol (born 1936), a non-fiction writer, educator, and activist, best known for his books on public education, who said, “More money is put into prison construction than into schools. That, in itself, is a description of a nation bent on suicide. I mean, what’s more precious to us than our children? We’re going to be building a lot more prisons if we don’t deal with the education and school systems in this country.”

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready — we have a busy few days and weeks ahead. #101. Pat Hulbert’s Bake Sale will take place on the porch at Lemons Market in Philo at 10am on Saturday, October 15th. All proceeds will benefit the Philo Methodist Church and Pat Hulbert’s cookies, zukebread, Huckleberry and Apple pies, and tarts, are not to be missed. They will sell out, I’m sure. #102. That same morning, Sat Oct 15th, sees The Ukeaholics performing at the Boonville Farmer’s Market. As always, the Market runs from 9.30pm to Noon. #103. Almost immediately following the Market, right next door at The Hotel, it’s the fundraiser for ‘Cycked’ — the group trying to get a bike trail set up from the Valley to the coast. This event will run from 12.30 to 3pm with food treats and a bike raffle. Tickets are $35 — $50 sliding scale and you can call the Hotel for further details at 895-2210. #104. The Fall Pledge Drive for our KZYX radio will run from Oct 15th to 23rd. #105. The annual ‘U-Pick Pumpkins and Wagon Rides’ is coming up once again at Gowan’s Oak Tree and Fruit Stand north of Philo. This will take place on consecutive weekends — Sat/Sun, Oct 15/16 and 22/23, from 11am to 4pm each day, and it’s free! #106. Due to a shortage of staff once again there will be no visit to the Valley by the vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital this month – sad but true. We have gone from two visits a month to zero – clearly not a satisfactory situation for anybody. I’ll keep you posted. #107. The next Guest Chef Dinner (and the final one of 2011) to benefit the Senior Center will take place on Friday, Oct 28th, when AV Brewery General Manager and budding chef, Fal Allen, in fine Oktoberfest tradition, will be serving locally “grown” wild boar (pig) and herb sausages, served on a bed of beer-steeped sauerkraut with a side of traditional German-style warm potato salad (with bacon and onions) and an apple (locally grown) and walnut salad. Desert will be traditional German apple, cherry and plumb strudel. Anderson Valley Beers will be on draft (Poleeko Pale Ale & Boont Amber) and local wines also available. Dinner is served at 7pm and seating will be limited to sixty guests at $25 per head. Last month this event once again sold out so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details or get your tickets from Laughing Dog Books in Boonville.

Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Good thoughts. Several regulars have commented on the number of ‘Yes on Libraries’ placards, flyers, and buttons that have appeared around the Valley recently. With an important vote on this issue coming up in the November elections, it is indeed encouraging to find out that there appears to be many people out there who still read books. I was beginning to worry because when at the high school a few weeks ago I heard one senior say to another, “Why would I read a book?” — shocking yet true. Meanwhile, I’ll buy a beer for the first person to tell me where there is a ‘No on Libraries’ sign.

…Moans and groans. From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series: ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “Apparently there are people in the Valley who order tickets for events on will call (i.e. pick them up and pay for them at the door on the night) and then either don’t show up or fail to call to cancel their tickets, which, if they did, would thus enable the organizers to sell them to somebody else. This is irritating enough when tickets could be purchased by others for any otherwise sold out event, but it is particularly disappointing, and surely a sign of the ‘Approach of the Apocalypse’ when the event in question is a fundraiser for our local seniors.”

…Rampant Rumors. There are none this week. Well none that I can share for public consumption in a family newspaper!

I’m outtahere. With the rain passed we are expecting more days of warm weather so it is worth remembering to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose. Otherwise, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. On the sheep, Grace.

Onward to the Public Service Announcements, calendars and pens at the ready. #423: This week’s Boonville Farmer’s Market gathering in the parking lot at The Boonville Hotel (Sat, Oct 8th) will feature all the usual goodies, plus music from The Hubberts of Boonville, Leslie and Michael. It’s all happening between 9.30am and noon. #424: It’s the second Tuesday of the month on October 11th and that means Dinner and Bingo Night at the Senior Center: good food, beer and wine, top quality bingo with prizes, and, as you know by now – you don’t have to be a senior to attend! So I urge you to come along and support this event and remember. All proceeds go to our Senior/Community Center. #425: The AV Community Action Coalition is putting on an event at the high school cafeteria where the public can meet the candidates who are running for the School Board. This will take place next Tuesday, Oct 11th at 6.30pm. #426: There is an Abalone Festival in Fort Bragg later this week and the Steele Wines Harvest Festival in Kelseyville also sometime soon, I think, but both are non-Valley events taking people and their money out of town. So, in my humble opinion, who cares?

Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Many regulars are already looking forward to the ‘Meet the Candidates’ event mentioned above. The five runners going for the three open positions are incumbents Marti Bradford and Dick Browning, along with Ben Anderson, Ernie Pardini, and Don Harris. One can only hope that those elected will ‘do the right thing’ and provide some ideas on how to get through these difficult times for our local public education. Having said that, hopefully the questions they are asked are not pre-screened, so that candidates can demonstrate their ability to think on their feet and express themselves is an articulate and thoughtful way. Unfortunately, I have a feeling this may not be the case — with regards to whether the questions are pre-screened or not that is!

…Talking of ‘community service’ in a slightly different way, it would be hard to beat the wonderful efforts of Cory Morse and her crew of assistant cooks, servers, and dishwashers who last Friday evening served a really delicious fried chicken dinner to the 60 guests at the sold out ‘Guest Chef Dinner’ event to benefit the Senior Center. The chicken was delicious, as were all the fixings, of course. But perhaps my personal highlight was the apple pie (made with Jonathon apples) with a crumbly top served with Cow’s Lick ice cream. Words fail me, apart from one — “orgasmic.” Next month (Oct 28th) the event will have an Oktoberfest theme with AV Brewery general manager, Fal Allen, as the guest chef. Details to follow.

…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series: ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “The words ‘No collar, no tags’ are seen and heard time after time on the ‘missing dog’ reports in the Valley. What is wrong with dog owners who neglect their ‘beloved’ pet in this way? How do they expect to retrieve their missing dog without what should be a basic requirement of dog ownership? This is easily done. Assuming you have a reasonably functional internet connection and a credit card, go to www.tagxpress.com, make a simple choice, pay less than $10 and the tag will arrive in a week or so. As for the collar? Try the Farm Supply, Lemons, AV Market. Your dog loves you unconditionally; it’s the least you can do.”

Time to take my leave. Until next time, ‘Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net. PPS. Hi, Silver Swan. Behaving yourself? Hopefully not!

Public Service Announcements. #284. Sold out! I’m talking about the 60 tickets for the upcoming Guest Chef Dinner benefiting the Senior Center on Friday, Sept 30th, when chef Cory Morse will be serving Garden marinated salad and, using Janie Morse’s (of Janie’s Place fame) secret recipe for her Famous Pan Fried buttermilk chicken, Rosemary Pesto, Red Potatoes, Fire Roasted Corn, Crunch Top Apple Pie a la mode, all with a complimentary glass of wine. The next such event is the last Friday of the month — October 28th. I’ll keep you posted. #285. This Saturday morning’s Farmer’s Market in the Boonville hotel parking lot features music by the ‘Free Marketeers’ and the apple press will be available for juicing. It’s 9.30am to noon and well worth the visit. #286. Throughout October, Laughing Dog Books will feature the mixed media art of Cindy Hollinger. I’m sure it too will be well worth a visit — and certainly the opportune time to get that reading habit back again as the short days approach. #287. Talking of art, the high school show continues through October at Lauren’s Restaurant where you can enjoy the works and then a pulled pork sandwich which continues to be a very popular item, although it will be available for just a short time longer.

Topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge. Yes, “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Several regulars at The 3-Dot suggested I reply to parent Nancy MacLeod and Bruce ‘Voltaire’ Patterson following their letters in response to the recent ‘bring back school uniform’ comments expressed herein. To be honest I think it is already 2-0 to me and it’s time to move on.

…Who knew? 3-Dot regulars who enjoy their Monday Night Football at The Buckhorn, with good beers and spicy wings of course, were delighted to find out that those wings are now ½-price ($5) all day and night on Mondays! I fully expect to pay $10 for such a meal and Hummingbird kindly gives me that for my Monday night food allowance. I guess that means a double plate!

…From 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series – ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse’… “Perhaps the Apocalypse is even closer than I thought as one Valley gentlemen regularly feels he is able to only tip 25 cents when dining out at various Valley establishments… This is almost as shocking as the bible-bashers who leave little ‘Jesus cards’ instead of a tip, reminding the hard-working wait-staff that they will go to hell unless they accept Jesus into their hearts… What is going on?”

…A betting pool has started amongst regulars at The 3-Dot to see who can correctly guess the number of tourists in the months of September and October whom I personally spot feverishly picking blackberries on the side of the road on Hwy 128 between Boonville and Navarro. Bonus points are available to those who also guess the number who are in a thicket of poison oak as they unsuspectingly gather their ‘amazing’ find.

And that leads somewhat obliquely into the Quote of the Week, this time from the brilliant mind of Irish playwright and socialist, George Bernard Shaw. Incidentally he is the only person to win both a Nobel Prize (for Literature in 1925) and an Oscar (Best Screenplay in 1938 for ‘Pygmalion,’ later ‘My Fair Lady’). Now you know and can impress friends! But I digress – G.B.S. wisely noted, “Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich — something for nothing.” Meanwhile, with four weeks to go, it’s 17 blackberry pickers, of which seven were obviously unaware of the ‘gamble’ they were taking as they picked merrily away, entrenched amongst poison oak.

Time to take my leave. But first, with the hot weather still with us, despite the showers on Sunday, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose. Otherwise, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net.

Friday night saw the High School Homecoming activities take place with a big win for boys soccer against Mendocino and narrow defeats for girls soccer (against Calistoga) and the football team, who went down to Point Arena in a game they perhaps should have won, after holding a half-time lead and spurning many second half chances.

This year’s Homecoming King and Queen were Irving Jimenez and Mariela Espinoza, and hard-working elementary school secretary, Nicole McClain, won the $4200 in the 50/50 raffle! I can only assume she’ll get me a beer next time I see her at The Buckhorn. Surely it would be rude of her not to. I decided to save my ‘Corn dog experience’ until late on Saturday, just before I would leave for the cozy confines of my own bathroom, and went instead for the cheeseburger at the Ambulance concession stand. Very good, I must say. Many, many familiar faces were assembled in the alumni section of the grandstand for the games and I never did make it down to the rides and exhibition halls, although word did reach me that Cindy Hollinger’s garden installation had won the first prize. ‘Way to go, girl!’ as they say. Anyway, I ate, drank a little, and was merry, but left the scene at about 9.30pm and headed for The Nest in anticipation of a very busy Saturday.

On Saturday afternoon I found myself hovering around the Lions Club beer booth as Hummingbird toiled away behind the bar. This is probably as good a spot as any to see many of my favorite Valley folks and three of them, Amy Bloyd, son Eric, and daughter Mea, regaled me with news that Mea had won first prize for her Jar of Cookies, second for her Carrot Cake, and third for her Apple crumble! Meanwhile Eric had won the first prize in the scarecrow competition with his very scary depiction of deceased stepfather, Richard Reitz, a former Fairgrounds employee. Eric reminded me that last year his scarecrow based on his mother had also claimed the top prize! I also thoroughly enjoyed my time with Bill and Eva Holcomb and after discussions with several other old-timers it was discovered that Eva has the record for most Fairs attended: SEVENTY-THREE! She has not missed one since first attending as a four year old in 1938. Surely at this point Eva eats, drinks, and goes on as many rides as she likes — all for free?! Talking of rides, Saturday’s joyous mood was brought crashing down when I discovered that there were no bumper cars this year. A Fair without bumper cars is just not right and a full inquiry into this grievous error is being held as I write. With Hummingbird in charge of transport, I was able to have several beers before enjoying Saturday’s culinary highpoint found at the sausages and curly fries stand, run once again very efficiently by the always friendly and hospitable Dwayne. Therefore I delayed my Corn dog exploits for a another 24 hours.

Sunday saw a very sluggish start up at The Nest and the sheep dog trials and parade were missed, not for the first time, it has to be said. However, I did get there by about 2pm and took over the AVA booth from the overworked Bruce McEwen. Over the next three hours I was visited by many people and even sold several t-shirts, books, and newspapers subscriptions. The visitors included Supervisor Dan Hamburg, explaining that his daughter’s planned medical marijuana dispensary in town was not providing anything near as harmful as the hard liquor stocked by the nearby AV Market and Pick ‘N Pay establishments. Somewhat true, I guess; Cory Morse — Valley caterer bar none; ‘Young’ George Gowan who didn’t buy a t-shirt; Mark Pittner, Valley carpenter and proud new owner of an impressive red-on-black AVA t-shirt; an Englishman who got me a beer but then ‘passed wind’ in the booth as if I had to pay some sort of compensation for his kind gesture. (Odd people, the English); Tim Bates, who like the smelly Englishman also bought me a beer but was very pleasant about it; Dennis Busse, yet another kind man who went to the beer stand on my behalf; Tamara Karsay, carrying her three-week old granddaughter and seven goldfish she had bought from a stall and was going to keep in her luxury fish tank and thus rescue from the certain death that befalls so many that are won as prizes; Karen Ottobani, who shares many of my thoughts about Valley life; Bill Harper – likewise; Pearl Basehore and husband Scott who were very generous with the curly fries; and a very attractive woman from Comptche who had never read the paper but who was going to start doing so after listening to my spiel! I had a wonderful time and left with a 5-inch corn dog – which was delicious and had no after-affects! I love the Fair!

Public Service Announcements… #103: It’s the final weekend of the month and that means it’s time for another Barn Sale. As always, it takes place at The St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on AV Way just north of Boonville, from 9am to 3pm on both Saturday and Sunday, Sept 24th/25th; and the bbq grill will be operating on both days! #104: Due to a shortage of staff there will be no visit by the vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital this month; sad but true. Even more disappointing news is that at this point in time there are no plans for a visit in October either. We have gone from two visits a month to zero. Clearly not a satisfactory situation for anybody. I’ll keep you posted. #105: The cooler weather is approaching and your flu shots are due. These are being offered at the AV Senior Center in Boonville, sponsored by Rite Aid Pharmacy, on Tuesday, Sept 27th from 4-6.30pm. Appointments are not necessary and you can call 895-3609 for further details. #106: The next Guest Chef Dinner to benefit the Senior Center will take place on Friday, Sept 30th, when chef Cory Morse will be serving Garden marinated salad and, using Janie Morse’s (of Philo’s Janie’s Place fame) secret recipe, her Famous Pan Fried buttermilk chicken, Rosemary Pesto, Red Potatoes, Fire Roasted Corn, Crunch Top Apple Pie a la mode (i.e., with ice cream), all with a complimentary glass of wine. Dinner is served at 7pm and seating will be limited to 60 guests. Beer and wine will be available and tickets are selling fast, so call the Senior Center (895-3609) for further details or get your tickets from Laughing Dog Books in Boonville. And remember: you just can’t get traditional and real fried chicken like this anywhere these days.

I’m almost outtahere. But first a reminder that with the hot weather still with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose. Otherwise, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net .

I’m sure I don’t have to remind anyone around these parts of that but for my readers in the Rest of the World and the AV Chamber of Commerce, this coming weekend (Friday 16th — Sunday 18th) will see Boonville once again host The County Fair, or as it is commonly called ‘The Best Little Fair in the West!’ All the usual events (Rodeo, Sheep Dog Trial, Apple Cup Soccer, Apple Bowl Football, music with Dean Titus and The Coyote Cowboys, games, rides, etc, etc) will be taking place, plus the many exhibitions and displays that show off the County’s best livestock and all the various talents that so many people in the county possess. With food and drink in plentiful supply and so many familiar faces to see, I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t be there.

With The Fair as the obvious theme this week, here’s a little quiz for your enjoyment. Answers at the end,

1. In which year did the Fair first feature Sheep Dog Trials?

2. How many Mendocino County Fairs have happened up to now?

3. How holds the record for being the longest serving Fair Manager?

4. According to local folklore, what occurred on the Saturday night of The Fair in 1949?

Moving quickly on to discussions this week at The Three-Dot Lounge ‘ “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Here’s some intriguing questions that were raised at The 3-Dot in the past few days about this weekend’s County Fair. Will the attendance be an increase on last year’s disappointing numbers? How much money, if any, will the Fair Board donate to high school sports? Given that school football and soccer games will attract large crowds there is no school sports booster concession stand allowed. This is despite the fact that the Friday night games will also be this year’s Homecoming games, an evening that normally brings in significant funds when held at The Fairgrounds on a different weekend, as it always has in the past. Will the infamous “Large-breasted Boonville Flasher’ once again expose herself to Sheriff Tom Allman as he rides in the Parade? Will ‘King’ Ken Allen, former .V Brewery owner and last place finisher in the unofficial AV Mayor’s election a couple of years ago, show his face? If he does, will he then do his usual trick of pushing in at the front of the line for the Prather Dinner on Saturday night? Is Pickles the Clown going to show up and scare lots of small children? Will any local teenage girls run off with a Carny? Will any local school boys run off and become a Carny? Will the corn dogs be as good and as unhealthy as ever? And most importantly, will I win the Carrion-Eating Contest for the fifth year in succession? All this, and possibly more, will be revealed this coming weekend.

…At this point in our discussions I got up on my perch behind the bar and gave my annual pre-Fair speech to the assembled masses in the 3-Dot: “I would like to remind some of you, particularly the younger generation, that it is not all about the carnival rides and looking cool with your date, important though such pastimes certainly are. Try to also check out the various display halls of arts, crafts, agriculture, etc, along with the impressive livestock corrals, the traditional rodeo, and the always-exciting sheep dog trials. This Fair is a really unique event and one of a dying breed, so why not broaden your horizons and enjoy everything ‘The Best Little Fair in the West’ has to offer? In my humble opinion, that would be cool too. Trust me on this; you can thank me later.”

…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes a follow-up report in his insightful series, ‘Forget The Rapture and worry about The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Having pointed out the declining standards in student dress codes last week, Buzzard now reports, “I flew over to Europe and performed many hours of research into the school systems over there. It appears that the vast majority of public high schools now enforce the wearing of school uniforms. The movement against uniforms had its way for about 30 years or more from the mid-70s but, over the last several years, uniforms are have been re-introduced and have successfully countered the disturbing trends amongst schoolchildren as they compete to look ‘cool.’ Apart from the facts that uniforms are less expensive than trendy clothes, and that the kids look smart and ready for academic study, they even feel a greater sense of pride in their school and I actually think it also raises their IQ’s a little too.” Once again, The Buzzard calls it like it is.

And with that said, here is a related Quote of the Week. It comes from that Greek writer of famous fables, Aesop, whose wise metaphor on clothes goes, “It is not only fine feathers that make fine birds.” Let’s hope the kids know what a metaphor is and act accordingly.

I’m outta here. But first, with the hot weather still with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; children too I suppose. Otherwise, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net.

Quiz Answers. 1. In 1976 was the first year of the sheep dog trials. The dogs and their handlers will be dealing with the often-irrational sheep once again at the usual time, Sunday, Sept 18th at 10am. 2. There have been 83 Fairs since the first one in 1927, making this year’s the 84th. Actually, the first eleven Fairs were called “The Apple Show” indicating the importance of apples at that time in the Valley’s history. It was not until 1938 that the first “Mendocino County Fair and Apple Show” took place. 3. Harwood June was Manager for 19 years from 1937 to 1956, narrowly edging out Jim Clow who later served for 17 years. On that infamous night over 60 years ago there were a reported fourteen separate fights at The Fair. Just boys (and girls?) having a little fun, I’m sure, and just an old-style Valley ‘welcome’ for some of the newly arrived Okies and Arkies. It wouldn’t be too long (well, 20 years or so) before these groups got together and gave a similar ‘welcome’ to the hippies and back-to-the-landers. Good for them, I say. Now go out and “Get your Fair on”!