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Stories written by Bruce Patterson

Tells

I think “Tells” is one of the most beautiful words in the American Language. According to Professor Webster, the words “tell” and “tells” have sixteen commonly accepted usages. There’s also…

Alien Nation

Alien Nation

Been a good long while since I’ve thought about my time as a cherry paratrooper with the 82nd Airborne Division back during the long hot summer of 1967. Long time…

Snow

When I was a little boy in LA, my mom told me how when she was a kid the snow in Chicago turned black. Burning coal and firewood was all…

Stepford Surrogates Gone Haywire

The first thing that told me that the upcoming presidential election would be dirty was the opinion poll that came out after Hillary won the nomination. The poll showed that…

Animal Cruelty

Want to have some fun with a horse? Find a retired old potbellied stud that’s been put on a strict diet. Meet him at the fence and, when nobody’s looking, give…

The Pancake Plains

The first officially recorded epidemic of the Dwindles to break out within what is now the Continental US occurred immediately after Abe Lincoln signed the Homestead Act of 1862. Anxious…

Anti-topia

When I was a little boy and we were on the road, I used to love the way small town radio stations faded in and out. Heading east on US…

Oregon’s Eighth Natural Wonder

Turns out up there near the headwaters of the South Fork of the John Day there actually is a little green government sign marking the former site of the post…

The Left As Obsolete

Since they all get advertised and sold that way, I arrived in Vietnam thinking mine was a war to end all wars. But it turned out our “Cold War” killing…

If You Build It

I think it was back when that travelling Alaskan flea circus chipmunk Guvnor Sarah Palin was all the rage that the Neo-Democrats, hoping to prove these Neo-Re-pugs of the Kool-Aid…

Shy Of Izee

Ever since I read that in recent years three radio-collared wolves of Northeastern Oregon’s Imnaha pack have come up the South Fork of the John Day on their ways to…

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