Bird’s Eye View
by Turkey Vulture, December 8, 2010
Greetings one and all — if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin. Well done to The Boonville Hotel! Owner Johnny Schmitt, staff, and friends have added a great deal to the Christmas spirit here in the Valley with the addition of Christmas lights to the tree in the hotel parking lot in the heart of Boonville. It’s been a long time coming. A few years ago I was talking with Wayne Hiatt and he told me that there had never been a community Xmas tree in his entire lifetime (57 years and counting) and possibly not before that either. It seemed that every year or so for the past five or six he and I talked about getting something done at The Fairgrounds parking lot but just never got around to it. Anyway, now the Hotel has come through and what a wonderful job they have done. To paraphrase Winston Churchill, completely out of context, “Never has so much been owed, by so many, to so few.” And that’s your Quote of the Week.
I am indebted to reader Ed Smith of Brooklyn, New York for his recent kind letter about an article in British Columbia Magazine on both the migration of my Turkey Vulture brethren from British Colombia to Central and South America and also our “mighty peculiar habits.” As I have no intention of heading south and fully intend to stick around these parts, perhaps readers trying to understand us a little better might like to check out those ‘habits’ at www.bcmag.ca where they can click on ‘Stories’ and go to ‘turkey vulture behaviors’ on page 2 for further fascinating details. However, I must protest the claim there that we Turkey Vultures ‘rely on clumsy dance moves to attract mates.’ I think if you ask Hummingbird why she fell for me, it was due to my Astaire-like moves on the head of a recently deceased sheep, not to mention her attraction to the features of my own head — the color of exposed flesh — that is featherless and tapered, perfect for plunging repeatedly into the cavities of carrion. Apart from that one error, the short article provides fascinating reading, I assure you.
Public Service Announcements. #73. The Vets are in town tomorrow, Dec 9th for their final visit of 2010. They will be at the AV Farm Supply from 2pm to 3.30pm and, as I always suggest, how about making a purchase while you’re there and thus give little support to the store that makes sure this wonderful service is provided in the Valley every month? #74. It’s that time again – the Dinner and Bingo Night at the Veterans Hall to benefit the Senior Center is at 6pm on Tuesday, Dec 14th. Chef Natalie will be serving her famous Chicken and Dumplings, beer and wine is available, and as always the Bingo prizes will be unbelievable! See you there. #75. The ICW’s (Independent Career Women) Christmas Party is this coming Sunday, Dec 12th at Lauren’s. It is invitation only and, guess what? I am invited! Ya gotta like that.
Moving quickly on to some ‘Facts and Fiction’ under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge.
…Fiction: Jim Jones, yes that Jim Jones, is not going to miraculously appear at the AV Film Festival at the end of January when the documentary, “Jonestown” is shown here in the Valley. However, if anyone who was in any of his classes at the high school when he taught there would like to say a few words at that time please get in touch with me and I’ll pass you name on to the Festival Committee.
... Fact: The AV Animal Rescue is in need of a small area in which to set up their kennels somewhere in the Valley. Things have not been the same since losing that ideal spot behind the Drive-In in the heart of Boonville and a place of similar dimensions and location somewhat close to the hub of things would be ideal. It would be terrible to lose such an important asset to our community — and that is a FACT!
…Fiction: The Rhys Winery that has sprouted up out of virtually nowhere just south of Navarro in the last year or so, taking out most of the surrounding beautiful hillsides in the process, is not owned by a young couple whose families have always lived in this area and who love to garden and sip wine.
…Fact: The Jim Ball Winery on Hwy 128 just outside Philo is not closing. Jim tells me that the winter hours are now in effect but that’s it. “I suppose it is better than some of the false rumors that have been spread about me,” said Jim wistfully.
…Fact: The two upcoming Crab Feeds in the Valley will both sell out. The first one is on January 15th to benefit the Senior Center and then three weeks later Gloria Ross will be putting on the Original Crab Feed at the same venue – the Apple Hall in Boonville – on the evening of Saturday, Feb 5th. Get your tickets early to avoid disappointment at missing tow of the best Valley events of the year.
…Fiction: It is untrue that I have eaten more than my fair share at both of these events in the past. Trust me on this.
... Fact: The Buckhorn in Boonville will open in January.
... Fact: The winning team at last week’s General Knowledge and Trivia Quiz, which is held every Thursday evening as Lauren’s Restaurant, was ‘The Bar Team’, featuring luminaries such as Seisha, Julie H, Nora, Cora, and Lauren herself! Congratulations girls/women/ladies. I knew you could do it!
…Fiction: Former AV Brewery owner, Ken Allen, is not planning to set up and then run for the office of Mayor of the Valley. This is a very sensible move on the ‘King’s’ behalf wouldn’t you say?
Oh, dear, I think I’ll get my coat and leave. Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. A final request: “Let us prey.” Poking and stroking egos wherever necessary and, as always, humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Keep the Faith. PPS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or by e-mail at email@example.com. PPPS. Hi, Silver Swan; behaving yourself? Hopefully not!