Bird’s Eye View By Turkey Vulture
by Turkey Vulture, February 3, 2010
Greetings one and all. If you are sitting comforta-bly then I shall begin. A brief column this week as I have had little time to get out and about having spent all weekend at the AV Film Festival being informed, enlightened, disturbed, annoyed, beguiled, absorbed, amused, and entertained. All for the good cause of benefiting the old folks, the school kids, and the animals. Ya gotta like that!
Let’s get going with a couple of important of Public Service Announcements. #127: As mentioned last week the Vets from Ukiah’s Mendocino Animal Hospital will be here tomorrow, Feb 4th, at the Farm Supply from 2pm to 3.30pm (and again on Feb 25th). #128: The Original Crab Feed, quite possibly the best Valley event of the year in my humble opinion, is at The Apple Hall in Boonville this Saturday, Feb 6th, 6pm Social Hour, 7pm Dinner. Call Gloria (895-3071) for ticket details. They will sell out. #129: As of February 1st, 2010, The Boonville Lodge was officially no more. The Valley does not have a bar.
With this last ‘Announcement’ in mind I have nothing more obvious to say for the Quote of the Week than to offer you the Italian proverb, “Big mouthfuls often choke.” David Johnson, electrician of Sonoma and landlord of the business formerly known as The Boonville Lodge, certainly seems to have taken a very big mouthful in this latest case of unbridled landlord greed.
Questions at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley. Who is the guy who walks the dogs from the Animal Rescue along Hwy 128 and beyond? He does this in all weather and I have never seen him without a smile on his face. He’s my hero. Who was the guy with a stall at the Grange Craft Fair on Sunday who, with the use of blatant lies, tried to get free food and drink from the young schoolgirl volunteers working at the Film Festival concession stand inside? This jerk is not my hero. Has ‘King’ Ken Allen really sold the AV Brewery? Regulars at the 3-Dot tell me negotiations were stalled until he took himself out of the picture and, lo and behold, rational thinking was allowed to prosper and a deal has apparently been made. I think we should be told.
Here are two more proposals that will certainly be on my manifesto when, thanks to your support, I run for the position of Mayor of Anderson Valley in 2020. 1. When people are asked a question about something of which they know nothing or very little, they should be encouraged to simply say, “I don’t know.” That is a fine, succinct answer and is a very acceptable response is such instances. It will also save everyone lots of time. Failure to do so and to drone on endlessly in an uninformed way will be met with the severest of penalties. 2. Chocolate Chip Vanilla Ice Cream will be in plentiful supply at every grocery store in The Valley or fines will be enforced, the proceeds of which will go to the Valley’s Christmas Tree Fund that I will introduce at some point.
I’m outta here, have to see a man about a sheep. Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you. Of course, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at email@example.com. PPS. Hi, Silver Swan. Behaving yourself? Hopefully not! PPPS. Where the hell can a few buddies and myself get together for a drink around here?