Ukiah After Dark

by Pete Evangelatos, October 10, 2009

With the annual exodus of university-bound young adults leaving Mendocino County for academic and party citadels across the nation, it would seem that many 20-something residents would be left with diminished recreational options. But when the weekend arrives and the sun sets on the County's Capital the mantra most frequently being recited is: Elbows Up! Welcome to Ukiah After Dark.

Most of the action takes place downtown, with The Pub and Club 7-11 positioned as the northern- and southern-most anchors of the Ukiah party boat.

Those inclined to Hip Hop dancing and scantily dressed females of all ages frequent the Perkins Street Bar and Grill conveniently located adjacent to the Mendocino County Adult Probation Office. Casually referred to as the Perkins or the Club, customers of this establishment will in all likelihood grind their crotches against the voluptuous behinds of well-endowed females on the dance floor with little resistance in a courting ritual apparently popular with young people. If you're lucky, you may even see an African-American patron or two simply attempting to enjoy his or her leisure time harassment-free.

County residents living on the coast who have never been to the Perkins erroneously believe that humpback migration is limited to seasonal patterns. They are of course wrong. The Club has evolved into a habitat for many different species of whales who flop about, many of who seem to be suffering from some sort of intoxication, perhaps the rapid degradation of the ecosystem is to blame. The whales arrive in their greatest numbers between 11pm and 2am on Thursday and Friday nights.

Upon initial investigation, admission to the Club appears to be a modest and affordable $3. Out-of-towners and locals alike repeatedly fall for that trap — including me — when in fact that's only the beginning. Admission, drinks and the DUI that you will invariably get upon your attempt to lawfully drive home under the watchful eye of Deter Foyle is around $3,000 and 48 hours in-custody of the trusty Mendocino County Sheriff's Office. Those figures don't include the driving-while-black expenses that African-American drivers will no doubt incur for emergency room bills and medical treatment after their run in with Ukiah's Finest.

Upon exiting the Club be sure to run a thorough investigation to see if Deter Foyle and company are on the prowl, guns clipped up and batons in hand. The Perkins is the go-to-spot to listen and dance to Hip Hop music and position yourself for a successful late-night harpooning. Equipped with two dance floors, one furnished with a stripper's pole, dim lights, and lots of alcohol, the Perkins is a Gangster's Paradise. The dress code here is thuggishly urban for men and something of the minimalist sort for females. Just leave your Free Jena 6 shirts at home.

But if you feel like letting your massive dredlocks down and just putting one in the air, head to the herb friendly Mendocino Brewing Company located at the corner of Perkins and State. The Brewing Company regularly plays host to local bands, serves fresh beer, and is decorated with beautiful wood countertops no doubt harvested from local forests. On the more lively nights, the place is packed with a fantastic crowd from the more liberal corners of the universe, i.e., Spy Rock. A good indication that it's a happening night is to count the number of out-of-commission spray-painted school buses parked out front. If there's more than three then definitely head in. You can smell the pot and the money, and the pot-money from about a mile or two away. The hops do smell delicious. The Company brews their beer right on location which creates a pleasant aromatic experience. No need to be paranoid or bring eyedrops to have a good time here.

The Forest Club is one of the oldest buildings in Ukiah and is smack in the middle of all the action between the Perkins, The Pub, The Brewing Company, and the Sports Attic. Architecturally the Forest is an absolute gem. The building appears to be as ancient and in equal disrepair as the Acropolis, but the furnishings are quite modern. Flatscreen TVs and new pool tables adorn the walls and make the Forest the most popular bar in Ukiah. It also serves as the reunion bar during the holidays, especially Thanksgiving. The place gets so packed you might just end up chain smoking cigarettes out back on the patio chatting with someone who you haven't seen in years. The Forest is unique in that it enjoys enormous popularity with people from very different walks of life. Well-to-do professionals, students, and local transients mix-in here for a good alcohol-saturated time.

Less than a mile north on State Street is The Pub. This bar is Ukiah's version of Cheer's and is the place for Monday Night Football. Owner and operator Zia Poya officially ascended to a football god in the circles of local sports enthusiasts when he introduced his Monday Night Football theme. Poya puts together an oversized and flavorful chicken dinner at an affordable price every Monday night. Domestic beers are sold at a reduced rate making The Pub a comfortable and affordable place to be for professional football aficionados. Additionally, The Pub offers a completely free taxi service for anyone anywhere who needs to get to The Pub or home safely. If you're at another bar, call the shuttle and they'll pick you right up. Poya's program has saved numerous lives and countless DUIs by offering The Pub Shuttle free of charge. Long live Poya, the football god.

Interested in sports memorabilia? Head to the Sports Attic to see gi-normous posters and framed pictures of UCLA legends John Wooden, Bill Walton and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. If you look hard enough you might even spot some items that belong to an old USC Trojan who has recently resurfaced in the media in his pursuit for stolen sports memorabilia. But there is no need to be alarmed, it's highly unlikely that The Juice himself will stick the place up with a motley crew of men armed with pistols and assault rifles while you're there. The Sports Attic has two bars, a patio, rooftop access, and the most extensive variety of on-tap beer in Ukiah. You don't have to be interested in athletics to amicably pass the time at the Attic, but chances are as your beer consumption increases your interest in sports will too. Those of you who chronically smoke will find that the rooftop can be discreetly put to good use.

If you have some irresistible desire to smoke cigarettes till your face looks and feels like a worn-out catcher's glove, foot it on down to Club 7-11, where some of the best pool players in town call corner and side pockets with a cigarette dangling from their lips. If you're lucky you'll end up in the Dog House, a comfortable seating arrangement outfitted with curtains that close for both of your privacy needs. The curtains are operational and ready for use. Wink Wink.

But if you're looking for a place to drown your sorrows away with the absolutely cheapest whiskey available in town, then swing down to the Water Trough and drink yourself into oblivion. The depressed and lonely atmosphere is perfect for suicidal self-indulgence. You'll have no problem finding someone to listen to all your problems and buy you a glass of Evan Williams when you're teetering on the point of self-destruction. Good times. Water Trough regulars frown on newcomers who arrive at the establishment with an ounce of optimism, so be sure to have your game face on and get your story straight before entering. If you're not interested in fistfights and destructive drinking I would avoid the Trough.

Quite often people will hop back and forth from most of these locations on foot and walk home at 2am. Not a bad idea. Everything is located within a few blocks of one another, even the Pub isn't too far. Call the shuttle or simply walk off some of those calories! Either way, welcome to Ukiah. I'll see you at Schatt's or The Coffee Critic in the mid-afternoon and the Alcohol Anonymous meeting later in the evening.

County residents living on the coast who have never been to the Perkins erroneously believe that humpback migration is limited to seasonal patterns. They are of course wrong. The Club has evolved into a habitat for many different species of whales who flop about, many of who seem to be suffering from some sort of intoxication, perhaps the rapid degradation of the ecosystem is to blame. The whales arrive in their greatest numbers between 11pm and 2am on Thursday and Friday nights.

Upon initial investigation, admission to the Club appears to be a modest and affordable $3. Out-of-towners and locals alike repeatedly fall for that trap — including me — when in fact that's only the beginning. Admission, drinks and the DUI that you will invariably get upon your attempt to lawfully drive home under the watchful eye of Deter Foyle is around $3,000 and 48 hours in-custody of the trusty Mendocino County Sheriff's Office. Those figures don't include the driving-while-black expenses that African-American drivers will no doubt incur for emergency room bills and medical treatment after their run in with Ukiah's Finest.

Upon exiting the Club be sure to run a thorough investigation to see if Deter Foyle and company are on the prowl, guns clipped up and batons in hand. The Perkins is the go-to-spot to listen and dance to Hip Hop music and position yourself for a successful late-night harpooning. Equipped with two dance floors, one furnished with a stripper's pole, dim lights, and lots of alcohol, the Perkins is a Gangster's Paradise. The dress code here is thuggishly urban for men and something of the minimalist sort for females. Just leave your Free Jena 6 shirts at home.

But if you feel like letting your massive dredlocks down and just putting one in the air, head to the herb friendly Mendocino Brewing Company located at the corner of Perkins and State. The Brewing Company regularly plays host to local bands, serves fresh beer, and is decorated with beautiful wood countertops no doubt harvested from local forests. On the more lively nights, the place is packed with a fantastic crowd from the more liberal corners of the universe, i.e., Spy Rock. A good indication that it's a happening night is to count the number of out-of-commission spray-painted school buses parked out front. If there's more than three then definitely head in. You can smell the pot and the money, and the pot-money from about a mile or two away. The hops do smell delicious. The Company brews their beer right on location which creates a pleasant aromatic experience. No need to be paranoid or bring eyedrops to have a good time here.

The Forest Club is one of the oldest buildings in Ukiah and is smack in the middle of all the action between the Perkins, The Pub, The Brewing Company, and the Sports Attic. Architecturally the Forest is an absolute gem. The building appears to be as ancient and in equal disrepair as the Acropolis, but the furnishings are quite modern. Flatscreen TVs and new pool tables adorn the walls and make the Forest the most popular bar in Ukiah. It also serves as the reunion bar during the holidays, especially Thanksgiving. The place gets so packed you might just end up chain smoking cigarettes out back on the patio chatting with someone who you haven't seen in years. The Forest is unique in that it enjoys enormous popularity with people from very different walks of life. Well-to-do professionals, students, and local transients mix-in here for a good alcohol-saturated time.

Less than a mile north on State Street is The Pub. This bar is Ukiah's version of Cheer's and is the place for Monday Night Football. Owner and operator Zia Poya officially ascended to a football god in the circles of local sports enthusiasts when he introduced his Monday Night Football theme. Poya puts together an oversized and flavorful chicken dinner at an affordable price every Monday night. Domestic beers are sold at a reduced rate making The Pub a comfortable and affordable place to be for professional football aficionados. Additionally, The Pub offers a completely free taxi service for anyone anywhere who needs to get to The Pub or home safely. If you're at another bar, call the shuttle and they'll pick you right up. Poya's program has saved numerous lives and countless DUIs by offering The Pub Shuttle free of charge. Long live Poya, the football god.

Interested in sports memorabilia? Head to the Sports Attic to see gi-normous posters and framed pictures of UCLA legends John Wooden, Bill Walton and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. If you look hard enough you might even spot some items that belong to an old USC Trojan who has recently resurfaced in the media in his pursuit for stolen sports memorabilia. But there is no need to be alarmed, it's highly unlikely that The Juice himself will stick the place up with a motley crew of men armed with pistols and assault rifles while you're there. The Sports Attic has two bars, a patio, rooftop access, and the most extensive variety of on-tap beer in Ukiah. You don't have to be interested in athletics to amicably pass the time at the Attic, but chances are as your beer consumption increases your interest in sports will too. Those of you who chronically smoke will find that the rooftop can be discreetly put to good use.

If you have some irresistible desire to smoke cigarettes till your face looks and feels like a worn-out catcher's glove, foot it on down to Club 7-11, where some of the best pool players in town call corner and side pockets with a cigarette dangling from their lips. If you're lucky you'll end up in the Dog House, a comfortable seating arrangement outfitted with curtains that close for both of your privacy needs. The curtains are operational and ready for use. Wink Wink.

But if you're looking for a place to drown your sorrows away with the absolutely cheapest whiskey available in town, then swing down to the Water Trough and drink yourself into oblivion. The depressed and lonely atmosphere is perfect for suicidal self-indulgence. You'll have no problem finding someone to listen to all your problems and buy you a glass of Evan Williams when you're teetering on the point of self-destruction. Good times. Water Trough regulars frown on newcomers who arrive at the establishment with an ounce of optimism, so be sure to have your game face on and get your story straight before entering. If you're not interested in fistfights and destructive drinking I would avoid the Trough.

Quite often people will hop back and forth from most of these locations on foot and walk home at 2am. Not a bad idea. Everything is located within a few blocks of one another, even the Pub isn't too far. Call the shuttle or simply walk off some of those calories! Either way, welcome to Ukiah. I'll see you at Schatt's or The Coffee Critic in the mid-afternoon and the Alcohol Anonymous meeting later in the evening.

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