- Anderson Valley
- Mendocino County
by Debra Keipp, April 16, 2013
Nobody much talked about the Press Democrat headlines last week regarding Congressperson Lynn Woolsey’s chairing a panel about “extraterrestrials” on earth, although a few right-wingers did snicker, "We told you she was nuts."
The Press Democrat's title read “extraterrestrials on earth.” No one in Point Arena joked about it. I guess you could call the expression, sober - a word not often used in Point Arena.
“In Point Arena”, as the expression goes.
Like nowhere else, almost every fact about living here is clarified by, “In Point Arena…” because things are quite often different here from almost anywhere else, adrift on our own little emotional islands getting ready for when the big one discharges us, “every man for himself” into the Pacific?
In Point Arena it starts with the unique weather each day and goes from there.
Mendamnesia County as compared to Point Arena? Apathy rules in PA. And the rest of Mendamnesia County can’t remember… so why should I be surprised when no one in Point Arena cared to comment about the big scary headlines that said our government was going to give up the skinny on extraterrestrials?
We’ll call it 'reticence to respond' for now. At least regarding the extraterrestrials. Please Gawd, just one more planting season.
The PD said there might be something to learn from ETs about speedier growing cycles and faster air travel: The Need for Speed! seems to be felt everywhere, even out there in the ether of endless space!
A good many things could change very fast very soon. This could be the end of newspapers as we know them, for instance. Or the Internet to be sure. Time to have a bit of fun, bury a few old clichés, sneak in some hatchets and debriefs about Mendamnesiasco in recent years – while America’s Last Newspaper still spits one out every week. At least in our time, as the dinosaur flies…
If the government sent men in black to flash lasers in our faces, would anyone notice, or would they be appropriately dressed in the Point Arena Layered Look so as to go unnoticed? How do aliens dress on earth, or are they floating around among us, unseen in a fourth dimension of their own making? Do they take abalone? Do they live underwater in the MLPA protected zones? Indoor or outdoor? Coasters want to know, Lynn. Really, do any of us want to know the answers to questions about alien life? Wouldn’t that involve a paradigm shift? Wouldn’t something have to give for that to happen? Wouldn’t a crack let the light in? Will we ever find out who killed the Kennedys?
After twelve years of no-growth policies in Point Arena, the town is now buzzing with the sound of loud motors careening corners in their personalized Need for Speed! Oh the missed opportunity! Point Arena could be raking in the dough in speeding tickets on any 40 yard dash straight away (or at least downtown downhill) what with all the new race cars and Motoguzzis needing to feel the speed on Highway One. As I watch the cars go by, well… it’s really incredible what a little press will do to drag people out to the raceway. Yep! Sounds like the Knoxville Raceway in Point Arena’s One Mile: A few yards of straightaway racing before the next hairpin curve. Then over and over again along the Coast.
In Point Arena there used to be a guy named Al the CHP who sat at the top of the hill by the school on Highway One and motioned to the locals with both hands like he was tamping down the earth after planting seeds. He’d motion, 'Slow down' instead of writing tickets. Is it time for Point Arena to hire a constable for our One Square Mile, to write tourist need for speed tickets and maybe even attend to law enforcement calls? Locals are currently talking up a City Council petition to change use of the County Sheriff’s Office, as in not having one. The City could keep most of the funds they currently spend for County enforcement and pay for their own cop from speeding tickets.
Please god, if the City gets wise and hires a motorcycle cop for tourist tickets, please send us the beautiful black man who used to pilot the funeral processions in Berkeley. Black sleek boots up to his tall knees, gray tights sittin’ on a vintage Harley, chopped so fine, and the bike too… the tank the same shade as his hair. Dignified. We called him Shaft in the neighborhood, as he glided by stoic and sittin’ pretty. Please could our motorcycle cop in Point Arena wear tights and long boots? Hire locally if you have to, but it won’t be as attractive!
Two bright red matching Ferraris sped through Point Arena on Saturday, each on the other’s bumper, trying to pass one another on School Street. Sounded like they made the maneuver a few times out on the long straight stretch by the cemetery. Loud ass machines. The same day there was a one car vehicular accident - another Ferrari. Two men in one car hit a redwood, a grandfather and his grandson, and does it get any sadder than that? I know redwood is considered a soft wood, but when in vertical tree format, it is so unforgiving. And that’s what it was when the speed-needing grandfather ran his Ferrari into the upright tree Saturday on Highway One near Stewart’s Point.
The Ferrari burst into flames on impact. It had magnesium wheels which blew off in the explosion, rolling aflame down the side of the highway. The fire department had to chase down the flaming wheels and their fiery trails. The wreck burnt a hole in the highway.
Who made money off Need for Speed in Point Arena? I hear the City of PA only charged $100 for the entire time Dreamworks had the entire use of the entire VFW Hall/Senior Center, and every inch of the entire parking lot as well for almost an entire week. One wonders why the City Council didn’t negotiate and vote to approve at least replacement of the $5,000 (deductible) the City had to pay at-will employee Claudia Hillary in settlement for being fired. The Lighthouse got $30,000 and new fencing. Stornettas drove cattle out of the pastures adjacent to Lighthouse Road for the sake of film continuity for $3 or $4,000. And, maybe even each one of the half-a-dozen people living and/or owning businesses on Lighthouse Road got a bit of a Christmas bonus thrown their way from Dreamworks. But Lighthouse Road looks tired and worn after its starring role.