Bird’s Eye View

by Turkey Vulture, January 5, 2012

Greetings one and all. If you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin. ‘Gone but not forgotten’ — the following Valley Folk have passed in the last 15 months or so. They are fondly remembered by many. James ‘Jim’ Gowan, Arthur Knight, Chad Ewing, Michael Bowman, Mildred Gowan (née Hulbert), Austin Hulbert (born in April 1917 and, aged 94, the Valley’s second oldest person — behind 95 year old Walter ‘Shine’ Tuttle), Tammy Housley, Howard ‘Mouse’ Morse, Skip Harris, Betty Sue Adams, Mary Alice (Ruddock) Smith, Matt Piper, Bill Mannix, Joyce Skrbek, Dee Reynolds, Jim Clow, Joyce Christen, James Monroe ‘Bo’ Hiatt, and Stanley Johnson. There have no doubt been others and I apologize for their omission.

And for your Quotes of the Week, here are some heart-warming thoughts on the passing of loved ones. First it’s these words from Helen Keller, the deaf/blind author, political activist, and lecturer, who said, “What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” And there is this wonderful thought proposed in an Eskimo Legend: “Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.” And finally, the anonymously written but poignant, “Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed and very dear.”

Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #64: The vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital are back for a visit to the Valley on two occasions this month. They will be at The AV Farm Supply on Thursdays, January 12th and 26th from 2pm-3.30pm each day. They have asked me to inform you that you do not have to arrive early and then wait a long time. Everyone showing up at anytime before 3.30pm will be seen. #65: Crab Feed tickets are now available. The first of these very popular annual Valley events will benefit the Senior Center and takes place on Saturday, January 14th — just ten days away! You can call Gina Pardini for tickets at 895-3609 or stop by the Senior Center or any of these other Valley locations: Lemons’ Market, Laughing Dog Books, All That Good Stuff, and the Mendocino County Fair Grounds. Then it is the ‘Original’ Crab Feed on Saturday, February 4th for which you can get tickets by calling Gloria Ross at 895-3071. Both events are at The Apple Hall in Boonville and are two of the best Valley gatherings of the year. As my attorney told me many times, and I’ve since told you too, “Trust me on this, you can thank me later.”

The Three-Dot Lounge was closed over the holiday but that allowed me some time to come up with some of my personal hopes and wishes for 2012.

• Chocolate Chip and Vanilla Ice Cream will be in plentiful supply at every grocery store in The Valley.

• All drivers shall follow the rules of the road. That most definitely includes California Vehicle Code # 21656 — ‘Slower vehicles must pull over to allow others to pass’. No driving over 60mph anywhere; no driving under 40mph in the 55mph limit without pulling over in the Valley’s many turnouts to let others pass. Of course driving at 30mph or less in town is to be strictly enforced, with very grave consequences for those who do not follow these guidelines. Do I hear ‘feed ‘em to the pigs’ from anyone?...

• All drivers parking at 90 degrees to the sidewalk outside businesses and stores will have their vehicles egged. Eggs will be paid for (upon proof of receipt and photograph of the eggs on the windscreen) by Captain Rainbow, as this is his pet peeve and he wants to see the practice brought to an end as much as any of us...

• Residents will be asked to 'verbally confront' the ‘biker hordes’ when those weekend visitors (mostly accountants, bankers, and lawyers posing in their rarely worn, stiff and shiny leathers, pretending to be ‘rebels’) arrive this summer and annoyingly begin revving up their very noisy Harleys. From now on hopefully they will be pointed at and told, “Don’t be late at the office on Monday morning.”.. What are they going to do? Throw their man-purses at us?...

• When some people are asked a question about something they know nothing or very little about, they should be encouraged to say, “I don’t know.” That is o.k. and is a very acceptable response is such instances. It will also save everyone lots of time...

• All citizens must get tags for their pets. It’s easy and cheap at www.tagxpress.com and all those hard working volunteers at the Animal Rescue, plus the many other animal lovers in The Valley, will certainly appreciate it… Anyone not abiding by this rule to be fined $1 and the monies collected to be donated to the A.V. Animal Rescue…

• All attendees at Pot Lucks in The Valley must bring a dish or some form of alcohol large enough to feed or quench the thirst of at least eight guests. A stick of celery/ days-old bread/two beers will no longer suffice…

• No more vineyards are allowed if they are to be owned by a wine-guzzling know-all who assumes they can make wine just because they have made their millions elsewhere in an entirely different expertise. This is to be rigidly enforced if such a person is living in some far flung location, has never lived here, and who wouldn’t know a wild hog if it bit him in the ass or a Turkey Vulture if it defecated on his head…

• Anyone, anywhere in public, starting a sentence with “You should” will be fined $1 on the spot. All monies going towards the Christmas Tree Fund…

• Phone service employees will be issued written warnings as to their future conduct if they are observed standing around for more than an hour at the side of the road pointing up in the air. Perhaps this will save time and then we would not be told that in order to have our phone repaired we have to stay at home and to expect the technician to arrive “sometime between 8am and 7pm”!...

• Caltran workers who are standing around doing nothing will not be allowed to scowl menacingly at drivers as they pass. It’s not clever, funny, or even that menacing, but it does seem to keep many of them from their work for long periods of time...

• When the power goes out, PG&E will not be able to tell us that they are “out of power” themselves. Lie to us — anything will do rather than this ridiculous and unsettling announcement that was heard over the radio waves around this time last year…

• When somebody calls to remind you of your appointment for something or other at their place of work, they should do so clearly and concisely, not by mumbling or by speaking so quickly that the message is undecipherable. That seems to me as if it really defeats their purpose?...

• All herky-jerky, whirling, twirling, hippy-dancing, whenever and wherever it breaks out in public, will be halted by concerned residents. Obviously this applies neither to the female movers who have rhythm nor the exotically-skilled belly dancers one occasionally sees, but it certainly does to the other 90% who make up this odd group…

• And finally, and perhaps most important of all — the limited choice in toilet tissue sold at the local stores will be enlarged in 2012 so as to include the really strong stuff that myself and The Four-eyed Woodpecker, to name just two, require to complete our daily ablutions satisfactorily and thus avoid the ‘internal self-examination’ we currently seem to have to go through every morning…

Time to take my leave. So, until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net.

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