Bird’s Eye View

by Turkey Vulture, June 9, 2011

Greetings one and all. If you are sitting comfortably I shall begin. Calendars and pens at the ready because it’s the PSAs and we’re entering a busy time of year!

#92: The vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley on three occasions this month; each time at the usual venue: The Farm Supply, north of Philo on Hwy 128, from 2-3:30pm. The first of these visits is this Thursday, June 9th, and they will return on both the 23rd and 30th. It’s a very convenient service so make plans to attend if your four-legged friend needs come medical care or is due some shots sometime soon. #93: The Summer Live Music Series at the Navarro Amphitheatre next to the Navarro Store gets under way this weekend with the appearance of the David Nelson Band with support from the Boris Garcia Band. The performances begin at 3pm on Saturday and 2pm Sunday on June 11th/12th. #94: The 2nd Tuesday of the month is nearly upon us and that means ‘Dinner and Bingo’ night at The Senior Center! Dinner is at 6pm with Bingo to follow at 7pm next Tuesday, June 14th and it’s the hottest ticket in town so I suggest you get there early to get a good seat. All are welcome, not just seniors, and there will be Bingo prizes galore following a wonderful Tri-tip feast. #95: The Senior Center is offering an AARP Driver Training Class Refresher Course at 1pm on Tuesday June 14th and a week later, on the 21st, there is a First Course being held. Call 895-3609 to reserve your space. Taking these classes could lead to insurance discounts and ya gotta like that! #96: Coming to the Valley in less than two weeks is the Sierra Nevada World Music Festival, returning for what I believe is their seventh consecutive year. While its benefit to the Valley in terms of income is somewhat up for debate, given the number of vendors who also are from the ‘outside,’ there is no doubting the excellent time enjoyed by the many local folks who attend the festival. This year’s top performers include Toots and the Maytals, Pablo Moses, Dennis Alcapone, and my personal favorites, Steel Pulse. It’s all happening in at the Fairgrounds in downtown Boonville, Friday through Sunday, June 17th-19th.

Unfortunately, despite living in this bucolic Valley, this past few weeks has seen our community faced with some heavy doses of reality and an increasing number of “Signs Of The Approaching Armageddon.” The possible closing of Hendy Woods State Park; the rumor that The County Fairgrounds are facing a serious economic shortfall and may not be able to continue for more than three more years; the Valley’s impending loss of Deputy Sheriff Craig Walker; the on-going financial crisis at our Health Center; and the issues of the school buildings falling apart and the lack of the enforcement of the school dress code reaching farcical proportions.

As for beyond the Valley, there’s the nation’s overall lack of direction in terms of its moral compass; reality TV shows; an increasing lack of respect for one’s elders; so many people grasping desperately at their 15 minutes of fame, no matter that in the vast majority of cases it turns out to be 15 minutes of shame; the influence of Fox News and tabloid journalism; the continuing existence of the Homeland Security Department; the lack of universal health care; etc., etc. Sorry to be the harbinger of all this doom and gloom, most of it hardly that fresh news to AVA readers, I’m sure. But clearly the lunatics are running the asylum and isn’t it about time there was some serious discussion about a People’s Revolution? I’m just sayin’…

Count me in on that, but meantime how about lightening the mood with some humor? Here are my current all-time top five jokes, in reverse order on the Gigglemeter. #5. ‘I have a very large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world.’ — Steven Wright. #4. ‘I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.’ — Jon Stewart. #3. ‘A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken." The doctor says, "Why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would. But we need the eggs".’ —Woody Allen. #2. ‘Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. Whoosh! He’s gone. The second guy wishes the same. Whoosh! He’s gone too. The third guy says, "I’m so lonely. I wish my friends were back here".’ And #1 ‘It's Game 7 of the World Series, and a man makes his way to his seat behind home plate. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No," says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Series and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Giants game we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral”.’

Feeling a little better? Good.

To complete a cheerful turn-around in this week’s column let me remind you of a couple of good Happy Hours in Boonville. Lauren’s Restaurant has a Happy Hour on Friday from 5pm until 6pm-ish during which time her award-winning fries are $2 and all beer and wine is $1 off; down the street at The Buckhorn, Boonville, it is Happy Hour Monday thru’ Friday from 5-7pm when all draft beers and house wines are $1 off.

I’m outta here —off to enjoy a couple of Happy Hours actually. Meanwhile, with the hot weather perhaps finally with us, please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle. Otherwise, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or at turkeyvulture1@earthlink.net.

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